By Xara-Vodka and Donuts
A/N: Ive wanted to write this fic for ages. Vash and Wolfwood are infinatly the sexiest and most wonderful yaoi coupling in the history of anime, and as Medea says, its Angst, drama, romance, lime and death that make a good fic. Therefore, I dedicate this fic to a few people. Firstly, Medea who will beta this, and who writes such flattering thank yous to me in her fics I blush. She rocks you people. And shes an amazing writer. Secondly, to my partner in crime, Tierra, for getting me hooked on...*counts* Yaoi, Trigun, Fanfiction, fanart and Roleplay. If there is a yaoi goddess it is her. Hopefully she can get off her ass enough to beta this as well ^^. Thirdly, this fic is dedicated to my friend Kentaro, the most amazing yaoi writer in the history of the world, and quite possibly one of the nicest people on the planet. Love you man. This fic is huge project of not doing coursework, and i hope it will become popular. It also includes largish amounts of lemon and lime and probably enough sugar to make sure you dont go bitter, but enough not to rot your teeth. It is also based on HUGE HUGE HUGE Episode 23 spoilers. Seriously, I want you to read my fic, but please, come back later after episode 23. Its not worth spoiling it, I can tell you that first hand. But if you have, read on. And review...im a shameless review junkie. ^_^ Love and peace, Xara.
Throw away my love
Rating:R (might go up to NC-17)
Disclaimer: Oh, i wish. If they belonged to me, i would do so many things. and you really think there wouldnt have been more
yaoi action if i had. Give credit where its due, which is not me or any of the other fanfic writers.
Description: Wolfwood gets a second chance to fufil his unfinished business after teh events of episode 23. But his dimensional
problems seem to get in the way of any reconciliation. Love through time and mortality come into question as Vash battles with the notions of Love
and peace. AU in that the end of the series is postponed for a while. Huge ginormous spoilers for episode 23.
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Throw away my love,
Kiss the lock you threw behind
Destroy the memory of me
Try to go on
But remember that you can always go back
And pick up my love
Dust it off
And learn to live once more
~Xara
---
Chapter 1.
I never thought I would die. To be a cold, lifeless and sickly corpse is something I cannot ever come to terms with.
Its a simple and childish belief to think that you will live forever, but I am not a child. Far from it. Being a man of God
I intended to live and fight to survive, then retire to the kingdom in the sky, and live with sexy angels for the rest of eternity.
Choosing the church makes you never want to doubt your imortality, as you're sure you'll get into the afterlife. But as I viewed my body as i
felt myself part, like ripping off a plaster slowly, but without the pain, only sensation, I couldnt
help but cry. I didnt want to leave him, I would never want to leave his arms, his eyes. Lord, cannot you understand that.
I have so many things to say to him, so much to do, so
much more life to live. I watch the ones I left behind, from the tall girl with the large eyes and innocent smile,
to the short woman with the temper that would rally a thousend suns and as annoying as a mosquito in your ear. I watch the
children play in my orphanage, waiting with childrens' hope that I will return. yet I feel nothing but passive, deathly regret.
But there is one person I just cannot, cannot look at for long. I never, ever wanted to cause him pain. So I worked for his
evil, psychopathic brother as a scouting assasin, but I came to live to protect him instead.
how could anyone ever want to hurt him. Hes as fragile as a butterfly, one touch in the wrong place and hes ruined,
never to fly again. His eyes look like hes seen more than he should, and yet,
cannot understand why, like a child whos killed a kitten unknowingly and wonders why the adults punish him. You cannot help
but fall for his eyes, and you are willing to put your soul on the line to not hurt him. And i did, i could have sent him off
to Chapel, send him off to die, as I knew I was going to the morning before. I put him first and went to kill Chapel, although
I knew somehow that it would be the last time I would see him alive. I thought I could save him pain and all the suffering by
sacraficing myself for love, but now, looking down as if throught tinted glass, I can see he suffers continuously. He blames
himself, and those eyes are more tortured than they were before I died, before i abandoned him without so much as a kiss goodbye
or even a word that i was going to. I saw him find my body, and I saw him be silent for days on end. I saw the tears, the alcohol,
I watched him painfully, knowing that I had sparked everything. I cried soul's tears as I watched you light up my last ciggarette
and saw the salty tears that extinguished it later. Looking at you through the guise of death burns my soul like you have shot
me through the heart.
And I realised that only in death that I loved him enought to kill myself, and that I would do anythign to hold him in my
arms, and kiss him and tell him i'll never leave him. Death will never part us my love, my Vash. I died with your name on my
lips, but you do not know that. You, like everyone else, think that i loved Milly to my end. It was a drunken weak moment that
I kissed her, but I couldnt do anything else, and I wish you knew. I wish you knew how I want to change the past and change
the world and have us in a totally different place where there is no Knives, no ransom, just a place we can be together.
I know you long to know. It is time you knew.
...To be continued.
~~
Hm, first attempt at any real real angst. Feedback is warmly appreciated, this fic will be around for quite a while, as exams
are looming and I wont have much time. Review now...dont think a moment more.