DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter, not matter how much I wish I did.
Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction I've posted, so I really hope it's good and that you like it. I made this for The Valentine-Making Station (My first contest that I join. Yeah!) I hope you enjoy.
O~0.0.0~O
Lightning illuminated the night sky, filled with dark swirling clouds that had been hovering menacingly in the sky for the past few days. Raindrops rocketed down onto the leaves of trees and plants, where they would sway for a heartbeat longer before dropping into the drowned grass. Small bugs, soon to be gone, struggled to stay afloat in the water that the wind tossed around like a rubber ball. The wind howled into the cold, shivering night.
Thunder rattled the windows of Hogwarts castle, which sat atop the grass; next to the overflowed lake. Lights shone through almost every window and into the gusty night. The weather outside made no mark on the ancient school, though it vigorously tried.
Inside, the corridors were cold and empty, for it was almost the peaceful hour where students were confined to one place. Each and every floor felt abandoned, not a drop of the warm attitudes from the chattering students left behind. A forgotten quill lay upon a desk on the seventh floor, along with a blank parchment. The carekeeper would be cursing later at the student who so foolishly forgot their belongings.
Unlike the corridors and outside, all the dorms were toasty warm and bursting with life. Only one seemed to be an exception. Inside it the only light came when the window would allow a flash of lightning to say hello and the heating seemed to falter.
Under a stack of blankets, Remus Lupin was shivering. The pile of weak blankets was doing little to nothing about the heating problem but he didn't seem to want to go to the common room for warmth. A weak sob issued from him and he choked, shaking his head. Crying, he knew, would do him no good but he couldn't stop. It kept coming in waves and he didn't know why.
Yet a nagging feeling told him that he did.
"No…" Remus mummered to himself, his voice cracking a bit despite the softness of the whisper. "You don't c-care, you're p-p-past this now, Re-Remus…"
Another sob escaped his mouth that he didn't even try to hold back anymore. It would be better to get it all out now and get a good night's rest. He seriously doubted he would, though, for every night that week he had tossed and turned in his seemingly rock-solid bed and fell asleep for only one hour. He was always the last to fall into dreams and the first to awake. His body shook with sleepiness and grief and he hoped no one would come in; he couldn't bear letting James or Peter see him like this.
Or Sirius, a gentle voice reminded him and Remus felt a stabbing pain in his heart. Tears streamed from his eyes. What Sirius had done was unforgivable but he couldn't seem to move past it. He wanted to accept Sirius's apology but what was stopping Sirius from doing it again? Not only had he almost killed another student, he had almost exposed Remus as a Werewolf.
"Morning Remus,"
Remus had known at that moment, that suffocatingly silent moment, that something was wrong. Confusion clouded his mind and face. Why did James sound so grief-stricken? It had been a normal full moon, hadn't it? But something nagged at him, telling him he was wrong. That was when James spoke again. His voice had been shaky, with grief or anger- Remus didn't know.
"Something happened Remus, something you need to know about. Sirius…. he…. O god, I can't tell you this Remus!"
Remus had never seen James cry, but that day, he came so very close. A few minutes of silence, filled only with James's choking as he tried to speak, felt like an eternity. James wiped his eyes and looked at Remus again, almost immediately looking away and taking a deep breath. James shook his head, swallowed and looked back at Remus.
"He told S-S-Snape how to g-get to the Shrieking Shack yesterday. By the t-time I got there, you were so c-close to breaking down the door and…."
James had trailed off and looked away. It was unnecessary for him to finish, something they both knew. Remus's eyes fluttered closed and his breath was caught in his throat. A silver hand gripped Remus heart and wouldn't let go. To others, Sirius had almost killed someone that night but Remus knew the truth. It wasn't Sirius who would have killed Snape, but Remus. His mind was numb and before he could do anything tears were rolling down his face. What if James hadn't been there in time? What if Sirius hadn't done it? What if Snape had died? What if, what if, what if…
A knock at the door broke Remus from his thoughts and he burrowed deeper into his blankets. His head was spinning and the whole world spun with it. The bridge of trust that had been building between him and Sirius for more than five years had just been broken as if it was as fragile as a glass window. Remus flinched madly as a voice spoke from behind the door.
"Remus…. Remus please I'm sorry."
Remus said nothing in response to Sirius's words but let out another sob, softer than before. His heart was pounding in his chest and his breathing became shallow as it had done days before when Sirius's voice worked it's way into his mind. It was a constant reminder of what he had been so close to doing. A constant reminder of who caused him this pain.
"Remus…."
"Go 'way, Sirius."
His voice cracked and he choked on air. He hadn't spoken to Sirius since that day and doing it now was just too much for him. Would Sirius mistake his depression as weakness? If so, was Remus about to get snapped at for having feelings?
"Moony, please."
The words struck Remus hard and he leaned against his pillow, trying to draw breaths. But something burned inside him, something that had been building up inside him for days. Anger, not sadness, boiled though his veins. Sirius didn't deserve to call him that name; Sirius didn't deserve to even be talking to him. That boy, that foolish, selfish prat had almost made him kill someone!
"Don't you dare call me that name!" Remus hissed loudly and, hearing a small gasp behind the door, he stood up. "I said go away!"
"Remus." The sound of Sirius's hand on the door seemed to echo in the rage-fueled silence. "Just let me speak."
Lightning lit up the pathway to the door that Sirius stood behind. Thunder boomed overhead and rain pounded on harder as the door snapped open before Remus even made a move to open it. Sirius's pale face held a look of surprise and sadness that was glowing in the harsh lighting of the stairway. Remus didn't take time to ponder the magic when it was obvious that Sirius hadn't even touched the knob, nor did he even take time to see Sirius's sadness.
"Let you speak?" His voice shook with every word and Sirius took a scared step back. "You could have spoken to James about whatever Snape said to you before you decided to let me kill him! What could have possibly persuaded you to think it was a good idea!?"
"Remus-"
"Don't speak to me, Sirius Black." Remus whispered in a deadly voice. He swayed on the spot and closed his eyes. He felt dizzy, confused and ill all at once and nothing could stop it. He choked, his throat closing and he squeezed his eyes shut, not willing to let tears come. But it seemed his will wasn't strong enough as tears streamed down his already wet cheeks. Remus fell to his knees, suddenly exhausted. He only looked up when he heard movement.
Through his watery eyes, he saw Sirius shuffling forward but Remus shook his head. His voice was softer now.
"Don't come near me, Sirius," Remus breathed and Sirius stopped in place "Please, just leave me be. I don't want to pick up the pieces anymore. I'm done."
"I…." But Sirius seemed not to have the words anymore. Remus could hear his shallow breathing and could practically feel him shaking from fear. Fear of the sad, freakish Werewolf Sirius used to his power. The one he had almost made kill another student. Remus heard footsteps and a heartbeat later, the door was closed softly. He was alone.
Remus's sobs echoed through the room and he went into a coughing fit. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think and he couldn't possibly be strong enough to open that door and find Sirius. How easy it would be for everything to end at that moment. Oh, how he knew that if he wanted to he could just stop it then. Stop the grief, stop the depression, stop everything. But he pooled together all his strength and told himself not to.
As he swayed for the last time that night, Remus heard the words coming from his heart and bubbling out of his lips in a hushed haze. He stared at the door and, in a gentle, meaningful whisper he spoke.
"I forgive you, Sirius."