A/N. This is not a continuing story-line. Its a collection of one-shots because I'm too long-winded for drabbles. This is likely going to end up being multiple characters, universes, genres, and timelines, assuming you don't think it's too stupid to continue. I basically need a place to feed my crackfic habit because, as it is, I watch "Shark Week" on TV and completely derail the plot in my other fanfic because I have no impulse control. This is the place that random 'Rookie Blue' insanity inspired by pop culture goes now.
For those who are interested, 'Backwards' is officially the first entry: Rule #1: Even in the face of an alien invasion, obey your training officer.
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.
Rule #2: It's not a Zombie Apocalypse until your training officer is eating your brains
"I'm telling you it's the Zombie Apocalypse. It's already starting." Diaz, at the lockers with McNally, Peck and Epstein, was trying to convince the other rookies of the coming apocalypse as they checked their firearms before heading to Parade.
The rookies were living to regret the decision to have a weekend zombie movie marathon last year when their annual camping trip got rained out. But really, how could they have predicted what would happen next. Or that Diaz was a closet conspiracy theorist.
In a case of really bad timing, the rookies had their movie marathon the weekend before a string of horrible crimes across the US and Canada that the media decided to dub 'the Zombie Apocalypse.' Maybe they could have convinced Diaz to let it go, but both countries then decided that zombies would be a fun way to promote disaster preparedness. It wasn't fun for the rookies because Chris decided that the government was subtly preparing the populace for an imminent threat. Of zombies.
What really sealed it was a public relations stunt where 15 Division participated in a civil security exercise using a zombie attack as the hypothetical scenario. After that, Diaz made them watch 'The Walking Dead' every week to get pointers for survival during a zombie apocalypse. Epstein had even told the other rookies that Chris had taken over a closet at their apartment to build a zombie survival kit. Well, kit was putting it too lightly. The closet was full to overflowing and Diaz was considering transporting a portion of his supplies to a storage locker.
Now Diaz was waving a newspaper in the air, "The Foreign Affairs Minister just admitted that the zombie threat is real. They are expecting zombie invasion from the United States that turns into a continent-wide pandemic," at the incredulous looks from the other rookies, Chris insisted, "They admitted it on the floor of the House of Commons. It says so right here."
Shaw had chosen the moment the phrase 'zombie threat' was uttered to enter the locker room to hurry the rookies along to Parade. He found himself speechless. He'd heard a lot of harebrained ideas before, usually from Epstein, but for this one he had no words.
Four weeks later
Diaz was just returning to the squad with coffee towards the end of shift, when the radio crackled to life, "1504 we've got a Code Z at High Park"
Shaw picked up the radio and asked, "Dispatch. Repeat that,"
The radio came back with, "A Code Z has been called In at High Park. Officers are on scene and calling for back up."
Shaw hit the lights and sirens, his face grim he responded, "1504 en-route."
Diaz looked as Shaw and asked, "What's a code Z?" Shaw didn't answer.
Several tense minutes later, they pulled into the park to find Peckstein already on the scene. Dov was visibly freaking out. He had blood on his hands and Peck was nowhere to be found.
Diaz was out of the squad before it had come to a complete stop. He drew his weapon and made his way to Epstein. Shaw came up behind him and asked, "Where is Gail?"
Dov answered with a whisper, "Dead. She's dead." His answer was punctuated by a scream that came from behind them.
Diaz whirled around and the sight before him brought home the answer to his question. He'd been preparing for this, but seeing it was too horrible to be believed, "Zombies. Code Z is for zombie attack."
The sight before him was gruesome. There was a man, bloody and dirty. He was obviously dead. The oozing intestines hanging from a huge gash in the man's gut confirmed that. The zombie had a victim pinned to a tree. It appeared to be a woman jogger whose attempts to stave of the zombie's attack looked like a macabre lovers' embrace. Her screams were silenced as the zombie made a meal of her throat.
Knowing it was too late to save the victim; Diaz looked to Shaw for what they should do. But before he could ask, he saw a nightmare before his eyes. Peck was advancing on them from the opposite side. She was one of them now. A zombie.
Dov and Chris froze. They couldn't fire. Not at Gail. Shaw had to do it for them. Shaw fired off two rounds and the zombie that used to be Gail Peck crumpled to the ground.
Unfortunately the noise drew the attention of the other zombie in the park. Diaz turned and expelled a horrified, "Andy" as he saw McNally, discarded by the zombie for fresher prey, fall to the ground.
Next to him, Shaw gasped, "Sammy."
Oliver couldn't fire. Not on Sam. It just wasn't going to happen. Diaz knew this the same way he would not be able to end Dov's existence, even if it was an unnatural one.
Diaz aimed his weapon and fired. The zombie who used to be Sam Swarek kept on advancing. Behind Sam, Diaz could see Andy beginning to stir. Diaz fired again and again. Sam was so close, Chris couldn't have missed, but he didn't stop.
"Blanks" Gail said behind him and Diaz whirled around.
When his heart left his throat and settled enough that he could hear his own thoughts, Diaz asked a simple question, "What?"
Another zombie ran through the woods. Diaz didn't recognize that one.
Gail answered, "We don't want to hear about the Zombie Apocalypse anymore. It's been a year. That is long enough."
"What?"
"It's a zombie chase." Sam tried to clarify.
"What?"
"A zombie run," Andy said trying to get through to Diaz in a way that would compute. "Sam and I decided to run this marathon on our day off and we all decided to kill two birds with one stone."
"What?"
"I can't believe you and Swarek didn't blow the whole thing when you decided to make out in the middle of a zombie apocalypse." Dov interjected.
"What?"
Andy blushed slightly. Sam simply said, "There were certain conditions to my participation in this thing." At that Andy took off and as she threw a taunt behind her, Sam took off running.
"What?"
"Diaz, stop worrying about zombies, the government already admitted they are prepared for a zombie attack. It's the cylons we should be worried about." Shaw joked.
Horrified, Chris asked "What? Is that how they swapped Swarek out for a robot?"
"Don't worry about that. They obviously swapped him back. What was he doing the last time you saw him?" Shaw asked.
"Chasing McNally."