She sudden woke up from sleep...check time- again it's 5:30 am, phir wahi din, wahi sab and she lost in her thoughts-
17th march 7:30 - 8:30 pm
T in her house...she usually called her parents in morning or after 10 pm but today she thinks to call her mom early...
Mama ko phone karti hu...and she dial her mom's no. Hello mama...good evening...kaise ho aap?
Mama- main bilkul thik hu bête...tum batao...kaise ho tum log…Abhijeet...P. bitia kaisi hai...kya kar rahi ho
T- main bilkul thik hu mama...aur wo dono bhi thik hai...bas khana khane lage the…
M- aaj itni jaldi…
T- haan mama aaj jaldi free ho gye...Papa kaise hain…
M- papa tumhare thik hai...abhi aye hain...aaj late ho gye...ye lo...pehle papa se karlo baat...and she gave phone to him..
T- hello Papa...kaise ho aap...aaj late ho gye…
Papa(teary heavy voice) - main thik nai hu bête...Meri baju aur shoulder mein bahut dard ho raha hai...and he gave phone to mama...
T(worried tone)- kya hua Papa…
M- haan bete…looking at Papa...
T- mama papa ko kya hua…
M(worried tone )- pata nai bête...poochti hu abhi...and she move towards him...
P- aaj Meri baaju aur shoulder mein pain ho rahi hai bahut...pass mein hi doctor tha usne injection diya hai aur subah hospital check karwane ko bola…
T listening to all this- mama papa se poocho unhe pasina bhi a raha hai…
M- haan bete maathe par hai…
T becomes frantic- mama plz time waste mat karo jaldi hospital jao…
M worried too- haan bête abhi niklte hain bas…
T- thik hai mama...mujhe hospital pahunchkar phone karo…main rakhti hu abhi...
M- thik hai rakho...karti hu baad mein..and she cut the call…
After half an hour-
T- mama pahunch gye hospital?
M- haan bête…ECG ki hai unhone abhi...
T- meri baat Karwao mama Doctor se and she gave call to Dr.
Dr.- hello mam…
T- hello Dr...main inki beti Bol rahi hu...m Dr. T...kya aya hai ECG mein…
Dr. - Mam he has major Myocardial Infarction…kafi severe hai… Kai patients ko to Mauka bhi nai milta hospital pahunchane ka...
T- kya...OMG...aap jaldi se inka treatment start kijiye plz…
Dr.- bas kar rahe hain mam…
T- plz mama se baat karwaiyae…and he give call to her mama…
M- worried tone- kya bataya dr. me bête?
T thinking - mama ko bata deti hu...mama bahut strong hai...sambhal lenge and she speaks- mama papa ko heart attack hua hai...aap ghabrao mat...doctor ne kaha ke aap time par a gaye ho…
Don't worry mama Papa thik ho jayenge...Mama main a rahi hu…ap fikar mat karo..thik hai Bua g ko bhi ke ayenge and she cut the phone holding tears in her eyes…
After 20 minutes-
In car-
Abhi 2 din pehle hi to him gaye the milke...papa bilkul thik the...kitna enjoy kiya tha ham sab ne..bahar khana khaya shopping ki...aur aaj...ekdam se ye sab...is baar to mera Jane ka bhi bilkul dil nai kar raha tha lekin job ki wajah se jana pada...Mujhe Bahut tension ho rahi hai...mama kitne pareshaan hai...Papa kabhi baat nai maante...medicine chal rahi hai high cholesterol ki..mama ne bataya wo nai khayi kitni der se...I hope Papa jaldi se thik ho jaye bas phir Papa ki koi baat nai maanni hamne she speaks in order to calm down herself...
A - tumne nai dekha last time jab Papa ko pneumonia hua tha (she was not there due to her complicated pregnancy )...kaise mama bachho ki tarah sambhaal rahe the unhe…aur tumhare Papa kisi bachhe se kam nai...Bahut ziddi hai woh...Maine khud sab apni Aankhon se dekha wo sab...tab thik kar diya tha hamne aur is baar to wo baat kar rage hain..aur Wahan hospital mein achha se treatment ho raha hai… Wahan mama Papa ko sab jaante bhi hai...aur phir mama g bhi hai na Saath mein mama ke...don't worry thik ho jayenge wo…
T- I hope aisa hi ho Abhijeet and she was regularly calling her mom till they reach hospital within 20 minutes…
After 20 minutes-
Wo rahe mama aur mama g...and she came out of car and move towards her mama...A move to park car…
T - mama kaise hai abb Papa…
M ( anxious worried tone) - thik hai wo...lekin treatment ke liye nai maan rahe keh rahe hai ghar Jana hai Subha a jayenge...doctors keh rahe hain angiography karni paregi abhi…
T- don't worry mama...dekhti hu main and they move inside and than towards emergency ward where Papa was sitting and doctors were waiting for us sitting on their chairs…
She just goes close to her papa thinking- agar Papa ke gale lagi to papa aise hi rone lagenge aur mujhe bhi rulayenge...shukar hai papa thik hai...par papa takleef main hai isiliye shayad baithe huae hai and she speaks- kaise ho Papa aap and without listening his reply she move towards doctors…
Dr. - Apka hi wait ho raha tha… ye maan nai rahe treatment ke liye…
T - inki ECG kahan hai...mujhe dikhaye...aapne jo karna hai jaldi kijiye…and she saw ECG...move towards reception and do all formalities and about to sign on consent form…
M Her mama goes close to her- bête ye kya hai...kya likha hai isme? She speaks with trembling words...
T - mama kuch nai bas formality hai...aise hi sign karate hain… Chota sa procedure hai adhe ghante mein free ho jayenge and she signed…
Within 5 minutes papa been prepared for procedure…
While putting gown for procedure -
Rudraksh fell down that he use to wear in his chain…mama immediately grasp it and her heart was pounding fast due to an unknown fear…she was superstitious and was very caring and dedicated towards my father...she never compromised with his health...
Outside cath lab-
Between 11:30 - 12 am.
Papa on wheelchair removing his ring and watch handing over to mama… and mama put it in her bag.
T- Papa ghabraiyae mat kuch nai hoga...she speaks in light tone in order to encourage him...and they take him inside...
and we all sat outside the lab discussing about for how long we have to stay in hospital and room etc…
A nurse came outside and give a list of medicine and A take the list and took health policy card from mama to bring all the medicine from pharmacy situated on 1st floor…
M in low worried and sad tone - kitni baar kaha Maine medicine mat choro lekin inhone meri ek nai suni...aaj dekho kitni takleef mein hai…
B - bhabhi aap itna mat Socho...apki tabiyat Kharab ho jayega...
T- mama itna mat Socho plz bas papa thik ho jaye jaldi se… and we all sat there counting minutes and seconds…
Me and A went outside to take some fresh air as little P was getting up from sleep now and some how we made her to sleep again…
After 15 minutes-
Getting back outside lab…
M- bete wo ander bula rahe the tumhe...dikhana tha kuch…
T- main Jaati hu mama and she remove her shoes and enter inside lab where she saw her Papa was lying on procedure table surrounded by 3 or 4 staff members and they told me to go to room attached with lab to meet the cardiologist…
( a well known cardiologist)- He was sitting in front of monitor seeing my papa's heart live and then discussed about blocked arteries and about angioplasty...I requested him to be soft as he is having soft heart and our life...he assured me saying - apke papa ko itni takleef hai lekin ye maan nai rahe...inko dekhkar lagta nai ke ye itni takleef mein hai and we had some light chat and than I requested him to get the whole procedure's video to keep for myself...and I came outside…
On seeing satisfactory smile on my face my maa took sigh that everything will be fine soon and Papa will be out within 15-20 minutes…but destiny had planned something different for us that day which we never ever imagine far in our dreams…
We were waiting outside for Papa… as time was passing our fear and anxiety was increasing with every second...aur phir hamne wo dekha jo kisi bhi family ke liye dekhna asaan nai hota…
We heard the announcement-
"Report to cath lab...report to cath lab"...and 6-7 emergency staff members were running through stairs with bags in their hands and all enter inside cath lab…
After half an hour-
One nurse came and call me inside saying Dr. is calling you inside…
Inside I knew subconsciously that something is not going ok this time...I gather myself and Abhi too go and enter inside...where cardiologist and his assistant were standing here-
See during the procedures your Papa has cardiac arrest...we are trying to revive him and I fold my hands in front of him- plz save him...and tears rolled down my cheeks…
Dr.K- you are a doctor too...aap jaante ho sab ...we are trying our best...kuch cheezein hamare bhi haath mein nai hoti...Inhope aap samajh rahe ho and he ordered his assistant to take my signatures on some more papers…
At this time I was aware of what is happening, what had happened and what is going to happen next...I was totally lost by this time...I had no courage to go inside and take a look what is Damn happening here inside…
I was aware of everything… I have witnessed hundreds of patients, I have witnessed hundreds of deaths during last a12 years but this time Inhave no courage to see my own "beloved" papa little ke this...I have no courage to saw him intubated and covered him with wires etc etc…
Abhi bring me outside...my maa was looking at me with hope and fear in her eyes...she wants to hear from me that Papa is alright...but I know he was not...I just came and sat beside my mama...Mama papa had cardiac arrest during procedure...they are trying their best and my mama was inconsolable…
Sweeper came there...and starts to clean the floor and begin to singing in low tone...he had no mercy at all… unaware of what's going around him...I was feeling like to punch him on his face...he keeps quite after seeing anger and hate in our eyes and ran from there...me realising how hard it is for those who lost their loved ones...like this...and than how they have to go through all this shit...1st time I was seeing myself so helpless but I have to keep quite…
After 15 minutes-
They bring my papa outside on strature...intubated...in unconsciousness...and then shifted him to ICCU…
We were allowed to wait outside for 4-5 hours… Everything was clear to me...I knew that the worst has happened with us and our world has been shattered but
I lost my all courage to ask them why his has happened to my papa...is there anything wrong with you inside the lab...I have no courage...and I have to keep myself quiet for my mom's sake…
Relatives starts to gather there...shayad "Hame sambhalne ke liye" and tea sessions started...
I begin to think about my brother who was in USA and hadn't met Papa from last 1 and half year…and how he was waiting for him to visit in May…
I remember how my father was dreaming of his wedding...main ye karuga...main wo karuga bête ki Shaadi mein…
I was thinking how my Papa waited so long for my child... that came in our life after 6 years...I was thinking how my papa laughs and live his bachpan on seeing my daughter…
Whenever I've to go to my parent's house...he waited desperately for us by saying- aaj ghar mein Raunak a rahi hai...
In between all this I was hearing my mother's sobbing and then I hugged her and begins to cry with her...consoles her and than again lost in thoughts…
I remember how my Papa use to call me everyday around 11 am saying- mere bête ne koi fikar nai karni...tumhare Papa hain tumhare saath…
I remember how her Papa never hurt anyone in his life and teach her to follow the same by saying- kisi ke liye bura mat kaho...jo karega woh bharega…-Bhagwan se apne liye achha maango…
I remember...everything...every little thing about him now…
Time was passing by...clock was cycling night into midnight and midnight into morning now...everyone came and consoles us...I went to see my papa in ICU when one of my relative requested me to place my hand on his chest so that he would listen me...I follow the same….went inside...it was not possible for me to see me Papa lying like this...but I have to...I place hand on his forehead and kissed there... place my hand on his heart and said- Papa plz wake up... we need you more than anything...plz don't do this to us…
I was waiting for some "Miracle" to happen so I sat in prayer room outside ICU with my daughter…I know as being a doctor it was a stupidity of mine but the daughter inside me was not want to listen anything ...I was a daughter who was well loved and nourished by her father...for whom her father was not less than a King who was always ready to fulfill her wishes...he is best dad in the world and no one would ever want to lose father like this...he lived for us...who desperately needs her Papa to be fine and by her side…
And time passed like this...every second was passing like hour…
As the sun light starts to appear...hospital staff starts to change their duties...my fear was raising...I was preparing myself for worst now and then I look at clock...it was 5:25 am of 18th march...black day of our life…
5:30 am-
A nurse came and ask for one person to come inside… my heart stops...everyone looked at me to go ahead...but I didn't...the doctor inside me was dead now...so I requested A to go inside and we all stand outside...he came after 5 minutes blank face and I looked at his face in hope...he move his head in NO and hugged me...I burst out and I have to told my mom too...I move towards her...who was supported by my buas...I hugged her and said- Mama Papa chale gaye game chodkar….and she became unconscious...and everyone begin to consoles her... My mother forgot to smile, to laugh...Papa was her world...she has spent 36 years of life with him...saw happiness and sorrowness, ups and down together...everything get finished in damn 9 hrs...
I couldn't believe how our little happy world shattered like this? Papa aise kaise chod gaye hame...he knew hame kitni zaroorat thi unki…Aida laga Mano hamare Haatho se koi unhe cheen ke gya aur ham kuch nai kar sake...jab bhi hospital main kisi patient ki death hoti thi to unki family ko dekhkar hamesha mere man mein yehi dar rehta ke kabhi mujhe ye din na dekhna pare...and my biggest fear came in front of me...which will haunt me till I took my last breath...
Aise kaise chale gaye mere Papa...
What will I say to my brother now...who was unaware of all this...kya kahugi main use...how we loose our Papa...kaise nai bacha payi main Papa ko...kya Jawab doongi use main...
I was cursing myself why I didn't hug my Papa when I came to see him...why didn't I hug him when he was about to go inside cath lab...no matter I was doctor...I forgot I was his daughter...I act like doctor and now m crying like this?
Now m the girl who would never be same again...no matter how much happiness life brings to us but jo Khushi Papa ke saath through wo kabhi nai milegi…our life has totally changed...we are not the same happy family anymore... jin logon ke liye bhi main kabhi Papa se gussa hui...unse ladi..aaj sab yehi hai...and all seems so fake to me now...bas mere Papa nai hai...jinka pyar schha tha...aur hamesha hamare Bhala chaha...sometimes I found Abhijeet like Papa...his anger... his care...resembles him but no one could ever be your Papa...jo apke Papa apke liye soch aur kar skate hain koi nai kar sakta...never ever...don't underestimate and test your parents love...no matter you are Doctor, Engineer or scientist...at the end of day they are your parents and you are their children...So love them,hug them daily express your love to them...because once they are gone you would never find them back...not at Any COST.
This is how I lost king of my life...my Papa.
Love you Papa...miss you badly...jaise asp gaye aise koi nai jata...hope Someday we will meet.
Author's note- Tribute to my beloved Papa whom I lost one year ago on this black day.