Disclaimer: HFUDISGJ GOD IM SO FUCKIGN CRINGY why did i write this. why . when did i write this and why i hate this so much god i want to delete it

Sky is easily the coolest out of all of us.

It makes sense because he's the oldest and he did pretty much everything we did, just better.

Except get turned into a wolf.

He didn't do that.

But seriously, Sky is hella cool. He's like, super badass and everybody admires him because wow, you KILLED the DEMON KING. Other than that, though, we don't really know too much about the guy. We know that he sleeps a lot, though.

And that's why we're here, huddled in Mini's house, debating.

"We need to learn!" Wind whisper-shouts. "It's wrong! He has to be… less mysterious! I want to know, like, what made the badass the badass."

Mini is off in the corner, staring at us with half-lidded eyes. "I don't see what's wrong with Sky not telling his life story to everyone." He's the second oldest of us, so he's pretty chill about everything.

"Remind me why you're doing this in my house again?"

Okay, just to get this out in the open, it's not really well-known, but I admire Sky. A lot. It's creepy sounding, I know, but seriously, he's living legend.

...Um.

I didn't really think through that last part, okay?

The three before the split timeline are practically gods in Hero culture. Wind has like, a man-crush towards Time, and the Four have a different man-crush towards Mini. For me, Time is my teacher, and I don't have many connections with Mini, but Sky? He made Hyrule. For the Goddesses sake, he practically IS Hyrule. His diet consists of Hyrule, he breathes Hyrule, and he just oozes patriotic I AM HYLIAN out of his pores.

Farore's mercy, he's the guy I grew up reading stories about. In all the legends, Sky was always the perfect, strong, courageous, wonderful hero that never got injured or anything and easily destroyed the Demon King.

Basically, he's my hero.

I mutter, "I don't think it really matters either..."

Wind whirls towards me and thrusts his toothpick of a Wind Waker in my face. "No, no, no, no, this is a matter of pride! He's been watching all of our lives since before we were even dreamed of! And we know next to nothing about the guy!" He jumps onto the table and dances his frustration. "I need to know!"

"I didn't think you were that… revenge-driven, Wind."

"Aww, shut up, Wolf Boy. You're the one who went full out ballistic on Ganny when you saw Midna's helmet thing."

"Shut up! That was 'cuz she's my friend! And plus, you can't say anything, Mr. 'Hey, King, do ya think if I put a lit bomb in Tingle's underwear he'd notice? I feel the need to get back at him for those ridiculous Triforce Chart decription fees.'"

"I KNOW YOU KEEP PUTTING WOLF SHIT IN HIS HOUSE, AND YOU CAN'T DENY IT."

Mini sighs and stands up from his chair.

"So, I'm taking that this meeting is adjourned because our topic has fallen so far that we're discussing Tingle. I'm going, bye-,"

Mini starts to leave, but both Wind and I latch onto both his legs.

"No, stop, we need you, Mini!" Wind cries.

He glowers at both of us and shakes us off. "Fine! Goddesses, just spit out why you need me!"

Both of us leer into his eyes.

"We need you to tell us info on Skyyyy…"

"Just ask him yourself! Goddesses, don't drag me into this." He says, irritated.

Wind doesn't seem to notice, though, as he pouts and says, "Aww… But it's Sky! The man of legend himself! I don't wanna sound like a paparazzi!"

I mutter under my breath, "You practically are, for Nayru's sake, you wasted a month taking pictures of everybody on the Great Sea and turning them into figurines that you never looked at twice."

"Shut up, Singing Queen."

"For the last time, that was for specific reasons-,"

We shuffle nervously in the chairs in Sky's house. We'd finally worked up the courage, haha, funny, to ask the man himself about his life, but so far, we hadn't asked anything. Or said anything, for that matter.

We sat in silence at the table, slightly very very awkward.

Goddesses, why the hell does Sky have to be so DAMN... HYRULE?

That's not even an adjective, but for Din sake, it works for him.

Wind clears his throat. "U-Uh, ahem, so…"

Sky looks at Wind with his cool blue eyes and awesome gaze.

"So, what was your childhood like?" Wind asks. He shifts his (fake) square, black-rimmed glasses and adjusts his brown cap. He pulls on the straps of the brown suspenders he's wearing and fixes the collar of his blue polo shirt.

"What's with the getup?" I hiss, elbowing him.

"Shut up, you sound like Tetra."

Sky just screws up his lips and shrugs.

"Normal?"

A nod.

"Okay…" Shuffling of papers. "What was it like getting a Loftwing?"

Sky opens his mouth, and I'm thinking we're gonna hear his voice for the first time, but instead he throws his arms up in the air and falls out of his chair.

He lands with an "oof" and a thump on the ground.

…

…

What?

What the hell!?

Okay, okay, calm down, Link. Sky wouldn't-

Sky gets up from the floor sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck.

…

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?

WHY? WHY DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?

He fell outta his goddess damn chair, what the fairy in a bottle is that about-

Wind looks at me with the most intense, panicked, desperate look in his eyes ever and he's sweating and I'm pretty sure the only thought in his mind is what is this thing that we are interviewing, what the actual HELL is this thing we are interviewing, but it's okay because I'm absolutely certain I look exactly like he does right now.

"U-Uh," Wind clears his throat. "So, um, what are your feelings towards…" He looks at me with huge, despairing eyes that are just begging, HELP ME OUT PLEASE-

I swallow and fill in the spot, raising my index finger like, here, I'm gonna pretend I'm making an interesting point when I'm actually not, and say, "Pumpkins? We've heard from your Zelda that you love pumpkin soup!"

I shut both eyes and wait. Now, if I were the me that existed before Sky tipped outta his chair, then I would've believed that Sky would say something like, "Pumpkin soup is below me, I have not enough time for that," or something super macho like that, but I'm the me that exists after Sky tipped outta his chair so I really don't know now.

I open one eye, slowly and tentatively, and immediately want to shut it again.

This guy, my hero, is just crushing my hopes and dreams one by one.

He sits in his chair, dazed and dreaming, and for the goddesses sakes, you can practically see the flowers and sparkles flying out of his head.

I glance at Wind again, but his eyes are boring into Sky so hard I'm kinda afraid that he's gonna drill holes into the guy. Wind's also sweating so hard that I'm afraid he's gonna make a puddle on the floor.

Speaking of the floor, I just realized that Sky's toes don't touch it from his chair. How come I didn't notice that before? Was he always that short?

I wave my hand in his face, to get his attention, and mostly to distract myself. "U-Uh, hello? S-Sky, you there?"

He snaps back to attention with an added, "Huh? What?" And he giggles, actually giggles, and says, "Sorry, I was just imagining Zelda's sou- Ow! I bit my tongue."

And that's when I realize that Sky's existence as a whole is about as dorky as you could possibly get.

I glance at Wind and realize that he's come to the exact same conclusion as I have because his eyes just went from as wide as the frikkin' ocean to the equivalent of a dead soul. He stands up from his chair, throws his (fake) glasses to the ground, steps on them, and walks out of Sky's house. I follow suit, shutting the door on my way out.

I stand there for a few minutes, breathing in and out, before all out sprinting as fast as I can back towards Mini's house. I look ahead of me and see Wind doing the exact same thing, just he's using the Wind Waker and desperately throwing it around in the direction of the Ballad of Gales to teleport.

I hear Sky call behind us, "Hey, wait- AH!" and I momentarily stop because maybe something terrible happened to Sky and then I just stop period because he's ogling at a GODDESS DAMN BIRD AND SQUEALING.

I run, faster and farther than ever before.

I slam Mini's door shut, breathing heavily, and slide down the door. I stick my head between my knees, curled up in a fetal position on the floor.

Mini chuckles. "So you figured out, huh?"

"Why?" I croak.

"Well," Mini takes my arm and leads me to his plush chair, sitting me down, "You gotta remember that Sky is Hylian, just like us. He's a normal guy. And he can't help that he was ridiculously socially awkward and dorky and girly as all hell before he turned into a hero. Believe me, I felt the same way when I first got here. I felt inadequate to be in this guy's presence because I had found four elements and made a sword and sealed away a meh kind of mage while this guy had defeated the Demon King and created Hyrule."

He smiles.

"And then I realized that he's not as perfect as everyone thinks he is. He's clumsy as hell, he sleeps way too much, and-,"

I hear Wind screaming upstairs.

"CHAAAAIRS! IT'S THE CHAIR'S FAULT!"

Mini points his thumb over to the stairs. "Wind's currently recovering from PTSD in my room."

I nod, shell shocked.

And then somebody knocks on the door. And opens it.

"Hey, Mini, do you know where Wind and Twi are, 'cuz I've been looking for them 'cuz they ran off- Oh, there you are! Are you okay?" And Sky steps inside Mini's house but somehow manages to trip on the entrance mat and falls face flat into the ground.

I groan, my heart breaking a tiny bit, and Wind screams again upstairs.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

A/N: why the fuck did i have a tilde at the end im gonna cry this is so fuckin nasty