Genre: Angst
Rating: Pretty low. Just hints at stuff.
Ship: Gil Grissom/Sara Sidle
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or My Immortal. ;-;

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

"I'm just taking a break, guys, I'm not retiring." He was shocked at their responses, the outcry from Catherine, the protests from Nick and Warrick and… Sara's silence. She hadn't even looked up, pretending that the magazine she was scanning through was ground-breaking news that she absolutely had to know ASAP.

"That's what they always say, and then-"

"Nick, c'mon. You know me. I'll be back, I promise."

She'd known the day was coming. He'd leave eventually, when the tension that lit up the air like fireworks finally got through to him. He would only resist for so long, and then he would run away from it. From her. He'd been doing it a lot lately, pairing her up with Nick or Greg instead of him, the way things had been when she'd first gotten here. She had come for him, overthought his reasons, and now she couldn't leave his side.

He'd even rejected her, and she couldn't leave. She couldn't run away, like he could. The fear of losing what little, precious ground she had gained had tightened like a vice on her heart, tightening with every moment that "accidentally" occurred.

Sometimes it was a brush of their hands, or sometimes they would both reach for something at the same time and she would be stricken silent by the warmth that his big hand left over hers. Sometimes it was a hello in the hall with a gaze that lingered to long, or a collision in the hall where files went flying and they bumped heads when they dropped to grab them.

And, the rarest of all, sometimes the "accidents" were genuine, and he would smile lightly – shyly! – at her, before clearing his throat and finding something else to distract him.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase

Stabbing a pencil through the messy hairdo on the back of her head, Sara leaned against the counter, hands bracing her tall frame up by the sink. She stared blankly at the wall in front of her, the magazine that had captivated her moments ago now abandoned on an advertisement for some stupid perfume that she thought smelled like… well, something unpleasant. Her brain ached too much for her to identify the smell.

"You know, Dr. Grissom, I don't think suits are the right choice of clothing for your line of work."

"Well, I'll be sure to say something to the coordinator of this whole gig, though I doubt she'd let me show up in jeans and hiking boots."

Laughter. Right from the beginning he had been charming, able to make her smile with the rumpled suit and child-like enthusiasm for insects that glimmered in his pale eyes as he rose, facing her. Indeed, the pressed suit was now dirty at the knees, and his tie was hanging at an awkward angle.

Shaking her head a bit, she fought her hands to her sides, having the urge to reach out and fix the tie for him. It hadn't really been fastened right in the first place, something she had noticed while taking avid notes on every word that poured from his lips.

"So, was it at least a good find?"

"Well, I suppose so. I thought that it was a beetle-" He was cut off when the jar suddenly illuminated with a yellow-ish green light, and a smile split onto a young Sara Sidle's face.

"Dr. Grissom, that's a lightning bug."

"Yes, I'm aware, Miss Sidle-"

"Sara, please. You make me feel old."

"And how do you think "Dr. Grissom" makes me feel?"

"Educated? Important? Superior?"

"Well… you flatter me, but mostly old."

More laughter, and he held out the jar to her. "You want to keep him?"

"Oh, I ca… How do you know it's a 'he'?"

"Because the males are the ones that light up like that. They light up so the females can find them. Mating season." He gestured to the bush, which had been lighting up periodically. Her dark gaze followed his hand to the bush, and she gave a little smile, revealing her gapped teeth.

"I think you'll take care of him better." She held the jar back out to him, but he didn't take it.

"I can't take him back," he started after the jar had lit up again. "He likes you!"

And the day that lightning bug died, she cried.

A/N: This is an extended song-fic. I'll be finishing the rest as I decide how to do it. Lemme know if you like this, please!