A/N: A friend of mine said that Horatio and Alexx are like parents to the team. And I agreed. But why have they never got together? And if they did, how would it happen? And here it is, my first every Alexx/Horatio fic! Please let me know what you think of it! Constructive criticism is very much appreciated! And reviews make this girl's day!
Disclaimer: I do now own anything from CSI: Miami. And I don't think I ever will, unfortunately...
The Rocky Road To Love
Alexx sighed; another young life had come to an end today. Another young girls whose future had been taken away before it had even begun was laying on her table. And as if that wasn't bad enough already, this case had hit just a little too close to home for her liking.
Amelia Miller had been only twenty years old. She was a university student with very good grades, but she had had very few friends because of her four year older boyfriend, who had been keeping a tight rein on her since they had become an item almost three years ago. He had even isolated her completely from her family.
As she looked at Amelia's face, Alexx bitterly thought that that unfortunately wasn't the only thing that creep had done.
Amelia had a split lip. There was a clear laceration over her right upper arm. Her eye was badly swollen, and her cheek was just as beaten up. When Alexx had removed her top, she had noticed a very extensive bruise on her upper abdomen and along her left ribs.
And that hadn't been everything. When she had received the girl's medical files, she had discovered she had been to the Emergency Department seven times in the last three months. Every time the explanation had been something along the lines of having fallen down the stairs, or having run into the door.
But the x-rays Alexx had made had revealed a different story entirely. There were a lot of old bruises visible on them, and some that had barely even healed. She had also noticed that one of her fingers was in a bit of a strange angle. A closer look had told her it was fracture that had never been looked at, and the bone had reattached itself the wrong way because of the lack of medical attention.
The worst thing Alexx had discovered, at least in her opinion, was that the physical abuse had not been limited to a regular beating. It was bad enough to be beaten up, but Amelia had also been stabbed regularly. She had a lot of scar tissue under her skin, and scars on her lower abdomen and back. The bastard sure had taken care not to cause damage where it was visible with that knife of his. And in the beginning the bruises hadn't been too visible either. This guy had really been spinning out of control.
"There's so many more like you out there, sweetheart. So many more... It's a pity that unlike a lot of those other nobody could help you..." Alexx said, brushing Amelia's hair away from her forehead.
Alexx felt tears forming, so she rapidly blinked. This was not the time to start crying. Nor the place. She was still at work, after all.
Cringing a little when she had to stretch her arm to cover Amelia's face with the white fabric. Her ribs were still sore.
"There we go, sweetheart. Now you only have to wait for a day or two until the paperwork is all done and your parents can come and pick you up. They're really sorry they were too angry with you to try and get you back home any sooner," she told Amelia.
For some reason the sound of metal rolling over metal as she wheeled Amelia into the cooler made cold shivers run down her spine. Normally she thought of it as the sound that told her another case had been solved, but today, she wished she wouldn't have had to be involved in this case. That someone else had been chosen to solve this one.
"I guess you never know what the day is going to bring when you get up in the morning," Alexx spoke to herself softly.
But that wasn't entirely true. Some parts of every day were the same, however much she wished each day that things would change.
Alexx walked towards he sink in the right corner of the room. She needed to wash her equipment and put it back where it belonged so the night shift would be able to find it. And she needed to wash her hand after having been working with dead bodies all day.
As she grabbed her scalpel, she thought about what was going to be happening tonight. Her son and daughter were staying with a friend of theirs, But John was everything but happy about that. So she was definitely going to be paying the price for keeping her children safe.
Because she had nowhere to go. Her mother and father had already passed away. She had no brothers or sisters. And all of her friends worked here, at the Miami Dade PD. And they didn't know anything about her situation at home.
When she reached the sink, she placed her scalpel, spoon and the bowls she had used and that she had been carrying with her in it and filled them with water. Since most of the blood on her equipment was still wet, it wouldn't take too long to clean it all up.
The warm water soothed her hands. It was a nice change from the coldness of the steel she worked with every day. And from the coldness she felt at the knowledge there was no way out of the situation she had been in for the past ten years.
Soon enough the bowls were sitting on the shelves where they belonged. The scalpel she had used was laying in its box again.
But even though she'd hoped that she'd be able to keep her tears at bay with the monotone work, she failed. Miserably. Tears began running down her face, and she couldn't do anything to stop them.
She grabbed the side of the sink so hard her knuckles turned white. Biting her kip, she swallowed the tears, knowing that if John saw them tonight would be even worse than she had already imagined it would be.
"Damned," she swore when she looked in the mirror.
The bruise on her cheek was become more and more visible. Her tears had washed away the make-up she had used to cover it up. She needed to do something quickly, because if anybody in the building noticed, let alone John, she was in a lot of trouble.
Throwing her towel onto the floor she walked over towards her bag, which was standing just outside the door. She'd pick it up when she'd finished. Although the thought of doing that already made her think about the pain she would be in then.
Closing the door behind her, she began pulling out the she'd be needing. Powder, crème, brushes, cotton... The whole lot.
"Alexx, are you still in there?" suddenly came the voice of Lieutenant Horatio Cain.
If she kept quiet he would leave. She knew that. But it would feel like lying... And she hated lying to Horatio. What was she to do now?
"Yes. Yes, I am, Horatio," she called out.
"What are you still doing here, love?" he asked her as he came in, using the pet name he had given her a long time ago.
She smiled at that, knowing that whatever came next, everything was going to be alright because he was there.
She lowered her hands, having a look at the crème she had just applied. I did wonders, because the bruise was invisible again. She would have like to put some powder over it to completely make sure nobody would see it. But this would do, she was certain Horatio wouldn't be staying long enough to notice anything.
"I'm... I'm... Honestly, I was just putting away the last of my equipment. Making sure the night shift can find all of it. I don't want to get called at three A.M with the question where they can find the towels or the bowls or anything," she smiled.
"And thinking about what today's case was like, I bet," he said.
She nodded in silent agreement, even though she was not only thinking about this case but about hers as well.
Horatio was leaning against the doorpost now. She could feel his eyes resting on her. As they always did when they were alone or not at work.
"It was a though one. And I sure wish it will be the last one like it I will ever see," she said.
"That makes two of us. But I'm afraid that it won't be, for neither one of us. There's too many bastards like Michael out there. And unless they are made to change, or taken off the streets, there'll be many women in Amelia's position," he sorrowfully said.
Alexx turned towards him for the first time now, leaning against the sink and resting her still wet hands on the side of it.
"I simply don't understand why a beautiful and intelligent woman stays with a man like that. Why do they put up with being abused for so long? Why didn't Amelia just pack her bags and leave him?" he asked.
Alexx wasn't exactly sure he was talking to her, but the words had already left her mouth before she had had the time to think about it.
"Their situation isn't always easy, Horatio... Most of them have children, because their husbands or boyfriends want to make sure they can't go anywhere. After all, they will always manage to find them, and if they try to hurt the children those women will stay. They'd rather take the pain than have their children go through it because they made a mistake. Most of the time the men manage to isolate them by being very nice to them and making sure they're despised by their family. That way the women don't have anywhere to go. Can you imagine what it's like, knowing that you should run, but that you can't because there's nowhere to go, nobody to turn to?"
Horatio took a step closer as she hung her head low. She knew she was walking on thin ice here, but for some reason that didn't seem to matter anymore. She was tired of playing pretend. She was too tired to keep up the front she had been holding up all those years.
A tear slid down her cheek for the second time that evening. She felt angry with herself, but it was oddly relieving that she wasn't hiding anymore at the same time.
"Alexx? Love?" Horatio asked her worriedly.
She waved a hand in a none-vocal response.
Horatio stepped closer to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. When she tensed, though, he immediately pulled back.
"I'm sorry, Horatio... It's not your fault, really..." she apologized.
He re-extended his hand, which she now took. She even squeezed it lightly.
"Can you tell me what that was about?" he asked her.
She nodded slowly. She grabbed two pieces of cotton, dipping them in a bit of water and handing one of them to him. He looked at her questioningly.
"Follow my lead," she simply said softly.
She brought his hand to the side of her face where she had covered her bruise mere minutes ago. With her hand leading his, she rubbed the cotton over her skin, removing the crème she had previously put on.
She let go of his hand, using the piece of cotton she was holding in her own to remove the make-up she had used to cover up a similar bruise right next to her lower lip.
Horatio's hand came to rest on hers, though, stopping any movement she might have been about to make.
"Let me do it. Please," he asked her.
She closed her eyes as he softly dapped against her skin, obviously petrified of hurting her even more. But she knew he would never do that. She trusted this man more than anyone else.
"Thank you," she said when he had finished and threw away the cotton.
He smiled, touching her left cheek with his right hand.
"What are you thanking me for, love? I didn't do anything. You did it all. And I'm so proud of you for letting me in on this," he said.
"But you don't know everything yet," she whispered, lowering her gaze.
Horatio placed his fingers under her chin, making her look at him with. What she saw in her eyes gave her enough courage to keep on talking.
"He didn't just hurt me there, Horatio... He kicked me in the ribs because I got Jason and Raven out of the house and to a couple of friends of theirs without telling him... And I sprained my ankle when I struggled to fend him off..."
There was a moment of silence between them, but Horatio didn't break contact for even a second. It was as if he was trying to give her some of his strength by physically letting her know that he wasn't going anywhere.
"Have you had your ribs looked at? Or your ankle?" he eventually wanted to know.
She shook her head.
"John doesn't like me going to hospital for the injuries he causes me. Only when they are too obvious or too serious will he let me. He doesn't want anyone figuring it out," she told him.
"I'm sure he doesn't. But do you think you could let me have a look at them, and see how serious things are? Maybe let me take you to hospital if I think it's serious enough?" he asked her.
She bit her lower lip. This was the only men she trusted a hundred percent. She knew he wouldn't lie about how bad it was when he saw her ribs. But she was scared. Scared it was serious enough to have her go to a hospital. Scared about where she would go from there.
"Okay. Just promise me you'll keep me safe," she blurted out uncharacteristically.
He slowly lifter her top a few centimetres. Then, he hesitated for a second, trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say.
"If you feel uncomfortable at any moment, let me know, okay? I'm not going any further than you want me to," he told her.
This time it was her turn to make him look at her.
"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't allow you to even touch me," she whispered.
He nodded and proceeded, revealing a nasty looking bruise on her side. With Alexx's darker skin it was more difficult to notice bruises as it was, but this one was so bad it was very obvious. And it spanded her entire lower abdomen and her three lowest ribs.
Horatio could definitely make out the shape of a shoe on the lowest rib. When he softly pressed against it, she hissed in pain.
"Alright, I've seen enough. Your entire abdominal region is bruised, sweetheart. Your bottom rib could very well be broken. As far as I can see it's at least badly bruised. And I don't know about the other ones. And you're in pain. And have been all days, I bet. And without looking at that ankle of yours I can tell it's not just sprained. Will you let me take you to hospital?"
Alexx rested her head in her hands, breathing heavily. The pain killers she had taken this morning had indeed done nothing to take the pain away. And she knew she might have internal injuries that might get worse if she didn't get herself looked at.
She nodded slowly, taking a step closer to Horatio and away from the sink. But she swayed slightly as she did so, because she was so emotionally and physically exhausted.
"I've got you," Horatio whispered as he put his hand on her arm.
He had expected her to hold him for a few seconds on order to find her feet again, but she leaned in to him. Her head came to rest against his shoulder. He could feel how she was pinching his hand in pain.
"It's okay. I won't let you fall. The pain will get better soon, Alexx. I promise. Just bite your teeth for a few minutes longer, okay? I'm getting you to hospital."
But as he began to move and she made to follow it became obvious that moving was going to be difficult. She had managed to act normal around everyone today because she was alone most of the time. She had only had to keep up appearances for a few minutes before she had been alone again.
"I can't..." she breathed.
"Alright, I'm carrying you. I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear, but I don't think we've got a lot of other options," he apologized.
To his utter surprise Alexx didn't shy away. She simply put her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder.
Horatio knew he had hurt her when he'd lifted her into his arm, but she was also well aware that he had no other choice. She needed to be gotten out of here. She needed to be looked at.
"Horatio, my coat and everything..." she said.
He thought about that for a second.
"Alright, hold on tight. I'm getting your purse and we're picking up your coat when we get out. But you need to trust me, okay? You need to trust me I won't let you fall when I pick you bag up," he told her.
More than he could see it he could feel her smiling against him.
"I do trust you. Don't worry."
Using his one arm to hold her against his chest and the sink for leverage to take some of the weight of off him, he managed to sweep the three bottles and the cotton she had gotten out before his arrival back into the purse. Luckily Alexx wasn't too heavy, or he would have had a harder time.
"Can you take the bag from me?" he asked.
She did as she was told, putting the small red bag in her lap so it wouldn't be dangling uselessly to the side and make things harder on Horatio.
The walk through the building didn't take long. Everybody that had been on duty with them had already clocked out, and the night shift was getting briefed about their cases in the break room, so they did not run into anyone.
"Alright, Alexx. Let's get you to a hospital now. Tell me when the pain gets worse, alright?" he said.
She was not being very responsive, but she did at least nod. And that was a vague sign she was in pain. He needed to keep her talking.
"I hope you aren't sorry for telling me about John," he began, hoping to get a response.
"No, I'm not," she assured him.
He could tell the strength was returning to her voice now that she knew she was going to get some help and that she was safe.
"Good, because I thought I'd pushed you too hard," he admitted.
She shook her head. He felt her softly touching his hand to emphasise when what she said next.
"You could never push me into anything. That's not you. And besides, you were being the best friend I could possibly have. You made me see he wasn't supposed to do this to me. That I didn't deserve this," she said.
Just another five minutes now, he though. Five more minutes and we're at the hospital. Thank God she seems to be okay apart from the bruises and the pain...
"That's because I knew you'd do the same for me, love. You were always there when things got rough. When Marisol died, when I discovered I had a son, when Jesse passed away... You got me through all of that, just be being you. So how could you ever deserve anything like this?"
She was silent for a few moments before she spoke again.
"I guess that after being treated the way I've been for so long you simply think that you must have done something to deserve it. You know, that your job really is more important than your husband and children. That you hurt them by spending too much time at work. That you're never there when they need you. That you're an awful wife. That you should be punished for not being able to protect your children a hundred percent."
They were at the parking lot then. When Horatio had parked the car, she quickly walked over to her side of the car.
When he opened the door to pick her up again, he brushed her hair away from her face first, letting his hand linger on her cheek a little longer than he normally would have. How could John have done this to her? Why couldn't he see what an amazing woman she was? How perfect she was?
As soon as he had made it to the hospital doors, they swung open. A nurse immediately ran towards them when she saw Horatio standing there, with Alexx obviously in pain and clinging to him.
"We need a wheelchair!" she called to one of the male nurses who was standing a few feet further.
But Alexx had different plans. She was not going to get into the wheelchair, she didn't want to.
"No, please... Horatio, don't let go of me," she whimpered when the nurse gestured for him to put her in the chair.
He lifted her a little higher in his arms, bringing her ear close to his mouth.
"It's okay. I'm coming with you. Did you really think I was going to leave you here on your own? Come on, you can hold my hand, and I'm not going anywhere," he repeated.
That calmed her down enough to get her into the wheelchair.
"Her heart rate's a little high, but her blood pressure is okay," the nurse said as soon as he had hooked Alexx up to a few monitors.
Horatio smiled at her. She was squeezing his hand hardly.
"I... I... euhm..." she stuttered.
The nurse looked at her sympathetically, but she looked at Horatio. He nodded.
"She's got some really bad abdominal bruising. Her ribs are in a bad shape as well. And her ankle is at least sprained, but I think it's more serious. I don't know how long she's been walking around with those injuries, so could you please have a look at them?" he asked.
"We'll get a doctor and ask him to do a check up as well as an ultrasound. Since your blood pressure's good, the chance you've got an internal bleeding is very small, but we don't like to take any risks. And he'll get some pain relief and some bandages to help you with those ribs," she assured Alexx.
Horatio pulled up a chair as the nurse left the room to make some phone calls. Alexx breathed in and out a few times. She was clearly still a bit uncomfortable with all of this. He just wished he could take over her pain so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore.
Alexx was laying silently on the bed. However strange it may seem, she enjoyed Horatio's closeness. It made all of this a little less scary. A bit more bearable.
"Hi, my name is doctor Bradley," the doctor said as he came in.
They greeted him together.
"Okay, I'll check you out first, okay? I'll try and make it as quick as possible," he promised.
Alexx flinched a little when he drizzled the cold jell onto her stomach. Closing her eyes, she bit her lip and squeezed Horatio's hand with all her might.
He bend towards her a little more, resting his head against hers.
"It's okay. It's almost over," he kept saying.
Alexx pulled him as close as she possible could. She really didn't like this.
"There's no sign of serious internal trauma, so that's really good. I can tell that it was a pretty hard beating because there is some evidence of at least one blow that landed right next to the liver, but it didn't cause any major damage," the doctor said a few minutes later.
Alexx sighed in relief. A part of her had been afraid that this time John had done such a great job at beating her up that she might have sustained the worst injuries she had so far.
The doctor began pressing along her ribs, which made her hiss.
"There is no sign of an obvious fracture. I don't think x-rays will be necessary, since your uppers ribs are fine. We'll get a sort of corset on. You won't be able to bend down, but it will make sure your ribs get the time to heal properly, alright? And no bending or lifting heavy stuff. That's asking for trouble," he warned her.
He left the two of them alone while he stepped out of the cubicle to try and find a nurse who would help Alexx to get into the corset.
Alexx couldn't help but smile a little at Horatio.
"What is it, love?" he asked her.
"Me in a corset. I've never worn one before," she confessed.
Horatio was sure that if she had had a lighter skin he would have seen her blush at that very moment.
He tapped her nose lightly, which made her close her eyes and her lips quiver in an attempt not to smile again.
"Don't worry. I bet it'll look good on you. You look good in everything you wear, so why not in a corset?"
Alexx pushed herself a bit more upright on the bed. There was something in her eyes Horatio had seen there before but had never been able –no, had never dared- to name.
"Do you really mean that, baby?" she asked him softly.
He looked at her questioningly.
"What?" she said.
"Did you just call me baby, love?"
She averted her eyes, looking down at her knees clad in a white pair of pants.
"I did," she admitted.
"Good, because I love it when you call me pet names," he smiled at her.
She patted the side of the bed, indicating he should cone and sit next to her instead of in the chair.
He sat down next to her, not letting go of her hand for even a second.
"I love you, you know that, don't you? As a friend, I mean," she said.
Horatio nodded, not realizing he was holding his breath.
"Well, I also love you as more than just a friend. I love you as a lover..." she whispered.
He brought has hands to her face, softly tracing his thumb over the bruise on her left check.
"I love you as a lover, too. I just never dared to tell you because I was afraid you didn't feel the same way," she told her.
She brought her head to him, obviously about to kiss him. And however much he wanted her to, he put his fingers against her lips, effectively stopping her.
"Don't get me wrong, I do want to kiss you. But... I want you to be sure that this is what you want. Because when you kiss me, I won't be able to pretend it never happened. I wouldn't want to pretend it never happened," he whispered.
She lay her hand on the side of his face, but on his right cheek, mirroring his movements.
"I am certain. I should have done this a long time ago. I am certain,", she repeated.
He looked her right in the eyes.
"Then ask me. Ask me to kiss you. Ask me to kiss you and I will," he whispered.
Her finger traced his bottom lip now, making it incredibly hard to think straight.
"Horatio, will you please kiss me?"
And he did. He brought his lips to her so softly, so gently that it was nothing more than a butterfly kiss. But it held the promise of so much more. Of so many beautiful memories they yet to make together. Of trust. Of love.
When Horatio and Alexx broke the kiss, they looked at each other. In Horatio's eyes lay nothing but love, trust and admiration for the woman he was holding. In Alexx eyes lay nothing but love, trust and admiration for the man in whose arms she was laying.
Yes, Alexx though. Sometimes love works in mysterious ways. But in the end, I've managed to find it. And that I'm glad about.