Sephiroth the Cheese God

Rating: PG
Genre: Comedy
Setting: Who knows?
Main Characters: Sephiroth (Duh)

Note from the Authoress: firstly, I would like to thank my good friend light for giving me this idea. Secondly, events and things in this story have no necessary link to FF7. Also, I'm not entirely to sure why I had Sephiroth drinking brandy, he just seems like a brandy type of guy

Part 1

The sun burned bright in the sky. Sephiroth was bored. Damn! It was so unfair! Cloud had beaten him into submission, and he had had no choice but to flee. He took a swig from an almost empty bottle of brandy. The embarrassment of being forced to run! Now, people in the world merely sniggered at his name. His anger was gradually building up as he thought about his humiliating defeat. The only thing that his ambitions had achieved was his never-ending humiliation. Besides that, nothing had changed. Sure, a couple of people hated him for killing people that they liked, but what good was that? They didn't even try to hunt him down for revenge. He paced restlessly around the room. He was starting to feel hungry. Even villains had to eat. He staggered through to the kitchen, stopping only to take another drink of bandy. To put it bluntly, he was drunk out of his mind. Empty brandy bottles littered the kitchen of the tiny flat where he was now living. Even the landlord laughed when he saw Sephiroth. Would he never be free of the humiliation of his defeat? Did those the public referred to as villains not deserve a second chance to regain their dignity? It didn't seem like it. Every idea Sephiroth came up with was either stupid, or it had already been done. He shuddered at this thought. There had been a lot of legal stuff on his last idea. Damn that… what was his name? Yevon or something. How was he, Sephiroth, supposed to know that the idea of making a creature that randomly destroyed things by using a Summoner and a creature from peoples superstitions about machina had already been tried by that guy? There was absolutely no need for him to press charges! Sephiroth tried to take another drink, but the bottle was empty. Giving an exasperated sigh he threw the bottle to one side and opened another. He took a drink, before gazing around the room, swaying on the spot. He was really hungry. But all he had was a loaf of bread and some cheese. Looks like it was going to be cheese sandwiches. He pulled the loaf of bread from the shelf, and took a bread knife from the sink. The sink was littered with plates and bowl. Sephiroth made a mental note to poke someone until they did his washing up for him. Still swaying slightly, he weaved his way over to a surface unlittered by empty pizza boxes, old newspapers, and other, unidentifiable objects. He started, with great difficulty, to cut the bread. He would give anything for someone to challenge him again. But even those losers whose families he had brutally destroyed didn't want to degrade themselves by taking revenge on a shell of his former glory. Dammit! His anger broke loose and he stabbed the counter viciously with the bread knife. It broke. Sephiroth swore under his breath. It wouldn't happen to anyone else, would it. Anyone else the knife would have stayed in the woodwork swaying. But no. Since it was him the knife had broke. He'd need o get a new knife now. Stupid dramatics. If it had been that bastard Cloud, the knife would have probably caught fire as well. That would add to the drama of the moment. The anger. Everything. Everything went right for saint Cloud. But no, it wasn't Cloud. It was him. Sephiroth. He banged his head against the wall.

"Ouch! Dammit that was painful!" damn! He could even get depressed without something going wrong. He drained the rest of the brandy. If only there was some way. He picked up the cheese. Just some way to restore his name. He gazed at the mutilated bread. Just one idea to make him famous and feared once again. There was no way of making a sandwich with that bread. There wasn't even what could pass as a slice. He stared at the cheese. It would just need to be cheese on its own. He took a bite of the cheese. And then the idea hit. That was it. How he could become respected once again. It was perfect. He would become the God of Cheese! He would take over the world that way! And when he was the Cheese God, then he could make Cloud pay! When the whole world had turned to cheese Cloud would be writhing at the thought. Sephiroth would rule once again. He would become the most feared being in the world.

"Just you wait Cloud" he thought "just you wait!" With the thought of his glory returned, he slowly collapsed to the floor.

END OF PART 1