Disclaimer: I don't own the images of these people. But for the most part these people belong to history.

Zhang Chunhua wasn't one to let things concern her. But here she stood; the epitome of anxious, biting her nails, brow furrowed to the point that even her cosmetics couldn't hide her true age. In front of her was a plate. A plate of her lovingly fashioned meat buns. Her husband didn't eat even one at dinner. Lately, Sima Yi hadn't been eating her meat buns of late. She thought it was just a phase. Sometimes people aren't in the mood for meat buns, right?

But this. This was a travesty. No doubt about it. Her husband was having an affair.

"Mother," Sima Shi followed his nose to the kitchens finding his mother's nails clicking menacingly on the wooden table, "Please tell me those are finished."

Zhang Chunhua took the plate and shoved it into her son's hands. A small squeal of delight emitted from his throat.

"Here, you are the only one who eats my meat buns now," she screeched in anxiety before fleeing the kitchen. Sima Shi was confused, but that was a fleeting emotion. He had an enormous plate of meat buns in his hands, waiting to be eaten.

If there was something Zhang Chunhua was, it was intimidating. And she strode though the halls with an aura of tension, causing the officers, advisors, scholars, and the very very few maids to turn their heads in concern. She even neglected to greet her other son, Sima Zhao, whose hand of greeting remained suspended as his own mother…just ignored him.

Even poor snot Zhong Hui didn't see her coming behind him. He wasn't even in her way. He was just gazing out the window. Lady Zhang Chunhua actually diverged from her resolute path to shove him to the ground in passing.

"Ow, god…why?!" he shouted rubbing his head.

"Just because!" she shouted without missing a beat or a stride in her step.

She found her husband's office, which was guarded by a big burly soldier.

"I wish to see my husband," she said through clenched teeth.

The guard smirked and stepped aside, "Be my guest."

Sima Yi sat in silence, gaze pouring over some scripts and books. He didn't look up or even took one notice when his own wife entered. Zhang Chunhua waited and waited for him to take notice. But grew frustrated. She grabbed the mahogany desk and pulled it abruptly, causing Sima Yi to jerk forward and knock his forehead against the desk.

"Ow, what!? Woman! What?!" he shouted in surprise.

"Who is she?"

"Who is who?"

"The little tartlet you have on the side. And if you lie to me I will remove the one testicle you have left."

Sima Yi's mouth dropped as he tried to gather what his wife was so upset about. Honestly he was afraid. Even if he had no idea what she was rambling about. When angered or frustrated, Zhang Chunuha became quite unpredictable.

"Honestly, dear, I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about—"

"I'm calling you on your bull," her voice lowered to a dangerous octave. Sima Yi raised an eyebrow. Wrong move.

Zhang Chunhua picked up a particularly large scroll from his desk and threw it directly at his head. Sima Yi was just lucky enough to duck in time. When he regained his senses he looked up to see his wife storm out of his office.

Oh god. Should he go after her? He sighed. Yeah, he had to go after her.

"My dear, wait!" he yelled, chasing after her down the hall, pushing poor Zhong Hui out of the way.

"What? What did I do!?" the youth whined getting dangerously close to tears.

Sima Yi chased his wife out into the gardens, wheezing and blustering, bracing himself on his knees as his wife stared at him with her hands on her hips.

"What…*wheeze*…was that all about?"

Zhang Chunhua didn't wait for him to recover, "You are having an affair, aren't you?"

Sima Yi finally caught his breath only to gasp out, "What?"

What on earth made her think that?

"Trust me woman, there is no way in hell I would ever have an affair. What woman would want a relationship with me with you walking around? If there was, I would be truly blessed. Because that woman would have bigger balls than me and everyone else I know. Which would make up for the fact that I've been emasculated—both physically and emotionally."

He straightened and dared to approach his furious wife, "Why would I anyway? Our relationship is fine. Unspeakably unhealthy, but fine."

Zhagn Chunhua fixed him with a particularly deadly glare, "Then why won't you eat my meat buns anymore?"

Sima Yi had half a mind to just dismiss her, that reasoning was so ridiculous. At least to him. But he was sure that common sense told him to play along, since doing anything else would result in utter disaster.

"Why would me not eating your meat buns equate to me having an affair?"

"Oh please!" she hissed. "Those meatbuns were the only thing we ever had common interest over. Outside of that we are the most passive-aggressive people I have ever seen to warrant a meaningful relationship. And believe me, this faction has more than our fair share of passive aggressive people."

Sima Yi wasn't about to correct his wife. Those past few minutes were hardly passive.

"What else do we have if you don't like my meat buns?"

A migraine began to seep into Sima Yi's head, "Chunhua, I love your cooking. Your meat buns especially."

"Then why not eat them?"

"Last week I went to the physician and found out I have putting on a few pounds more than I should. My metabolism isn't what it was, dear. And those meatbuns are the worst culprit. So I decided to cut back. It has nothing to with me not liking them."

He grinned at his wife, who stared at him in silence, but she wasn't making much of a move for forgiveness.

"You are full of bull, Sima Yi," she hissed angrily.

"What?"

Zhang Chunhua pressed her finger into his "doughy" gut pointedly, "Since when did you ever care about what that physician said? I told you time and time again to follow his advice on treating that growth under your armpit, but NOW all because you can't fit into your leotard anymore, you listen to him?"

"But—"

It was too late. His wife was already stalking away.

"You WILL eat those meat buns. We can always buy more fat robes," she growled over her shoulder.

Sima Yi watched her go helplessly. The migraine was gone but now in his head was a prayer.

"Heavens…it would be such a blessing if you just gave me a heart attack now."

A/N: First chapter...deservedly so on Zhang Chunhua and Sima Yi's relationship with meat buns.