Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Well, here I am, trying romance for the second time. I don't think I'm to good at it, although my last romance fic got pretty popular. Also, huge spoilers for the ending!
My Denial
I'm alone. I've been alone for a long time. I'm not sure if I even have a voice anymore. I have no idea where the hell I am. I've been dreaming. Or at least, that's what I'd hoped. You know those nights you don't dream? Well that's what this is. I am alone, and it's dark. Very dark. I'm dark. I'm filthy. I'm a sinner. I have no idea what I'm wearing, probably the same blood-covered suit full of bullet holes that I died in. I have no idea where I am, but it's hell. No, worse than hell. It's nothingness. I don't feel, I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't dream. But I think. I have all eternity to think. My mind and I, just like old times. I deny too. My biggest denial? Well, besides my common, 'This isn't happening.", It would probably be Misa Amane. I remember my final thoughts were of her. I remember thinking,
"What's going to happen to Misa now?"
I must have been going crazy. But I wonder sometimes. What could have been? If I actually could have seriously been with her? I also deny my thoughts about her now. Sometimes I wish I could have pulled her close. Feel her heart beat. Then I could quietly whisper in her ear.
"Misa . . . "
I wish so much she could have my heart beating, so then I could know I was ever really alive. I wish she could have been everything to me. I wish I could have seen inside of her. But of course, I'll deny that too. I lived a life of lies. I was false. Misa was pure. I'll deny that I wanted to pull the purity out of her. I wanted her to be as dark as me.
I also deny I want her to die young, so she'd be beautiful when she comes to me. I want her to suffer like me. I want her to be with no one else but me.
I also deny I am waiting for her. I want her to not resist me.
I'm also denying that I was denying these feelings all along. I'm denying that I may have loved her.
I wish this was just a dream. I could wake up next to her in the morning.
A/N: It is very short. It's not perfect, but I'm out of practice. Plus, this is my first Death Note fic.