Miss Havisham's Guide to Getting Your Man

by BumbleShadow

Honestly, I didn't like Great Expectations. Miss Havisham is pretty cool, though. In a spiteful, controlling way. Granted, most of her behavior in the book wasn't to make someone fall in love with her, but I couldn't resist adapting it.

Step 1:

Perfect your controlling attitude. Men love a woman who tells them what to do, when to do it, and why to do it.

Step 2:

Find yourself that one perfect dress! Leave it on indefinitely to catch his eye.

Step 3:

Ruin. His. Life. Enough said.

Step 4:

If all else fails, pull out your crazy face. Your man will never know what hit him.

Step 5:

If even your crazy face fails, adopt a child. Raise her to be vindictive and controlling just. like. you. After all, men find nothing sexier than a crazy woman with a scornful, manipulative daughter.

The man of your dreams is waiting! These five easy steps will help you catch him- and keep him with you forever.