This fic was originally written by Miriya-san, but due to a 'Fishbowl' challenge on the CFFML, I was given the opportunity to rewrite it. ^_^ The characters are from CLAMP, the plot was from Miriya-san, and I had permission from the latter but not the former to write this. Some shoujo ai, but nothing explicit -- if you don't know what the term means, you probably won't be offended by it.
Goodbye (Reprise)
originally by Miriya
rewritten by Rb
I should have known something was wrong when she called.
When we were children, we saw each other nearly every day, we'd
talk for hours about nothing at all...but now we're adults, and
it's not the same anymore. We're still close, but there's
distance between us now. Sakura-chan got married to Li-kun, of
course, and I inheirited Daidouji Corporations when my mother
retired a few years ago. We're different people now, and things
aren't the same as when we were younger.
We see each other every so often -- we go out to get coffee, or
Li-kun escorts us to a theater performance. I'm not lonely -- not
that lonely -- not lonely at all, I have work. I wish Sakura-chan
had children, though -- she'd be such a wonderful mother, and it
would be so lovely for Sakura-chan to have cute daughters, and I
could make clothing for them and spoil them with toys, and I
could come over and watch them, and Sakura-chan and I would talk
while her cute children played...
She called me at work, something she never does. Her voice was
tired. "Tomoyo-chan," she said. "Please come
over."
"Of course, Sakura-chan," I said instantly, not asking
why. I left work early -- I'll make it up some other time.
Sakura-chan needs me, so I'll go to her without a second thought.
I still love her.
It's raining; I'd run to Sakura-chan's house to escape it, but a
woman of my age and class doesn't do such a thing. Sakura-chan
would always be running. I walk quickly down the familiar
streets; Sakura-chan and Li-kun still live in Sakura-chan's
father's house, inheiriting it when Kinomoto-san died. I've been
down these streets so many times for so many years.
I knock on the door, and it opens automatically. I walk in and
quickly slip off my shoes. "Sakura-chan?"
"I'm in the kitchen, Tomoyo-chan." Her quiet voice
summons me, and I follow -- I walk into the kitchen. Sakura-chan
is sitting at the table, a cup of steaming tea in front of her,
another place identically set from across from her.
I'm worried -- she doesn't look up, but I can tell from the set
of her shoulders that she's not well. "Sakura-chan? Are you
all right?"
She doesn't look up, and her shoulders sag a little more. She
looks so very, very tiredit's not right. Sakura-chan is
*always* full of energy, always smiling and laughing
"Please drink." Her voice is nearly a whisper, her skin
is pale and waxy. It's not supposed to be this way. She lifts her
head and looks at me, and I'm even more worried than ever. Her
eyes look pale and lusterless, with huge circles underneath.
They've never looked that way before.
"What's wrong?" I ask, as I lift up the cup of tea and
drink. It's very good.
"Syaoran's in Hong Kong..."
"Hai" But it isn't that; even though they're
married, he's always running off to Hong Kong, his mother is just
that way. Maybe I should be more diect. "You look sick,
Sakura-chan. Can I help?"
She sighs and avoids my eyes. I notice that her hand is
trembling, and a lump starts growing in the back of my throat.
Sakura-chan, *my* Sakura-chan shouldn't be like this. Her green
eyes shouldn't be this dull and hopeless.
"Just...Tomoyo-chan..."
This is not like my Sakura-chan, not at all.
There's an uneasy moment of silence. Then she coughs quietly,
shattering it. "Do you remember why your mother hated my dad
so much?"
I don't even need to think about it as the answer falls from my
lips. "Nadeshiko-sanshe blamed him for Nadeshiko-san's
death"
She nods weakly, and grips her teacup with one hand. "But it
wasn't Daddy's faultMama was happy, with him. I know she
was. He didn't -- didn't cause it."
I wonder why she called me out here to talk about those things.
I'm afraid, something which has never come easily to me. What's
wrong with her? Why is she talking like this? "What are you
getting at, Sakura-chan? What's wrong?"
She looks at me again, her eyes brimming with tears. She is so
beautiful, with the same transluscent fragility Nadeshiko-san
always had. "Please, Tomoyo-chan, don't hate Syaoranit's
not his fault"
Understanding wrenches through me.
No.
No!
"Sakura-chanyou're not serious..." I capture both
her hands in my own, realizing with a sickening wrench that I can
see every vein in her bony arm. "Sakura-chan"
"I'm sorry, Tomoyo-chanI don't want to make you sad.
But Syaoran isn't hereI'm sorry I'm being selfish, but"
I can't help the tears; Sakura-chan looks so helpless now.
"H-how do you know?"
She breaths shallowly, closing her eyes; don't close your eyes,
Sakura-chan, I want to see you, I want you to see me
"Ijust know. My mother died before meand her
mother before her"
"You won't die, Sakura-chan. I'll take care of you -- I
won't let you -- Sakura-chan!."
She smiles faintly. Why does that make me want to cry more?
"Tomoyo-chan. It's all right. I'm sorry I can't stay for
you, but... I'm so tired"
I want to hug her, to hold her, to never let her go. Sakura-chan
thinks -- knows -- she's going to die. I won't let Death take
her...
But what can I do? I'm always so helpless; all I can do is watch
her. When she was a Cardcaptor, I was only able to record her
battles, only a bystander as she went into danger. I couldn't do
anything as Syaoran swept her away
I can't do anything now.
Always, /always/helpless.
"Please don't be sad, Tomoyo-chan"
"What about the Cards?"
She takes in a deep breath, and then slowly exhales it.
"They'll be reborn, for another generation. I've made those
preparations already..."
"Yue? Kero-chan?"
"I've already said goodbye to them."
I swallow, and say the name that pains me most.
"Li-kun?"
At his name, the tears finally spill. "I want you...I need
you to be with me as I say goodbye to him."
My heart breaks. Always, always, Sakura-chan, I'll do anything
for you...
Her eyes flicker shut, it's almost as if she's too tired to keep
them open anymore. "Sakura-chan?" I'm overwhelmed by a
sudden panic
"Help me to my room," she says, and I have to agree.
The trip up the stairs, her hand on my arm, is the most painful
walk I've ever taken. I remember another walk we took together,
in a dark cave, her hand on my arm, me supporting her because she
was too scared to walk alone...then I don't remember what
happened, but I know Sakura-chan does, and that's what's always
mattered to me.
She lies down on her bed and I sit next to her. I dial the
numbers for her; she's too weak to press them herself. She speaks
quietly into the phone; I try not to hear her whispered words. I
don't want to be jealous in these last few minutes. Instead, I
imagine Li-kun's shock, his anger, his sorrow...and I can't be
jealous anymore, because I know that he, too, loves Sakura-chan,
and he'll miss her as much as I will.
She hangs up the phone. I grab her hand again. I feel as if her
cold white flesh is melting away, into spirit...not yet, not yet,
this is too soon, too sudden!
She tries to smile, but Sakura-chan could never hide her feelings
well. I know how she's holding back tears. "Tell everyone"
she says in a labored whisper. "Tell everyone...I love them
all. Very much. And Tomoyo-chan...I love you, too, Tomoyo-chanso
don't be sad...please, smile for me."
I smile. I have to. Sakura-chan wants it so. "Sakura-chanSakura-chan!"
In silent agony, I clutch her hand even more tightly.
Sakura-chan, don't leave mewe need you, I need you,
Sakura-chan...
"Goodbye."
I close my eyes, but the tears fall down anyway, onto her cold
body and the bed beneath us. I want this all to be a horrible
dream...But I know, deep within myself, when I open my eyes, she
won't be there. She won't be Sakura-chanmy Sakura-chan...
Her eyes are open but vacant: she's smiling peacefully.
Sakura-chanshe's gone.
I don't let go. My hand is frozen in place, clasped around hers.
I don't want to let go. I don't want to let go.
I won't let go.