A/N: Written for WIXOSS Bingo, the non-flash version, #180 - prompt: closed eyes.

Dreaming with Closed Eyes

She could dream with her eyes closed.

Wasn't that how it worked? She could pretend
she hadn't failed, that this sad plain world of hers
wasn't real, wasn't really there. Except it was and the moment
she opened her eyes she'd see it all again – see the bland grey buildings
trying to sparkle painfully bright –

And maybe they did sparkle. Painfully, burning black holes into her retina
and undoing that once beautiful patchwork quilt… if it was ever beautiful.
Maybe it wasn't. Maybe she hadn't inherited her mama's eyes
after all. Maybe there was some ugly monster in there too. Wasn't that why
she was here? And alone? And now she was all alone because she'd lost, she'd failed.
She didn't have a means to gain her wish or even a proper wish anymore.

Her friends were gone as well. Second time unlucky perhaps, but their trio
was all done and dusted, gone with the wind. Someone else had Yuzuki now
and she could only hope and pray they took good care of her.
Did she want her to win? Maybe, maybe – but to win meant to take another's body
as their own and it would never end; the tragedy would just repeat itself again.

She could dream with her eyes closed
so she wouldn't have to see Yuzuki in that card,
trapped, despondent, in an amnesic Hitoe's hands –

And she wouldn't have to see Hitoe.
Sweet Hitoe who'd only wanted friends.
Sweet Hitoe who'd lost three times – and the third time was the charm in this game.
A bad luck charm.
She'd lost. She'd had her wish ripped out of her and turned upside down.
Warmth became an acid that corroded her skin.
Smiles became tears. That prospect of happiness faded into the grey skyline
she now watched from her cold room's windows, with curtains heavy and still.
Alone, all alone, behind those curtains and she couldn't do a thing
to help because there were no memories, no comfort in her approach, her touch…

She could only sit, behind her own curtains and watching her own view of the skylines
with closed eyes because then she wouldn't have to see the truth, wouldn't have to face
and accept it. Wouldn't have to move on

Because if she's got her eyes closed, if she's dreaming, if she's asleep
she doesn't have to move at all.

She doesn't have to realise Tama would be there to chirp at her
and Yuzuki won't be knocking on her door, sometimes with Kazuki in tow –
oh, Kazuki's still there but Kazuki's not important to her: that's Yuzuki's,
all Yuzuki's… and Hanayo, who reaps the rewards of that battle
but she can't help but think as she watches them that it'll never last
and it's not out of some final ditch of loyalty but the truth.
Just like she's failed. That's the truth.

Yuzuki's dream will break. Hitoe's is already broken and she –
she doesn't even have a dream. Just an illusion, an illusion called a dream
of a different flavour, that she closes her eyes and sees

Because she can't dream with her eyes open. Not now.
Maybe she never could.
But she can dream
with her eyes closed.