ALL IS BRIGHT: A CHRISTMAS TALE
"MOONY!" James shouted, Apparating into his friend's living room.
Startled, Remus sat up on the couch not ten feet away, pressing his fingers to his temples. "Please, Prongs, not so loud." He leaned back into the cushion. Full moon, which inconveniently fell on Christmas Eve this year, was the following night, so he already felt horrible. The usual migraine had been pounding away since mid-afternoon.
"Sorry." James quieted at once. He fumbled in his robe pocket and pulled out a vial filled with bright blue potion, which he tossed at the couch. "Here, drink this— headache remedy. Lily made it, so it's bound to work."
"She didn't have to do that." Remus downed the potion and his migraine, for the time being, vanished. He still didn't feel very well, but was infinitely relieved to get rid of his most irritating symptom for awhile. And as it was Lily who had made the potion, he could probably count on several hours in which he would actually be able to get some decent rest.
"Anyway, I just dropped by to say that Sirius and I have to go get Lily's Christmas present tomorrow—"
"Left it a bit late, have you?"
"Shut up. Get back to me when you have a job, a baby, and a resistance group to participate in, and let me know how much spare time you have. As I was saying, Sirius and I have to go get Lily's present, so we'll be a bit later than usual tomorrow, but still here in plenty of time to take you out to the shed. I just didn't want you to panic and think you had to get out there on your own. Peter's mum is making him stay with them for the holiday, so he can't make this month." He didn't mention that it was the third month in a row where Peter had had an excuse to miss full moon.
Remus stared. "I didn't expect you guys to come at all. I mean, it's Christmas Eve— don't you want to be with your family? It's Harry's first Christmas!"
James shook his head, exasperated. "Honestly, Moony, did you really think we'd abandon you? It's not like Harry will remember this year, and there'll be plenty of others. But you've brought me to the second thing I'm supposed to tell you. After the transformation, once we've gotten you into bed, I'm going to head home while Sirius stays with you. I'll be back before Lily and Harry even wake up, and we'll open presents with him and my mum. When you wake, Sirius will contact me through our mirrors, and I'll come back here. Then you'll come back to my place with us for Christmas dinner; we'll Floo, since you won't be in any condition to Apparate. Sound good?"
Remus frowned. "But then you'll both be tired for Christmas. You should be in top form for your son's first Christmas. Don't you and Lily usually go to church with your mum on Christmas Eve? Doesn't she want you to spend it with her? I don't want you to mess up your holiday just because of my furry little problem. I'm not worth that."
James had his wand pointing at Moony so fast it was a few seconds before the latter realized it. "If I ever hear you say those words again, Remus Lupin, I will hex you into next century. You are worth it, and don't you dare forget it." He lowered his wand, and took a step forward. "Now, don't you think your bed is much more comfortable than this old couch?" He held down a hand to pull Moony to his feet.
The thought of walking upstairs was equivalent to running a marathon in Remus' mind just now. With less than twenty-four hours to go until he transformed, he was already starting to weaken and was exhausted. In the morning, he knew, his joints would ache and more likely than not he'd be feverish. His migraine would be back and he'd be too tired to sleep. He smiled up at James. "I'm just fine here, Prongs. The couch is comfortable enough."
"You do know how many times I've sat on that couch, right?" James leaned forward, arms spread. "Do I need to carry you?"
"Merlin, no! Why must you always be so pushy?" Remus stood with an effort, but his knees decided they didn't want to hold his weight. He gave an involuntary gasp of alarm as he began to collapse.
James grabbed him under the shoulders before he could hit the floor, pulling one of Moony's arms around his neck and putting his own arm around the werewolf's back. "Don't worry, you prat, I'm not going to let you fall." He supported his friend up the stairs and deposited him on his bed. He reached into his robe pocket once more and pulled out a second vial of blue liquid. "For the morning. I've got to get home now before Lily thinks I've been abducted by Death Eaters."
"James?" Remus stopped his friend in mid-turn. When Prongs paused, he said softly, "Thank you." The depth of the word was communicated silently, as they had long ago learned to do for effective pranking. James' nod and grin held equal depth, before he turned on his heel and was gone.
Sirius and James appeared shoulder-to-shoulder in the Lupin living room at exactly the same moment. They glanced around for their third companion, but he wasn't on the couch as usual. James began to lead the way upstairs. "He's probably still in bed. In fact, he probably hasn't left it since I helped him up there last night. He was already pretty weak. I hope this month isn't a bad one." The glance that accompanied the words said both feared it would be; early symptoms were usually accurate predictors of the transformation. Sure enough, they found Remus lying down, an arm draped over his eyes. This time the glance between the two men showed identical expressions of resignation-mixed concern.
"Come on, mate, it's time to get you out to the shed," Sirius said softly. He and James positioned themselves on either side of their friend to walk him down to the transformation shed they'd built big enough to hold the four of them. At the kitchen door, Sirius disentangled himself long enough to grab Moony's cloak and drape it around his shoulders. Outside the thick metal door to the shed, Sirius and James waited for a minute or two while Remus undressed and wrapped himself in a blanket. The others thought this modesty was ridiculous, considering, but they let him have his way. When he shouted for them to come in, James collected Remus' things and put them in the strongbox, soon followed by his and Sirius'. While their clothes, unlike Remus', would transform with them if they so chose, they would then get ripped and torn by the fighting, so they always stripped to their boxers. All three shivered until Sirius had the sense to cast a warming charm. They talked quietly for the last few minutes until moonrise, the two Animagi trying to distract the werewolf from how he was feeling.
With the first rays of silver light, Remus' limbs began to shake, and the two black-haired boys simultaneously became dog and stag without even looking at each other.
"The wolf seemed pretty tame last night, if a little more energetic than usual," Sirius commented as he touched his wand to a shallow cut on James' shoulder, which healed instantly.
The other man nodded, healing two gashes on Sirius' chest as he did so. They finished giving each other quick examinations, taking care of the cuts they found, then hurriedly dressed and knelt next to Remus. Working in practiced harmony, they pulled his boxers onto him and tended his wounds, which mirrored their own except for the fact that they could not fix his with spells, relying instead on dittany and other healing salves. Still, they were mild enough this month and only one cut, along Remus' ribcage, was bad enough to need bandaging. That done, the two pulled his clothes onto his limp body.
"He's still out cold." Sirius frowned. "He's usually come to by now."
James shrugged. "Some times it takes more out of him than others; I had a feeling this one might be like that. Let's just try and get him into the house before he wakes up."
Sirius nodded, and conjured a stretcher. James lifted Remus onto it, covered him with his cloak, and led the way out of the shed. Sirius followed behind the stretcher, guiding it with his wand. Halfway up the path, Remus began to stir, shifting on the cot. James stopped abruptly and motioned Sirius to do the same. "Hold up. He's coming 'round." He helped his friend into a sitting position and gave him the usual flask of pain potion. "Welcome back, Moony. You're going to want this." As he drank, James removed his cloak from over top of him to wrap it securely around his shoulders, and asked, "All right?"
Remus nodded. With his pain under control, he was now able to focus on his surroundings, and began to take in the fact that he was sitting on a floating stretcher. "What's going on?"
"You were just unconscious a little longer than usual, that's all. We're taking you inside," James explained.
"Yeah, so if you'd kindly lie back down so we can finish, that'd be great, 'cause my arm's getting tired," Sirius said from behind.
"You don't have to do that," Remus protested at once, "I can walk now." He noticed the swift look exchanged by his friends, and guessed near enough their telepathic, split-second conversation. He really was glad for their concern, loved them more than he could say for it, but he preferred to let his condition take as little control over him as possible.
"Sure, Moony," James said easily, voice not betraying the silent agreement that he and Sirius would carry Remus' weight between them while appearing to let him walk. He held out an arm.
This time Remus did not refuse it. He grabbed it and then held onto James' neck, grateful for the arm that he felt encircle his waist to make sure he remained upright. He was similarly grateful when a moment later Sirius arrived at his other side and did the same after Vanishing the stretcher. He realized that he was simply moving his legs while his friends basically carried him, but he did not think they knew he knew. He just appreciated that they were willing to do whatever it took to let him uphold his dignity as much as possible, while not letting him hurt himself. It didn't matter that at any other time of the month, or in all things non-lycanthropy-related, they spent a good deal of time trying to destroy his dignity. He wondered again what he had done to deserve having such wonderful people fall into his life.
James' stomach grumbled loudly. Harry, who had been waving his new toy Snitch around, paused and looked at him curiously. James grinned and lifted his son off the blanket high into the air. "What can I say, champ, I'm hungry. Unlike you, Mommy makes me wait to eat. You'd think between her, Grandma, and Spwill, they could finish faster. Let's see how things are going, shall we?" He carried Harry into the kitchen where his wife, mother, and the Potter family House-elf were busily at work, announcing, "The little man and I are hungry!"
"Patience is a virtue, Jamie, haven't I taught you that?" Mrs. Potter mock-scolded.
James winced. He never had been able to break his mother of calling him that. "Yeah, but you've been in here all afternoon and we've been smelling such delicious smells…"
"Harry isn't hungry or he'd be screaming. Calm down, James, your friends aren't even here yet," Lily placated.
"Who says we have to wait for them?" James grinned. As if on cue, a muffled shout came from his pocket. He shifted Harry onto his hip and pulled out a small mirror, which was currently reflecting Sirius Black's face rather than his own.
"Get over here, Prongs, he's waking up," Padfoot's image said.
"Gotcha." James returned the mirror to his pocket and smirked at Lily. "See? They'll be here any minute. I'll be back with them as soon as we've helped Moony get ready. Hear that, champ? Your uncles are coming to see you!" He kissed the top of Harry's head and handed him over to his wife before Disapparating on the spot.
Remus was accepting a cup of potion from Sirius when James reappeared in his friend's bedroom a moment later. He watched as Prongs grinned his hello, then immediately strode over to start rummaging through the wardrobe. He his eyebrows and asked, "Did it ever occur to you that I might consider that an invasion of my privacy?"
James emerged with a faded red-edged black robe in hand. "You didn't seem to mind my invading your privacy when I was dressing you this morning." He smiled cheekily.
"Yeah, but he was unconscious then," Sirius said fairly. James whacked him upside the head, and all three men laughed.
Remus slid into the trousers Padfoot tossed at him, neatly tucking his shirt in. The others rolled their eyes as he stepped into his shoes; neither of them could remember the last time they'd voluntarily tucked in their shirt (actually, James could, it was his wedding day). Then they came over and threaded his robe onto him, their motions designed so that Remus had to move his aching muscles as little as possible. Once Padfoot and Prongs finished, Remus sat back down on his bed with a sigh, a wave of weakness passing through him. He hated how much effort the simple process of getting dressed took.
Sirius' brow creased, and in a slight nudge he communicated his thoughts to Prongs, who nodded almost imperceptibly. He frowned in concern. "If you're not up to this, Moony, we'll stay here. It's no problem. We don't mind."
"Really," James added sincerely.
"No, we're going back to Prongs' place. I'm not missing a meal prepared by both Lily and Mrs. Potter; it's bound to be magnificent," Remus insisted.
Neither James nor Sirius found it necessary to mention the fact that Remus would eat perhaps half a plate of said magnificent dinner. They each took one of his arms and supported him downstairs to the kitchen. James stepped into the fireplace first and had just disappeared when Remus suddenly started and turned around. "I forgot my bag in my room. It has everyone's presents in it!"
Sirius grabbed his elbow. "No, you go through. I'll go up and get it, then follow."
Gratefully, Remus nodded. He stepped into the flames and shouted James' address. He started spinning, and the Potter living room came into view, but his body did not stop moving. In fact, the hearthstone was approaching his face rather quickly… before he could get his body to obey him, he'd fallen into something solid but much softer than hearthstone.
"No need to throw yourself into my arms, Moony. You can have me anytime you want," James grinned, as he lowered his friend's weight into the armchair beside him.
"What was that?" Lily called, entering the room with Harry on her hip, eyebrow arched.
"Don't worry. Not in a million years, Prongs," Remus managed to joke, although his empty stomach was churning and his head spinning after the Floo trip.
While James pretended to be wounded, Lily came over and kissed Moony's cheek. "Hello, Remus." She surveyed him for a few moments, then merely sighed and pushed a lock of his hair back tenderly. "Happy Christmas." With a smile, she deposited Harry in his lap.
Somehow feeling a bit better instantly, Remus cuddled the baby. "Hey, little guy. I've missed you lately."
"Where's S-?" Lily began, but before she could finish the fire leaped green and Sirius emerged with Remus' overnight bag.
"Got it!" He spotted the gathering, and suddenly dropping the bag, shouted, "OI! Who's godfather here?" He snatched Harry from Remus' lap and lifted him over his head, spinning. "Hey, big man! How's my future Gryffindor?" He pulled Harry close and cuddled him as Remus had done moments before. Remus did not really begrudge him taking the baby. No one who saw the two together could. Sirius was a different person around Harry: completely responsible, openly affectionate, and deadly serious about his position as godfather.
"What'll you do if he's in Ravenclaw or something?" Lily asked.
"Not gonna happen," Sirius said dismissively, "Not with you two as parents, me as godfather, and Moony and Wormtail as uncles. Impossible."
Lily shook her head, but she was smiling. "You'll be pleased to know the set of stuffed Quidditch balls you got him is his favorite present. James was upset that he liked the Snitch better than the Quaffle."
"Awww, was Prongsie upset that his son isn't going to be the next star Chaser at Hogwarts?" Sirius mocked.
"No!" James said defensively, and added, "Star at any Quidditch position will do. He can be a Seeker if he wants, but as I said to Lily, he only likes that ball now because it's the smallest and easiest for him to hold."
Everyone laughed, and a moment later Mrs. Potter came in announcing dinner was ready. James was out of the room before she finished her sentence. Sirius quickly followed, Harry in his arms. Lily stayed back to walk more slowly with Remus, taking his arm to support him unobtrusively. With everyone at the table, Spwill served the food. Mrs. Potter said a brief Christmas grace, and everybody dug in, most noticeably James and Sirius. Remus ate with less enthusiasm, still a bit queasy from the trip there, but joined in the conversation as cheerfully as anyone else. When Spwill went around collecting the plates before she served dessert, her eyes widened in alarm at Remus' three-quarters-full one.
"Is something wrong with sir's food?" she asked squeakily, frowning, "Spwill is sorry and will-"
"No, everything was delicious," he assured, feeling the others looking at him, "I'm… just not very hungry, is all." Although everyone at the table knew what he was, he hated the attention drawn to his condition and the faltering of the merry atmosphere. He looked determinedly at the table.
When the house-elf still hesitated, James said, "It really is all right, Spwill, I promise. You can serve dessert now, thank you."
Reassured by the young master's words but still looking slightly anxious, Spwill obeyed. Chatter returned to the table with renewed fervor, as if attempting to drown out the dissonant note in their meal. Six different kinds of desserts were served, and Remus was pleased to find his favorite double-chocolate cake made by Mrs. Potter among them. He ate a whole slice. Well after the desserts had disappeared from their plates and the coffee in their cups had been drained to the dregs, Mrs. Potter rose from the table, ordering Spwill to remain with the younger Potters until everything had been cleaned up and saying her goodnights. James and Lily accompanied her to the door, and Sirius took Harry, who was starting to get fussy in his carrier, into the living room. Remus lingered a few more moments, both not wanting to acknowledge the end of such a wonderful Christmas dinner and also gathering his strength.
Everyone else was already in the living room when he got there. Sirius was stretching on the couch giving Harry a bottle, while James and Lily leaned against opposite ends of the love-seat, legs overlapping. Remus noted that the most desirable seat— the big, squishy armchair right next to the fireplace— had been left open. Not for the first time that day, sudden affection for his friends rushed through him as he sat in the armchair. After a while, they exchanged gifts. Remus felt slightly guilty that those he received were much pricier than the ones he'd given his friends, but they all expressed delight with what they got. The evening stretched on in periods of quiet talk, Exploding Snap matches, and watching Sirius amuse Harry by turning into Padfoot and back. At one point Lily disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with glasses of the hot, spiced wine that was her specialty. By tacit consent, they did not speak of the Order or Voldemort or war. Not on Christmas, not this first year with Harry. They would not violate the sacredness of being together for the holiday. Remus especially felt the nonreligious holiness in the gathering, as he had expected to spend the day alone in bed wishing he could be with his friends— his family.
Remus jumped when James put a hand on his shoulder. He had been staring into the fire, nearly dozing off, and hadn't noticed him walking over. James grinned, saying, "I think it's past bedtime for recently-transformed werewolves."
"I'm fine," Remus objected, despite his body screaming otherwise at him, "I was just… thinking. Don't worry about me."
"Moony, we've been talking to you for the past three minutes without you realizing it," Sirius said from where he now lay sprawled with a sleeping Harry on his chest, "Go to bed before you pass out."
"You don't have to pretend you feel fine for our sakes, Remus," Lily said gently, "We know better. Get some rest."
James put his arm around Remus and tugged upward. "Come on, mate, I'll take you upstairs and show you where you're staying."
Remus shrugged James off as he stood. "I know where I'm staying, Prongs, it's the same room I always stay in. I suppose I am about ready to turn in, but I can manage on my own. Don't bother yourself." Even as he finished speaking, a wave of weakness like earlier passed through him and he grabbed the nearest thing— Prongs' shoulder— for leverage.
James shifted closer to support his friend more easily. "Yeah, you're completely fine. But my stairs might not be after you fall down them, so for their sake…" He began walking Moony out of the room, moving slowly and being careful to make sure Moony was leaning on him. The man really could be ridiculous about pushing himself too much; he wondered how long the werewolf would survive without them there to watch out for him, then shrugged it off. They would always be there.
Remus' mind ran along similar lines as Prongs helped him up the stairs. They were in wartime, and more were dying every day. James and Sirius never thought about it, never doubted that their entire group would survive— and why should they? They were 20 years old, much too young to have lost the sense of invulnerability. But Remus had skirted death too many times, once a month in fact, until the Marauders became Animagi a few years ago; he had lost his sense of invulnerability at age five. And he wondered what he would do if ever the Animagi were taken from him— they would never leave him willingly, he knew that much. Die, probably, he suspected. How many months would his body withstand, being ripped to shreds again every 28 days? A year? Two? As Prongs helped him out of his robe, he hoped with all his being that he would never have to find out.
"Lily made you that potion that helps the stiffness. Here," James interrupted Remus' thoughts, pouring some liquid into a beaker and handing it to him. He indicated the flask on the nightstand. "There's enough for another dose in the morning yet, if you need it. And by that I mean take it, or else Lily will be after both of us."
Remus downed the potion and felt his muscles relax. Most of his discomfort gone, exhaustion swept over him with a new fierceness. He sat heavily on the bed. "Well, we wouldn't want that."
James pretended to overlook the sarcasm. "No, I really don't. So be a good boy and take your medicine." He paused. "Get some sleep, Moony. See you in the morning."
"Prongs?" James turned back at Remus' question. "What if we don't defeat Voldemort? What if this doesn't end in us telling our children war-hero stories?" Remus' question surprised even himself. He had not meant to speak his thoughts aloud. But he felt better that he had.
James crossed his arms over his chest. "What did Lily put in that potion?" He held Remus' silent gaze and sighed, leaning back against the wall. "I don't know, mate. And I don't want to think about it, either. You can't go asking questions like that. At the risk of sounding like Padfoot, they're just— too big. If we're going to keep what semblance of sanity we have, we're going to have to keep taking this thing one day at a time. So I'm going to go downstairs and drink some more wine with my wife, and eventually pry my son off of Padfoot so I can challenge him to a chess match, to see if I can beat him even slightly drunk. And you're going stop asking big questions in favor of letting yourself rest for a change and giving your body a chance to heal. We'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here." James propelled himself off the wall. " 'Night, Moony."
He was in the doorway before Remus called his name again. He paused without turning around this time and heard, "Happy Christmas, James."
Remus watched James' back as he returned the sentiment in the same half-whisper, knowing that despite James' sound logic of a moment ago that both of their minds were rushing outward to capture the uncertainties of the coming year. Remus knew that they both understood implicitly the need to reach out and make sure those they loved knew how very loved they were. Even though the words had never been spoken between them— they never would be— his friends' actions had been proving that love to Remus all day. And James knew what the simple holiday wish held; it was the same thing held in the thank you of two days before. Whatever uncertainties lay in the war-ridden world in the days to come, Remus was sure of that. So when the door closed, engulfing him in darkness, he followed James' advice. He lay back and mulled over the day's celebrations, fading quickly into dreams of Christmas cheer.
A/N: The title is a snippet from the hymn "Silent Night." Reviews appreciated and responded to! Happy Holidays, everyone!