The other day I was cleaning out my wardrobe and I found the glass butterfly my nan left me, three and a half years ago. Sometimes its hard to remember. But the butterfly brought back so many memories...

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Rhyleigh

It crept up on her, faster than she thought possible. Before she knew it, she was leaving for New York. Everyone thought they were helping her- her Mum washed everything twice, removing them from her suitcase to toss into the washing machine, her dad checked the murder rates in the Big Apple. Retta dropped around little New York mementos, Ben and Nathan finding it necessary to drop in little stories from when they were little (she knew they wouldn't admit it, but they would miss her. She wouldn't admit missing her little brothers).

"Rachel, you need to finish packing!" Julie called.

"Hold on, Mum!" she called, sighing heavily. Once more, she had found her suitcase missing several vital items.

"But Rach-"

"Mum, I'll be there in a minute!" yanking a bag from the top of her wardrobe, she saw a small item falling. She grabbed it, examining it carefully.

It was a tiny glass butterfly. Swiping her thumb against it to remove the dust, she examined it a little more carefully.

She remembered the day she was given the butterfly. She had been four or five years old, and it had been passed down from her nan. Louise had smiled and pressed it into her palm, telling her that there was no one who deserved it more. It would keep her safe, her nan had promised.

She had packed it in her suitcase when she left for university, wrapping it carefully in bubble wrap and pressing it between two jumpers. She had almost forgotten about it, when she moved home- setting it on the top shelf of the cupboard.

And yet, there she was, about to fly overseas, her nan gone. She knew what she had to do.

"Rachel", Julie said, as her eldest flew through the house.

"I need to buy bubble wrap!" she yelled, grabbing her car keys off the kitchen bench and jogging towards her little red Bug.

She bought a bunch of flowers, picking the best looking ones from the shop. Holding them carefully so she didn't crush them, she weaved her way through until she found where she was looking for.

Setting the flowers down on the headstone, making sure they weren't bent, she knelt down, taking a moment to compose herself.

"Sorry I haven't been here in a few weeks", she apologised. "Life's been crazy… I'm leaving in two days, Nan. I'm going to New York. It's going to be hard, but that's okay. I think it's going to be good for me. You always said that, don't think I forgot. I'm going to give you a reason to make me proud, I promise… its going to be hard leaving Mum and Dad and Granddad. I'm really going to miss Rubes, she's only a baby- and even Ben and Nath". She chuckled. "Especially Jake. I wish I could take him with me. It's not about whether or not New York is going to be a success or not, it's about leaving all these people that I care so much about. They've been there for me all this time, and before I know it, it's just going to be me. The biggest change of my life is happening, and they're staying here…"

She touched her face, thinking she was crying.

"I think I'm more scared of disappointing them than disappointing myself".

For a while she just sat there in silence, taking in the scene for those days when it was just her in New York. She took in the moment, the words on the headstone that she read every single time, not even caring that she knew them off by heart. She would remember how she both loved and hated that place- hated it because it reminded her what was lost and loved it because, for a moment, she could let herself believe that she was with her again, counting on her.

When she finally stood up, Rachel looked to the stone and the flowers she'd placed there. The moment she walked in the front door her mother would realise where she'd been, but wouldn't press the subject unless her daughter brought it up first. She'd still stop and buy bubble wrap, apologizing for being so late without really giving a reason, she decided.

"I have to go now", she said gently. "But I'll be back. And when I get back, I'll tell you all about it".

When she arrived in New York- after being stolen from her office by her younger brothers and an emotional farewell at the Shanghai Express- she unpacked her suitcase, the glass butterfly no longer nudged to the back. It sat on a shelf in her living room.

Rachel found herself addressing it as a figurine, but sometimes she would talk to it the way she would talk to her grandmother's headstone. She had granted that stone the power to represent the woman she loved, and if she was in New York without more of her entire world, then why not transfer that power to a glass butterfly?