Now he left a hole in my heart
A hole in a promise
A hole in the side of my bed
And I miss it like a hole in the head
It had been just over a month. John was sick of everything. He was sick of all the pitying glances, sick of Harry trying to always be there for him, sick of seeing everyone stiffen uncomfortably when he walked into a room, sick of Mrs. Hudson trying choke down her tears to attempt to comfort him.
He was sick of trying to carry on with life like everybody told him to try to do. He just couldn't go on.
John Watson was done.
When he woke up with nothing
He said I'll tell you something
When you've got nothing,
You've got nothing to lose
The entire world had no color. Sherlock was gone, why wasn't John? Everything had happed so fast. He saw it in his mind, and still couldn't do anything to stop it. It was his worst nightmare, yet he seemed to have it all the time, asleep and awake.
What good was it being a soldier if he couldn't save the one person he cared about the most? His "physiological" limp was back. He didn't know if he could get rid of it, and he didn't care.
John Watson was tired.
Well sometimes you can't change
And you can't choose
And sometimes it seems
You gain less than you lose
It was a mystery, to John, why Sherlock had jumped. He knew the detective wasn't a fake. He knew it for certain. You cannot simply use Google that fast. He believed in Sherlock.
Sherlock wasn't a fake. So why had he jumped?
With an ordinary person, John would say that it was because of the press. But Sherlock was logical. He was a fighter. He may have bullied a primary school, but that was because of his intelligence. The bullies knew exactly how smart he was, and Sherlock couldn't change that.
Now the bullies had the account wrong. Sherlock would want it set straight, if not just for pride, but also to fight back, because he could.
He had his entire mind palace and deductive skills to use to fix his reputation, why would he have just given up?
John Watson didn't understand. (hahahaha)
We've got holes in our hearts,
We've got holes in our lives
We've got holes,
We've got holes
John was broken. He wanted to be fixed, but he wanted Sherlock with him. He wanted him to not be dead.
That was all that he wanted. He knew that it wasn't going to happen, yet still, there was always a persistent glimmer of hope left. John was going to use that hope to rise out of the darkness. He knew that he would never be fully out, but he was going to cling to it until the day he died.
John Watson was going to try.
We've got holes, but we carry on.