Disclaimer: All HP characters are the property of JKR, the WB, and respective publishing companies - this is nothing more than a simple FanFiction that I have written. I have made no money from this or any of the other stories I have posted on this or other sites.
Summary: Professor Minerva McGonagall is struggling to come to terms with the recent death of Albus Dumbledore. Somehow she must find the courage to accept her new role at Hogwarts as the school's Headmistress.
AN: Minerva McGonagall is one of my favorite professor's to write out of the HP universe, her character is so versatile. This story was originally written in response to GemDragonfly's 'Crayon' challenge on HPFF Forums and was first published under my penname on HPFF.
Through a Haze of Green
The Headmaster's office lay empty, all of his many possessions and instruments packed away and placed into storage weeks ago. Only the silent portraits of the previous Headmasters and Headmistresses remained hanging in their customary places on the wall – their frames coated with a thin layer of dust that muted and softened their edges. Their presence only added to the gloomy atmosphere of the abandoned office though, a harsh reminder that time stops for no man or woman.
Professor Minerva McGonagall, soon to be Headmistress, stood stiffly in the center of the barren room and gazed at the clean swept floor without really seeing it. Her face was taut with emotion, her eyes bloodshot from the tears she'd cried only hours earlier during the funeral ceremonies for Albus Dumbledore. In some ways she still had trouble believing that the wily old wizard was gone, as far back as she could remember he had seemingly been a permanent fixture of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had never believed that there would come a time when he wouldn't be plotting some bit of mischief from behind his desk in this very room.
The desk was gone now though, packed up and thrown into some cold dark vault in the belly of Gringotts where it would rot – unwanted – for years to come. Minerva had hoped the school governors would leave Dumbledore's belongings and furniture in place but for some reason, known only to them, they had packed up every last item and carried it off without so much as a by-your-leave. It wasn't so much that Minerva wanted those items personally, she'd wanted the comfort that they represented. The comport of the familiar and the foolish hope that if those items had been kept in place, that Dumbledore would someday return to use them once more.
I am a foolish old woman. McGonagall thought to herself as she lifted her gaze to focus her eyes upon the small blank square of wall where Dumbledore's portrait would eventually hang. Taking a deep breath she pulled her eyes away from the empty parcel of wall and walked over to one of two windows that overlooked the castle grounds.
Looking down, she could see a wealth of lush green grasses spreading out from the courtyard and felt a wave of irrational anger flood her soul. How fair is it that the world moves on without even mourning our losses? She silently demanded as she frowned down at the multitude of green grasses waving gaily in the wind. IAlbus loved to watch the students frolicking through those very fields. She recalled as her anger fled back into the shadows of her mind. "He would not wish them to stop living just because he is dead." Minerva whispered out loud as a ghost of a smile flitted across her fast.
As she stood there staring out of the window down at the lazy green fields, she recalled an odd conversation she'd had with Albus just before she had been raised to Deputy Headmistress.
"Ah. Professor McGonagall," Dumbledore greeted warmly as he rose from his seat. "How good of you to accept my invitation. Please, be seated."
"Thank you, Sir." Minerva replied as she sat down in the cushy armchair that had been set in front of the Headmaster's desk.
"The students have finished their examinations then?" Dumbledore surmised as he stepped away from the desk and approached the open that looked out over the grounds.
"Yes," McGonagall confirmed simply.
"How long have you been with us Professor?"
"Eight years this term."
"Have you considered your plans for the future?"
"With all due respect Professor Dumbledore, I had intended to continue teaching. I had heard rumors that there would be staffing changes before the start of next term, but I didn't realize you had called me here to discuss my termination. I fully expected to hold my position for sever-"
"Calm yourself, Minerva," Dumbledore interrupted as he glanced at the flustered professor over his shoulder. "I have not called you here to end your employment with the school. I was merely curious to know what plans you have made in regards to your future."
"I have dedicated my entire life to the children Professor Dumbledore –" Minerva began.
"Please, call me Albus." Dumbledore interrupted a second time. "We have known each other since you studied within these halls when you were but a wild child of eleven."
"Old habits are hard to break profess... Albus." Minerva quipped with a fond smile. "As I was saying, I have dedicated my life to the children and would wish for nothing more then to continue teaching them for the rest of my life."
"Yes, the children. They are submersed in a world of greens."
"I beg your pardon profess... Albus, but what does that mean?"
"Tell me Minerva, what do you see when you look out this window?" Dumbledore asked as he shifted to one side and beckoned her to join him.
Hesitantly, unsure of what point Dumbledore wished to make, McGonagall rose from her chair and walked over to stand beside the window. Looking down she saw a large number of students sitting, walking, and playing in the courtyard and on the fields. "I see the students wandering about."
"Of course, but tell me what else you see."
"The school grounds and the edge of the lake," Minerva replied with a frown as she turned her gaze from the window to the Headmaster. "What is it you wish me to see?"
Dumbledore smiled gently as he walked back to his desk and sat down. "What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of the color green Minerva?"
"Jealousy."
"Many people have said the same thing when I have asked them that same question. I find it disturbing that most people will not look beyond that first thought to see that there is more to the color green then jealousy or envy."
"I'm afraid I don't understand Professor Dumbledore." Minerva stated as she glanced out the window once more to study the ground below.
"Is the grass jealous? What does a tree have to envy? What of the colorful birds and animals that carry bits of green on their skin, fur, or feathers want that others might have? Is the tropical ocean inferior to the frozen seas of the north simply because it is less blue? These things are all a different shades of green and yet they do not hate and they do not covet what is not theirs." Dumbledore explained as he swept his hand wide to indicate the view from the window. "In the entire world, only humans have declared the color green equal to dissatisfaction and undesirable traits. In nature, green is the color of life – of things that grow."
Dumbledore stood up and marched back to the window as he spoke passionately of his theories on the color green and his students below. "Look at them down there, they are full of life! They are happy and carefree now that their exams are behind them. The world is at their fingertips and they thirst for the future with a passion that outraces reality. They represent a rainbow of colors when you take a closer look, but overall they are full of greens because they are full of life."
He turned to face Minerva once more and smiled down into her thoughtful eyes. "I can see their lives as nothing but green while they run free upon the grounds of this castle. It is here that we give them the nourishment they need to live and survive in the world beyond Hogwarts. It is that haze of green that I see them through that allows me to look past their faults and see the beauty within."
"How can you ignore the jealousies that run deep inside some of them though?" McGonagall asked as she studied Dumbledore closely. "What of the poisons, deadly curses, and venomous animals that share those same shades of green?"
"If we label a color as evil, then what small beauties are we missing because we don't care to look any closer then what we see on the outside? Every bit of evil contains some color; even the most innocent of colors can mask deadly intent. I do not deny the truth of that. Yet, if we look beyond the surface, we can see that there is more to a simple color then just the color we see with our eyes." Dumbledore pointed out softly. "But enough of philosophy, I didn't call you here to debate the nature of a color. –"
McGonagall was pulled from her memories by a knock at the door, turning she watched as Hagrid ducked through the doorway. He stood there staring at her with bloodshot eyes, nervously twisting his hands as he sniffled loudly.
"What is it Hagrid?" Professor McGonagall asked stiffly as she studied the emotional half-giant.
"Beggin' yer pardon Professor," Hagrid began, "I came ter return the keys."
"Keys?"
"I'll be cleanin' out meh hut tonight."
"Hagrid, what are you talking about?" McGonagall demanded as an icy coldness crept up her spine. "You're not leaving, are you, Hagrid?"
"I thought..."
"Hagrid, you can't leave. The school needs you, the children need you, and I need you. Who told you that you had to leave?"
"I jus' figured... what with Dumbledore gone –" Hagrid broke here and wailed for several long minutes.
"Please reconsider Hagrid," McGonagall implored. "Albus didn't give you a job because he pitied you; he gave you the job because he trusted you and he believed in you. He wouldn't want you to leave just because he's passed on."
"I didn' know yeh felt that way ma'am," Hagrid sniffled as he blinked the tears out of his eyes.
"Of course I do, Hagrid," McGonagall assured as she stepped close and hugged Hagrid as best she could. "I consider you part of my family."
"Tha' means the world ter me Professor."
"Call me Minerva, Hagrid," McGonagall rebuked gently with a smile as she stepped back and patted Hagrid on the arm.
"I'll be off then, lots ter do."
"You'll join me for supper?"
"I'd like tha'."
McGonagall watched as Hagrid ducked low and backed out of the room looking a bit less forlorn. She knew that Hagrid would never be happy any where but Hogwarts and she knew that Hogwarts wouldn't be Hogwarts without Hagrid as Keeper of the Keys and Professor of Care of Magical Creatures. Turning her attention back to the swaying grasses outside of the window; McGonagall allowed her thoughts to wander once more.
Near an hour later Filch shuffled into the office carrying a large portrait under his arm and a short step ladder under the other. He hesitated for a brief moment when he caught sight of McGonagall leaning against the window frame but jumped to work the moment she frowned in his direction.
McGonagall watched the surely old caretaker set up the ladder and climb to the top rung. Filch wobbled a bit when he leaned over to wipe away the few motes of dust that clung to the wall, though he somehow managed to maintain his balance enough to keep from falling. He next spread a thin layer of Gordo's Ever-Stick Paste onto the wall before reaching down to lift the portrait he had brought with him.
Her breath caught in her throat when caught sight of Dumbledore's bright blue eyes twinkling out at her from inside the frame. She had not anticipated his portrait to be hung for several weeks yet. Tears prickled the backs of her eyes as she smiled wistfully at her friend and colleague of many years. So wrapped up in his familiar features, McGonagall never even noticed when Filch stepped off the ladder and left as silently as he entered.
"Minerva, dear," Albus greeted softly as he continued to meet her gaze.
"Oh, Albus," Minerva breathed back, her voice quavering as she struggled to control her emotions.
"Come, come now, Minerva. You must be strong."
"I never believed a day would come when you wouldn't be here to run the school and guide the students."
"I am still here, in the hearts of my friends."
"It is not the same."
"True," Dumbledore admitted. "Yet, one day it will be enough."
"I don't know if I can do this alone."
"You are not completely alone, each of us who have come before you have left a small part of ourselves behind so we might offer you our wisdom and advice during the years you stand as Headmistress of Hogwarts."
"And what advice would you give to an old witch who dares to follow in the footsteps of one of the greatest wizards to ever walk the earth?"
"I would tell her, to mind her garden so that the seedlings will grow strong enough to bear fruit in this world."
"Through a haze of green, the children walk through these ancient halls living as they have never lived before," McGonagall whispered softly in reply as she smiled through the tears that trickled down her face.
* * * THE END * * *