1
Who Are You
Every morning, since the day my life changed, I went through the same routine, no matter what. The day my story starts was no different: I woke up at six, went to the bathroom to take a piss and take care of my morning wood, brushed my teeth and my hair, and then braced myself for another day of wondering if she'd finally succeed. Once I'd convinced myself that I was being stupid, I left the bathroom, and walked to the bedroom door that was always right next to mine and always locked, and I knocked gently, holding my breath until I got an answer.
"Alice?" I called, knocking gently once more. I pressed my ear to the door and listened for her usual waking sounds, and sighed in relief when I heard the dainty clearing of my sweet baby sister's throat.
"You can come in, Edward," she said, and I reached up to pull the key off the top of the doorframe. I stuck it in the lock and turned quickly so I could see for myself that she was still okay. As soon as Alice came into view, the tension released from my shoulders and I tucked the key into my pajama pants pocket so I could put it back where it belonged once we had our chat. "Come on, Edward. Don't you ever wear a shirt?" Alice exclaimed, sounding so much like her old self that I felt a smile involuntarily break over my face.
"Hell, Alice. With a body like mine, why should I have to?" I joked back, walking into the room so I could sit next to her on her bed. I slung an arm over her shoulder and pulled her to my chest, pressing my face against her short, dark hair. It used to be so long and pretty, and always so soft. But when my parents told us we were moving, she'd decided to cut it all off and start 'fresh'. "How you doing today, pixie?" I asked, releasing her. Just as I was hoping she would, she slapped her tiny hand against my bicep at the nickname I'd been calling her since before either of us could remember.
"I'm feeling okay, Eddie," she replied, giggling when I poked her in the side when she used my most hated nickname in response.
"That's good. Can I help you change your bandages?" I softened my voice and stroked her hair in the way I knew she liked to make her feel more comfortable. She looked away to hide her expressive green eyes –so much lighter than my own- from me.
"Yeah. I guess we should just get it over with." I sighed and scooted a few feet away from her on the bed, waiting until she was ready. After a few moments of taking deep breaths that made her shoulders lift almost all the way to her ears, she held her arms out to me and nodded slightly. I reached forward and held my breath as I slowly unwrapped the bright white bandages from her wrists, schooling my expression so she didn't see the slew of emotions I was trying to hold back. When both her forearms were unwrapped, I gently grabbed them in my hands and twisted them back and forth so I could get a good look at them.
Across both of her wrists were slash marks, varying in depth, length, direction, and age, so both of her arms look like she'd drawn random lines across them with different shades of red and pink marker. Even after seeing them every day since she got out of the hospital, each one still felt like a knife to my heart, when I thought of all the pain my poor baby sister went through.
Each one had a different story, all of which I knew: the oldest one, completely healed and only about a half an inch long across the center of her wrist, was from her first day of high school back in Alaska, when a girl had tripped her in the hallway just for something to laugh with her friends about. Another one, further up her arm and more slanted, was from when another girl made fun of her for being short during their lunch period. Or another one, starting at her palm and running lengthwise up her arm for about two inches, from the day she got her algebra test back with a big, red F on top and a small note written in the same shade to stay after class and speak with her teacher. And most of the other ones, some just scars and some scabbed over, from the times where a boy named Peter, who told her he loved her and wanted to be with her, would get angry and tell her she was worthless and stupid.
And worst of all, the deepest ones, running from the insides of both wrists to the outsides, from after Peter forced her to have sex with him and then left her bleeding and in pain in the bathtub of our old house, after he told her he had what he wanted from her and never wanted to see her again, after he explained how he'd been fucking her best friend Charlotte behind her back and laughing at her the whole time, after he told her he never loved her and she was stupid for ever thinking he did. The two that she had meant to take her life, still red and scabbed and angry looking, still sewn together with stitches that wouldn't be removed for one more week.
My eyes and throat burned with the need to cry for my sweet baby sister. She was only fifteen, and she'd already felt so miserable in her life that she'd wanted to die. And I hadn't even noticed until I got home from a friend's house to find her lying in the bathtub, drenched in her own blood, crying about Peter and begging me to make the pain stop, to make everything just go away. I'd picked her up and got her to the hospital in record time, holding in my emotions until the doctors had taken her away from me. I stayed with her, fighting back my thoughts, until she'd been in stable condition and the doctors had told my parents and I that she'd live, but that she'd have to stay in the mental health facility on suicide watch until they were sure she wasn't going to hurt herself again. Then, when she'd promised me she was okay, I'd left the hospital in my parent's car and tracked down Peter, and kicked the worthless piece of shit's ass. I let out all of my pent up anger and hurt and sadness and grief and pain out on him, until a few of his friends finally pulled me off of him and punched me hard enough in the head to knock me out.
"I'm okay, Edward. Really, I'm better." Alice's sweet voice pulled me out of my memories, and I shook my head at myself so I could get back to making sure she really was okay. I leaned down and barely ghosted my lips over her tender wrists before picking up the rolls of gauze on her bedside table and wrapping them around her arms. She didn't even flinch, so used to having me help her that it didn't even faze her anymore. Once I was finished, I kissed her forehead and told her I had to get ready to go to school, my first day as a senior at Forks High School. "Okay. I'll see you later, big brother," she told me, smiling up at me. I smiled back and ruffled her hair, jumping back and laughing when she smacked at me again.
"Later, little sis," I replied, walking out of her room and closing the door behind me. I locked the door again and returned the key to its regular spot on the doorframe, and went to get ready for school.
And just like every other morning, all I could picture in my head was the defeated look in her eyes the morning she woke up in the hospital when she'd realized she'd failed, and that she was still alive.
I walked into Forks High School with my head held high, determined not to seem like the timid new kid. All at once, the hallway went silent, and countless pairs of eyes turned to me. I kept walking past all the students and into the front office, where it only took a few minutes for the receptionist behind the front desk to hand me my schedule and locker assignment. As I headed towards my locker, I studied my schedule, sighing when I saw that I had Chemistry first period. Chemistry had always been too easy to really keep my attention, so I knew I'd be bored the entire lecture.
Once I found my locker, I put in the combination and opened it, sighing again as I started stacking my new books and supplies onto the shelves. I was about half way finished when I felt someone step up beside me, and I turned to meet the eyes of a guy who looked about my age, with spiky blonde hair and a letterman jacket.
"Hey, man, I'm Mike," he said, holding his hand out to me. I stuffed my mostly empty book bag into my locker and took his hand in my own, giving it a firm shake.
"Edward," I replied.
"Welcome to Forks High. You play any sports?" I raised my eyebrow at him and was about to respond when something caught my attention. There was a girl walking down the hallway, wearing dark, nondescript clothing covering every inch of skin from her neck to her feet. But what caught my attention was her curtain of gorgeous, long, wavy brunette hair that caught the sunlight streaming in through the window, showing off streaks of red that could only be natural. I'd never paid any particular attention to anyone's hair before, but this girl's hair made me swallow hard and have to restrain myself from running up to her and just burying my face in it to see if it smelled as great as it looked.
"Who is that?" I asked, directing Mike's attention to the girl. He checked her out from head to toe and grinned.
"That is Isabella Swan. She's hot, right? But she doesn't date." I bit the inside of my cheek to hide my smile at the bitterness in his voice, wondering if she really just didn't date, or if she just wouldn't date him. "Seriously, dude," he said as I continued to stare until she turned a corner and disappeared from view. "She doesn't even have any friends. Total loner chick. Might as well give it up before you start." I shrugged and smiled at him before taking my backpack back out of my locker and shutting it.
"I have to get to class, man. It was nice meeting you, Mike." He nodded at me and hurried to catch up with a few guys walking away, and I pulled the map the receptionist had given me of the school out of my backpack and started following it to first period Chemistry. The bell rang before I even made it halfway to class, so I picked up my pace and found the room pretty easily. Taking a deep breath to brace myself, I knocked softly on the door, hoping I wasn't interrupting a test or something and that the teacher wouldn't get pissed at me.
"Ah, yes, Edward," the teacher said, beckoning with his hand that I join him at the front of the room. He turned back to address the class. "Class, this is Edward. He'll be joining in the lab today so help him when he needs it. Edward, you can go have a seat over by Bella. Bella, raise your hand, so Edward knows who you are." He pointed towards a table in the back of the room, where a girl was leaning back against the wall with her eyes closed, her hand raised lazily in the air. I immediately recognized the luscious hair, and had to hold back my smile as I moved to take a seat across the table from her. I stared at her, waiting for her to open her eyes and look at me, but she continued to ignore me as the teacher continued explaining whatever easy ass lab we would be doing. Once he told the class to get started, she opened her eyes and turned to look at me.
It took me less than half a second to realize that the girl sitting in front of me was smoking hot. With her lovely hair, lips that were just slightly too full but the most perfect shade of pink with a lovely cupid's bow shape, and gorgeous chocolate brown eyes that I could fall into forever, she was probably the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. And she wasn't even wearing makeup. But it didn't take me long after this realization for me to place the look in her eyes: it was the same sad, defeated-by-the-world look my sister got sometimes when she was feeling particularly depressed. I sucked in a quick breath as my chest tightened.
"You okay?" I asked without thinking, and had to resist the urge to slap myself a couple of times. I could tell she wasn't okay, but I also knew that no one would tell a complete stranger what had them looking depressed in the middle of a Chemistry lab.
"I'm fine. But let's get this stupid lab over with. Do you get what we're supposed to do?" she asked, and I hid a shudder at the sweet sound of her voice. It reminded me of melting chocolate, the same as the color of her eyes. Once her question registered, I laughed and leaned forward onto the table.
"Are you serious?" I asked, but she just stared at me with her eyebrow raised. "I learned this crap freshman year. Easy." She nodded and we got to work on the lab without another word. We worked together in silence for a few moments, and she ignored me every time I tried to catch her eye. I had the strongest urge to reach over and lift her chin with my fingers, to pull her towards me and wrap my arms around her to protect her from whatever had her so sad, to lean down and cover her lips with mine so I could try to breathe all that hurt she was feeling into myself so she wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.
I was fully aware that I'd just met this girl, and that we hadn't even had a full conversation yet. But I was extremely attracted to her already, and knew without a doubt that the tightening in my chest was from how protective over her I suddenly was. I didn't want this gorgeous girl in front of me, the girl rumored to not have any friends and not date, to feel sad, ever. I wanted to be there and do everything I could for her. And even though these feelings scared the ever-loving shit out of me, I wasn't about to ignore them.
"Hand me that beaker, would you?" I asked, although I didn't really need it. I just wanted her attention. But she picked it up without looking at me and reached across the table so I could take it from her. Purposely moving slowly, I met her hand in the middle and brushed my fingers against the soft skin on the back of her hand, and it was at that moment that my life changed again. The feeling of her smooth hand under my fingertips evoked a feeling in me I'd never experienced before. It was like an electric charge passed from her body to mine, zinging swiftly up my arm and straight into my chest. My palms immediately started sweating, my heart racing, and the urges I felt to wrap myself around her and kiss her troubles away got so strong I didn't think I could fight it much longer. And, almost instantly, my dick got achingly hard, throbbing slightly as it pushed against the zipper of my jeans. I sucked in a breath and bit my tongue to hold back a moan.
All of this happened within a second and a half, and I was about to ask her if she'd felt it, too. But, without warning, she ripped her hand from mine, causing the beaker to slip and hit the table, thankfully not hard enough to shatter. She jumped up from her stool, sending it flying backwards into the table behind her, and sucked in a gasp so loud and full of pain I immediately leaned towards her with the need to protect her. I stared at her in confusion and concern as she backed away from me, running into the same table she'd pegged with her stool. Her hand lifted to her chest and started clawing at her dark sweatshirt, and she looked down at it for a moment, before meeting my eyes with teary ones of her own and turning to sprint out of the room. She ignored the teacher as he screamed after her, while the rest of the class immediately turned to look at me and start whispering amongst themselves.
"All right, class. Quiet down! That's enough. Edward, want to tell me what just happened?" he asked, looking sternly at me.
"I-I don't know, sir," I replied. He narrowed his eyes at me before nodding towards the door, silently telling me to go find her and fix whatever the hell I'd done to make her take off like that. I smiled my thanks at him and swiftly ran out the door, looking to the right just in time to see the door to the girl's bathroom swing shut. I moved towards it, burying my hand in my hair and pulling as confusion and regret and a whole bunch of other feelings I didn't have names for drifted through me.
When I reached the bathroom, I took a deep breath and knocked gently. I noticed the similarities in this situation to the one I went through with my sister every morning, but I chose to ignore them. After a few tense moments, the door opened to reveal a terrified-looking, tear streaked Bella, before it swiftly slammed closed again.
"Bella? What the hell just happened?" I asked. I figured that since first period wasn't over yet, no one would see me if I walked into the girl's bathroom, so I attempted to push the door open. I caught just a glimpse of her leaning her body against the other side of the door to close it again, before I heard the sound of the fabric of her clothing rubbing against the wood as she slid down the door. "Bella," I said, pushing it once more. When it didn't budge, I took a few deep breaths to slow my racing heart before I did the same thing as her on my side of the door, sitting so I was facing towards the lockers across the hall. I winced when the door behind me opened a little, hoping I didn't hurt her.
I stayed silent for a few moments to give her a chance to speak first. But all I heard from the other side of the door was gasps and little hitches in her breathing like she was trying to control herself or fighting back sobs. Finally, just when I was about to beg her to say something, she started to speak. "Go away!" she yelled, and I bit back my smile. It wasn't exactly what I'd wanted to hear, but at least she was talking.
"Not going to happen, partner," I replied. "Not until you talk to me."
"I'm not coming out until you leave," she shouted back, and the anger in her voice made me smile again. Anger was better than sadness, and I'd take her being angry at me over her feeling depressed any day.
"And I'm not leaving until you come out. Looks like we've come to an impasse," I teased. She didn't respond for a few seconds, and I was starting to get worried that she'd found another way out of the bathroom or was just going to ignore me until the bell rang. I glanced up at a clock on the wall a couple of feet away from me, and sighed when I saw that there was only about twenty minutes before the end of the period.
"Why did Mr. Banner send you?" she asked suddenly, her breath hitching again on the last word. That sign that some of the sadness was back in her voice made me shift hopelessly against the door, wanting so badly just to push it open and pull her against me until she promised me she'd give me a chance to make her happy, in any way I could.
"We're lab partners. He thought I might know what the hell's wrong with you." I slapped my forehead with my palm repeatedly, wondering why I was so stupid. I knew from experience with Alice that making it sound like something was wrong with them, that they were anything other than a normal person, was the quickest way to make it worse. But this girl, this random girl on the other side of the door, made me forget everything I ever learned with Alice. It was like she wiped my brain clean of anything that didn't have to do with her. As I was berating myself for being an insensitive moron, the door flung open behind me, and I didn't have the time to brace myself. I fell backwards into the bathroom, so I was laying on my back on the dirty floor, looking up at the girl standing over me.
The look in her eyes was no longer defeat. Now it was anger and determination and fire. And, my God, it was glorious. She was so fucking beautiful I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. Sad Bella was without a doubt lovely, but angry Bella made me want to throw her down and tear her clothes off with my teeth. My dick was painfully hard again, and I sent a quick thanks up to the heavens that I was wearing a pair of thick jeans and a long sweatshirt that hid it pretty well.
"You don't care what's wrong with me. No one does." She leaned down so she was closer to me, and just as I was about to tell her how wrong she was and that I already did care, her hair swung forward over her shoulder, sending a cloud of strawberry smelling air wafting over my face. I inhaled deeply time and again, unable to speak as I tried to get as much of the delicious smell as deep into my lungs as possible. I was sure that at any second, my dick would break through the zipper of my jeans and pop out to say hello to Bella. "And trust me when I say, if I told you what was wrong with me, you'd run like hell." With that, she stood up and walked away without looking back. I stared at her for a few seconds admiring the tight fit of her jeans across her delectable ass, before I realized that she was walking away, and jumped up to follow her. I couldn't let her leave, not yet. Not like that.
Once I caught up to her, I jumped in front of her and stopped, spinning around so she'd have to either run into me or stop. Instead, she just sidestepped and kept going like I wasn't even there. With a frustrated huff, I turned and matched her pace. "Try me," I said, hoping it didn't come out sounding like the begging it was. I couldn't let her just walk away from me. I needed her to talk to me. When she didn't answer or stop moving, I took a chance and wrapped my fingers gently around her bicep and pulled her to a stop, turning her so she was facing me. Standing this close to her was a bad idea though, because I could feel the urge in my body to lean close, press my lips against hers and taste her. "Damn it, Bella, tell me what the hell happened. I think I have a right to know," I said, felling like an idiot again when it came out sounding angrier than I intended. I didn't want her to think I was mad at her.
I wasn't angry. I was confused and sad for her, and frustrated that I didn't know how to help and that my dick wouldn't stop trying to hop out of my pants and find her warmth, and regretful that I upset her in Chemistry, and so fucking attracted to her that it felt like I would die if I didn't know what her mouth tasted like as soon as possible.
As I was fighting against the urge to say fuck it and just kiss her, she ripped her arm out of my grasp like it burned her, and stepped back. "Don't ever touch me again," she growled menacingly at me. And she really needed to knock it off with that sexy as fuck anger or I'd probably explode in my pants like a prepubescent boy. Instead of begging her to let me have her like I wanted to, I held my hands up in surrender, unwilling to make it any worse than I already had.
"Fine, you have a problem with physical contact. I get it. I won't touch you. But you owe me an explanation."
"Whatever. I don't owe you anything," she replied with a sneer, making me wish I could adjust myself into a more comfortable position. Instead, I dropped my arms and crossed them over my chest, hoping it'd push my hoodie down so it hid my raging fucking erection for this girl.
"Yeah, I think you do. Tell me why you ran out of Chemistry like a bat out of hell." I stared her down, hoping she might be intimidated by my determination to find out and just tell me. She sighed, and her shoulders dropped a little like she was giving in. I bit my lip and held my breath as I waited for her answer.
"I ran," she said, mirroring my pose with her arms crossed over her chest. But when she did it, it pulled her sweatshirt tight across her chest, and I gulped loudly enough to hear it. Thankfully, she had already started speaking, "because you touched me." I snorted in disappointment and stepped closer to her, figuring a little more intimidation wouldn't hurt.
"Oh please. That's a bullshit explanation and you know it. Why don't you try again and tell me the real reason." She huffed in frustration, and it looked to me like she was trying to resist the urge to stick her tongue out at me. She had better not, I thought, or I won't be able to stop myself from licking it.
"Don't hold your breath, because that's all the explanation you're getting from me," she said, walking past me again. I stared after her for a few moments, wondering if I should just let her go and try again tomorrow. But a sudden inspiration hit me. When Alice was in a particularly bad mood, I'd play a game with her: if I could get her to smile, she had to do whatever I said for an hour. And I always told her to do things that would make her happy, and keep her distracted from her own feelings for a time. While I knew Bella hadn't agreed to play the silly little game with me, I figured it couldn't hurt to try.
She was about twenty yards from the exit when I caught up to her, and I had to stop myself from reaching out and pulling her to a stop again, knowing that would just piss her off even more. Instead, I spoke louder than I needed to so I could get her attention. "Aha! I got it. I know why you freaked out when I touched you." She immediately skidded to a stop, and I was distracted with trying not to crash into her to catch the look in her eyes before she put on an indifferent mask to hide her feelings from me.
"Oh yeah?" she asked. I nodded and grinned, thrilled that she was at least listening. "And why's that?" I sucked on my teeth for a second, trying to think of something that might make her laugh. My smile widened when I figured it out.
"Because," I said softly, taking a step closer to her to make it convincing. I was sincerely hoping I didn't imagine the hitch in her breathing or the flicker of her eyes to my lips. She stuck her hands in her pockets and stayed silent. "It made it hard for you to ignore your intense physical attraction to me." The shock in her eyes had me swallowing back my laughter, and after a moment, she started laughing in earnest, bending over and wrapping her arms around herself. Her laugh sounded like music, and I wanted to hear it again and again for as long as she'd let me. I couldn't contain my smile as I watched her try to catch her breath and fail, over and over.
"Oops, you caught me!" she gasped, giggling in the cutest way. I felt my chest get a little warmer at the sound of it. I grinned again and winked playfully at her.
"Well, now you have to tell me what the real reason is." Her laughter cut off like she was choking on it as she shook her head, and my hopes dropped a little. But I couldn't let her see that, so I just smiled wider and tried harder. "Come on! We had an agreement that if I could make you smile, you'd tell me." She raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed at the intense sexiness of her when she was being sassy.
"And when did I agree to this?" I winked again and shrugged my shoulders without looking away from her.
"It was unspoken." When she snorted and continued walking, I kept pace with her again. "Please, Bella? Just tell me! The curiosity will be the death of me." She still didn't respond, and I doubled my efforts, trying to be funny and charming. "And if I die, you'll have to do all of those hard chemistry labs by yourself." She giggled, and I had to hold back another girlie sigh at the sound as I smiled. If she kept doing things like that and sounding so cute, I'd have to hand in my man card. "Why won't you tell me?" I asked and she stopped, turning to face me as she leaned back against a wall.
"It's not that I won't, Edward. It's that I can't." When I stared at her in confusion, she continued. "You see, I have this . . . condition. But if I told you about it, not only would you not believe me, you'd probably think I was crazy and lock me up." I went to argue with her, wanting to tell her about Alice and how I knew all about someone having conditions, but she held up her hand and cut me off. "I know what you're going to say. But trust me. You wouldn't believe me. Bye, Edward."
I sighed and decided to give up for the day as she walked away, figuring I'd give it another shot tomorrow. Hell, it gave me a reason to keep talking to her, and I'd take that without complaint. When I realized that she was about to walk out of the school instead of back to class for the last few minutes of Chemistry, I called out to her, wondering where she was going.
"Ditching," she replied. I watched her as she walked away, craning my neck until I could no longer see her. As I finally made my way back to class, I remembered the look in her eyes as she spoke to me, the anger and sass and feistiness that made my pants feel way too fucking tight. And my chest warmed again as I remembered that almost throughout the entire conversation, I didn't see a single trace of the defeat or sadness, and I sincerely hoped that I had something to do with that.
For the rest of my first day in a new high school, I couldn't stop thinking about Bella, the girl who flipped my whole world upside down in the matter of a single class period.
Well, here you have it. An EPOV of the beginning of Not-so-Superhuman. I hope you liked it and I hope it answered at least a few of the questions that people were asking about Edward and why he thinks and acts the way he does.
I'm not sure yet if I'll be doing the entirety of Not-so-Superhuman in EPOV, or just a few outtakes to answer some of your questions. I already have a lot on my plate when it comes to writing stuff. But let me know in a review what you want me to do: the whole story, or just random parts as I go along to answer questions. It's ultimately up to you guys.
Thanks for reading! R&R!