The night continued on without words being exchanged between them. Emily huffed remembering a time when laughter reverberated off the walls: filling every crack with their happiness. Now, the sound of the ticking clock seemed too loud: reminding them of their life that was passing by.
"Goodnight," Paige said coldly as she cross the room to kiss Emily on her cheek.
"Night," Emily responded on reflex. Not once did she look up from her book to make eye contact with her wife.
The distance between their hearts was growing with every passing day; while the walls seemed to close in on them. Their house, the one that appeared to be so perfect for the newlyweds, now felt five sizes too small. Trapping the girls together and all of the annoying habits each one of them possessed. There was so much fighting now: over coffee grounds, socks, toilet paper. Fights that Emily would start; she didn't know why she was also the instigator, but she didn't care. They both didn't care to fix their broken marriage.
With the sound of the bedroom door clicking shut Emily finally looked up and let out the breath she was holding. She pinched the bridge of her nose in an effort to fight everything back: the tears, her headache, but mostly the inevitable. The one thing she didn't want to admit to herself: she wasn't happy with Paige anymore. The thing that hurt the worse was that the thought of leaving Paige no longer made her cry.
Shortly before the start of their Junior year at Stanford, Emily was stressing about having to spend another year in the dorms. After five years together the girls were no longer inhibited with each other. They were no longer giggling under covers still a little unsure about themselves and what to do. Now, they were confident women and it was reflected in their sex life. They needed a space that was their own, without interruptions and the hassles of roommates.
Soon after that conversation, Paige surprised Emily with the keys to their first apartment together. Since that day, Paige had always walked Emily to bed, either leading her by her hand or carrying her. They never went to bed without each other, no matter what was going on. Emily thought about the countless times she fell asleep on Paige's lap while Paige continued to study. She grinned when she thought about the times Paige told her to study in bed and promised Emily that she would not distract her. She always distracted her. It's amazing how they managed to pass all of their classes during the last two years of school.
Emily worried their desire for each other would fade eventually. She had watched her friends' relationships fall apart around them, but she was sure that their love would last even if the attraction faded some. When they got married, though, it was like someone added gasoline to the fire that was already raging between them. They honeymooned in Prague, but Emily couldn't describe any part of the city because she never actually saw it. What Emily could describe, in perfect detail, were the curves of her new wife's body, the soft mounds of her breasts, the feeling of her wife on her tongue. How Paige would always follow deep passionate kisses, with the sweet, little ones that made Emily swoon. Now, after four years of marriage, Emily wondered why Paige stopped trying. Why they both stopped trying. The two girls that were once so in love seemed every bit like the foolish, lovestruck teenagers everyone said they were.
After an hour, Emily finally set her book down and slowly walked to their bedroom. She usually waited for Paige to fall asleep to avoid any sort of awkward silence between them. The awkward silences, though, were nothing compared to the serious conversation that she was dreading having: she wanted a divorce. No matter how much she wanted one though, she couldn't bring herself to ask Paige. Not yet at least, not when she would still see flashes of the goofy girl she fell in love with all those years ago.
Emily peeked into the bedroom. Paige's back was turned to her so Emily couldn't see if she was sleeping, but her glasses were on the nightstand: which usually meant that she was. When Emily pulled back the covers, she noticed a note on her side of the bed. "I found this,"was written underneath the phone number a girl had given her yesterday. I found this, I found this, I found this. Emily read the words over and over, even in this moment - a moment when Paige found another woman's phone number amongst her wife's things - Paige was apathetic. It was a moment when she should have been furious. There was a woman pursuing her wife and all she can do is leave a passive aggressive note. The words were climbing in Emily's throat now, she couldn't stop them. She didn't want to stop them, she wanted to push them out faster. "I want a divorce!" Her stomach churned hearing the words out loud for the first time.
Paige didn't move, she didn't respond, she didn't do anything.
"Paige," Emily tried again.
"I heard you." The anger in her voice caught Emily off guard. "I'm not going to give you a divorce."
"I don't think it works like that, Paige, this is California: I can divorce you because it's Tuesday."
"Well, luckily for the integrity of marriage it's actually Wednesday. You spent too much of the night avoiding me and now you've missed your chance to divorce me."
Emily looked at the bedside clock and rolled her eyes. Paige was right it was five minutes past midnight. Emily hadn't realized how long she had been hiding in the living room. "That's not the point and you know it. I'm not happy. We are not happy," Emily said quietly. Her confidence in what she was saying was wavering. "Will you at least look at me?"
Paige rolled over and Emily gasped at seeing something that she hadn't seen in years: passion. She had seen it so many times before that she took it for granted, that smoldering fire burning in her wife's eyes. Emily couldn't stopped herself, she was like a moth that wanted to flutter around that fire at least one more time. She crawled onto the bed and tried to reach for Paige, but Paige quickly moved away.
"Who is Ashley," Paige asked gesturing toward the number on the bed.
"She works at the coffee shop in town. I agreed to meet her after work. As friends," Emily replied.
Paige scoffed, "right Emily, sure 'friends' and now you are asking me - no telling me that you want a divorce."
"This has nothing to do with her. This is about us and we are broken, Paige. The worst part is you don't seem to care. You sleep with your back to me every night." Emily bit her lip, trying to maintain her composure. "It hurts so much. Actually, it used to hurt, but I'm not sure I care anymore either." With every word Emily was fighting back the tears. She knew if she cried, Paige would comfort her. Her anger was starting to build over the fact that she didn't want her own wife to comfort her anymore.
"You think I don't care? Dammit Emily, cry!" Paige's tone startled Emily. "I know you are holding it in. How can you tell me that I'm the one that doesn't care when you won't even allow yourself to cry over us anymore?" Paige was now kneeling on the bed, facing Emily. Half of her wanting to run; the other half knowing that she needed to fight for her marriage.
Emily let go, but it wasn't just tears. She balled up her fist and shouted at Paige. Yelling at her wife for falling out of love with her. Emily moved swiftly across the bed until she reached Paige and she pushed her down with all of her might, forcing her into the bed. "Why did you stop loving me," the words were barely audible through Emily's sobs. Suddenly, she climbed on top of Paige, straddling her hips. When Paige tried to grab Emily's waist, Emily took ahold of her hands, pinning them back down to the bed. The tears that were flowing down her cheeks started to fall onto Paige. "You stood up there in front of our friends and family and promised me that you were always going to love me. You promised!"
Paige bucked her hips, flipping them over, and hovered over Emily so she could look her in the eyes. "I never stopped loving you. I can't remember a time that I wasn't madly in love with you." Paige joined them together with a hard, desperate kiss. Determined to remind Emily of what they have.
It felt like Paige was kissing every part of Emily's body at the same time. Emily forced Paige's lips down onto hers more, feeling like she couldn't get close enough. She wanted to be consumed by Paige, needed that feeling of Paige holding her together. Suddenly, she came to her senses, remembering why this was happening. She wanted a divorce. No, she didn't, she wanted things to go back to how they used to be. When just a little touch from Paige could make her feel so loved; when her smirk would make her knees tremble. Using her legs she pushed Paige off of her, knocking her back. It only lasted a moment. Paige took hold of Emily's legs and pulled herself back on top of her. This time putting her full weight on Emily, holding her in place.
"Em, I'm sorry." They were both crying now, tears blending together: uniting them again. "I'm sorry you felt anything less than utterly wanted." She kissed down Emily's neck. "Desired, needed..." She pushed Emily's shirt up, kissing between Emily's breasts. Her own tears adding to the salty taste of Emily's skin. "Loved." She pulled the material of Emily's bra down exposing one of her nipples, not wasting any time before capturing it between her swollen lips.
Emily gasped between sobs and arched into Paige. Too many emotions were overwhelming her now: shame and guilt. She hadn't said everything she needed to say yet; she hadn't bared her soul. "I was going to cheat on you," she cried out as Paige switched to her other breast.
Her wife pulled away from her immediately, the hurt in her eyes hit Emily like a brick. "With Ashley. It was supposed to be a date. She asked me out on a date after weeks of flirting and I agreed," Emily confessed. Paige couldn't stand to look at her anymore. She turned her back to her so she didn't have to face the sight of her wife confessing. "Paige, I didn't though, I didn't cheat."
"Because you hadn't gone on your date yet. What's wrong, Em, too good to fuck in a bathroom?" Paige was yelling, her anger causing Emily to break down more. "'Weeks of flirting is that all it takes for you to throw away almost ten years of being together? I want you out of the house!"
"No, I'm not-"
"NOW Emily!"
Emily jumped at the force of Paige's voice, but she stood her ground. She wasn't leaving their bed no matter how much Paige yelled. "No, I'm not leaving you. We are fighting! We are fighting for us!" Emily matched Paige's volume, but was yelling out of desperation instead of anger.
Paige stood up - the bed groaning in protest - and buried her face in her hands. Her wife, the girl that she has been in love with from the moment she met her at freshman swim practice. The love of her life was looking for someone else. She failed Emily. It was like a bad dream. "Do you want to fuck her?"
Emily cringed at the thought of being with someone other than Paige. The only thing that made her feel worse was the thought of Paige being with someone else. She stood up next to her wife so she could look her in the eyes. "No. I just liked the attention I guess," Emily admitted sheepishly.
"Why not?" Paige reached out and hooked her fingers inside the waistband of her wife's pajamas.
Any thought that Emily had was forgotten at Paige's touch. "I don't know," was all she could manage.
She moved closer to Emily, eyes fixed on her face. She could always tell when her wife was lying and she wanted to make sure that there were no more lies from now on. "Is it because she's not me," Paige asked while slowly sliding Emily's pajamas down her legs, still keeping her eyes locked on Emily's. She felt Emily shiver under her touch as she dragged her fingertips back up her wife's long legs. Standing upright again she gripped the hem of Emily's shirt. "Em, answer me," she said softly as she started working Emily's shirt up.
"She's not you," Emily said with heavy breath.
When she got Emily's shirt off she quickly removed her own shirt. Emily's eyes widened at the sight of her wife's soft breasts: remembering how they held her captive in their honeymoon suite in Prague. She tried to reach out for Paige, but she stopped her. Paige used her body to push Emily back against the wall and held her hands above her head. Pulling back so she could continue to read Emily's face. Her stomach flipped when she saw the familiar look of lust and realized that had been too long. That she should look like that every night like she once did. She leaned in and kissed Emily deeply. Pouring herself into their kiss, wanting her wife back. Emily moaned loudly into her mouth. Paige broke their kiss, looking back in Emily's eyes. "You belong with me," she said, but this time she didn't wait for a response before returning to kiss Emily's neck.
"I do," Emily sighed, feeling the once familiar throb between her legs.
"No one can make you feel like I can," she said sliding her thigh between her wife's knowing that by now she would need the added pressure. "No one knows your body like I do." Emily gasped as she undulated her hips, rubbing herself against Paige. Thoughts of someone else touching Emily started to creep into Paige's mind. It was a feeling that she never had to worry about before. They were both virgins when they started dating. Emily was all she knew and she had every inch of Emily's body committed to memory.
She couldn't stop her mind from drifting, thinking about the phone number. Ashley. The girl that wanted to take her place. The girl that wanted to fuck her wife. She stared at the tan skin that covered Emily's shoulder, growing angry at the thought of Ashley learning how much Emily liked to be kissed there. Ashley kissing all of the places Paige had already laid claim to.
"Baby, come back." Emily's voice pulled Paige out of her thoughts.
"You're mine," Paige said in a low voice, grabbing Emily's ass and lifting her up. She was desperate now, hurried. Emily wrapped her legs around Paige's waist. "Let me fix this," Paige husked as she tugged Emily's underwear aside and pushed her fingers into the wet heat of Emily's center.
"Fuuuuuuck!" Emily screamed out, her body feeling like it had shattered. She wrapped her arms tightly around Paige's neck at dug her nails into the skin on her back.
Paige kept up the relentless pace, curling her fingers against Emily's walls. Through her wife's cries of pleasure she also heard the soft sobs. Feeling the salty tears coating her face she leaned back to look into Emily's eyes. "Tell me."
"I forgot," Emily moaned, her wife still thrusting in and out of her: not giving her time to think clearly.
"You forgot what," Paige asked, quickening her pace.
"How desperately in love with you I am."
"Tell me I am the only one who can make you feel like this," Paige growled as she started hitting that spot inside of her wife that she knew would send her over the edge.
Emily threw her head back against the wall not caring about the pain it caused. Paige needed reassurance and why wouldn't she: Emily had just told her that she wanted a divorce. "Oh God," Emily sobbed at the thought of being the ex Mrs. Paige McCullers. "You're the only one - shit - that has made me feel like this. And you're the only one that will ever make me feel like this."
Paige kissed her deeply: the taste of their tears hitting Emily's tongue. With a few more thrust Emily tensed, the white hot heat spreading from her core to her limbs. "I'm coming, Paige, I'm coming. Only for you, baby."
"Fuck," Paige groaned at the new flood of wetness dripping over her knuckles.
Before Emily had time to recover, Paige pulled out and twisted them around. "You are the only girl I've ever loved," she whispered against Emily's lips. She used her weight to push them onto the bed, landing on top of Emily. The bed cracked and shifted on impact. "The only girl I've ever wanted to love," she said nipping at the skin around Emily's underwear. "Forever." She slipped her fingers into the lace and pulled: shredding the flimsy fabric. Her mouth watered as she gazed at her naked, panting wife. "Em, look at me." Just as she did, Paige trapped her swollen bundle of nerves between her lips.
"Forever! Forever yours, Paige."
Every familiar inch of skin was new again. Every touch reignited the fire. They lost themselves in each other only to find themselves more in love than they were years ago. They relearned and recommitted as if nothing could pull them apart. And when their bed finally broke under the stress of their love, they held onto each other as they tumbled to the floor: where they recommitted again. Finally, after the sun spilled through their drapes: spotlighting the sheen of sweat on their bodies; they felt complete again.
"Well that is the last time I buy a bed from Ikea," Paige joked still as her breathing finally calmed.
Emily laughed and kissed her gorgeous soulmate, "we did put it through a pretty strenuous test."
"How are we going to explain our bed needs to the salesperson now?"
"Oh yeah? You think that's going to happen again, Mrs. Fields-McCullers?"
"I'm going to make sure it does," she pressed a searing kiss against Emily's lips. "Will you marry me…again?"
Emily took one look at the tears building in Paige's eyes and saw her own vision go blurry. "Yes. I'd marry you again," she kiss Paige's lips, "and again," she kissed Paige's neck, "and again," she kissed Paige's collarbone, "and again."
And again their fire was reignited.