Mr. Charles (Sniper) Snippy's Guide to Surviving the Wasteland

Hello. Welcome to my (Charles Snippy's) guide to surviving the wasteland. I could go into all of the little details of how to collect food, fend for yourself and the exact art of setting up camp, but I feel that the other information booklets are far more informative about that sort of thing. Survival skills will definitely help in this situation, but the few tips I've prepared are geared mainly towards an apocalyptic setting, whatever the case may be. In my unlucky lifetime, I've been unfortunate enough to witness the nuclear fallout, something that mankind has been predicting since the nineteen fifties or earlier.

Here are a few tips which I try to keep in mind in my day-to-day activities:

1: Always bring extra supplies (particularly bullets).

2: Try to get enough sleep, when you can.

3: Know how to dress your own wounds.

4: Be on your toes.

5: Don't make assumptions; even a seemingly innocent rock can be a hidden danger.

6: Don't be picky about what you eat, but don't be reckless, either.

7: Get used to the lack of modern comforts.

8: Stay in shape.

9: Try to remember to relax.

10: Extend a hand of friendship to whoever is willing to accept it.

Now that we've gotten them listed, I'll go into each one in more detail. I know some of them may seem intuitive or a little silly, but it's good to have them down pat and I'll clarify the matter further. But first, I'd like to provide you with a quick note of my situation, in case it isn't entirely clear.

I am one of the last human beings alive on this planet. Earth has been mostly overrun with hideous mutations which are the fault of nuclear warfare. There is hardly any non-toxic food or water, and on top of that we have encountered a few… foreign… challenges. We—my team, that is—have also met a few other lone groups, but most of them seem to be hostile.

Who is my team?

Well, I'm the squad sniper. I snipe things. Enough said, I suppose. But since there are so few of us, I'm also the food-gatherer, the guy-who-makes-sure-no-one-dies, and the unwilling clown.

One of the squad members whom I've known the longest is Pilot. He's an aviator, naturally. I'm not sure of his real name, and neither is he. Pilot suffers from acute brain damage, including amnesia, what appears to be some sort of developmental delay which makes him behave rather like a five year old, violent outbursts (towards me) and unhealthy obsession over one particular person, whom I'll get to in just a minute.

The newest member to our team is Engie. Well, that's not his name. It's short for engineer, which is what he was before the fallout. His real name is Alexander Gromov, and he is the man who essentially destroyed the world. Naturally, having built ANNET and other robotic advancements, he's pretty smart. Well, his inventions kind of killed humanity, so he's not that great. But I digress.

The final member is Zee Captain. I hate to say this, but I do owe him my life. Boy, does he know it. He is an egotistical, narcissistic maniac who must suffer from some degree of sociopathic disorder because he seems to not care at all if any of his "minions" live or die. He is infuriating, not at all helped by the fact that Pilot hero-worships him and obeys his slightest command, and he believes that he can conquer the world with tea.

That's our entire crew. We are few in number, and we certainly aren't among the best or brightest. But due to some sort of sick, twisted form of luck, we all managed to survive what is indisputably the greatest catastrophe in the history of mankind.

At this point, I'm just trying not to die.