'You Complete and Utter Moron, Blaine Anderson'
Pairing: eventual Finn/Blaine with past Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG-13
Genres: AU, Humor, Fluff, Teenage Angst and Drama, Silly Boys Being Silly
Warnings/Spoilers: Slash and Language but no actual spoilers for the show. Its all AU after 2x22.
Word Count: 3870
Summary: Let it be said, for the record, that Finn Hudson was not scared of anything. Or anyone. Except, of course, of his stepbrother finding out about the enormous crush he had on Kurt's ex-boyfriend. Finn Hudson was screwed.
A/N: I've had writer's block for months and its killing me. So I asked my dealer, princess10388, for a prompt w/out a pairing. This is what she and I came up with. Hopefully, it won't be crap.
1/1
Finn Hudson currently hated his life. Okay wait. So maybe he had an awesome mom who still made him pancakes in the shapes of dinosaurs every Saturday morning. And yes, he had a new really awesome step-dad that was teaching him everything he knew about cars. Finn even had a totally cool stepbrother now. Finn still hated his life, of course, but still, his point stood.
It was Kurt, however, that was slowly making Finn wish he could crawl under a rock and die.
So, okay, fine. Maybe Finn didn't exactly want to crawl under a rock and die but hiding. He definitely wanted to hide. From Kurt. Forever if he could get away with it.
"Finn Hudson, you come out of that bathroom this instant!" Kurt's voice snapped Finn out of his thoughts. "Now, Finn!"
Finn groaned. Kurt was going to kill him. He was going to murder him slowly and hide his body away where no one would ever think to look. Probably the library if he could get away with it.
Resigning himself to his fate, Finn slowly unlocked the bathroom door and opened it. With his eyes closed, he waited for the attack.
When nothing came, Finn opened his eyes. Seeing his stepbrother's glare, Finn winced.
"Kurt, listen, I'm-" Finn started.
"An idiot? A moron? How about a liar, or, or-ahh!" Kurt yelled as he threw his hands up in the air.
"Kurt, I'm-" Finn tried again only to be cut off when the palm of Kurt's hand collided with his cheek.
"Oh." Kurt mumbled, his eyes wide as he watched the spot on Finn's cheek grow redder. "Finn, I'm sorry."
"No. Don't be," Finn started, rubbing his cheek. "I deserved it. I think." Finn sighed, shifting from one foot to the other.
"You need some ice on that cheek," Kurt said. "Follow me and we'll get you some."
Finn followed, silently, as Kurt led them into the kitchen. Sitting down at the table, Finn held his head in his hands, his mind reeling with the fact that Kurt had just slapped him. His own brother, the small male diva from Glee club who liked pissing off one Rachel Berry, had slapped him.
Finn jumped slightly when the ice in Kurt's hand touched his cheek.
"God, Finn, I am so sorry." Kurt said once more, dropping down into the chair beside of the taller teen.
"No reason to be, dude. I think I deserved it." Finn admitted.
"Finn, I just slapped you!" Kurt exclaimed. "Of course I have reason to be sorry."
"Dude, I just told you that I've got like, this enormous crush on your-on Blaine. You had every right to slap me." Finn sighed. Fuck his life.
So there it was. Finn's big secret. He liked Blaine. And he hated himself for it. Because of course it was going to come out and of course Kurt was going to be upset. Finn knew he was stupid but this was ridiculous.
"Blaine and I over, Finn. We have been for months." Kurt said, sighing. "You know this. You were there when it happened."
Finn winced at the memory.
"Yeah, but you, ya know." Finn wasn't even about to say it.
"Blaine and I tried being a couple and we learned, rather quickly, that we're meant to be friends and nothing more. We just don't...click, for lack of a better word, Finn. I love Blaine, yes, but as a friend." Kurt felt like he'd explained this a million times already to his dad and Mercedes, both of whom had expected him to have an emotional break down after their break up.
"But he-"
"-was my first boyfriend, yes. I do remember that." Sighing again, Kurt felt a headache coming on. "You like Blaine and yes its a shock but I can see why you'd like him, Finn."
Finn groaned, feeling shittier by the minute. Since Finn had decided he even liked guys to begin with, he'd felt like dirt. After everything he'd put Kurt through, to end up liking dudes anyway, it just seemed like someone's idea of a cruel joke. But then he'd met Blaine...
"Finn. Finn!" Kurt yelled, snapping his fingers in Finn's face. "You're thinking about him, aren't you?"
Finn ducked his head and blushed. Damn it.
"Wow. So you really, okay, wow." Kurt said, sounding slightly amazed. "I mean, I know you've been saying for a while now that you thought you liked guys but I never. I mean, Blaine, really?"
"I like him, Kurt." Finn whispered, his voice slightly choked. "And I'm sorry for it but I, I do."
With no reaction from Kurt, Finn looked up. It shocked him to see a tiny smile on the smaller boys face.
"Dude, what?" Finn asked, shocked when Kurt began to chuckle.
"I know Blaine and I know you, Finn. I want you both to be happy and for whatever reason, I think you can make him happy. I think he can make you happy, too." Kurt smiled and laughed again when Finn's mouth dropped open. "Oh, please. He was all over you last year at Rachel's party! Did you think I'd forgotten about that? Blaine likes tall boys and you, Finn Hudson, might just be what the doctor ordered." Kurt winked at Finn and the football player was suddenly worried for his life.
~*Blinn*~
For the second time in his life, Finn wished he knew where a rather large rock could be found. Crawling underneath it seemed like an awesome idea right now.
"Kurt, man, is this really a good idea?" Finn asked, whined actually, as Kurt continued speaking.
"...be here in half an hour, so I'd say go get changed but I'm sure this is the best you can do with the time given." Kurt sighed as his eyes raked over Finn's outfit.
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Finn asked, looking down at his jeans and t-shirt.
"When one is wooing someone, Finn, they at least need to be dressed halfway decent." Kurt said, as if Finn should have been born with this knowledge.
"Wait, what?" Finn's eyes widened. "Wooing? Kurt, what's-" Finn tried to ask but his stepbrother's hand in his face stopped him.
"You like Blaine, correct?" Kurt asked.
"You know I do." Finn mumbled, his cheeks heating up with slight embarrassment.
"Then trust me on this, Finn. I know Blaine and the kind of boys he likes, that GAP boy not included," Kurt mumbled, his eyes narrowing. "So yes, dressing up, or in your case wearing clean clothes, is a good start." Kurt felt another headache coming on.
"These are clean." Finn mumbled, as Kurt pushed past him into the living room.
"Now, like I said, Blaine will be here soon so you need to decide what your first step in wooing my ex will be." Kurt's eyebrow was raised as he looked up at Finn.
"Dude." Finn huffed. "Can we not refer to him as your ex? Like, please. It really makes me feel like a douche bag." Finn admitted.
Kurt sighed, again, as Finn's entire body seemed to slump down into the couch like his fate was resigned.
"I'm sorry, Finn. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I was just-" Before Kurt could finish speaking the doorbell rang, causing both boys to jump.
"He's early!" Finn exclaimed, jumping up from the couch and nearly tripping over his own two feet.
"Finn, calm down, okay? Just-" Kurt's cell phone ringing interrupted them this time and Kurt cursed the God he didn't believe in. "Go answer the door while I see who this is."
Finn's eyes widened but with one final glare from Kurt, he found himself doing as he was told.
~*Blinn*~
Blaine always liked coming over the the Hummel-Hudson house. It was always to cheerful and smelled of whatever Kurt or Carole was baking. It always made Blaine feel at ease. So when Kurt had called early that morning and asked if he'd like to come over and spend the day with him, just lounging around the house, Blaine had jumped at the chance. It had been far too long since Blaine had spent any real time with Kurt and he was excited.
Or he had been, up until the front door to the Hummel-Hudson house had opened.
"Blaine, hi." Finn said, a rather surprising smile on his face.
"Uh, hi Finn. Is Kurt home? He called this morning and asked-"
"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed. "I am so sorry to rush out like this but Mercedes called. Something about Brittany and a unicorn and I, I've got to go." Kurt said, in a hurry, as he pulled his coat on. "Finn's here though, so you can hang out with him until I get back. Okay? Awesome. Bye boys!" Kurt waved back to two very shocked faces as he jumped in his Navigator and drove off.
Blaine turned around to face an equally surprised Finn. The taller boys looked almost nervous and Blaine winced. Of course Finn didn't want to spend his free time with Blaine.
"So, do you like, wanna come in? Its kinda chilly out today." Finn said, moving back and making room for Blaine to enter the house.
"S-sure, Finn." Blaine managed to say, without much fear in his voice.
So fine, Blaine was slightly intimidated by Finn. Not only was he so much taller than Blaine but after only a couple months of being friends with Kurt, he'd learned of, what Kurt liked to call, the 'basement incident'. It was unsettling to know that someone so close to Kurt could have so much anger in them about something as miniscule as someone else's sexuality.
"So um, would you like something to drink or eat maybe? I just put the game on, so..." Finn trailed off, motioning towards the rather large TV where a football game was now playing.
Blaine blinked. Football. That was harmless, right?
"Buckeyes?" Blaine asked and Finn laughed, rather loudly.
"Is there anything else, man?" Clapping Blaine on his shoulder, Finn passed him a cold can of Coke.
Blaine chuckled. This was...odd. Odd but not unwelcome.
~*Blinn*~
By the time halftime had rolled around, Finn had deemed Blaine his awesome new football buddy. As far as Finn was concerned, watching the game with Blaine was the best thing since sliced bread! It was even better because Finn could finally use the saying 'the best thing since sliced bread'.
Finn figured that if he was to woo Blaine at all, that he'd better start now. So, instead of sitting in Burt's armchair, Finn had dropped down onto the sofa with Blaine, only inches apart. Of course though, Finn had played it cool, like sitting that close to Blaine wasn't that big of a deal.
Playing it off like he didn't know what he was doing, Finn dropped his arm across the back of the couch, right behind Blaine, halfway through the first quarter. It was awesome, being able to be this close to Blaine.
"Dude, you want something else to drink?" Finn asked as he stood, a goofy grin on his face.
"Sure, Finn. If its no trouble." Blaine answered, a small smile on his face.
"Not at all, dude." Finn said, clapping Blaine on the shoulder again.
In the kitchen, Finn let out the breath he'd been holding since Blaine walked into the house. It was kind of awkward at first, being alone with Blaine. It wasn't long though before Finn was so completely into the game on TV that he and Blaine were both hitting each other in the arms and shouting at the stupid ref's that were calling the game.
It was great though, having Blaine over and watching the game with him. Kurt never wanted to watch the games and with Burt working more now, he didn't always get to watch them with Finn anymore.
Grabbing a bag of chips and their drinks, Finn made his way back out into the living room. Blaine's voice, however, stopped him in his tracks.
"No, Kurt, I just...no listen, its weird, that's all I'm...Kurt...how long until you're back...that long?" Blaine whined.
The smile on Finn's face disappeared.
"I came over to hang out with you, Kurt, not...oh, shut up...I didn't mean..." Blaine signed, falling back against the couch.
"Halftime...yes, Kurt, that means its halfway through the game...in the kitchen, getting drinks...well, he offered!" Blaine snapped, sounding slightly offended.
Finn backed out of the living room and back into the kitchen. Sitting the drinks down on the counter and dropping the bag of chips onto the table, Finn swallowed past the lump that had began forming in his throat.
Of course this was a bad idea. Finn mentally slapped himself for ever thinking that Blaine could ever like him back. He felt stupider than Brittany on a math test. Coughing a bit to clear his throat, Finn made the trip back towards Blaine in five very stiff steps.
"Oh, hey, Finn. The game's just about to-uh Finn, is everything alright?" Blaine asked as he caught a glimpse of something unreadable cross the taller teens face.
"Don't think those four ding dongs I ate were a smart idea, dude. I'm just gonna, um, go up to my room and lie down. You can wait for Kurt here. I'll just," Finn cleared his throat again. "Nevermind. Bye dude."
Finn most definitely did not cry as he turned on his heel and began taking the stairs two at a time.
~*Blinn*~
"So help me Gucci, Blaine Anderson, if you've hurt my brother I will get Puck to kick your ass!" Kurt snapped, his arms waving wildly in the air as he entered his family's home.
Blaine's mouth fell open.
"Kurt, what are you-" Blaine started, his confusion showing on his face.
"Finn called me, Blaine. Upset because apparently he overheard your end of our conversation!" Kurt practically yelled.
"Oh, no." Blaine mumbled, his eyes widening.
"Things were perfect!" Kurt exclaimed. "I had it all set up. You coming over, Finn thinking he was wooing you! My 'unexpected' phone call from Mercedes! It was all so brilliant. And then you," Kurt said, glaring intently at Blaine. "You've got to go and fuck it all up!"
Blaine swallowed hard. It was never a good thing when Kurt cursed.
"I told you it was a stupid plan." Blaine muttered, looking down at the floor.
"Why? Why was it stupid to plan for you and Finn to spend some time together, alone, so you could see how adorably into you he was?" The hands on his hip conveyed just how serious Kurt was.
Blaine couldn't help but blush at Kurt's words.
"I told you, Blaine, that Finn had finally admitted his crush on you to me. I told you because I knew you liked him too! And then you've got to go and, and, be the adorable douchebag that you always are!" Kurt huffed out a harsh breath and dropped down into his father's chair. "I hate you."
"I hate me too." Blaine sighed.
"Oh, Blaine." Kurt said, pushing himself up so that he could look at the other boy. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap or yell. But when Finn called he really sounded hurt. And he likes you so much. I really thought this was a good idea."
"No, it-it was. We were having such a good time, watching the game and hanging out. But then I just had to go and mess it up. You know I didn't mean anything by what I was saying to you on the phone, right?" Blaine hoped Kurt knew.
"Of course I knew. But I'm serious, that giant puppy up there really likes you. You don't have to be nervous or feel awkward around him." Kurt cleared his throat. "When he came out to me six months ago, I was so angry with him. All I wanted to do was scream at him and hit him and just-" Kurt sighed. "But I sat down with him and listened to what he had to say. He's serious about this, being bisexual. And he likes you, Blaine Anderson, you complete and utter moron."
"I'll just go, um, talk to Finn then." Blaine said, slowly backing away from Kurt.
"That would be wise." The countertenor said, his eyes closed.
Blaine took a deep breath and began to make his way towards Finn's room. Feeling like crap didn't even begin to describe how Blaine felt for upsetting the older boy. Of course he liked Finn! It was Finn, after all. The adorably awkward yet at the same time completely hot, Finn Hudson.
Blaine groaned. He just prayed he hadn't messed things up too bad with Finn. Raising his hand, Blaine knocked on Finn's bedroom door.
~*Blinn*~
Finn jumped slightly at the soft knock on his door. Raising his head up from where he lay sprawled out on his bed, Finn tried to remember if he'd look his door or not. He was hoping he hadn't.
"Come in." Finn said before dropping his head back down onto his pillow. Of course Kurt had come home after their phone call. He was an awesome little brother, after all.
"Um, Finn." Not-Kurt's voice said and Finn practically jumped off of his bed.
"Blaine! Hi, I mean, w-what are you doing here?" Finn stuttered slightly.
"I uh, I came to see if you were okay." Blaine's hands were stuffed in his pockets and Finn wasn't sure he'd ever seen the smaller boy look more adorable.
"Fine. I'm fine, dude." Finn said in a hurry, his eyes darting around the room.
"I also came to apologize." Blaine said and Finn's eyes zeroed in on him. "For what you overheard me say. I didn't mean-"
"Kurt told you?" Finn's voice was far too high for his liking.
"He's home, so yes, and he told me he'd spoken to you. And Finn, I really didn't mean-"
"Damn it!" Finn exclaimed. "Listen, I really do not feel like being talked to like I'm stupid, okay?" He huffed out. "I heard you and yeah, I'm sorry I'm not Kurt but I thought, no. Ya know what? No. Just forget it." Finn scowled, flopping back onto his bed.
Blaine took another deep breath and blurted out what he'd been keeping to himself for weeks now.
"I like you!" Blaine practically shouted. "Okay, Finn? I. Like. You. And I did not mean it how you think I did when I was on the phone with Kurt! You make me nervous, like ridiculously nervous. And I just wanted Kurt here to make me not mess this up, which I ended up doing anyway. And I'm sorry, Finn. I am so sorry I upset you. I didn't mean to." Blaine finished, releasing a long shuddering breath.
Finn didn't move. He was sure he'd entered the Twilight Zone or something because if was not possible for Blaine to have said those words to him.
"Um, Finn?" Blaine asked, stepping closer to the bed and to Finn.
Finn giggled and Blaine froze.
"Finn?" Blaine asked again.
Clearing his throat, Finn sat up on his bed and looked at Blaine.
"You...like me?"
Blaine smiled.
"I do."
"And Kurt knew?"
Blaine nodded.
Finn chuckled.
"My brother is evil."
Blaine blinked, surprised and confused.
"He set us both up and we messed it all up by being a couple of girls." Finn snorted.
"He um, didn't exactly set us both up." Blaine admitted. "I sort of knew what he was planning all along."
Finn tilted his head to the side in confusion.
"Kurt's been telling me for weeks that you liked me but I just kept telling him he was delusional. So he set this up to prove me wrong. I just got nervous and messed it all up. I was, um, having a really nice time watching the game with you." Blaine smiled and Finn's heart jumped.
"BOYS!" Kurt's voice bellowed, causing both Finn and Blaine to jump in surprise. "Someone had best get down here now before I turn this horribly awful game off. I mean, really! What is the point of chasing after a silly little ball!"
Finn groaned. Stupid little brother and his stupid bad timing.
"Wanna go finish the game then?" Blaine asked, a gorgeous smile on his face.
"Totally dude." Finn said, already standing up and stepping closer to Blaine. "But later, can we..." Finn trailed off, making a horribly crude eye gesture.
Blaine felt his cheeks flush.
"Totally." Blaine said, his fingers interlocking with Finn's.
If Blaine pretended not to see the not so subtle fist pump Finn did as they exited his bedroom, no one need know.
"Five seconds, boys!" Kurt snapped. "And we'll all be watching Project Runway for the rest of the night!"
Finn gasped, pulling a laughing Blaine down the stairs behind him.
Kurt could only grin as his stupidly tall stepbrother tumbled into the room with his ex-boyfriend turned best friend practically attached to his hip.
"Its about damn time." Kurt mumbled, more than one meaning behind his statement.
"Believe me, dude, I know." Finn said, pulling a still laughing Blaine down onto the couch beside of him.
Smiling, Finn threw his arm across Blaine's shoulders and settled in to finish the game.
Finn Hudson totally loved his life.
End.