Friendship and Love
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter world but thanks to JKR who have created such a wonderful world.
Author's note: Many thanks to my beta, Wonk and Nakhash, who had done a very good job in beta-read.
I look into your eyes,
There, I see your smile
So bright, so warm
That it melts my heart...
I listen to your voice
Pouring your love into my soul
Bringing hope, bringing life
In the middle of the night to a broken man....
It was finished at last. Tonight was a night for celebration because finally there was no more Dark Lord, no more Death Eaters. The Wizarding World was safe forever because of the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, although it was, in fact, many people who participated in the Dark Lord's second and final downfall, such as his two best friends, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger, and the members of the Order of the Phoenix, especially Severus Snape, the spy. But the Wizarding community tended to think it was Potter, alone, who was their hero. 'Well, let them think what they wish as long as one person is aware of all I've done,' thought Snape, as he sat alone in his living room.
The war had ended when the-Boy-Who-Lived plunged a silver sword, soaked with poison, in Lord Voldemort's chest. Before that, the Wizarding World was engulfed in the hot flames of war against Voldemort and his followers. Their targets were varied and unpredictable, from Muggles and Mudbloods to even members of Pureblood families who refused to join his cause. The Ministry of Magic was worse than useless in opposing him and had made itself a vulnerable target.
Between the incompetent Minister and Lucius Malfoy's political intrigues the MOM had slipped into chaos. There had been at least three attacks from Voldemort and his Death Eaters within its very walls, seemingly aided by covert supporters of the Dark Lord among the Ministry's own employees.
No one could be trusted any longer. Even some among the Aurors had joined the Death Eaters and cruelly tortured and murdered the very innocents they had been charged to protect.
The only safe places were Hogwarts and the Order's headquarters. Most students stayed at school during Christmas break and learned how to fight. The families of the students who were likely to become targets were placed under the protection of Order members. Some had even gone into hiding with the use of the Fidelius Charm.
Harry Potter and his two friends were requested to remain at either Hogwarts or 12 Grimmauld Place and had shuttled between the two locations for over a year and a half. Albus Dumbledore had trained Potter himself to fight. Severus Snape considered it the stupidest act he'd ever been witness to, teaching a mere child, regardless of some prophecy, to defeat the darkest wizard known. Snape had told Dumbledore not to rely solely on the boy, but the elder wizard believed too strongly in the prophecy to consider any other options or replacements.
Snape was still not convinced by Dumbledore's decision but he made no further comments. Anything more might be interpreted as truly caring about what might happen to The-Boy-Who-Lived, and the last thing he wanted was to be perceived as possessing that human weakness. Besides, if he tried to poke his nose deeper into that business, Dumbledore would suggest that he work with the boy to vanquish Voldemort. The best way to steer clear of involvement was to mind his own business and play his assigned role in the war, nothing more, nothing less.
Then one night, that fateful night, everything changed. It was because of her and her alone that he, along with the whole Wizarding World, had survived. But no one else knew.
She had come to him. She said Potter would not win the war, let alone survive it, without his help. He had laughed at her; at her stupidity and optimistic belief that he could or would help Potter in his fight against Voldemort. But God! That girl was determined. She wouldn't take no for an answer or abandon that ridiculous idea; she came to his quarters every night. Even when he didn't let her in she would stand there, outside his rooms.
For more than a week she had remained. He began wondering what it was that made her so determined. Maybe friendship really was the most glorious thing in the world...or was she in love with Potter? He had snorted at that. Yes, that was likely, since the girl seemed to be found with the boy at all times. Snape wasn't blind or daft. He knew, if not in detail, at least the broad outline of things she had done for Potter throughout her previous six years at Hogwarts, including the time that she had lit his robes afire.
So, the girl was in love with Potter, he surmised, and feared that he would die in the war. Therefore she came up with the idea of him seconding Potter in the duel with Voldemort. No, he had laughed bitterly, Severus Snape was a heartless man. He didn't subscribe to such feelings, nor did he care if Potter died at the hands of Voldemort without leaving so much as a sliver of bone for his funeral. He had told himself that and refused to talk to the girl.
Another week passed and she was still haunting his doorway every night until nearly curfew, when she finally went back to her own room (she was still strict and respectful when it came to rules).
As much as it pained him to admit, the girl truly intrigued him. Her determination and bravery was admirable, and neither his coolness nor his rudeness could intimidate her.
Never before in his life had someone, let alone a student, stood up to him as she had. Finally, he relented. He told himself it was because he was tired of her rapping at his door every night. But deep down inside, now that he had agreed to teach Potter the art of fighting and to stand by him in battle, he knew that she had won over his indifferent heart. More over, he had even asked her to assist him with the potions he was brewing for the war.
Snape had cursed himself for doing so, but soon he found reason to be glad that he had asked for her assistance. The potions were complex and too many for him to brew alone with all the other duties he had already on his hands, and the girl proved that she was a very capable lab partner. He soon found himself enjoying her company and their conversation during breaks.
They went from teacher-student relationship to partnership, then to friendship, and to the most unlikely relationship that Snape never dreamt of: lovers.
He found that she had much in common with him. They both were lonely; if not for that Potter boy he thought she would never have had any friends at all. They loved reading and learning. She was nearly as good as he in potions and they had had many interesting conversations.
He found himself looking forward to their evening time together. They spent that time brewing potions, searching for new ways to help in battle, discussing their work, and making love. He couldn't believe he had fallen in love with the girl and, much more, was in disbelief that she had returned his feelings.
He remembered her smile, her scent, her taste, quite clearly, even though they hadn't met for almost a month. I love you was a phrase they told each other again and again during the times they were together. She would spend the evening with him, but she always refused to stay the night. She said she had to go back to her room. He begged her again and again to stay with him or to at least give him a reason why. She finally gave in and told him the truth. She had to go back to her room because Potter needed her support when he got returned from his nightly training sessions, always lasting until midnight, with Dumbledore.
At the time, they were curled on the couch in his living room. She rested her head on his chest and said those words without looking at him, not knowing that he was staring at her, angry and jealous. When she was aware of his regard she looked up and burst into a fit of laugher.
"What is so funny, Miss Granger?" he had said in his best Professor Snape voice. She stopped giggling and moved to kneel in front of him. She cupped his face in her soft, small hands. Her eyes locked with his. Snape felt his heart beating faster than usual, wanting to swoop down and make love to her until the end of the world. Then she said softly yet clearly, "Severus, I love you. I'm yours- yours alone." And her lips caught his. They poured out their love for each other with a thousand passionate kisses.
He never doubted her. He knew he was her first and only one, but his possessiveness didn't allow him to let her near other men. She was his. She must be his, and would be his only.
The final battle had come and called for her to leave him to join her friends in fighting. He had begged her to stay behind and told her that he would do whatever he could to protect Potter, just for her to be safe. He couldn't bear the idea of her being injured or, perhaps, even die, but she refused and said firmly, "I will not stay behind when my friends and my love are fighting in the war." Then she made him promise her to stay alive and to meet her after the war. He promised her, even though he was not sure if he would survive or not, but for the first time in his life he felt the passion to live on. They kissed and turned away to follow their own paths of duties.
Snape was pulled out of his train of thought by a soft knock on the door that he knew quite well. A slight smile tugged at his lips as he walked to the door. Opening it, he came face to face with the angel of his mind, his love.
She was beautiful in sky blue satin robes, her hair falling loosely down her back. Snape crushed her in a tight embrace; she hugged him back and buried her face in his broad, comfortable chest. They turned to enter his rooms. Snape locked the door and cast a silencing charm. Their lips met again, no word was exchanged between them but they knew how much they loved and missed one another.
He couldn't stop kissing her even when he felt she was no longer responding to him but was trying to say something that sounded like his name.
"Shh...love," he said and trailed kisses along her neck and exposed shoulder.
"Severus..." she said, half-moaning, half complaining. Then he became forceful. His kisses became more and more passionate and she continued calling his name and pushing him away.
"Severus, Severus..."
He kissed her neck.
"Severus..."
His hands roamed on her back.
"Se...Severus..."
He kissed his way to her breasts.
"Professor Snape!"
He stopped.
I look into your eyes,
Where does that come from?
You sadness, how did it steal her smile?
Give back her smile, or my heart will start to freeze again...
I listen to your voice
Still saying you love me
But it's just not the same
You break my heart with those words...
They stood staring at each other. She appeared to be on the verge of tears and angry at the same time. He was confused and hurt. Her face fell into sadness and suddenly she looked so tired and weary. He panicked at the sight of tears falling down her cheeks.
"What's wrong, Hermione?" he asked and hugged her comfortingly in his arms. She cried into his shoulder.
He held her in his arm and she sobbed. Time passed; she quieted down. Finally she looked up at him, her eyes were bloodshot.
"We need to talk."
And so they talked.
"Who the hell does he think he is?" bellowed Snape.
"Severus, he didn't know about us," said Hermione, trying to calm him down.
"I won't let him lay a hand on you, Hermione," he said firmly, holding Hermione tightly in his arms as though fearing she would disappear if he loosened his embrace.
"But I have to, Severus," pleaded Hermione, "I have to help him get through his demons. He will never live in peace if I don't help him. He needs me."
"I need you too, Hermione." He interjected. "I need you more than anything in the world. I love you." He placed a kiss on her forehead.
Hermione sighed, "I love you too, Severus, but Harry needs me."
"He always did, didn't he?" He was angry now and stood up, glowering at Hermione. "Why has he always needed you? Why in the hell have you had to stand by his side all this time?"
"The war is over now." He softened a bit at the terrified look on Hermione's face. "Why can't we be together? Wasn't it the reason we struggled to fight the Dark Lord?"
"I don't know, Severus," she said, trembling slightly as tears filling her eyes and threatening to fall again. "He is my friend, my best friend, and I can't bear the sight of him drowning himself in a hopeless life."
"But you can stand seeing me broken-hearted?" Snape said bitterly. "You said you loved me. Was it just a way to get me to agree to help Potter? Were you using me, Hermione?"
"No!" cried Hermione, tears starting to felt down her cheeks again. It broke her heart hearing him use that hopeless tone. She tried to hug him but he refused to let her come near him. "Severus, I've never used you and I never will. I love you."
"Then you won't leave me, will you?" asked Snape, a small glow of hope shining in his eyes. "Please say you won't leave me, Hermione. Say you will be mine forever."
Hermione shook her head, "I can't. I'm sorry, Severus."
Snape slumped back into his armchair. There was nothing he could do, nor did he want to. Life without her was not a life. Hermione walked up to him. She kissed his lips one last time before walking back to the door. She held the handle, tightly closing her eyes and praying for the courage to step on the path she had chosen. With one last glance at her beloved she closed the door behind her, missing a soft whisper of, "I love you, Hermione."
Finally, she was out of his room, out of his life, and he let her go. He let her go without trying to do anything, just sat there, watching her leave him forever.
I watch you walk away
I know you don't want to
I know I don't want you to
I do nothing...
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