The Great Fart of Edward Elric

by big-bird-rocks

Have you ever wounder what would happed if Ed, Al, Roy, Riza, Winry, Maes and Sciezka were all in a library and Ed farts. Probably not. But if you have this is what we think would happed.

Title: The Great Fart of Edward Elric

Author: bigbirdrocks and little sister

Genre: comedy/humor

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Unfortunately,no FMA characters were harmed in the making of this fic. And no, we don't own them either.

Spoilers: None

Pairings: Comical RoyEd.

Summary: Have you ever wounder what would happed if Ed, Al, Roy, Riza, Winry, Maes and Sciezka were all in a library and Ed farts. Probably not. But if you have this is what we think would happed. Comical RoyXEd.

Dedication: To John Howard and the end of his reign (you were good, but ten years was enough) P.S John Howard WAS the Australian Prime Mister.

What the actors say backstage:

Winry: Hello everyone welcome to my first fanfic for big-bird-rocks!!!!

Everyone: sounding very uninterested great, wow, that is so not cool.

Ed: Omg! Winry, don't you know what this girl and her little sister, make people do in their story!!

Winry: yes, but some of there story's our so romantic.

Everyone: liiiiiiiike…

Winry: like their story for black cat story "love match" go read it! Walks out of the room to go find a computer to read, "love match" again

Bird: well there goes one of our actors.

Little sister: Awwwwwww.

Riza: noo! I cant do that dance alone, it'll be too embracing!

Roy: Sexy though.

Bird: You know I still can't tell the difference between Roy mustang and Maria Ross.

Little sister: OMG!! Roy is a boy and Ross is a girl, how can you not see the difference!

Bird: Well they have the same hair style and colour and have similar facial structure

Little Sister: Well you're an idiot then

Bird: Oh well, let the story begin!

The Great Fart of Edward Elric

Ed and Al Elric, Winry Rockbelle, Roy Mustang, Blond chick ( Inside joke Riza Hawkeye), Sciezka and Meas Hughs were all sitting around in the library reading books then suddenly!

" Insert really long and obnoxious farting noise"

"Ewwwwww!" yelled everyone accept for Ed.

Suddenly everyone was looking at him, and Ed had gone slightly red.

"What? It wasn't me!" Protested Ed

Al jumped over to his brother's and smelt his butt,

"Eeeeeewwwwww, brother that stinks" Al said running to other side of the library.

"Alphones, you have no sense of smell" Ed reminded Al.

"You didn't need to remind me of that" Al said going all emo in the corner of the library, drawing his knees to his chest and rocking backwards and forwards.

"Nice Ed" said Winry "Way to put your brother down"

"BUT HE SMELT MY BUTT" exclaimed Ed

"But you farted" said Winry

"NO I DIDN'T" Yelled Ed, getting even more red.

Winry walked over to Ed and bent down and smelled his ass.

"Yep, it was you" She stated

Everyone slowly edged away from Ed, trying to get away from obnoxious smell that was slowly creeping towards them.

Suddenly, Roy stood up and put his hand on Ed's shoulder "Well its about time you become a man"

Ed looked at Roy in a confused way "What?!"

"You know a mans… Manly… urgers" Roy said slowly

"What" Ed repeated.

Roy sighed "You know Gas, Farts, stuff like that"

By this time everyone was staring at Roy.

"What? All men get it" said Roy, exasperated.

Al slowly come out of his corner and asked "How and why do people fart?"

Sciezka looked up from her book titled "How Mr Tom met Mrs Misha and how they got married and lived happily ever after" "Well Insert how and why people fart hear"

Everyone stared for a moment then quickly got into huddle and started whispering, then after a while they split up.

Meas carefully, so Sciezka didn't notice, drew a picture of his extremely, wonderfully adorable daughter Elicia out of his back pocket, then he suddenly run forwards and thrust the picture into her face and yelled (without any pauses) "Look it's the amazing Elicia with her new pet kitty that is nearly but just not quit as cute as she is, extremely rare addition!!"

Sciezka screamed at the top of her lungs and ran as fast as her very untrained running legs would take her out of the library, with a very proud father running after with is extremely rare picture of his daughter waving around in his hand!

Then for no reason at all Winry farted, "Ah, that was my, manly urge for the day"

Everyone looked totally shocked, "Winry! Is there something your not telling as!" Ed shouted, shocked.

Winry stared into thin air for a moment then it clicked "OMG! No, no, its not what you think I am 100 women"

Roy looked at her very suspiciously "Prove it, girl, I mean boy, I mean… whatever you are!"

"Fine, I will!" Said Winry, then too prove she was a girl, Winry pulled up her top, and then everyone screamed (except for Roy because he is a perve and Riza Because she is a girl too) because she wasn't wearing a bra!

Then just because the authors wanted Ed fainted.

Then Al randomly Ran past the screen screaming "Brother!" in a really high pitch voice, with his arms waving everywhere.

Soon everyone was sitting around Ed wondering how to wake him up at the moment they had a list of ways and who had come up with the idea. This is what the list looked like:

Person who come up with it: Idea: Yes J /No x /maybe :

Roy Burn him. X Winry Tickle him ? Roy Burn his feet X Riza Shoot him X Riza Tip water on him ? Al Toss him out the window X Winry Poke him with a stick ? Roy All the ones with a "?" JJJ  that one  They all decided to Tickle him, poke him with a stick and tip water one him at the same time because that was probably the best and safest thing to do. So Winry lent over Ed to get the a stick, so that her chest was right in his face, just at that moment Ed had to wake up, to a view of Winry chest (a view that Roy would want any day) Then he screamed like a girl. "Boooooooooooooobs!!!!!! OMG, get them away!" Winry looked upset "What's wrong with my boobs Edward?" "There not feminine enough" Roy pointed "Roy, are my boobs feminine enough" Riza asked acting all girly and strange, while walking over to Roy swaying her hips and sitting on his lap and putting her arms around him. For a moment Roy just start at Riza then he opened his mouth and said "Ahh, Yeah, um, at the moment I am getting anther type of manly urge that I would rather not talk about" Everyone was quiet for a while trying to work out what Roy had said and what he meant by 'another' manly urge, then it clicked. "Ew! Yuck! That's disgusting! We didn't need to know that" They all yelled.

When they looked at Roy next they sight that met there eyes made them all laugh. Riza had got her army of Black Hataye's (From the chibi OVA, set after the movie) to attack Roy, and now he was now running around the room screaming.

"OMG! I thought dogs were meant to be loyal"

After Riza had called The Black Hataye's off, they all went back to reading.

"I am so bored" Al commented

"Well then, lets get the girls do a dance for us" Roy said"

"Yeah" Agreed Ed

"Ok, Riza come with me" Winry dragged Riza over to a corner of the library to talk about what dance they were going to do. Soon they come back and stood next to each other. Ed, Al and Roy all turn and look at them.

The they started to sing and dance:

"I'm Big" they thrust there chest out,

"Blond" They put there hands on the hair as if to pat it down,

"And beautiful" They move there hands down the body to there hips and while doing that move there hips up and down. (Song from hairspray)

Ed faints again.

Ed wakes up to find that every one is leaning over him, looking very worried.

Then Roy looked at Ed and says "Ed, I love you"

"Roy I love you to" said Ed, surprised

Then the kiss for no apparent reason.

Then Ed really woke

"Oh, no fare it was only a dream"

When he looked up he saw Winry and Riza showing Roy and Al how to do the dance that they had just done, even though they were not doing very well.

Winry stoped dancing and asked "Why are we all so out of character today?"

Riza looked at Winry " I don't know but its fun!"

Yeah, your right" then she continued showing Roy and Al how to do the dance.

THE END

Ed: Hey why did I have to be the one who faints all the time?

Bird: Because your the youngest male apart from Al, and it wouldn't of really of worked if Al had fainted because he is a big metal tin.

Al: Why do you guys have to always pick on me, just because I'm an empty suit of armour

Little Sister: That's exactly why we pick on you, its funny

Bird: Well lets leave this embarrassing conversation behind us

Riza: At least I didn't have to do that dance all by myself

Winry: Yeah I made it back in time

Bird: Thank goodness, otherwise it wouldn't of worked properly

Little Sister: YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH

Bird: Right, time to right a new story

Everyone: OH NO, NOT ANOTHER ONE

Thanks for reading this story, and I would love a comment. Constructive criticism, that's what I need.

Thanks