I hate that I love you and I'm afraid I will be this way forever
Far From Love
By: Sara Nedroscik
CHAPTER ONE: freshman year
"Beth! Beth! Beth, come on! Wake up; we're going to be late!"
All of a sudden; I woke up. I sprung out of my bed and slipped on my clothes, "Oh my god! It's freshman year!"
Anna dragged me down the stairs and out the front door; as I was still half asleep. That's what I get for staying up late. There was someone on my mind; Danny Chatman, my best friend since practically forever. He moved away during eighth grade, my life hasn't been the same without him. But I couldn't let Danny's sad move occupy my mind.
Anna, I promise you, that girl has more confidence then I will ever have in a life time. She struts down the hall ways at school like she owns the place! She talks to guys, left and right, she has a boyfriend every other day; so it seems. Her "man" at the moment is the quarterback of the football team, of course. That's how it always is; the confident and beautiful girls always get the smoking hot quarterbacks. But then there's me, Beth Johnson, the one that blushes when boys speak to her. The type of girl that lives in a small town, that's shy, but deep down, has the potential to be beautiful.
Oh, how I miss Danny. He moved away because his dad's job got transferred to a couple towns over. We have known each other since we were three, ha, kind of funny? Seems like the perfect "love story" but we were; and never will be a thing. It's just not the type of friends we are.
There's this other boy, Lucas Monroe, I've had my eye on him for a while. Well since about five minutes ago. He's about 6 foot, I would say. With jet black, shaggy hair that just barely touches his eyebrows. Deep blue eyes that light up the midnight skies. Plays on the basketball team he's a sophomore thought, he'd never go for a girl like me. He's in FACS with me and BIT, but we don't all talk much.
Anna's boyfriend Ian Newman could drive, he had just gotten his license. He was the type of guy who thought he was all tough and hot stuff. I'm not really into those types of boys. Danny pops in and out of my mind every now and then. Though I do miss him, more than I actually should, Lucas was always around every corner. Now that it's getting to the point where there is ice on the roads and snow is getting tracked through the entire school I have decided to ride in the van, well Ian's van with Anna too.
In FACS, Miss Sorel assigned partners for our COOKING PROJECT. Anna and Bailey West got paired together; Jake and Nicki got paired together too. Lucas got paired with me.
We got to know each other pretty well over the few months we shared the 4th period of everyday. We shared laughs and burnt a few things! But it was all fun. He walked me to my locker everyday because I have a tendency of getting stuck in traffic, Lucas was always there, and with him so tall we could push through any crowd. One day he decided to walk me to my next class, he had never been so generous before. I wondered what was up with him today, but of course I didn't mind anything which involved him with me! He walked me to the door of ALGERBRA 2, then out of nowhere he asked me, "Hey, Beth I was thinking. Maybe you wanted to go bowling with me, Jake and Nicki Friday night. And we could catch a movie after?"
"Yeah, that'd be nice Luke, I'd love to come!" I said with a little more exasperation then intended. I'd been waiting for this moment since I first laid my eyes on him.
"Okay, I'll pick you up at seven. Sound good?" Lucas said, excitement was bubbling out of him.
. . . . . . . . .
Friday Night's Schedule:
Bowling
Horror Film
I never knew how fun bowling was. Jake and Nicki had their own—separate game, Lucas and I had our own game also. Jake is very competitive, he doesn't care if he's on a date with a girl or not, he will win. Lucas, on the other hand, let me win. I stink a bowling, but I still had a good time.
The movie was suspenseful and gory! It was so unrealistic; blood squirted 40 feet into the air. But when the scary parts appeared Lucas carefully pulled my head close to his chest. Making sure that one hand covered one ear and his chest coved my other, making sure that I couldn't hear the screeches and chainsaws. It worked, I felt so protected and loved. Nicki and Jake kind of made me want to gag. They were making out and slobbering everywhere. It was pitiful! Nicki hadn't "made-out" with anyone before, it was very sloppy. Lucas and I looked at them, then turned to each other and giggled silently and then he reached for my hand. I wasn't sure if this was moving too fast, after all Lucas was my first real love. But, what the heck? Look at Nicki and Jake over there, swapping spit! I'm just going to go with the flow and take it easy.
Lucas is such a sweetie. He slowed things down; I mean I'm pretty sure he hits a homerun with all the other girls in school. "Beth, you're different. Has anyone ever told you that?"
I looked at him, puzzled, "Excuse me?" I whispered with some confidence I quickly gathered.
"No! Not like that! But usually girls are all over me and want something from me. But you Beth, you're different. I came to you, not the other way around. And this time, it felt right, almost meant to be." He put one arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.
"That's Beth Jane Johnson for you!" I grinned, pleased.
After the movie Nicki went back to Jake's house to do, who knows what. That girl better watch it or she'll be sorry. She used to be a good girl, until she started hanging out with Maggie Parker. She got pregnant in 7th grade and aborted the child illegally. She went to juvi for a few weeks, nothing to extreme.
Lucas took me home. We didn't get in till 10:45 p.m. My parents wanted to meet him, of course. Same old, same old; how are you Lucas? Just fine, you? Oh doing well thanks. Why can't it be simple?
"Mom, Dad; this is Lucas, Lucas Monroe."
"Well it's a pleasure to meet you hun!" my mother said, how embarrassing.
"Pleasure to meet you, both" Lucas shook my Dad's hand firmly.
"Well Luke better get going, his curfew is eleven. I'll walk you to your car." I hinted
We walked out into the breezy, winter night. He took my hand and led the way. Though I doubt he could hardly see, the sky was near pure black.
"Goodnight gorgeous." He said wiping a grin across his face.
I chuckled, "Goodnight handsome"
He kissed my forehead and got into his car. He rolled down the window and I leaned in, expecting him to tell me something. He bit his lip and kissed me. Lucas Monroe kissed me!
"Be careful out there buddy, roads are slick." I looked into his deep blue eyes and couldn't help but smirk. He drove away, finally, after our long five seconds of romance.
CHAPTER TWO: old friends
"Dad, I think I'm going to Lucas's today. Is that ok?"
"Sure kid. I'm going fishing up in Lake Michigan, won't be back until Monday night sometime."
"Thanks, who are you going with?"
"Mr. Chatman"
"Is Danny going with you too?"
"So many questions girl, so many questions" and he walked away with his fishing gear in hand.
My mom and I pulled up to Luke's house and there he was. Sitting on the steps of the front porch, he always looked so happy. Or at least happy to see me. I get all jittery when I see his big blue eyes; although he wasn't the buffest man in the world it was fit for my standards.
"By honey, I'll pick you up at six because we are going Christmas shopping at seven."
"Oh, can Lucas come?"
"I don't see why not."
"Thanks mom. See you at six." I yelled to her as she was pulling out of the winding drive way.
Lucas was jogging towards me, "Hey, Beth!" he came up and hugged me; he lifted me of the ground and spun me around.
"My mom said you could come Christmas shopping with us tonight at seven. She'd pick us up at six?" I looked into his wonderful eyes.
"It sounds fun!" He said puckering up; to give me a smooch on my forehead.
We went inside and he showed me around; this was my first time at his house. It was big, his house was really big. Twelve acres and a barn loft view in the back. His room looks like my house. As I should've known by the type of car he drove and by his clothes. But I never judged a book by its cover.
He took me into meet his parents--
"Hi, I'm Beth Johnson. It's nice to meet you, both"
"Hello! It's a pleasure to meet you too." His mother smiled friendly.
"Nice to meet you, young lady." His step-father said in a deep voice.
"Well we will leave you two alone, again, pleasure to meet you Beth." His mother said as she turned to walk into the kitchen.
. . . . . . .
We got into the car at six to head to the mall, "Hi, Lucas! Thanks for joining us!"
"No thank you!" He said with fake excitement.
We finally reached the mall; Lucas must have been planning to buy a lot because he brought five-hundred dollars with him! I don't even have two-hundred dollars in my bank account. We went to almost every store; I had never known that Lucas loved shopping so much. Every store we went into he bought something, whether it was a scarf or a pair of eighty dollar jeans. Afterwards we went to the food court. We had gotten Chinese, my favorite, it was the best I'd ever had. Plus Luke being there made everything better.
We went back to shopping and ran into my favorite guy, Danny! I hadn't seen him since the middle of eighth grade. He looks a lot different from then. Well his face still lights up the whole room and when he smiles it still gives me butterflies. But he's buff, and I'm not just talking about losing baby fat. I'm talking about big guns and his face has more of an edge to it, sharper, no more baby face Danny.
"Beth," He came running to me, "how's it been?" he lifted me up and spun me around with Lucas on watch.
"I'm great, thanks! Well look at you Mr. I'm hot stuff! Your huge!" he was about 6-5 and his hair was shorter now, not shaggy little Danny.
"Na, I just grew a few inches." He flexed his muscles and smiled.
"So what brings you here?" I asked looking back at Lucas; his face was getting redder by the minute. It looked as if he were going to explode.
"Oh, I thought I'd go shopping for some new," he leaned in to whisper, "underwear" he looked into my eyes and laughed.
"Oh," I said leaning in; whispering to him with sarcasm.
Lucas came walking over. I hope he wasn't angry. "Lucas," he said shaking Danny's hand, seeming to be harder than usual. Like he was warning him, but Danny just smiled and shook back harder.
"Okay…" I looked back and forth at both of them, "this is—" Luke didn't even let me finish.
"I know, you're Dan" how did he know that? I'd never brought him up before.
"It's Danny." He looked at me like he couldn't believe I scored such a "loser".
"Oh is it?" Luke said trying to sound un-intimidated. I've never seen this side of Luke before and I didn't like it.
"Anyway, I haven't seen him in awhile. Mind if he joins us? Please…?" I was practically begging him.
Danny looked at me surprised and pleased, "Yeah, please." He imitated me, what a jerk. But not in a bad way, I liked this jerk.
"I think it's late, don't you. Maybe next time, thanks Danny." He pulled me away with him.
I looked back at Danny, he was mocking Luke, and looked at me, caught his focus and mouthed, "CALL ME." That's the boy I knew and loved. But I couldn't figure out what kind of love it was. 'Love' love or just best friend love. I hoped we would soon find out.
Mom and I had just dropped Lucas off, I think he was irritated. Later on I called Danny. I never really knew what I was missing when he moved away, but I now know. What I was missing was something great. He was something, that's for sure. His biceps were huge and he lifted me up and spun me around no problem. He was sort of striking, dazzling. I'd never realized it before. But I wasn't going to ruin what Lucas and I had.
I laid in bed all night thinking about Danny and Luke. Thinking about which one I loved more. Turns out first loves really aren't meant to be. Luke came to school Monday and told me he was moving to live with his dad. I asked him why he couldn't stay; he said he didn't want to stay. I was so hurt. Why? Why would he want to leave me? Is it because of Danny? Should I ask him? I had so many questions regarding him. Although I was heartbroken it hadn't been affecting me all that much. While I was seeing Lucas I kind of fell in love with him, not 'him' him but, Danny.
Though I could kind of see it coming, I didn't want to see my romance with Lucas go. He was a joy to have around and wasn't too sloppy. But I guess we weren't meant to be, after all everything happens for a reason, right?
Tuesday finally came around; though it seemed to come so leisurely, I had talked to Danny Monday night too. We discussed about all of our problems without each other around.
Friday, Danny invited me to go downtown with him. Downtown is so fun, more than ever during Christmas. Everything is lit up and so beautiful. I couldn't resist, it's Danny. His voice just makes me want to kiss him even though I probably shouldn't think of him that way. Downtown was an amazing to take a girl, especially when you're just friends.
He knocked on my door at a quarter after seven. I live close to town so we walked. I had gotten him a present for Christmas. It was just something little and silly.
We walked to the town hall and the lights were all strung around to all the shops, it looked like day time. I took the gift with the bow on it and handed it to him.
"What's this?" he asked taking my hand. What's this? I looked at his and my hand intertwined together.
"It's Christmas!" I said like a little kid.
"Yeah, Christmas is in twelve more days!" He tousled the hair at the top of my head; he was so tall he had to almost kneel down to get eye to eye with me.
"Well can you open it at least?"
"If that's what you want." He said tearing into the tiny package
"Do you like it?" I said looking at the present then to his eyes.
He looked at me for a second, a perplexed look actually. I wondered what he was thinking. All of a sudden he took the bow and stuck it on my shirt.
"What's this?" I looked at the bow and then to him like he was crazy.
"You're my present this year." He looked at me and smiled sweetly.
"But don't you like the gift?"
"This is the picture our counselor took at summer camp! I love this picture."
"We were bunk mates!" I said taking the small picture.
"I'll keep this with me forever."
He kissed me, and slightly turned up my jaw so he could actually reach my lips. It started snowing while his lips pulled off of mine. Now this had never happened with Lucas. It was the most romantic thing. Just like in a dream, we are walking in the winter snow with Christmas lights surrounding us, then he turns to me and purses his lips and it magically starts to snow.
Then I knew it was him.
"Is that my Christmas present?" I asked joking.
"Well there's more but we can save that for later." He chuckled.
"Well Mr. you've gotten pretty good since kindergarten."
"Good at what?"
"Kissing" I looked at him raising my eyebrows.
He snickered, "Oh, ha, I haven't had much practice."
"I'm sure girls are all over you."
"No, actually none."
"Why? What other boy is as handsome and strong as you?"
"You think I'm strong?"
"And handsome" I said reminding him.
We kept walking. It was getting chilly out, he stepped behind me and rested his arms around my neck so they hung down, and he placed his chin on the top of my head.