Don't Think Of Me
Her fist clenched as she ran.
Flash Back
A flash of raven hair ran past her and she followed, hoping it to be him. Running as fast as she can towards the figure, tears involuntarily streamed down her cheeks.
'Iie…' Mikan stopped in her tracks, standing several meters from the one she loves.
'Iie… Never! He would never… Would he?' Her beloved was holding another in his arms.
Luna. Mikan felt her heart skip a beat and she was sure that if she listened more closely, she could hear the crystalline sound of it breaking.
Jealousy… Something she should've have not felt for a long time over-powered her. She was supposed to be the one in his arms. She was supposed to be the one he loved.
Self-condemnation… Never once had she let other's words, actions, or even thoughts influence her. Mikan was always proud to be herself and no other. But if only… If only she was more beautiful… If only she had been smart… Would Natsume have truly loved her then?
Betrayal… Pain beyond explanation invaded her body, successful in weakening her knees, as the sudden truth was thrown in her face. Natsume had betrayed her. She had given him her everything.
'Had it not been enough? Had it not meant anything to him?' She had trusted him with her heart, yet he had left it… shattered.
'How could he?' She wanted to cry out to him, ask him why, yet, she could not move, numbed at the sight before her. Then they parted.
'Natsume, Why?' when Luna was out of sight Natsume suddenly glanced back, he looked back at her while she bowed her head down, cowering at his famed blank expression.
'How could you?' The world around her suddenly shifted as a pair of masculine hands took a hold of her shoulders and silently took her to a quiet corner of the forest. He let go of her shoulders to lean back against a tree, crossing his arms over his chest. He was the epitome of grace and elegance even in such a casual position. They were both silent, both lost in their musings, as looked at each other. Both had so much to say, yet, none was spoken. Annoyed and irritated, he finally broke the dreadful silence.
"What do you want?" She stiffened at his cold tone; it had been so long since she had heard him talk to her like this…so impersonal and uncaring. The fact that he had addressed her in this point of their relationship was all the more confusing to her than it already is.
'How could this be? What had caused him to change so suddenly?' Depressed at the unending questions rampaging through her, she inquired the most bothersome one of all.
"What's going on?"
"Amusing you should ask." He shrugged carelessly.
"Luna is my new girlfriend and were over." She gasped, feeling the blow more acutely than if he had actually hit her.
"Excuse me?"
"Are you deaf or just a fool? She is my new girlfriend and were over."
"I-I… I don't understand−"
"This conversation with you is, in your inadequate list of vocabulary, boring." He interrupted. A small, delicate hand gently tugged at his sleeve, causing him to look back in her tear-stained face. The moment molten Ruby clashed with honey-kiss, they were both lost. Fear spread throughout her body as she gazed into those expressionless Ruby eyes, searching for the faintest trail of hope. Yet, all she could see were his eyes, endless pools of hard ruby…piercing and frozen.
"Why, Natsume? Why are you doing this to me?" He gently pried her hands off him, never breaking their eye contact.
"You are no more to me. Face the truth, I don't love you." Those words seem to echo for all eternity within her. Everything they've been through, everything he'd promised before… were all lies. An immense hatred strained to be unleashed. She had been nothing but a game, a puzzle… an entertainment for him. How could she have not remembered what he had said before he started courting her? "You really are very interesting!" And now that he had his filled of her, she is worthless to him. She wanted to kill him. She wanted to bury him alive; chop him up into pieces and feed him to savage wolves; forever scar that pretty face of his so he can never walk outside. She wanted to hate him. Her barely breathing heart gave a twitch… knowing it was quite the opposite. Natsume watch the reaction on her face: Surprise, hurt, cofusion and pain utter pain cuase by him but he didn't care. Slowly, she looked up, giving him a broken smile.
"I hope you're happy with your choice." Then she turned on her heel and walked away.
So you're with her, and not with me
I hope she's sweet and so pretty
I heard she cooks delightfully, a little angel beside you
So you're with her and not with me
Oh how lucky one man
End of Flash Back
'You are so stupid! He only fucking used you, baka!' She sniffed, not wanting another breakdown. Her eyes were red and puffy and her nose was slightly runny, due to the large amount of tears she had spent earlier on. The soft light from the only lamp in the room made the wetness on her cheeks seem to shimmer. In reality, she was even more beautiful than she was, but Mikan thought differently.
'You know what I thought I'm going to change no more miss everything can come true if you just believe I'm going to grow up and live my life as a new person.' She took the scissors in one hand and her hair in the other. Her long hair that went just above her knees.
'My hair that he used to love they say it's a tradition to cut your hair when your heart is broken. Well here it goes. My hair was now just 3 inches below my shoulders.'
"Wow its much lighter I wonder what he would say? Stop Mikan remember his not worth it." then she look at herself angain in the mirror, there is cold determination in her eyes.
Natsume does't need her, didn't want her, didn't love her and that's it. she was just a source of entertanment to him an enegma. And now that his that his curiosity was state he just throw her away... She understood now and she wouldn't be in his way.
That night she went to bed deciding tomorrow will be a great day for her. The next morning as Mikan packed up the few items that reminds her of Natsume when they were still together. Mikan took a box up in her left arm and headed towards the door. With her right hand she took knob of the door and then when to the garbage bin.
"Goodbye Natsume" she mumbled then went straight to her class.
I hear your house is smart and clean
Oh how lovely with your homecoming queen
Oh how lovely it must be
When you see her sweet smile baby
don't think of me
when she lay in your warm arms
don't think of me
Mikan smiled sweetly. Here she was two weeks later, a smile plastered to her lips as her ex paraded his new girlfriend around for them to meet. His new girlfriend had beauty, poise, grace, elegance, manners, she was everything Mikan wasn't. Luna smiled prettily as Natsume introduced her to his friends. Mikan cast her ex a strange look as Luna was shown off to them.
"Everyone, Luna is my new girlfriend." Natsume introduced with a smile. Mikan had never seen him happier than when he had Luna at his side. Luna was perfect.
"Welcome to the gang Luna." Mikan said politely. Mikan didn't miss the shock faces of their friends or the glare Hotaru directed to Natsume. Luna seemed to not hear her, her attention riveted on the man on whose arm she clung. The rest of the world faded from their eyes as they focused on only each other. When Natsume and Luna left. The gang crowded Mikan asking questions at the same time.
"What? Will you speak one at a time" Mikan said.
"What happened?" it was Hotaru who asked. Mikan told them what happed two weeks ago. Mikan so the hatered and disappointment of her friends.
"Don't worry; I'm fine I got over him. So don't do anything to him, if his happy with her then let him be." Mikan said smiling to her friends. When they saw her smile was genuine they sighed in relief if she what's them to let Natsume be then they are going to respect her decision, but one thing is clear they will not let Natsume hurt her again. A week later Mikan was running in the hall way she was late for her special ability class, they were going to welcome a new student today. As she was about to turn the corner, she slammed right into a body, making her lose her balance and fall. Her backpack and books went flying. She quickly mumbled a 'gomen' to the person she bump into, then she knelt down quickly to gather them up as fast as was humanly possible, but then his pencil box burst open, and hundreds of pens, colored pencils, and erasers came tumbling out. Swearing angrily, she began to collect her things when, out of nowhere, a hand reached out and helped him pick up the last few pencils. She looked up, and all she saw was two endless, deep pools of dark water, and a calm smile. Snapping out of her daze, he thanked her helper hurriedly. She was about to sprint again when the person spoke suddenly.
"Ano? Can you tell me where the special ability class is?" the boy asked. Mikan spun around to face the boy. The boy has a short sliver hair and his eyes were Deep Ocean blue.
"Yeah, wait are you the new comer?" Mikan asked. The boy smiled then replied.
"Yeah, I'm Ryouga Takamura, but you may call me Ryou, I have the Alice that can turn anything to crystal." Mikan was awed by his Alice.
"Cool, oh yeah I'm Mikan Sakura, but you may call me Mikan, my Alice is Nullification, which cancels any Alice." Mikan replied smiling.
"Yosh, let go everyone is waiting for us" Mikan said grabbing the boys hand as they dash to their class.
So you're with her, and not with me
I know she spreads sweet honey
In fact your best friend, I heard he spent last night with her
Now how do you feel
How do you feel
Months later Mikan could see them in the café. She hadn't meant to see them. She was just on a walk to the grocery store. But there they were, in a booth by the window. They sat on the same side of the booth, cuddling and giggling, whispering sweet nothings into each others' ears. Mikan raised a brow before passing on. She never knew Natsume was one for PDA. When they were still together he got irritated when she does sweet stuffs for him in public. A week later Mikan found she's back enroute to her local grocery store. Once again she was witnessing a scene between Natsume and Luna, only this time it was across the street from the café, and it wasn't happy. Mikan couldn't hear Natsume's angry words but she could see his rage in his eyes, his posture, and the way he held himself away from the other woman. Beside Luna stood Akito with no signs of guilt in their features. Luna was smiling sweetly, trying to calm the enraged man down. She put a hand plactingly on his shoulder, but he shrugged her off, wanting nothing with her and her treachery. Luna merely flashed him an innocent gaze, whispering to him, a soft smile curving her lips. Natsume weakened, but wasn't ready to let her infidelity pass. Mikan walked away. It was none of her business. Natsume called her that night, many hours after the incident to which Mikan had played unknowing witness. He asked if he could come over to her room. Mikan didn't object, but at the same time, she made it clear that what he was going through didn't involve her. When Mikan opened the door, she almost gasped at the sight of Natsume. He looked terrible. His hair was in disarray and his face was set in a permanent scowl. She led him to her couch and allowed him to get settled. She went to the kitchen to fix a pot of tea. He looked to need it, the tea would soothe his nerves. She placed the pot on the coffee table before him and poured a cup for him and herself. Then she sat beside him on the couch, quietly and patiently. He would talk when he was ready, or he would simply derive comfort from her presence. He needed a friend. After an hour of amicable silence, Natsume sighed.
"Luna…cheated on me." He said softly.
"With Akito." Mikan nodded and remained silent.
"She said that it meant nothing, and that I was the only one that she loved. But if she really loved me, she wouldn't have strayed." He continued quietly. Mikan bit her tongue.
'Of course she would say that.' Mikan wouldn't tell him that Luna was one of those girls that cared for no one. She was perfect in almost everyway, except commitment. Luna would go out with Natsume for his popularity, and looks. But Natsume seemed to be truly heartbroken over Luna. He had already convinced himself that he loved the woman. So Mikan wouldn't say anything to further mar his already damaged image of his beloved.
"You…never cheated on me, Mikan." Natsume said, taking her by surprise.
"Were you really happy with me? Did you really love me?" He asked, his voice quiet, but earnest. Mikan set her cup on the table. She hesitated a moment, then met his pleading ruby orbs with her steady honey ones.
"I did love you." She replied smoothly.
"Did you really?"
"I did." He reached out his hand and placed it under her chin. He gently lifted it, so she faced him. He leaned forward, so their noses touched. He pressed his lips against hers. His lips were fervent against hers. Mikan released a shocked squeak before pushing him away roughly, eyes wide. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and straightened her clothing.
"Why?" Natsume asked his voice coarse, choked with emotion.
"You already have a girl friend. I won't be some other woman to occupy your time." Mikan stood, walking to the other side of the coffee table.
"You were never that. You were so much more. I was a fool to throw you away for someone else. I'll love only you." He said, almost begging.
"Words I'm sure you learned from your sweetheart." Mikan replied.
"Now go back to Luna. You love her, not me. Just forget about me, and us." The shock of rejection clear on his features. Natsume then left her room silently.
When you see her sweet smile baby
don't think of me
When she lays in your warm arms
don't think of me
Oh it's too late and it's too bad
don't think of me
Luna was smiling in Natsume's half-hearted embrace. He couldn't find the strength to go alone. He couldn't bring himself to break-up with Luna. It was the last day of alice festival. Mikan stood in the shadows, allowing her gaze to scan the crowd, she found a grinning man, waving to catch her attention. A bright smile on her face, she all but ran across the ground to greet him. She missed the sad ruby eyes of another who watched her mournfully. Natsume were wrapped his arms around his Luna, whom he did not love. He looked down upon her crown of dark hair, and wished that it was another whom he held so closely. He wanted the other to be the one he was dancing with. He bowed his head, burying his nose in the dark cascade of hair, imagining it was someone else. Mikan wasn't perfect, but she was an angel compared to the witch he was with. After the dace Natsume went to his favorite place the sakura tree. Natsume pressed his forehead against the sakura tree.
Her smile...
Her laugh...
Her eyes...
They all seemed engraved into his mind. Everytime he would close his eyes, Mikan would be there. Sometimes her laugh, and sometimes her tears... The memories of their past relationship haunted him. After she told him to forget her, all he could think about was her. He was never good enough for her or treated her well enough. Yet still, it was he who broke up with her, and not the other way around. He looked around and continued down the trail that headed toward the forest. He walked through the trees and headed to a lake with a large water fall. He walked to the edge and stared into the water. He could see small fish and fireflies flew down and touched the water. Never taking his eyes off the water, he began to undress. When he was done, he stepped into the water. It was warm. He headed in deeper until the water reached his upper arms. He sighed and closed his eyes.
... Face the truth,...
His eyes snapped open. He looked around. He sighed and shook his head. He was being paranoid. He closed his eyes once more.
... I don't love you...
His eyes opened. That was him. He said those words. He said those words to... He hit the water in frustration. He gathered water in his hands, and splashed the water against his face. He shook his head. He opened his eyes and saw Mikan infront of him. His eyes widened then she was gone. He looked around, and realized it was only his imagination.
'She's not really here...' He headed toward shore and sat down on the grass. Not caring if someone were to see him. He layed down. He stared up at the stars. Then he remember red one of those nights where he and Mikan will lay under the sakura tree.
"Natsume?" asked a feminine voice. Natsume grunted. A delicate hand pointed to the stars.
"Why do you think there are so many stars in the sky?" she asked. He stared at the stars.
"Because...when the first humans, said 'I love you.' A new star appeared. So now, whenever someone says 'I love you', A new star appears somewhere in the sky." she continued
"Natsume?" she asked again.
"Yes?" he answered.
"What happens when a star falls?" she asked. He thought for a moment.
"When a star falls, it's because somewhere, two people said goodbye to each other forever."
He continued to look up at the stars, when he suddenly saw one fall. He sighed and stood up. He gathered his clothes and put them on. He decided to take a short walk and then head back.
Does it bother you now all the mess I made
Does it bother you now the clothes you told me not to wear
Does it bother you now all the angry games we played
Does it bother you now when I'm not there
Natsume sat, slumped, he was bored and miserable. Luna was always into any new fad, and she dragged him unwillingly with her. Shifting slightly in his seat, across the street he was able to view a restaurant. It was the place where he and Miakn had gone on so many of their dates. The door to the restaurant swung open, and out marched Mikan, a brilliant smile on her face. The smile lit up her beautiful face. Natsume sighed. He would give almost anything to be there with her. A man emerged beside Mikan, proffering his arm to her in a comic fashion. Mikan giggled then returned it with an embellished curtsy. The pair laughed gaily and marched down the street. Natsume found himself gripping his armrests in anger and jealousy. Mikan was his girl! Then he remembered.
"You were never that. You were so much more. I was a fool to throw you away for someone else. I'll love only you." He said, almost begging.
"Words I'm sure you learned from your sweetheart." Mikan replied.
"Now go back to Luna. You love her, not me. Just forget about me, and us." The shock of rejection clear on his features. Then front door opened and in stepped a male with a silver hair. Mikan stood up and walked over to his side. Natsume almost growled when the man placed his arm around her waist.
"Ryou, this is Natsume. He's one of my friend and my partner in class. Natsume..." She looked up to Ryou, then returned her gaze back to Natsume.
"This is Ryou, my boy friend"
His grip relaxed in defeat. He had traded her in for… his eyes slid over to Luna. He sighed again, and resigned himself to his misery.
When you see her sweet smile baby
don't think of me
And it's too late and it's too bad
don't think of me
and it's too late and it's too bad
don't think of me
EnD