Title: Scattered Spare Parts
Authors: The 3 She-geeks
Disclaimer: None of the characters used in this story belong to any of us.
Spoilers: Probably almost until the end of season 6.
Summary: BIG crossover with almost any existing series you like (or dislike...) Can seem weird at first but it's fully set in the Buffyverse, with real plot&storyline and even a Big Bad... Go check it!
Authors' note: The timeline is probably around right after "Normal Again", with a few differences. Let's just say Giles is back, works again at the Magic Box, and that Xander and Anya are back together after the missed wedding...
Chapter One
A desert alley, around midnight and a half…
Two men were discussing secretly. One of them was quite tall, bleached blonde hair, with a black leather duster. To sum it up: a well-known vampire. The light of a street lamp was reflected on the bald head of the little unpleasant man he was talking to.
SPIKE (obviously upset): Bloody hell, Rocket, I told you to bring the junk tonight!!!!!
ROMANO: But I'm still waiting for my clients… No victims, no blood supplies!
SPIKE: Since those damned gits put this damned chip in my head, I can't kill anyone! Ok, except for demons, but they wouldn't go to your hospital even if I tell them to!
ROMANO (with a wink and a sadistic smile): I can take it off if you want! I'm the most famous surgeon in the world, after all!
SPIKE (with a distrustful look): I don't trust you. You look suspect.
ROMANO: You too.
SPIKE: Thanks. I always care about my look. Glad someone noticed.
ROMANO: Back to our little business. If for Tuesday I don't have my quota of twenty seriously injured persons – and wealthy ones, with a good insurance – you can forget about your blood!!!
SPIKE: Ok. No need to get nervous.
Bip. Bip.
ROMANO: It's my bipper . Back to the Romanomobile! See you on Tuesday, same place, same hour.
SPIKE (ironic): Have a nice murder!
The little man was already driving away on his little pink scooter. The vampire absent-mindedly lighted a cigarette, turning back and walking away through the darkness of the night.
(Robert "Rocket" Romano appears courtesy of ER's Cook County Hospital) (Thanks Robert) (See you tomorrow evening… )
The next morning, somewhere in Sunnydale…
Buffy was in the living room of her house, sharpening her stakes. Suddenly the door bell rang. She stood up quickly and had a glance through the window. She saw a man and a woman she had never seen before, dressed in dark colors, waiting on the doorstep. Then she looked around for a place to hide her woodcarvings and finally put them hastily under the couch. The door bell rang again.
On eventually opening the door, she saw them drawing their official badges.
MULDER: Good morning. Special agents Mulder and Scully, FBI. Are you Buffy Summers?
BUFFY: Errrr… Yes?
SCULLY: We're investigating about a series of mysterious deaths that occurred lately here in Sunnydale. Do you know anything about it?
BUFFY (slightly smiling): What do you mean exactly by "mysterious deaths" ?
MULDER: Could we come in to talk about it?
Buffy thought that Dawn was at school, so she wouldn't have to tell her to stay in her room. Then she thought about her stakes hidden under the couch, but the two FBI agents were already half in. She led them to the living room.
BUFFY (indicating the armchairs): Come on, take a sit.
As she saw them walking toward the I-am-a-great-hide-for-stakes couch, she said:
BUFFY (quickly): NO! Er… Not this one… Take the armchairs, they're more comfortable…
MULDER: Oh. Thanks.
They all sat, the FBI agents on the two armchairs and Buffy on the couch.
SCULLY: I'll be direct with you, your name appears in several of our secret files.
BUFFY (with an innocent look): Ah?
SCULLY: Yes. That's why we think you could help us answering some questions about those deaths. We managed to hush them up so you may not have heard about them yet. Three persons were found throttled with spare parts of Mr Potato, two nights ago.
BUFFY: Sorry, but I don't see how I could help you.
On finishing her sentence she noticed that a stake was not totally hidden under the couch. Buffy put on a tensed smile while agent Mulder began:
MULDER: That's not all. We also found strange marks on the victims necks, so we believe that it could be linked to some vampire activity. And you're a specialist of vampires, right?
BUFFY: I don't know what's written in your secret files, and I don't know what makes you think I am a vampire specialist, but I'm not.
While nervously answering, Buffy slowly moved her foot backwards, trying to push the stake back under the couch. Hopefully the agents didn't notice her movement, and she successfully managed to hide the stake completely.
MULDER: This is important, Miss Summers. Whoever killed those three persons, he might do it again soon.
BUFFY: I'm sorry, but I don't know anything about it.
The FBI agents stood up.
SCULLY: We'll probably come back later. (then handing her a card) If you remember anything, just call us. Thanks for your cooperation Miss Summers.
BUFFY: Sorry I couldn't help more.
Buffy watched them leaving, and closed the door behind them. Then she hurried to the phone and dialed a number she new by heart.
BUFFY: Giles? I think we have a problem…
At the same time, right outside Buffy's house, Mulder turned toward Scully:
MULDER: She's hiding something from us Scully, I can tell it…
(Special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully appear courtesy of X-Files)
At the Magic Box, a few minutes later…
Hearing the song of the small doorbell, Anya stood up and put on her ready-to-sell-anything smile. But when Buffy came in, she fell back in her chair.
BUFFY: Hey! Anya! How are you? Not a lot of clients today?
ANYA (ironically): How did you guess?
BUFFY: Err… Is Giles here?
ANYA: At the back of the shop.
BUFFY (moving ahead): Thanks.
In the back of the shop, Giles was facing a mirror. He seemed to be trying to… blink.
BUFFY: Giles? Are you ok?
GILES (surprised, turning around quickly): Buffy! I was, huh…I was…
BUFFY: Checking you're not a vampire?
GILES (embarrassed smile): Of course… So! Those two FBI agents?
BUFFY: Yeah. The woman, a Givenchy trouser suit, red hair, ulcerated stomach I think…
GILES: Hum, I was thinking of what they said…
BUFFY: Oh! (I-knew-it face) Of course. Three persons were found throttled with spare parts of Mr Potato.
GILES: Really? Mr Potato? Some kind of vegetable demon maybe. I'm going to figure this out.
They both got back to the shop. Anya was trying to sell something to a woman with a really tiny skirt and a hardly visible shirt.
ANYA: A birthday you said… Maybe those spices, they're aphrodisiac…
PAIGE: Well, I don't know… I'm searching for something really special… For my brother in law. You know… It's really difficult. First he's a demon. After he's no more. Then he becomes a more dangerous and evil one…
ANYA: Oh! I know what you need. Mandreï root, for infusion in a tea or in the diner. You'll see, his intestine will burst and his brain will boil.
PAIGE (enthusiastically): I take it!!
Anya looked at Buffy and Giles, putting on her more-cash-entry smile. Buffy looked at Giles suspiciously.
BUFFY: Hey! Usually you take off your glasses and you… HEY! Where are your glasses?? (then realizing) The blink to the mirror!!
She took a chair and climbed on it to take a look at Giles's eyes, while he was trying to make her back off.
BUFFY: You've got green and blue striped contact lenses???
(Paige Halliwell appears courtesy of Charmed)
Around lunch time, in a corridor at the back of the canteen hall in Dawn's school…
Dawn took a look at her watch, and seemed to be waiting for someone.
DAWN: Hurry up Janice! Where are you?
She heard something, like a sigh. She looked around: there was nobody. Then a new breathing noise. Now she was anxious. She looked everywhere but there was still no one around. This time it was the noise of something that had fallen. She was truly nervous, and couldn't stand staying there.
As she walked away, she heard steps sounds. She was beginning to walk faster when she suddenly faced a horrible green demon. Dawn tried to scream but instead of that she burst out laughing.
DAWSON: Cut!!
A filming team quickly came around her.
DAWSON: What's wrong Dawn?
DAWN: Do you really want me to be afraid of this? I mean… A 5 feet tall and green-painted boy?
JONATHAN: Hey!
DAWN: Sorry Jonathan.
DAWSON: It's representative! That's your girlhood demon, you're at the same time afraid and attracted by him…
DAWN: Hey, Dawson, it's ok. I know the stuff. Sexual energy and hormonal impulse. My sister's demon was rather bleached and nocturnal…
DAWSON: Dawn, if you don't want to make this film, tell me and I'll…
He stopped abruptly as something was thrown in his mouth. He quickly became red, unable to breath anymore. Someone tried to make his way through the panicked crowd.
CARTER: Back off, I'm a doctor!
Carter, who happened to be hanging around, managed to make Dawson spit a spare part of Mr Potato.
Everyone was too busy making sure that the movie director was fine to notice that extra, going away with a slingshot and a red notebook in his pocket…
(M.D. John Truman Carter III appears courtesy of ER; Dawson Leery appears courtesy of Dawson's Creek)
A few hours later, UC Sunnydale…
Willow looked at the board where the last exam's results were displayed. Smiling, she turned round and jumped with a gasp: a man and a woman, both dressed in dark colors, were blocking the way.
MULDER: Excuse me, are you Willow Rosenberg?
WILLOW (hesitant): Er… Yes?
MULDER: Special agents Mulder and Scully, FBI.
They drew their official badges with the easiness enabled by years of experience.
SCULLY: Could we ask you a few questions, in a quiet place?
WILLOW (puzzled): Of course…
The two agents followed the witch in an empty classroom.
SCULLY: Miss Rosenberg, what is the nature of your relationship with Buffy Summers?
WILLOW: Buffy? She's my best friend.
MULDER: Do you think she has any kind of relation with vampires?
WILLOW (innocently): What? Vampires? You mean, fangs, blood sucking, and all?
MULDER: Absolutely.
WILLOW: No. And, honestly, I don't even think vampires really exist.
SCULLY: One last question, Miss Rosenberg. Would you consider Buffy Summers as obsessional with Mr Potato?
Willow hardly refrained a smile.
WILLOW: I… Don't think so…
MULDER: Thank you Miss Rosenberg.
(Special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully appear courtesy of X-Files… Again…)
At the end of the afternoon, at the Magic Box…
GILES: This is really strange…
ANYA: Yes, only one client today! How are we supposed to make this shop viable in those conditions?
GILES: I was talking about those deaths…
BUFFY (looking up from a demon book): I didn't find anything in there.
ANYA: Maybe we should put an ad in the paper?
As Giles and Buffy stared at her with a strange look, she added:
ANYA: For the shop. An ad for the shop.
BUFFY: Anyway, I don't see how we could find in any of these books anything about a demon who likes to kill with spare parts of… Mr Potato… (beat) It sounds really weirder when you say it aloud…
GILES: You're right, we probably won't find anything in those books, but I had thought that we might find some clue… A demon with strange killing tastes for example…
BUFFY: *Really* strange killing tastes…
GILES: We should keep on looking in the books until the Scooby meeting tonight, just in case. Then we'll go patrolling.
As the doorbell rang, Anya stood up and smiled, but quickly sat back again.
DAWN: Hey! You'll never guess what happened at school today!
BUFFY (turning toward her sister): Something surprising, let me guess… You got an A at your math exam?
DAWN: Oh, really smart… No, it was while we were shooting this movie, you know, I told you about it… Well the movie director began to suffocate and then this handsome doctor appeared from nowhere and saved him! (desperate sigh) But he went away and I don't even know his name…
She sat at the table and began to look dreamily nowhere in particular.
The doorbell rang again, and Anya stood up with a smile once more. She sat back with a pout.
WILLOW: Giles, Buffy! Two FBI agents came at the university and asked me weird questions.
BUFFY: I know, they came to see me too. So you're in their secret files too?
WILLOW (with a frown) What secret files?
BUFFY: Didn't they tell you about those strange deaths?
DAWN (daydreaming): Will I ever see him again? (desperate sigh)
WILLOW: No, they asked me questions about you… They even asked if you had an obsession with Mr Potato…
BUFFY: If I… What? You mean they think I'm the one who committed those crimes?
WILLOW: What crimes?
GILES: It seems that three people were found throttled with spare parts of Mr Potato.
Willow really looked at Giles for the first time since she came in.
WILLOW: Giles? Your eyes are…
GILES (sighing): I know.
DAWN (still daydreaming): And that dexterity to take the spare part of Mr Potato out… (half admiring and half desperate sigh)
BUFFY: We need to… (suddenly turning toward Dawn) What? Did you say a spare part of Mr Potato?
DAWN (coming back to earth): I know this is weird, but that's how Dawson almost got strangled.
GILES: Anya, we should close the shop. I don't think any more clients will come today.
ANYA: Hey, now *I* am the manager of the Magic Box, and *I* choose when it's time to close. (looking at the door with hope) Someone can still arrive, you know, a very busy client, someone who didn't have the time to come before and who will park his expensive car in front of the shop window and…
WILLOW (in a low voice): Is that her kind of fantasy ?
On Xander's building site, around the same time…
Men were taking off their helmets and shaking their dusty hair. Xander was near the tools, checking a list of what had been done and what was still to do. Everyone said bye and Xander stayed alone to close the building site. He still had a tool in his hand when he saw the two shadows approaching in his back. He turned back and was about to fight when he saw that it was just two humans. Dressed in dark colors. Not exactly black. Just dark colors.
XANDER (embarrassed): Hey… I was thinking you were bad people… You know, the sun is setting down and…
MULDER : And vampires are rising…
XANDER: No! No, vampires? What vampires? (he took a look around him) Well, I'm sorry.
SCULLY: That's not important, we're used to that.
XANDER: Used to be threatened? You too? Huh… I mean… (he spoke quickly) Bad people threaten me when I leave the site. You know, pickpockets or this kind of people…
MULDER: Ok. We're not here for socializing. (he took a little notebook from his inside pocket) Alexander Harris, is that you?
XANDER (hesitating) : Yes.
SCULLY: And you know Miss Buffy Summers?
XANDER: Buffy? Yes! I know her! Is she all right? Someone shot her? Or is she at the hospital? Tell me she's ok!
Xander saw Mulder writing on his notebook 'take a look at her hospital file'.
SCULLY: Miss Summers is ok. We're just investigating on murders. Has Buffy Summers already been violent ?
XANDER: No! Never!
MULDER: That's not what her police record tells. Suspected in the death of the deputy mayor. Implied in a violent bar fight last year, she was totally drunk… You want me to continue? She seems to be someone really unstable, isn't she?
XANDER: No… The beer in the bar was poisoned and she has been cleaned for the deputy mayor murder. It was an another girl…
SCULLY: Yeah. Faith, she's in jail in L.A.
MULDER : Right. One more question.
XANDER: No. No more questions, you didn't even tell me who you guys were!
The professional mechanism, they showed their FBI cards to Xander.
XANDER: Oh… What was the last question?
MULDER: Do you know someone in her circle who's got a Mr Potato collection?
XANDER: Mr Potato? Are we talking about… the toy?
SCULLY : With moving face yes.
XANDER: Oh… Sorry. I don't know anyone.
MULDER: Thanks for your help Mr Harris.
Mulder and Scully walked to their car.
XANDER (to himself): Ok, so what the hell has bleached boy done again?
(Special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully appear courtesy of X-Files… It's becoming a habit!)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That's it for now...
But don't worry, the next chapter should be up soon! REALLY soon! Like, maybe tomorrow... Who knows...
If there's any character of any TV series that you'd like to see in this story, ask for it in a review!
And even if you don't have any suggestion, you can *still* write a review...
~ The 3 She-geeks ~