TITLE: Sure, Never
AUTHOR: Jillian Jorgensen
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of them. I wish I did. Don't bother suing me, I don't have any money.
RATING: G
FEEDBACK: Other than posted it here at fanfiction.net, send it all, even flames, to JILLIBEAN@aol.com.
SUMMARY: Scully tells Mulder her thoughts on the often predictable events of the Mytharc. My first attempt at any kind of humor, be kind!
AUTHORS NOTES: Okay, this is my first attempt at a parody fic. I was going for some sarcasm here, on how predictable things get with the whole alien mythology of the series. If it sucks, oh well, at least I can say I tried humor, right?
If you want to read some of my serious works, just click on my pen-name (Jillian) and check out any of my other X-Files fics. I usually hang out around angsty stuff or MSR. Humor's new for me.
* * * * * *
"Scully, we have a new case." Mulder said inside their small basement office.
"What now, Mulder?
"Seven women were abducted in-"
He was cut off. "Wait, let me guess." Scully said. "The middle of nowhere?"
"No! Just a small town in Montana."
"Right. The middle of nowhere." She sighed.
"It's not my fault aliens don't like the city."
"So you want to go investigate yet another abduction tale?" She asked, impatiently.
"We can't ignore it." He sighed.
"Fine, Mulder, I'm making a prediction right now. We'll realize this abduction has everything to do with what we've always been searching for. Then, we'll find a personal link to either my cancer and infertility, or your sister Samantha. Then we'll find some Samantha clones, some unaged, some grown. Soon enough we'll run into Smoking Man, or Krycek. Before you know it I'll be having visions of Emily again, and you'll do something stupid, and get caught by either Skinner or Kersh. Somewhere in between we'll argue, most likely on how it 'isn't just your quest anymore.' We'll make up though. Next, we will come dangerously close to kissing but some horrible mishap will interfere. By the end one of us will be in a hospital bed, the other waiting by their side. And Smoking Man will be lighting up somewhere." She finished, taking a deep breathe. "Oh yeah." She added. "You'll get sunflower seeds all over the floor of my car." She was finished.
"Scully, that's crazy. Things like that NEVER happen to us!" Mulder said.
"Sure, Mulder, never. And I believe in aliens." She sighed.
"YOU DO?!" He asked, excited as a little Christian boy on Christmas.
"NO!" She shouted, angrily.
His face sunk like a little Jewish boy on Christmas.
"We have flights in the morning, Scully. I have to go meet with some government conspirators now, who are somehow connected to my family. I'll catch you later." He said, popping a few sunflower seeds in his mouth.
"Sure, never." Scully sighed in the small, empty office.