W h a t T
h e H e a r t L e a v e s B e h i n d
B y A b i
l e n e K e e g a n
~ 1 ~
Abby had stood up on that
roof many times before. Watching the city
below as it went about life. She'd
wonder how many people down there were about to get into an accident. How many were going to be rushed into the
ER? How many were going to die? She had no answers to these questions but
what she did know for sure was that none of them would ever see it coming. Nobody ever did. Not once would a person wake up in the morning and get into their
car all the while knowing they were about to have a head on collision with
another car. No, those were just the
unpredictable cards life dealt you.
A good example of this was Abby herself. When she'd woken up this morning she hadn't
know she'd find herself up on this roof for the millionth time. She hadn't known as she leaned closer and
closer to the edge that she'd be considering jumping. Or more like falling. All
she'd have to do was lean over far enough, accidentally lose her balance, and
then it would be over. Just as she
truly was contemplating the idea two arms wrapped around her waist gently and
pulled her back. Abby turned around and
buried her face into Luka's chest as she began to sob.
- -
- -
Luka
held onto his trembling girlfriend tightly.
He didn't know what was going on or why she was crying. He'd seen her head up to the roof about
thirty minutes ago after she'd arrived at the hospital. Her shift was supposed to start at one and
it was already nearly two o'clock. It
was neither like Abby to be late nor to neglect her duties once she was at the
hospital. He was glad that Kerry wasn't
there yet and he was in charge of the ER for the time being.
He'd come up here, after informing both Randi and Malucci
to page him if anything remotely important happened downstairs, expecting to
find Abby sick or something. Or
something was right and he'd been the one that had nearly gotten sick. What he'd seen was the last thing he'd
expected. His most beloved girlfriend
was dangling way to close to the edge of the building. To his dismay she seemed only to be getting
closer with every second. He'd quickly
made his way over to her and, without startling her, grabbed her by the waist
and pulled her back. He was relieved
when she was safely in his arms but panicked again when she began to cry. Abby didn't cry. Not in front of him. Not
in front of anybody.
"Abby?"
He whispered gently as he looked down at the top of her head. "Abby, what's wrong?"
- -
- -
Abby
wrapped her arms around Luka tightly bringing herself as close to him as she
could. Seeking both shelter and comfort
in his embrace. She knew that for the
time being he'd give it to her. But
once he knew... he'd turn away and he'd never even look at her again. Let alone hold her or love her. She didn't ever want to lose this
moment. She couldn't lose it. Because she loved him and if she found a way
to continue living in her soon to be darkened world then this moment would be
her only light.
This was different then all the other times he had held
her. This was far more important then
all the times he'd made love to her.
For this was the first time she'd ever embraced him while knowing that
she loved him. And it would be the
last.
- -
- -
"Abby," He spoke as he rubbed her back
gently. "Please tell me what's
wrong." He was very scared
now. Scared at what this could all
mean. Had he just watched his
girlfriend try and commit suicide?
Should he maybe take her downstairs and quietly call psyche to come
evaluate her, to talk to her if nothing else?
If she wouldn't talk to him then he feared he'd have to do just
that. Because he was now afraid for her
own safety.
"Abby?"
He tried again and this time she pulled away from him slightly and
looked up at his face. Her brown eyes
showed of more pain then he'd ever seen in them before. Or at least paid enough attention to notice. He wanted to wipe away her tears but at the
same time he didn't want to let her out of his arms. Since he was sure he had just almost witnessed her jump off a
roof he decided to continue holding her.
"I'm sorry."
She whispered as she tried to back away. He wouldn't let her go.
"Sweetie," Now there was a term of affection he'd
never used before. "Don't be
sorry, just tell me what's wrong."
Her eyes filled with new shed tears as she tried once again,
unsuccessfully, to pull away.
"Luka please let me go." She begged him and though his heart ached at
the prospect of doing so he let her go.
He could never do anything she didn't want him to do. Especially after she'd voiced it loud and
clear.
"Abby tell me what's going on?" He watched her carefully as she took a few
steps away from him. He was afraid she
might actually try and jump even with him right there.
"I don't know."
She was lying and he knew it.
God, why wouldn't she just talk to him for once?
"Abby."
He walked closer to her.
"Please, talk to me."
"Do you love me Luka?" Luka's heart melted. He'd
waited a long time to be able to tell her this. He'd just needed to know that she was ready to hear it. Is this why she was so upset? Because she thought he didn't love her? He could see how that might hurt her but
cause her to commit suicide. That was
unlikely. More likely was that this was
simply the heart of the matter. He
smiled down at her softly and wiped away a few tears.
"Of course I love you Abby." The reply he got back was one that would
succeed only in breaking his heart.
"I slept with him Luka."
- -
- -
Abby just couldn't hold it back anymore. She had to tell him. It hurt too much not to. She knew it was selfish. She was only telling him to make herself
feel better. But it wasn't turning out
that way. At first his face held only
surprise. Then pain. Then sheer anguish.
"You... you what?" She began crying again.
God, she didn't want to hurt him.
She'd never wanted to hurt him.
But apparently last night that hadn't mattered to her.
"I slept with John." Now his face showed only rage.
But she wasn't afraid of him.
Even if he would hurt her she'd only deserve it. The rage wasn't only for her though, it was
for Carter. "Luka, I am so
sorry." She pleaded with him
knowing it wouldn't do any good. He
turned around and began walking away.
"Luka I love you.
I'm so sorry." The door to
the roof slammed shut. Leaving her
utterly physically and emotionally alone.
- -
- - - - -
- - - - -
- - - - -
- - -
End of Chapter 1
Author's Note: Okay, I know this story was a bit, if not totally,
uncharacteristic of Abby and not even I believe she'd really ever do what is
written in it. So, please do not flame
me telling me that this could never happen on the real show. I already know that. :-) I'm only having some fun here.
Disclaimer: The above was a story of fiction based
on characters created and owned by Michael Crichton and NBC.
