My Review History

by jeffhawke

My Review History to date of publication. This is here as a tool for authors that are considering me as a prospective beta reader: since most of my writings are not fan fiction, I am unable to publish them here.

My Review History

My Review History to date of publication.

This is here as a tool for authors that are considering me as a prospective beta reader: since most of my writings are not fan fiction, I am unable to publish them here.

But then, my long list of detailed and dense reviews can show you how accurate I am in my take of a story and how I'm able to explain easily to authors which are their strong and their weak points both in the chapter at hand and in the whole story.

Breaking Walls, Ch 26

2009-12-22

2009-12-18

Hello there, glad to see you again :D
Review in two parts today - especially since the results are quite different.

Part 1) The talking / not smut part.
Harsh review alert! Don't read unless ready for some big time criticisms.

Maybe I already told you something of the sort about last chapter, but here I'm not sure which one between House and Cuddy is more OOC. I mean, they are behaving, thinking and talking like hormonal teenagers (no offense intended) again and again instead of the mature, (mostly) rational adults they are.

I mean, House that tells himself "Cuddy is mine"? That, contemplating the case she could have been harassed, is worried about "his job to protect her" instead of her well being? Come on...
And while we're at it, why on earth isn't he drinking his mind off like he always do in the show when he's doubting himself?
Then there is Cuddy, who instead of simply explaining all that happened straight away, keeps babbling almost like in a panic attack: "It wasn't what you thought it was!", oldest line on the planet in these situations.
And how House reply to this? With his wit or sarcasm about her line or by shutting anyone out? No, he pities himself like an emo kid! House! "Please, don't do this, don't harm me...". Again, come on...

Let me tell you what I think happened here: you were in a predicament and wanted out quick and easy. But this is rarely the case and trying to solve the situation with some shortcuts can bring results that can be worst that the original error.

Part 2) The smut scene

Ok, I really liked this part, you did vary your "routine" of sex and changed many details, positions and actions. And in the end you were able to write down a new and interesting sex scene, something a little unusual and I liked it a lot.
As always, I've got a few remarks, just minor comments. First of all, why is the female (here Cuddy of course) often so passive in your smut? Why does she always wait for him to "take" her, to touch her, to move her around? I mean, I'd love to see empowered women who know what they want and search for it actively in the sex. Second just a silly note, in that position if House, even if so much taller than her, really tried to reach her face, he would have a tough time trying to raise up again so that he could push inside her effectively. Lastly, it's not a rule but if she's in a sexual high and you rub her clit "vigorously", she come almost immediately. As I said it's not a rule, but that's a trick we (males) use to get our mate to come a moment before we do if she still hasn't, so that she won't complain about it later :D

In general, this wasn't one of your best episode, with a great commendation to the effort of varying the sex scene. Yet, I always like to read what you write and I surely hope you can use my (too many) words to build something stronger next time.

Bye and keep up your work!

In Pursuit of Changes, Ch 8

2009-12-22

2009-12-18

Hello and welcome back! I'm so happy that you got your metaphorical pen back in your hand :D

As for the story: nice chapter! I loved that you left the smut right outside the ending point :D It's a nice kind of cliffhanger!

I loved the details of their kiss, of their touching.
Too many times writers forget that in kissing not only lips are in play but hands, fingers or legs are also important, since a light touch to the back of the neck or a soft squeeze of an arm or a small pressure of a leg over a crotch can really enhance the experience and be the details that make the story that much more realistic.

Thanks, that was quite nice to read, if a little overdue! Be sure to keep up with your voracious readers :D

Abandoned Me, Ch 16

2009-12-07

2008-07-09

Wow!

Let me tell you that yours is possibly the best House fanfic that I ever read. And I read a lot, and I liked a lot. But yours it's just a notch over most of the others.

Your writing is well rounded, mature and you use an incredible number of different words (while something that happens with many writers, especially younger ones, is that they tend to use the same words over and over, varying only a few adjectives here and there) and this makes for an always interesting reading, even for a non English speaker like me.

Your plot is complex and interesting and besides the medical condition, about whose plausibility I can't really tell, all that is happened seems naturally happening and perfectly fitted with the overall context, not stretching anymore that necessary any of the many established mechanisms of the show.
Even more praiseworthy, you refrained from making exceptional events the norm, like sometimes it happens in other accident based fictions.

And your characters? Those are really in tune with their real life counterparts. Obviously now we know how the show differed from this story, but the reaction of them all is just as plausible as it was in "reality". Even a little more, if you will, especially with regards to Wilson's reaction.
But I can absolutely see Cameron trying to cope with Wilson like that; and I so loved her rationalization to Cuddy about this a few chapter ago, it sounded exactly like her.
And as you described it, I imagined like I was watching it on TV a torn Cuddy falling for a non bitter and playful House, with no hope of being immune to his powerful and enticing charm.

You just gained a loyal fan. And if you will start updating this again soon enough, you also will gain my unwavering gratitude.
Please, don't be afraid of continuing a time-line that differs from the canon; maybe you could think at this as happening in an alternate universe. I beg you to take pity on us and not letting your readers with a pending story.

For the time being, I must just thank you for your great work and convey my hope of seeing you back here soon.

Thanks again and bye.

In Pursuit of Changes, Ch 7

2009-12-07

2009-12-18

Hello to both of you, IC and IC's mom, I'm a 32yo italian guy who likes very much IC's stories and writing.

I myself am a little bit of a writer, even if work and a few other things going on in my life don't leave me too much time to follow this hobby of mine.
I started writing only a few years ago and if you wonder what triggered this thing on, I have to tell you, it was the internet and all the wonderful and marvellous stories that you can find here.

I've been a dreaming teenager myself, always fantasizing about dragons and wizards (I was a huge Tolkien fan at the time). But I never dared to write something myself, how could I compare to Tolkien's or even to Terry Brooks' writing skills?
Then a few years ago, by pure chance, I ended up in a fan fiction site, not so different from this one.
And a new world opened for me, a world where people, normal people like me, could easily express their fantasies, their feelings to the world and be in touch with so many others with the same inclination.
That changed my life and I cannot but feel happy for today's young men and women who can explore this side of themselves in a moment of their lives where they can easily dedicate their time to this. And maybe understanding something of themselves early on in their lives.

Because that's what it's happening here: people from all places and of all ages are daily confronting and suggesting, criticizing and learning how to accept a friendly critic, trolling (that's criticizing for the sake of doing so) and learning how to cope with people whose only purpose is to get you angry.

IC is a gifted writer: her stories are moving, sweet and intriguing. And the massive response to her appeal should let you know how much a lot of people feel about her writing. I know that if she would really stop writing we all would feel a loss.

Of course, she is young and sometimes her writing reflect that fact, as when her characters say things that a teenager would. But that's understandable, it can be difficult for a young woman to understand how a 40yo woman could feel about life, marriage and kids. And that's what we, the readers, are here for: with our reviews and messages we tell her if she did a good work or not, if her writing was doing justice to the story or if she should have worked on it a little more.
We get a good story going out of this and she gets both a way to grow as a writer and a lot of help in her self esteem. It's a win-win situation, really.

As for the "snoopy nephew", I think that if he is under 18 (that's what I felt from the message) you should explain to him that this fiction are not for him to view. I know that it won't probably stopping him from trying (I've been a troublesome teenager myself) but that should give you a little leverage to stop him from snooping.
After all, many of the original shows episodes are likely to be 14+ or even MA rated and so he probably shouldn't be allowed to watch them as well. And why there should be any difference with a fan fiction that is inspired to those?

Now, you're asking what do I get out of IC's stories. Let me ask you: what do you get out of a good book or a movie? Because these two question have the same answer: entertainment, if nothing else. But more often than not, emotions. And feelings. And a good laugh. And a few minute evasion from my daily routine.
It's just that simple.

But the real question you should ask is: what does my daughter get out of writing?
Because that's the only thing that it's important here, at least for you. I don't think that what an italian stranger does or does not should at all matters when deciding about your daughter's life.
Because that's an important part of her life.
Of course it could sound silly to you, it's always like that, parents cannot really understand their children's interests. My parents couldn't understand my interest in fantasy role playing.
But I bet that your parents couldn't understand your interests as well. Nonetheless those were a very important part of your life, at the time.
And in my case, while the interest in role playing wore off in time, the ties and the friendships I got out of it last to this day and have helped me in my life many times.

So if writing is not her thing, she will probably grow out of it anyway in a few years. But if it's something that truly belongs to her, maybe something that she could make a living out of (or at the very least something that she truly enjoys) why would you prevent her from pursuing it?
Because even if it's not something useful now, the life experience and the connections she gets out of this will last a long time after she will have stopped writing.

I'm stopping this now, before I get too much off track. I just wanted to encourage you to think back to when you where young and to how much your parents let you (or didn't let you) have your way with what were your interests at the time. And how much that impacted on your file and on your later decisions in life.
And please, give your daughter the same possibility you received (or would have liked to receive).

Goodbye and be well.
Aureliano

Tension, Ch 27

2009-12-07

2009-12-06

Now this is what I call a well written piece of fiction!

Thanks a lot, you're really are gifted, it's amazing how many little particulars in here just fit right, from Wilson's shirts to Foreman's tone of voice, from Cuddy's priorities to House's annoyance.
That's what I love in this fanfic: it tells us a nice wonderful and loving story but at the same time it keeps true to the original characters. And that's not so easy.

And the quick banter with the clinic doctor? Nice and at the right time, it's just like House to throw their sex life in in front of the next doctor like that. And if's exactly like Cuddy to feel embarassed by his comments :D

Thanks again for this and keep up the good work!

Winter Days, Ch 3

2009-12-03

2009-11-24

You are doing this right, let me tell you!
I loved the dream, how it was scary at first (with some muggle elements, no less) and then it turned relaxing and beautiful (since Hermione probably aced the potion) and with Cho in it! Lol, Hermione should try to pay attention to her own subconscious since it has more inklings than her at times :)

Thanks again, this is nice and cozy and I love it a lot. Please update soon and keep up the good work.

Winter Days, Ch 2

2009-12-03

2009-11-24

Hey, I just love how you spent time in here with all the details of the potion and the reaction of Hermione to Ron, Harry and Snape.
It really is a sign of good writing when you can "lose" time on details and still making it an interesting reading :)
And then, there's this "obliviousness" of Hermione, who is normally so smart but that in this case is too blinded by her preconcept to really grasp Cho's message and meaning and intention. I like it, it's realistic and intriguing.

I'm going to read the remaining chapter and then I will review again.
Thanks again for this and keep up the good work.

Gabrielle, Ch 48

2009-11-30

2009-12-19

TG, I love the G character, especially now that you toned down her know-it-all-ness a little bit.

But I'm getting the impression that you're stuffing this fic with too many storylines and you're having a hard time juggling them: I mean, the pregnancy and the trial are not really mixing togheter, it's like all the characters stop thinking about a subject and get down to another and back again.

I don't want to be insensitive, but come on, in this chapter the trial was hardly mentioned (if at all). And the pregnancy was last mentioned like 7 or 8 chapter ago, before the last one.

Ok, I've made my point, now on with the praises :D
Good karma to House for not freaking out at the possibility of being the sole male in a family with 4 other girls :D
Good karma to Cuddy for not stressing too much over the possibility of a miscarriage.
And good karma to you, for writing something that it's really interesting and fun to read :)

Thanks for this and the previous chapters (that I've been too lazy to review, sorry), keep up the good work.

Breaking Walls, Ch 25

2009-11-30

2009-12-18

I don't know...
I mean, it doesn't really make sense, House reacting this way.
Why does he have to react like an hormonal teenager?

And Wilson, heck, he could at least asked her what was that all about before accusing Cuddy of misbehaving!

I so much appreciated House trying to be mature and not prying into her life but then it all immediately collapsed at the first bump? That man can behave as an adult when important things are going on.
I mean, being so intelligent and intuitive he cannot ignore the possibility of something wrong going on and even if his emotions are on the line I don't really see him snapping like that.

However it was a nice chapter, especially in the first part. Thanks for your good work and keep it up :)

Reunion Catastrophe, Ch 13

2009-11-30

2009-12-13

Nice trick, I totally agree with Cuddy, House is over insane but this was completely in his chord, definitely House style!

And that was a nice thing to do for her, at risk of infuriating his gf :) She by herself would never agree of leaving work behind just to have fun!

I felt like you could have played the Rachel-House interaction a little bit more, maybe showing them a little bit throughout the evening. He's just great with kids!

As a final note, I'm just a little bit unnerved by that reunion thing whenever Cuddy behaves like she was fifteen :) But then in this fiction it's one of her vulnerabilities and so I guess it's ok. She just should feel a little more ashamed of it, that's all.

Thank you again and keep up the good work.

These Days, Ch 18

2009-11-30

2009-12-20

Nice cliffhanger, totally unexpected and nothing too fancy but still well played. I liked it, it's a sign of a good writer to be able to focus on little things and making it interesting.

I'm sure I already told you this, but I love this "love my cooking, love me" theme, it's so manly of House to accept (in his way of course) something that before it would have been so alien to him.
And I'd love to imagine him with a pink apron, you should find a way for him to buy one himself and surprise Cuddy with it.

-

I just reread it and I must tell you that most of this just sounds right, their banters are exactly as I would expect them to be on the show. That's not so easy to accomplish, to be true to the characters even with different emotions going on.

Thanks for the good work and keep it up!

Missing Link, Ch 11

2009-11-27

2009-11-27

You know, I always wondered how such a beautiful woman as Lisa Cuddy could go for so long without dating... And so it makes completely sense that now she's asking that herself!

Thanks, this is a nice story, I just love how House is continuously looking for the "old" Cuddy and is feeling more and more disconcerted by her new self. That man needs stability more than air, sometimes.
But there's nothing preventing him to find new, better stability with this new Lisa emerging from the accident!

Thanks again and keep up the good work.

In Pursuit of Changes, Ch 6

2009-11-19

2009-12-18

Hey, you put me on the spot! :D I'm glad you liked my suggestion - and that you acted upon it!

It's really a heartwarming chapter and I'm so glad you decided to go this way.
House is just perfect with children and babies, especially when there are no other grown-ups near them.
But he probably doesn't know that once a baby has learned a new word, he/she will never forget it! I can't wait to see that "ash" returning :P

And let me tell you, the final was really something, with house teasing Rachel (LOL) and then with her getting her "revenge" by outing him (DA!) in front of Cuddy. Brilliant.

If I really have to find something, I should point out that in two moments the flow seemed a little stretched. But they are really minor things.

The first is when House ask whether he can take Rachel out.
The sense of the next sentence changes at least two times: at first Cuddy seems to be anxious about House taking R. out; then she is moved and happy; and at last she "does not hesitate" since "she trusted him", like as if she didn't completely trusted him.
I don't know if I'm making any sense here :)

The second moment, slighly more relevant but still mostly silly, is when Cuddy remembers the playdate: isn't she a little bit overreacting, groaning and slapping her head and wanting to bang her head for forgetting Rachel's playdate?

Ok, this is all, can wait to read all the SMUT you promised (*grin*) in the next chapter :D

Thanks again.

In Pursuit of Changes, Ch 5

2009-11-14

2009-12-18

You know, IC, this was the scene I was so hoping to see on the show, instead of that big Lucas fiasco!
This was soo good and warm and moving, I so like your way of drawing them.
Your way of writing House and Cuddy while dealing with their problems, with House inhability to have stable relationships and commitments is wonderful.
I just loved the fact that you used a couple of Cuddy's line from the last show because that enhance the sense of being true to the original characters. And I really feel it here.

On a different note: you should just ignore trolls. If he is unable to understand the nurturing feeling of cooking for someone you love, of lovingly preparing their food with your own hands, that's his loss.
And for the kiss, I thought that was a wonderful scene, something not only beautiful and nice, but completely plausible: I have done many different things with a baby in my arms and a kiss is certainly possible and safe.

About your question: why not placing House with Rachel in a public place with lots of mommies and their kids, like a park or a morning fast food, where he can be importuned by the ladies and he has to keep his harsh toungue in check in front of the children? LOL :D

Thanks again for a wonderful chapter and good night.

Complicated, Ch 1

2009-11-12

2003-04-16

Nice, really, I was a little taken back by the format at first but then I appreciated how smooth the story goes.

And the twist at the end, quite unexpected I must say.

It would be a great idea if you would develop this in a full blown story, maybe with a polyamory side! I'd love that a lot.

Anyway, thanks for your nice work, I love the fact that you try different writing styles here and there.

Breaking Walls, Ch 24

2009-11-12

2009-12-18

A beautiful chapter, an a pivotal moment! I liked it a lot, even if I'm not completely sure those walls are gone for good, I mean House has been so wrap up in them for many years and even if he is willing, Cuddy cannot expect a full openness from day 1.
Of course, a willing House will do miracles to prevent the walls from reappearing, but I'm sure it will take time.

As for your question, my answer it's the same I gave myself in these cases: it depends only on the writer's feelings.

Do you feel like you have something more to tell? Or do you think the story is finished and you would have to milk a dry cow? Each and every story has its own life span and you cannot drag it on too much when it's over.

Like I said, it strongly depends on you, on the feeling that you got from your characters.

Of course, being a fan, I'd love to read your story forever :)
But being a writer myself, I reckon that sometimes it's best to end it at the right time.

As long as you "promise" to write something else, we will pretty much be happy with any decision you take.

Breaking Walls, Ch 23

2009-11-12

2009-12-18

Wow, that was hot!

I love when House cooks for her, I'm sure I already told you this :), mainly because he's showing he really cares.

I like how you take your time at telling us all the banters between them before going for the smut: not many are able to withhold their "arousal" in these situations and foreplay not often gets actually written!

On this note, just an observation: your sex scenes (even the ones you write for others) are all pretty similar, some foreplay, missionary position, mostly penetration: can I humbly suggest a little more variation?
I mean, without going to "strange" topics, why not including a lot more of oral sex? Both ways? And different positions, like her riding him, face front and on the back (for many women, the latter is incredible for it's ability to touch their g-spot during sex).
Should I (or dare) suggest some more?

Anyway, thanks a lot for this. I'm on to chapter 24 now!

I Wanna a Cuddy, Ch 6

2009-11-10

2009-11-09

Hey, we shuddered for we just love Huddy and we hate that Mary Sue character of Lucas!

But how can Cuddy miss the signs House was sending her? That was brilliant, way different than other Huddy story would go :)

Nice work, keep it up!

These Days, Ch 15

2009-11-10

2009-12-20

Nice story and nice work of embedding a Huddy story line into the canon developments.

I like your style and I like your take on House: his insecurities (greatly underplayed by TPTB) and his difficulties at speaking his heart to anyone.

And I love your Cuddy, how protective she is without being out of character.

I really hope that you would play the cooking theme a little longer than they did on the show: it's something that I totally see House good at and something that Cuddy cannot but love (his cooking for her, I mean).

Thanks and keep up the good work, can't wait to read the next.

Tension, Ch 26

2009-11-08

2009-12-06

Niice, though you stopped it a little too soon, imho, I would have liked to have a little wider look at Lisa's worries and relief.

But then, it seems like a good melodramatic end :)
I just hope you have intention on bringing this on, I mean, wouldn't you dare leave us like that, would you?

Maybe House just needs to learn how to show her (and only her) a little bit more of his soft side that we love so much.

Thanks for this, nice work.

Reunion Catastrophe, Ch 10

2009-11-03

2009-12-13

Nice and cozy, I soo love when the girls appreciate when we (as in we men) cook for them :D
And I always believed that House (being a closeted maniac with serious OCDs) could be a great cook, just like we saw at the start of this season.

I really hope that you have big plans for the actual reunion party, since you did so much for just a "preview": I can't wait to read them!

Thanks to Iane Casey for her nice and enticing smut :D I loved it.

Keep up the good work and thanks a lot :D

I Wanna a Cuddy, Ch 5

2009-11-03

2009-11-09

Hey, please, don't go there, don't follow the show!
They're not going towards Huddy, I fear, and I like Huddy, a lot!

And I like your fic, it's nice and it's has a great backgroud that makes Huddy that more justified and interesting!

Good work, keep it up and don't stray from the Righteous Path! ;)

Soft Spot, Ch 19

2009-10-27

2009-10-15

You know? You are doing a good job at being realistic: you seem a little sadistic almost like a real tv writer! :D

Please, bring Rachel into the picture again, this is going towards Huddy Angst while it started (marvelously) as a Humor House/Rachel story!

Really, I love your take on the little one, especially when you are able to contain the Mary Sue syndrome that takes everyone who tries to write an original character (and your Rachel, while being based on a real character, is clearly your creation) and let her be a young child with a fixation for a grumpy but kind old man. Just remember that she is a child and therefore cannot see and understand anything that is going on there.

Thanks for all this and please, keep up the good work!
And give us some smut :D

In Pursuit of Changes, Ch 4

2009-10-26

2009-12-18

I'd say give us the smut ;D

But then, I agree that you should take your time, their relationship has to be built over the ruins of their lives and their previous terrible relationship(s).

I loved how you chose to place his food in the center of the story, I really regretted that in the show they dismissed it as just another obsession for house while it's a way of showing how he is at a point where he actually loves to create, to do something constructive.

Thanks a lot for this and keep up the good work.

Bye.

The way IM, Ch 1

2009-10-25

2009-10-31

ahahah, I laughed a lot!

Thanks, it was nice and funny!

Gabrielle, Ch 38

2009-10-25

2009-12-19

Now, this is more like it :D
This whole trial thing is doing wonders to the plot, at least Gabrielle isn't being anymore that insufferable know-it-all that she was when I last reviewed your fiction :)

I really like the humor you put in this story, it's lightening the angst of the overall plot.

And I like a lot a little bit of insight on Gabrielle's past, since it's giving her a background and getting her a true 3-D character instead of just a teenage, female version of house.

Keep up the good work! Thanks.

Gabrielle, Ch 31

2009-10-25

2009-12-19

You know, I really like the plot and quite a few points of humor you had, mostly in the beginning.

But I think your story is now starting to be really out of character, especially for House.
I mean, I can probably see him getting advices from Gabrielle when she was there.
But waiting for her to tell him how to ask Cuddy to marry him?
That was hard to believe.
He is a strong, intelligent man, quite sure of himself, literate and with an experience in life that no 15yo could hope to match (no offense).
I'm under the impression that you're projecting onto him the personality of a timid 16 year old boy. And that is totally unlike House.

And then there is this whole Mary Sue factor: how can it be that a 15yo girl knows all the right answers, all the right things to say, she seems to know anything, to sense it all out of thin air, with little to no error.
I know how easy it is to get stuck on that trap (every author has his own Mary Sue stories), especially if this is your first fanfic.
But you have to tone it down, it's becoming annoying and it's a pity, since I think you do have nice ideas and a good writing style.

Anyway, thanks for writing this, I'm going to read the rest of what you already wrote before commenting again.
I just had to rand a little bit about these things. Sorry about that :D
By the way, I usually only do good reviews. I normally don't criticize stories, I just left them and move to others.
I'm doing this unusual thing here because I care, because I mostly like your stories and your character and I'm hoping to contribute a little bit to improve them. :D

Bye

The Experiment, Ch 3

2009-10-24

2008-06-06

Nice turn, at the end! I really didn't expect to be House... I could have bet on a poly relation or on it being 13, but I kind of guess not being House...

It really surprised me, nice writing.

Thanks for this, it was fun, although too brief.

Reunion Catastrophe, Ch 9

2009-10-21

2009-12-13

I so much loved this chapter!

I loved how the time seemed to stop even for me when they were kissing! Amazing writing, let me tell you!

And I definitely vote for all the smut and the m-rated content you are willing to put in :D

Keep up the good work and thanks a lot!

Unraveled, Ch 2

2009-10-05

2008-05-20

So moving...

Thanks, this is probably what I would have loved to see after season 4 ended.

Nicely written, also. Thanks again.

You Shouldn't Drink Alone, Ch 1

2009-10-04

2007-06-11

Nice story, I could see that happening for real, since it was pretty obvious at the time that the reason behind Cameron's quitting was House and her feelings for him.

I'd love to read the new chapter, if you still have it in you :D

Thanks and bye.

Thunder & Lightning, Ch 1

2009-10-04

2008-05-07

This was very very nice, I loved it a lot, one of your best oneshots, IMHO.

I especially loved the accent on Allison's scent, it's something that I love so much myself, the nice, warm small of my girl in the mornings...
(cough) Sorry, I got carried away :grin:

However, this remembered me of the movie Scent of a woman where Al Pacino says that what brought him on in life was the thought that someday he would find in bed with a woman and that in the morning she would be still there and the "Smell of her. All funky and warm."

BTW, I agree with your friend, that kind of scenario is by far the best for House/Cameron stories, mostly because it's so improbable that he would ever do anything remotely romantic in presence of others, at least in the beginning.

Thanks a lot for this.

Bye

Sweeter than Honey, Ch 3

2009-10-03

2009-05-17

Nice writing, as usual :D

And very sweet indeed, well in character with both Cameron, House and Wilson.

I liked how she never really thought he could be accepting a relationship. At least not immediately :grin:

I'd like to see things develop from here, read House's opinion of the night...

Thanks and bye.

Of House and Home, Ch 19

2009-10-02

2009-06-12

I just loved your interpretation of House fear of commitment, that is very in character with him.

And while the presence of several OC in a fiction normally tends to be annoying, you did a nice job of keeping them "out of the way".

I liked your story, it was nice and sweet, even if you probably should change the genre to include Angst.

Once again, thanks for your writing.

Do Over, Ch 2

2009-10-02

2009-06-17

Nice, thanks for the fluffiness, I kind of missed in the previous story.

Good writing, also.

Thanks again

Discombobulated, Ch 11

2009-10-02

2009-06-18

Interesting and moving. I definitively see Allison as the one who can change both House and Parker ways of living.

I'm just a little bit surprised that House wouldn't be suspecting something like schizophrenia when he heard Parker in the bathroom doing the two-voices thing. It's seems strange for such an acute medical mind.

Please, do not abandon this fic, I like it a lot.

Thanks for your writing.

Dating In The Dark, Ch 1

2009-10-01

2009-09-10

Nice and sweet, even if a little OOC, with House so openly letting his feelings out and going along with them.

But I could definitely see this extended to a more long and complex story, with a long Before and a long After.

Thanks, it was entertaining.

I Do? I Don't, Ch 38

2009-09-30

2008-09-24

This is a very nice and interesting story and your characters are fun!

Please, don't leave your fic here to die, at the very least write some kind of ending to it... Or even better, start working on it again :D

Anyway, thanks a lot for your story, it entertained me for a few nice hours.

Bye

A Little Help From My Friends, Ch 58

2009-09-29

2008-10-14

Nice story, nice ending.

I especially loved how slowly things progressed between them, it's always OOC when they suddenly throw at each other.

And the way house reacted to the baby is wonderful, I'd definitely see him with a daughter!

Thanks again.

Everybody Out of the Water, Ch 43

2009-09-26

2009-04-23

Hi, just finished reading all this long and nice story.

IMHO, this incredible difficulty they find at leaving the place is a little far fetched, but then I never been in a disaster zone, so I can't tell for sure.

However you're doing a nice job on moving H&C on with their feelings for each other at a steady pace, without racing anything: I felt that the love scene was appropriate and at the right time.

I really hope you will update this soon, I'd love to see the end of the journey and the reaction of the others at home.

Bye and thanks again.

Forbidden Magic, Ch 76

2008-08-07

2008-08-19

Nice :D
Even better than the original, especially the Hermione-Ginny silent interactions.

I liked the dangerous moment when Voldemort wanted to take his revenge on poor Hermione: I didn't expect it and it surprised me. As well as it's solution.

I'm a little sad this story is almost ended now, but I'm eagerly waiting for the "happy times", especially if they are "hot times" as well :)

I'd really love to read a whole "19 years later" story as long as it doesn't involve too many children: I love children in stories but they tend to drive away the juicy parts ;)

Thanks a lot again.

The Discovery, Ch 8

2008-08-05

2008-09-17

At last she realized! Nothing beats jelousy to make you aware of your feelings!
Poor innocent Chase was just an innocent bystander, or, more precisely, a human shield used by House to get his show on.

Nice humour, nice writings. I love your fiction, thanks a lot.

Forbidden Magic, Ch 75

2008-08-04

2008-08-19

Sorry for the long late review, real life was keeping me out of the fanfiction world!

So, you actually killed Ginny!
What a twist, in a Ginny-Hermione ship story :)

Not that we didn't expect this to happen before the end. And I was glad it was Hermione who lived and who took revenge on Bellatrix, the bitch deserved that and more!

Now, as usual I liked the story told from the other point of view!
And Hermione managing to understand about harry being an Horcrux by herself is a nice touch. Even if a little improbable, as she probably lacked some crucial points that Dumbledore explained Harry only in his vision.

I'm under the impression you're not exactly extending the war but you're actually filling some holes that JKR left undescribed.
I like it this way, the story stays (more or less) the same but you have a lot of space to fill in many details.
At this point, I just hope you to be a little more prolific than JKR about what happens in the immediate afterwards of the war.

And I'd love to see a little more of Luna-Harry and of Hannah-Neville in the last part of your story.

Good work, as usual :)

Whisper of the Wind, Ch 23

2008-07-27

2008-07-31

I normally don't review "old" chapters, when reading an already going story, waiting to reach the end.

But this chapter 23, the aftermath of the accident, is a mastery piece of work and I really felt the need to tell you, to congratulate you and to thank you for writing this!

I actually felt like being there, as if a camera was panning through the broken cars and zooming on doctors' faces or House's wounds.
It takes a lot of ability to write something like that and you evidently have it.

Good work :)

Forbidden Magic, Ch 74

2008-07-25

2008-08-19

If this is the prelude... I'm starting to think that your idea of prolonging the was could not be a good one, after all: too many deaths, even more than in the book!

However it's a great story and you write it with the perfect amount of sadness and emotion.

I'm joking about your idea, of course, but the war is never good, even if it can be interesting.

Take your time for next chapters, when modifying a complex plot like DH's it's much better to plan in advance and to have the plot well clear in your mind before starting to write.

Thanks again for your work.

The Discovery, Ch 7

2008-07-24

2008-09-17

nice, you play this all with mastery!

Great plot and great characters' interaction!

I'm hoping that now that the kiss barrier has been broken, the temperature will rise *grin*

thanks a lot for your work.

Forbidden Magic, Ch 73

2008-07-21

2008-08-19

I'd say nice chapter, if it wasn't one of the saddest moment of the all 7 books.

Thanks for rewriting it as it was, as it should. And as usual, thanks for the different emotions Hermione's eyes give to this story.

I appreciated that Hermione was able to read Voldemort's intention but had no way to change them: in the books, too often Harry looks like a complete fool, with no clue on his whereabouts.

Thanks for your work, it's really worth your time!

Knowledge, Ch 1

2008-07-17

2004-02-06

Very good story, nicely written and intriguing!

I really believe that a whole race who pass along its memory from one person to another would have developed at least the correct pronouns to address the "this memory belongs to a previous host" problem. But that's hardly your fault, ST is too often too much terran-centered for this to be noted.

And I really agree with one of the previous reviews, the reaction of Jadzia and Ezri are well tailored to their characters: Jadzia strong and a little cold, Ezri unsure and impulsive.

Good work!

The heart rules the head, Ch 9

2008-07-15

2008-08-10

nice and hot! Thanks a lot for this.

I appreciated that Ginny did all this only for her lover... even if it seems a little too mature for a girl so young and unexperienced, it's an act of giving I expect from an expert lover and an excited teenager is not exactly that.

Other than that, great work and nice writings :)

The Discovery, Ch 5

2008-07-11

2008-09-17

wow, what a great story you have there!

thanks a lot, it's really entertaining and realistic, especially the interaction between cuddy and house.

I'm eagerly waiting for some more!

Forbidden Magic, Ch 72

2008-07-10

2008-08-19

so, the others are starting to realize about the bonding...
nice, I'd like to hear what Harry and Ron think about it: in their shoes I wouldn't be very happy, it can be a dangerous thing during a battle. And up to now, it has shown its limitations more than its merits.

I'm starting to feel bad for poor Lavander! She's one of those people miraculously saved in the book, it was at least strange to survive after a werewolf had you in its fangs for some time: didn't it crashed you at all?

About the writings: it's clear you were a bit in a hurry when writing this, there are a couple of sentence where you suddenly change the subject and for a foreigner like me it can be a little hard to follow.

Anyway I liked this chapter a lot! Real Action, at last!
And a realistic reaction from Ginny: I can't believe in 7 books they never used a killing spell against people doing their best to murder them!
I certainly would have :D

Forbidden Magic, Ch 71

2008-07-08

2008-08-19

Thanks, these last two chapters were amazingly more exciting and moving than the original, given the different POVs involved.

I cannot believe I missed the obvious link between Ariana and Dumbledore's sister...
You know, I didn't read book 7 until last month, I didn't feel like reading it, book 6 was a big disappointment for me.
I decided to read it (and I actually liked most of it) only so that I could follow your fiction and so it's really really recent for me, I should have got the connection between the names. Shame on me!

Keep up the good work!

Forbidden Magic, Ch 69

2008-07-04

2008-08-19

At last, I catched up with your writing!!

Now, I'm just another insatiable reader wating for your updates... but no pressure :D

The story so far is nice and intriguing, the whole hermione-ginny POV thing gives a new life to the story.
I just hope you would change a little more, try to be original and don't feel forced on JKR's track.

However, I really like your story and I can't wait to read more.

bye and thank you.

Forbidden Magic, Ch 41

2008-07-02

2008-08-19

Nice twist! I love your new OC (I know, it's back in time for you but I'm just catching up with your story now), finally a nice and interesting Slytherin: I couldn't believe that the best JR could muster were Slughorn or Piton!
And she's italian too!!
BTW, a little advice from an italian boy: her name should probably have been Arianna as Ariana is not really an italian name and it has a bad sound for us because "ariano" means "Aryan" (as in the nazi adjective) and ariana is its female form.

Shades of Red, Ch 1

2008-06-17

2008-06-16

nice, the twist in ginny's character, being into bdsm and probably already experienced, is unexpected but intriguing.
and how Hermione is brought into the sexual encounter is actually very realistic, as it is her reaction when she sees ginny taken by snape.
Overall, it could have benefitted from hearing hermione's thoughts a little more. But as I said, nice :D