"I thought love was supposed to hurt." Jeff mumbled bitterly to himself as he blankly stared at a picture of him and his boyfriend of twelve years. "It's all that I've ever known." He smiled dryly at the picture, remembering the night it was captured. It was last summer on Nick's 27th birthday. The two were hugging and had goofy smiles plastered on their faces. Nick had on one of his many cabdriver hats while holding a beer in one hand, dawning his favourite purple and white striped shirt. Jeff had both hands wrapped tightly around his lover. It was a good night. One of their only good nights. Jeff sighed heavily as he got up from the lumpy floral couch and walked to his bedroom to find Nick softly snoring.

Jeff smiled weakly. He looks so peaceful. Jeff didn't want to wake the sleeping boy. But, he had to. He had to leave for his first job, waiting tables in a small road side diner, in five minutes. "Nick?" He whispered, hating himself for having to wake the brunette. "It's eight, time to get up for work." Nick stirred for a moment before he opened his eyes slightly. He have himself a moment or two to let his eyes adjust to the light and his body to being awake.

"Ah, my head." Nick grumbled as he moved his left hand to his forehead, trying to alleviate some of the throbbing. "What happened?" He asked looking up at Jeff confused. His eyes widened when they landed on Jeff's face.

"What always happens." Jeff said turning away.

FLASHBACK

Jeff yawned as he unlocked the door to his crappy little apartment. Honestly, he wasn't even sure why he bothered locking the door in the first place. The blonde had nothing worth taking. He walked in and wrinkled his nose at the stench of mold hidden somewhere within the paper thin walls. He grimaced at the sight of mousetraps with giant brown rats, still alive, hooked to the trap. Jeff was just getting home from his second job, a local 24/7 cafe a block or two away from his apartment building.

Jeff looked at the clock and sighed deeply. It was midnight. Nick got off from work at seven. He's out drinking again. Jeff thought as his frown faltered as he attempted to suppress another yawn.

He was tired. Tired of everything. Tired of Nick wasting all their extra money on booze. Tired of living with rats. Tired of living in a shitty little roach-filled apartment. Tired of hearing Nick stumble in through the door every night, if he even bothered to come home, besotted. Tired of having to work his ass off at two jobs while having nothing but empty bottles to show for it. He was tired. He was just so tired.

Jeff watched the clock's long hand make a full circle a few times before he decided that Nick wasn't coming home tonight, or at least not any time soon. Jeff didn't mind, he needed to go to bed anyway. He needed to be up at six to get ready for work before waking Nick up.

Just as Jeff began to drift off into sleep he heard a loud banging sound that shook the apartment, effectively waking him up. He knew what was going on. Nick was just now getting home. Drunk. As usual. Jeff stiffened as he heard Nick slurring his name over and over again. He needed to get down their and great his lover. He knew what happened when he ignored him. Jeff quickly got out of the bed and walked into the living room/kitchen area.

Jeff smiled shyly, as if afraid. "Hello Nick." He said as soothingly as possible. "It's getting pretty late, why don't we go to bed?"

Nick turned around and sent Jeff a dark look before shouting "NO!" He suddenly became enraged as he thrashed around the tiny apartment, smashing anything that wasn't already broken. When he was finished he shot Jeff another dirty look. "Thiis is all yer fault-youu know-dat?" He spat on Jeff's face when he was finished.

Jeff's smile remained. He didn't want to upset Nick any more. "I-I'm sorry Ni-"

Jeff was cut off with a hard blow to the face courtesy of Nick's fist. Jeff was knocked to the ground where he remained. "Yer nothin' but-a durty whoree. Yer no good." Nick grabbed a large chunk of Jeff's hair, using it to pull Jeff up, and kissed him forcefully. Jeff gagged at the strong taste of bourbon on his breathe. It was obvious that the brunette had ingested a lot of it. "Yer nothin'" Nick slurred. "You drug me down-you drug me down!" Nick finally let go of Jeff, letting him fall onto the ground. "I was going to be-somethin' but you drug me down. This is yer fault. All yer fault." Nick slurred as he glared down at Jeff.

Jeff was paralyzed with fear. Sure, this was a common occurrence at the Duval-Sterling home but it was something that Jeff could never get used to. He could never get used to the love of his life beating the shit out of him. He closed his eyes and waited for the innitial blow to the ribs that Nick always gave him when he returned intoxicated. After a few moments Jeff noticed that Nick wasn't kicking him, instead, he was watching him. Towering over him.

Jeff opened his mouth to say something. Anything. But all that came out was a string of half pronounced words. "Nick…I-I..Pleas-Nicky…" It was as if he was asphyxiated on the words that were trying to come out. Jeff could do nothing but cry as he stared up at the man he once loved. The man he still loved.

"Shudup!" Nick screamed as he gave Jeff a quick blow to the chest. He grabbed Jeff by the throat, lifting him up in the process. He continued to hit the blonde until Jeff started sobbing violently.

"P-please…stop. Please…N-nick. Stop. Please." Jeff sobbed, bruises already forming. Jeff looked into Nick's eyes, hoping to find some sympathy. He found none. Nick's eyes were cold and empty. Almost as if it wasn't Nick, the sweet boy he fell in love with so many years ago. Jeff's eyes were red and puffy from crying. "P-please…just stop. Please." He begged, barley getting any words out through his violent sobs.

Nick didn't say anything, instead he shoved Jeff to a near-by wall and forced his tongue into the blondes mouth. Jeff started to gag, the pressure on his throat from Nick's strong hands was starting to cut off all his oxygen supply.

"P-p-plea-se" Jeff barley whispered. Nick suddenly let go of Jeff's throat and watched as he slip down the wall.

"Yer useless without meh." Nick slurred. He didn't yell when he spoke to Jeff this time. He was talking matter-o-factly. The brunette kicked Jeff once more hard in the ribs before stumbling towards the bedroom.

Once Jeff knew for sure it was safe to move he curled up into a tight ball and cried himself to sleep. He was too afraid to go back into the bedroom where Nick was.

END FLASHBACK

Jeff wouldn't face Nick. He didn't want to confront him.

"Jeff…I-I…I'm so sorry…you k-know I would never-"

Before Nick could finish his sentence Jeff replied with a short "It's alright."

Nick got out of the bed and wrapped his arms around Jeff's thin waist. "I'm so sorry."

"…I know…You're always sorry"

"I- it wont happen again Jeff. This wont happen again." Nick said as he wrapped his arms around Jeff tighter. "It wont. I promise this time Jeff. It wont happen again."

"You said the last time was the last time." Jeff said squeezing out of Nick's grip.

"I know….It wasn't my fault though. I wasn't me last night. I was drunk and I wasn't thinking straight. It wasn't me Jeff. It wasn't. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't…I-…it wont happen again."

Jeff didn't reply. He knew exactly how the rest of the conversation would play out. Nick would apologize, tell Jeff that he loved him and that it wouldn't happen again. He would get mad and then come out and apologize to Nick before leaving for work. It always worked out the same way. Every. Single. Time. Because in the end Jeff was helpless without Nick. He couldn't do anything without the brunette. He loved Nick…and Nick loved him. He wasn't going to throw away thirteen years of dating down the toilet. Thirteen years of being in love. He couldn't.

"I love you." Nick finally said.

"Then don't treat the ones you love worse than the ones you hate." Jeff said coldly as he grabbed his bag and went into the bathroom to apply his concealer on his bruises. His left eye was a deep shade of purple and he had four small gashes on his lip. One of his cheek bones were turning a greenish colour and he had dried blood under his nose. Not to mention all the other cuts and bruises he was dawning under his shirt. Jeff quickly washed his face and applied his makeup.

Jeff walked out and saw Nick staring at him with sorrow filled eyes. Jeff frowned. "I-I'm sorry Nick. I shouldn't have over-reacted the way I did. I love you. Please forgive me?"

Nick smiled sweetly. "It's alright. I love you too." Jeff walked over and hugged Nick tightly. Nick kissed Jeff's forehead. "Now, you need to get to work."

Jeff smiled as he felt Nick's lips on his forehead. "Crap, I forgot about work." He said, sighing as he pulled away.

Nick cupped Jeff's face in his hands gingerly. "What would you do without me?" He said with a small laugh.

"Nothing, I'd be useless." Jeff replied all to seriously. "I got out some ibuprofen for your head Nicky. I love you." And with that Jeff left the tiny apartment for work.

(A.N:/ And that would be the end of chapter one. I don't really know just how long this story will end up being. It could go anywhere from two chapters to two-hundred…Ha, but yeah, I hope you all enjoyed it! Jeff, Nick, and angst are my ot3's haha so I hope you enjoyed! XOXO)