Rori's Corner: This was written for the S.n.K/A.o.T kink meme for a very lovely OP. You read the summary, you saw the rating. And you might've seen the scroll bar, too.
Written while repeating eye water & vogel im kafig (caged bird) from the A.o.T ost. Hope you enjoy, and it's a oneshot. A very minimally edited oneshot. Cause I'm a lazy noob.
caged bird
Night
Clank.
The jail door opened, dragging across the cement. Slivers of pale moonlight reigned in the dank prison as shadows traced silhouettes and uniformed guards.
"You have twenty minutes, corporal."
Levi stepped into the small imprisonment, brows instantly furrowing at the unkempt and dirty floor, the dust on the barred windows stifling the air. Before the door closed behind him, he turned and stuffed a bag of twinkling coins into one of the guards' hand.
"Scram," he ordered lowly.
They bit their tongues and nodded, excitement gleaming in their beady eyes. They left hastily, murmuring at their stroke of good luck.
Military dogs were always so well behaved.
Left alone, Levi toed the door close, and the scratchy noise seemed to awaken the slumbering prisoner. Eren Jaeger shifted in his incarcerated position, figure chained down to the solitary bed and a thin blanket covering his tattered Survey Corp uniform. Levi looked at him, watching the latter attempt to sit up, only to be tied down by the iron cuffs.
"Corporal...Levi?" the boy gasped weakly, head and upper body thumping back down on the hard mattress.
Levi nodded, catching the small relief in those emerald eyes. They looked drained, where they would usually be glimmering and brimming with life. Tired, worn, faded. He would never have associated these words with the boy, but it was now all he could see in that young face.
"How are you feeling, Eren?" he asked, narrow irises gazing down at the latter.
"I don't...know." Eren turned his head to the side, away from his superior's penetrating stare. His fingers clenched and fisted the sheets, but that was his only form of resistance. His last attempt to fight. A failed rebellion.
A caged bird, until death.
"Your execution is tomorrow."
Eren laid there, motionless, pressed into the uncomfortable bed. Refusing to look at his commander. Unable to do so, in fear of losing his control. Afraid of what was in front of him. The deathbed suffocated him, took away his willpower, and he was scared. He was so scared.
"Eren."
He heard his name tumbling out of his corporal's throat, but he couldn't look at him, because he was fighting with himself. He couldn't look at the person he'd always admired and cry. He couldn't show his fear. He shouldn't show it. He wouldn't, not in front of Levi. Not before the man he respected and followed. Anyone but him. He was a proud Survey Corp soldier, and it would take more than an execution to make him cry about an anticipated death. It would take a lot more.
"I'm most likely the last person you'll be able to see and talk to," Levi stated. He pulled a stool from the right of the small cell and sat down, near the side of the prison bed. He crossed a leg over the other, folding his arms. He could see the barely noticeable shiver running through Eren's body under the thin cover. "At the execution, they won't grant you any last words. They will slice through your neck quickly, giving you no time to transform into a Titan. At the most, it'll be painless."
Eren could feel his heart thump madly, the sound drumming in his ears. He was frightened at the thought of dying, and the image of his head cleanly severed from his body petrified him. He froze up on the bed, irises twitching rapidly in shock.
"Therefore, if you have anything you want to say, say it now."
When Levi put it like that, so bluntly, coldly, and matter of factly, the terrifying notion of knowing that this was his last night, alive, took its toll. Eren found himself struggling to keep the water work at bay, expressive green eyes blinking and jagged teeth biting his lip until it was leaking iron blood. He knew the corporal was watching his every move, but he couldn't stop the humiliating sight of his trying to hold back tears. It was hard. It was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. But he had to do it, or else Levi would pity him, look down on him, and he would stay the foolish brat the corporal always thought he was.
The taste of the iron liquid rolled down his parched throat, and he couldn't bring himself to say the things that were desperately flashing through his mind. The memory of Mikasa and Armin at the forefront, his dying mother, his 104th teammates, the three Walls, the Titans, and beyond the Walls...
"I..." he started, voice cracking, and then he was swallowing a lump. The moon illuminating the dark night was pearl white, round, and it was something he wouldn't be able to reach after tonight. It was beyond; freedom was beyond. He couldn't fight for humanity to the end. As he was fighting Titans, humans were fighting him. He was to be executed. Why did it have to turn out like this?
He was scared. Angry. Frustrated. He didn't want to die. But humans were afraid of him, even though he was on their side. They couldn't trust him. He had something to offer. He thought he was a beacon for hope. He could do something for mankind. He could go beyond the Walls.
He couldn't.
As he was reaching, his fingers barely brushing the top of the Walls, he was pulled down by his own weight. It was gravity - nature, and it was human nature. What he offered was too threatening, more threatening to mankind than the real enemies, the Titans, themselves. He was instead forced to become a scapegoat for his fellow livestock. He was to be executed so the rest could feel safer in the fragile Walls. He was just something to blame on so they could feel a small victory over a nonexistent threat.
No matter how he clenched his fists, or how deep his nails dug into his skin, the anger refused to dissipate. There was so much frustration, so much fear, and a great, weighing sadness. Overwhelming emotions, and one night in his deathbed was not enough to let him sort through it all.
"Corporal...I wanted to see the ocean."
Levi saw the gritted teeth, the furrowed brows, the glaring emerald, the fisted palm, the sharp breaths, the tensed body under the cover. He had waited for the Titan shifter until he was ready to voice his last words, but what came out of his pursed mouth was unexpected. Levi was momentarily surprised. "The ocean?"
The dark mat of hair splayed over the mattress moved as the boy nodded. Still with his back turned, Eren continued, an uncharacteristically quiet tone to his normally loud vocals, and Levi could hear the whimsical hopelessness drifting its way into his voice, "The neverending blue sea. Fresh spring lakes. Snow topped mountains. Orange desert dunes. Tropical rainforests. All kinds of different animals, plains, and nature."
Head lowered and eyes looking at his crossed arms, Levi listened.
"I wanted to go on an adventure with Armin. We promised to explore the world beyond the Walls, after we defeated the Titans. And then Mikasa would tag along, even if we told her no. We would make a rowboat out of wood and then set sail. We'd land on one of those tropical islands in the books. We'd pick coconuts and find ways to live. We'd make a campfire on the island. Mikasa and I would cut the trees and Armin would find a way to make a fire. Then we'd set sail again. Next, we would journey to the tall mountains, and I'd wrestle with a snow tiger. Then..."
The trailing sentence ended with a choked noise. Levi didn't say anything.
"T-then, we'd make our way down to the rubbles of Wall Maria, find our way back to our houses, a-and...make sure we have official funerals and tombstones...for our parents."
Levi said nothing, listening to the earnest telling of dreams that only a youth would dream of making a reality. Even though it was foolish, unlikely, and childish, it was hopeful. It was, if he were to be honest, moving. Because, in the end, that was what the Wings of Freedom stood for.
"But what's the point of that anymore? I can't move beyond this prison. I can't even see the sky anymore. I wanted to see the things beyond these damned walls with my own eyes. In order to do that, I'd do anything. I killed Titans. I even dragged my friends down with me. Why...why can't we be...free?"
Levi wondered about that for a long time. He had thought about it, but there was never an answer. The only conclusion he came to was:
"Fight."
Those green eyes finally turned to face him. He stared into them, his resolute gaze unwavering. The telltale signs of a man who'd been through hell and still lived in hell.
"If you want freedom, you fight for it. You have to keep fighting. Isn't that what the Wings of Freedom stood for? Or did you forget, Eren Jaeger," he articulated, and a look dashed across the addressed lad.
Briefly, a mesh of fighting spirit and survival dawned in that dirtied face, and Levi was tempted to do something about the grime. A moment later, his hand was reaching for the latter's cheek, lingering there. Eren looked up at him, expression slowly morphing into surprise and confusion, lips parting slightly.
"You're dirty." With that, Levi took out a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at the younger boy's face, with a little unceremonious force. Eren winced at the pressure, and Levi softened his wiping.
It got to the point that he was slowly brushing his clothed fingers down the brunet's face, each wipe becoming smoother and gentler, until he was no longer simply cleaning; he was almost learning the contours, bones, and flesh of the younger man.
"Levi...?"
He ignored the question, concentrated on tracing the shapely jaw, his index finger barely skimming the tanned skin, and the slight touch made Eren's eyes widen.
Eren laid still, his arms locked to his side by the irritating cuffs. He wondered what his corporal was trying to do. Maybe he really was filthy. Well, he had been in the jail for a whole day, without bathing, and it was right after the expedition, too. He imagined he was dirty like the prison cement. But still, the gentle touches were making him feel uneasy. It was too...tender. It felt as if the corporal were...as if he were...trying to memorize his face?
The very thought made his blood spread fast as lightning, and he forcefully turned his head, away from the intruding fingers. He felt like a hot mess, all red and warm, nerves tingling everywhere. Don't be stupid, he chided himself.
Levi withdrew his hand, stunned by what he just did. He looked at the little blemishes on the handkerchief, and for some reason, he should be grossed out, but he wasn't. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to wipe it clean with the hand sanitizer he always carried with him. Scowling, he stowed the damned cloth back into his pocket and stood up. He should leave, before things spiraled out of his control. The guards were probably on their way now. He had overextended his stay.
"Eren," he said. His voice bounded off the walls and echoed in the dim vicinity.
The lad nodded. He thought he saw the tips of the boy's ear colored an unusual red, but it was probably his imagination.
"I don't have much time left. Do you have anything else you want to say?"
Eren shifted on the bed, the steel links clinking as he turned. "Corporal...can you somehow protect Mikasa and Armin? Just, as long as they don't get jailed with me. They're my best friends - I just..." he broke off, and Levi knew it was too difficult for the young man to say his proper goodbyes.
"I can't guarantee anything." But he'd do it to the best of his ability.
Eren's frowning face lifted in relief at his under-the-radar consent.
Levi waited, a gnawing feeling steadily eating him from the inside out. It was a familiar feeling. It was something he had grown accustomed to. Everytime the Recon Corps set out on an expedition, that feeling was there, and everytime they returned, the internal turmoil only intensified. And everytime a soldier died, the gnawing sensation only tripled. There was something unique about this time. This time, it felt like he was submersed chin-deep in suffocating water.
It was a drowning feeling.
It was as if the thought of Eren Jaeger being sent off to execution was causing him to feel this way. It was as if something was telling him that if he let this brat go, he wouldn't be able to recover this time.
He was a caged bird who longed for freedom. That whole segment about oceans, mountains, deserts, and rainforests should have been wholly pushed aside as simply a foolish boy's dream. Levi shouldn't have been so affected by it.
But it was obvious, from the way he couldn't stop picturing the blue, blue sea, the white mountains, the pink sand of tropical islands, and the most unsettling image, of him and Eren together beyond the Walls, that he was affected deeply.
Far too deeply for this to be okay.
"Hey...corporal...I - I don't know if you know this, but, I've always admired you. It was because of you that I decided to join Recon. And I couldn't say it that time, but I was really honored to be enlisted in the Survey Corp under your command," Eren's dry voice mumbled.
And all the while, Levi watched the sincerity in those wide, expressive green eyes and small, tired smile, as thoughts raced across his mind. Desperate thoughts.
Don't tell me that now. Don't look at me with those eyes and say that shit, Eren Jaeger. Don't make me want to do things I'm not supposed to do. Don't -
"I said I wanted to do all that stuff with Armin and Mikasa, but it's not true."
Levi dug his calloused fingers into his uniform sleeves, afraid of what he would do with his hands, otherwise.
"I wasn't being honest. The truth is, I want to do it. I want to leave these damn walls so badly, but I can't, now, and it pisses me off. Even now, if I could, I would turn. If mankind were against me, then I'll leave mankind and conquer the Titans my own way."
He listened as the determined voice pledged. The stupid brat always had this inspirational quality that either made enemies or aspired his peers. He was like a candlelight that refused to be dampened, even as he was blown every which way by the wind.
Yet, even if he was pretending to be brave, forcing courage into his windpipe, and acting like he was prepared to die any second, Levi knew that Eren was nearing his breaking point.
"Oi, Eren," he spoke up, cutting the dank silence of the jail with a tone that spoke for itself: 'enough with the BS.' He strode over to the incarcerated boy, dark gaze staring down the prisoner. "You can shut up now," he said. "You don't need to act like you're tough, when I know you're just a little shit on the inside. If you're scared of death, don't hide it. If you're about to piss your pants at the thought of getting your head sliced, don't lie about it. I dislike cowards, but I hate liars even more. So if you want to cry, you better start fucking crying. Now."
Eren looked up at him, and the frozen droplets in the corners of his shocked eyes were enough indication that he was indeed right.
Seeing the helpless expression on the normally suicidal brat made his heart clench uncomfortably. "Tch."
Levi leaned down and climbed onto the bed, in spite of how dirty it probably was - the blanket was most likely moth bitten -, and straddled the surprised prisoner's stomach. Eren let out a hitched breath at the new weight, but otherwise, he remained motionless, staring up at his commander with confusion.
Levi planted his arms on either side of the brunet under him, and Eren tried to inch away from the entrapment, only to bump his head into Levi's left hand.
"...Uhm..."
These emerald eyes were captivating. They could sparkle with determination, darken with violence, and radiate with courage. They were the hues of the spring lakes, the perfect beaches of the tropical islands, and the foliage of dewy rainforests. The nature that Eren was constantly pining for was ironically right in Levi's perception. He could stare into those green eyes forever, just imagining the life of what could be if they were free.
Just imagining how it would feel as they could step out of the Walls without having to carry the weight of the 3D maneuvers with them.
Just imagining how they could ride the horses, side by side, down the rolling plains, for leisure, instead of being on the chase or on the run from Titans.
Just imagining how they could enjoy the sun, the river streams as they rested during their journey, and then lay against each other, back to back, when night approached.
Just imagining how they could head from open town to Wall-less town, journeying to distant mountains, taking the ship to a new destination, or if they would somehow wind up stranded on an island.
Just imagining that as long as they were together in the free world, how he could perhaps learn to enjoy life, instead of spending days killing his emotions and washing them down with Titan blood.
Just imagining how perfect that would be, if it were feasible. Even though he never took that idea seriously before, probably because no one until this brat, Eren Jaeger, could be so naive, unrealistic, hopeful, and able to change how others thought.
"Levi? What's - mmph...!"
Until now, no one had shaken his world so drastically.
And now, with his mouth pressed against Eren's, trapping the younger male underneath him, with no chance of escape, he realized that perhaps losing this brat would unhinge him, after all. Or the high probability that he wouldn't be able to recover from this in the end.
"L-Levi...!"
Or how entrancing the boy's quiet gasps were, as he tugged on his collar and dragged their mouths and bodies closer.
Or how nice it felt when Eren's lean legs wrapped around his waist, his moans hanging off his chapped lips, and how much deeper he wanted to inside the warm body under him.
Or how much he himself felt like crying when the tears finally started to spill from Eren's eyes, sliding down his cheeks and into the sheets.
Or how that there was so much yet so little much separating them was off the charts, and how cruel the world really was, but he couldn't say any of that, when Eren was the one who was waiting, like livestock, on death row.
"Don't hold back," he ordered into Eren's ear, and the latter shivered, unable to hold back his tears even if he were held at sword point.
There were so many things they needed to say, but none of them passed their lips, as they pressed together, hushing the other by mouth and hands.
"Levi...Levi, I - " Eren hiccuped, and Levi swooped down, catching his swollen lips until he forgot what he was going to say.
Because, if they actually stopped and thought, they would end up breaking more rules and escaping together. And Levi couldn't do it, just as Eren wouldn't.
They were two birds in the same cage, after all.
I don't want to die.
Levi slid his hands into the cuffed ones, clasping them, binding their fingers.
I want to say goodbye to them, properly.
Chest to chest, heart to heart, legs tangled, body meshed, breaths mingled.
Corporal...Levi...
They touched lips, but it wouldn't last, because Eren's snot and tears wouldn't stop flowing, and Levi would clean them up with his bare hands.
Why does my chest hurt so much?
Eren sniffed and retracted the new wave of unexplainable tears, feeling his heart beat and jump in his chest. With Levi's passive stare focused on him, it was difficult to calm his rapid pulses. And with that warm, battle trained body on top of him, it was impossible to control his overwhelming emotions, which were surging up and up, until he was choking from his own tears.
He couldn't explain why he felt like he was dying, when he felt so warm, protected, and - and...treasured.
He couldn't explain why when he looked up at Levi's face and saw the barely concealed emotion (was it...sadness?), his heart ached and hurt, like he was stabbed a few hundred times, over and over, on the same spot. Each jab a multiplied pain.
He couldn't explain why when Levi leaned down and pressed his raven head to his tattered uniform, right on his chest, all he could feel was an urge to cry. He had to bite down on his lip to contain the sob climbing up the back of his throat.
He couldn't explain anything, but he knew.
That in spite of it all, he was glad that he could do the things he did before his death.
He was glad that the last and only person to see him, talk to him, and to touch him, like this, was Levi.
He was glad. He was more than glad. He was, to an extent, happy, to know that his corporal really did care. To know that if he died tomorrow, he would mourn for him.
He was always caged, behind the walls, a bird who only wanted to take flight. Into the sky, to meet the horizon, fly over a vast expanse of free terrain. He wanted to explore, make his mark on the world, and leave it with his name. But it couldn't happen the way he wanted it to.
Above all, the only thing he wanted right now, was to be able to touch his corporal one last time. To trace his hands around that angled face, touch the constantly scowling brows, and kiss him, hard. Make it count. Make it the absolute last night of his life. Make it known that when he died tomorrow, Levi would forever remember him, Eren Jaeger.
And as soon as he thought that, the chains and cuffs snapped him to reality, and he had to grit his teeth to stop the fury. It was so cruel; life was so cruel. He was so helpless. He couldn't even touch the man he...loved. Levi saw the desperate struggle in his subordinate's face and his flexed arms, held down by the metallic constraints. He pulled the blanket off the latter, and the cool breeze coming in from the barred windows wrapped around Eren's body. He shivered, his brows furrowing, green eyes gleaming under the strip of moonlight.
Levi decided that they were the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen, but he would never admit it out loud. He'd just keep it forever inside, in the back of his mind. Something to remember the boy by come tomorrow. And no one else would know. No one else should know.
That this, this was their private goodbye.
"It's cold..." Eren muttered.
"Who gave you the right to complain, shitty brat." Levi nipped the brunet's ear, hands busied with the unbuttoning and unbuckling of the complicated Survey Corp uniform. He didn't need to look to know that the tethered Titan shifter was blushing in embarrassment. Levi scowled in disgust at the mud stains on the clothes.
"Sorry, they wouldn't let me take a bath the whole day," was Eren's quiet mumble in self defense. "I know...I'm filthy. So, you don't have to..do it..."
"If I don't do it, then who will?"
Eren shut up. The rouge coating his entire face and neck was steaming.
Levi ran the tips of his fingers down the exposed chest of the body underneath him, and Eren's legs tightened around his waist. There was something gratifying about that action. He watched the rhythmic rise and fall of the tanned body and then leaned down, following the trail of his fingers with his mouth. He could feel Eren shiver, his skin dotting over with goosebumps. The blemished cotton shirt was pulled up as far as it could go, enough for Levi to see the perky brown nipples standing up against the cold air.
He moved back up, dragging his tongue, uncaring for the unwashed skin and sweat, and Eren's long legs trembled, a small, breathless moan rolling out of his swollen lips. Levi stiffened. He never knew that the obnoxious brunet could make such a noise.
"Levi...can you take off these cuffs?" Eren pleaded. "I want to...do it too."
"No."
"But I want to touch you - ow!"
Levi bit the left nub, not enough to draw blood, but enough to hurt and reinstate his authority.
"Corporal, was that necessary?" whimpered one nipple throbbing Eren, whose pained expression was giving the addressed commander quite the sadistic thrill.
"Know your place, damn brat. I don't have the key. And we don''t have much time left," Levi said, glancing behind him to check the currently vacant hallway.
"Not much time left...huh."
He looked back down at the chained brunet, whose previously brilliant green eyes were darkened with a blank emotion. Levi was annoyed at himself. He should've been more careful. He was never a sugar-coater, but even so...
"Stupid, get your head out of the gutter," he ordered, digging his fingers into the mat of dark brown and ruffling Eren's hair. He wasn't a great comforter. He was always untactful, cold, with an infamous attitude. The majority of people in the Walls called him an ice prince with a severe lack of emotion.
But they never understood him, the him underneath the icy exterior, and he didn't try to make them understand. It wasn't worth the trouble, and getting attached to anyone was a foolish move that would only get soldiers like him killed on the battlefield. The few times he tried to comfort others, they would misunderstand his intentions. It wasn't worth the trouble at all.
Yet here he was, deliberately trying to comfort Eren in a hopeless situation. It wasn't out of pity. Nor was it out of sympathy. It was his will.
Because he couldn't stand the grim, depressed, or the sad look on the boy's face. He wanted those green eyes to light up like they did before. He wanted that mouth to smile or grin that overconfident and ridiculous grin. He wanted Eren to be anything but sad.
And it was right then that he realized it was all because he had truly fallen for a kid years his junior, and the teenager who would be sacrificed for humanity, tomorrow morning.
He had rotten luck.
And if he could turn back time, he thought, the only thing he would change was murdering the inner Sina Palace King when he had the chance.
But that wasn't possible, and Eren was going to be executed, and that fact wasn't going to change. No matter what. "Eren."
Levi thought he had impeccable control over his feelings. He didn't let grief overcome him, remorse hinder his battles, or let his personal desires get in the way in the fight for humanity. When he fought, he fought for mankind. That was how he let the bodies fall, allowed his comrades to die in front of him, and kept his gaze forward. Always looking forward. Never regretting his decisions. Riding the wind where it shifted, regardless of how bleak the future looked.
So when he uttered Eren's name and heard his own voice shake, he was just as surprised as the boy under him. Shit. When he noticed how uncertain he sounded, he noticed one more thing.
How badly his hands were shaking, tangled in Eren's soft hair, cupping the latter's cheek.
He was supposed to be the strong one, the one who would keep up the brave front, the one who would hold the other in his arms and let him cry into his neck his fears and regrets. He was supposed to be anything but the shaking mess he was now, sitting on Eren's stomach, looking down at the teen's tear-streaked face with furrowed brows and gritted teeth, pushing back the nauseating urge to just break down.
Eren knew, as soon as Levi's rough fingers threaded into his hair, that the corporal was suffering just as much as he was, if not more. And he also knew that Levi was keeping his own feelings bottled, because he didn't want to seem weak. Because he didn't want Eren to feel worse about his predicament. When Levi's other hand trailed down the side of his face to his cheek, resting there, in such a devastatingly loving gesture, fingertips trembling, he could do nothing but bite down on his bottom lip, the veins in his neck twitching uncontrollably as he fought the flood of utterly painfulsadness from crashing his body.
When Levi called his name in that uncharacteristically shaky voice, all of his true feelings laid bare in that flimsy tone, he knew that they could no longer be satisfied by the simple surface touches anymore. His corporal, who was always so strong, omniscient, who never let his feelings affect him, who was now on the threshold of truly breaking - and it hurt, it hurt so damn much, he could only stare up, shocked, into Levi's dark, furrowed brows. Into his glaring metallic eyes, something glistening in the corners. His scrunched nose. His forcibly clenched teeth, straining to restrain a noise that they both knew was on the verge of being drawn.
When Levi kissed him so roughly, wet tongue digging deeply into his mouth, he wished he could be rougher, as he tried not to choke from the passion, head pressed into the prison mattress.
When Levi's fingers hastily undid his belts, buckles, and crisscrossing straps, and reached into his underpants, brusquely brushing against his throbbing groin, he wished they could have done this sooner.
When Levi's hand wrapped around him and grinded against him with his own, pulsing cock, he wished he could move his arms and hug his corporal's back, to grasp onto the hard planes, ridges, powerful muscles, for the first and last time.
"Levi," he panted, croaking, dry throat, fresh teardrops threatening to leak from his glistening eyes. And he repeated that same desperate, needy croak, until he couldn't count how many times he called his corporal. Warmth spread from his face to his ears, his neck reddened from his exertion: thrusting up to meet his corporal's rhythm, heat pooling in his gut. A gasp and low moans rolled off his tongue, and the way Levi was watching him, his usually stone face contorted into a lusty edge, made him unable to rein in his climax.
He was riding up, whimpering Levi's name, legs wrapped tightly around the corporal's waist, the touch of release whiting out his vision. Sweat poured out, and everything felt sticky and wet. Heart hammering in his chest, his abs squeezing, his hips bucking up, and he groaned, just as Levi let out a grunt, their members pulsing and spasming together, splurts of the white substance seeping out.
Unimaginable pleasure, absolute relief, and Levi collapsed on top of him, his raven head resting in the crook of his neck. They panted harshly, sporadic breaths and eyes closed, as they regained their respiration. It was indescribable, how it felt, to have the person he'd always admired, to be here like this, sharing this last moment with him. To have the man he'd come to love love him in turn, as impossible as it seemed, as unbelievable as it was, and as happy as he should feel, he couldn't help the sinking feeling in his chest.
He wanted, so much, to touch Levi. But no matter how he struggled, the iron clasps held him in place.
He should be happy, that in the end, this wretched life gave him something so overwhelmingly perfect before he died. But no matter how he tried to think it, he could only feel pins and needles.
This was his last night. The last moment before death. He would no longer be able to see his friends and important comrades. He would no longer be able to dream, no longer be able to fight for his ideals. No longer able to reach over the Walls. No longer keep his promise to see the free world with his own eyes.
And no longer would he be able to see and touch his most beloved, his corporal, Levi. He had no more time to spend with him. He needed more time. He wanted to learn everything about Levi, about the man that he fell in love with, before he departed. He wanted to know his quirks in more detail, be there when he was down, like he was here for him, before his execution, memorize the way his heart beat, learn the motions of his rise and falls, embrace him until they molded into one, unable to discern whose limbs from whose.
He wanted to open the gate of the Walls, clamber onto a horse, with Levi right beside him.
"And we'd leave, riding out into the fields, with the wind and the scent of nature whipping past us."
He wanted to do so many things with Levi.
"Then, we'd explore and travel to see the things they wrote about in the forbidden books about the world."
So many things.
"I want to see the ocean with you, Levi."
Too many pleasant images, too many scenarios, too many vivid pictures, and too many that he couldn't keep track of if he tried.
"I want to swim in the waves, smell the salt, with you right next to me. I want to, so badly, so why can't...we?" he choked.
Levi gazed down at him with that expression and gingerly wiped the stray tear trekking his face with a soiled finger, and if possible, he felt his heart break even more, into millions and millions of jagged pieces.
He felt his chest, abs, and tender areas being cleaned thoroughly with a cloth. Somewhere, a distance away, coming from the right of the jail, he could hear footsteps and low voices.
His heart sank, and the look on his face must have conveyed his dread, because Levi turned around faster than lightning, keen ears locating the intruders.
This was it.
This was where they would say their goodbyes.
This was how their love finished.
This was how they were meant to end.
This was the last time. The absolute last time.
The words were right there, on the tip of his tongue, rolling around in his mouth, but he couldn't bring himself to say it.
Instead, he reluctantly let go of his corporal's waist, and somehow managed to croak, "Thank you for listening to me, corporal."
Levi said nothing. He was looking forward, and it was hard to tell his expression.
"If possible, I want Mikasa and Armin to be safe. And also...can I ask you not to come to the execution tomorrow?"
I don't want you to see me like that. Beheaded. I don't want that to be your last memory of me before I died. Can I ask that?
"Thank you for everything, corporal Levi."
He kept his head lowered, biting back tears, limbs shaking in repressed sadness and anger. If he looked up and saw him for one more second, he was afraid of what he'd do.
Such as throwing away his pride and begging for him to stay.
Don't go. Don't leave me here alone in this dirty cell. Save me! If I run, will you run with me?
He bit those back. He couldn't do it, and he wouldn't do it. He couldn't drag Levi down with him, too. He wouldn't, not even if every part of him wanted to. Not even if he were tortured and branded. He had pride, and he'd die in valor.
The footsteps were closing in on them. Levi was standing in front of the barred doors of the solitary confinement, back facing Eren.
Eren refused to look under his bangs, to see his corporal for one more time.
"Eren."
"Yes," he mumbled, lifelessly.
"Can I hold you to it in the next life?"
Huh.
Stunned, he whipped his head up, and there, Levi was staring at him with such an intensity that made his whole body break out in goosebumps.
"Can I?"
Before the full meaning of the words registered in his mind, Eren nodded dumbly.
And that was when the jail door shut with a clang, Levi's footsteps making their way out, and he listened until they faded.
When he finally unfroze and turned to look out at the barred window, the sun was dawning.
Morning
"Mama, what's going on?"
"Shh, don't be so loud."
"Daddy, it's the military police! Look!"
"Make way, citizens!" the barking orders of the elite inner brigade made the curious civilians part and open an empty street for the army. The military police with their horned stallion crests marched across the town to the center of Wall Sina, where the public execution guillotine was erected.
"We're going to see the execution of a Titan today. Isn't it exciting?"
"Eh? But mama, I thought they said he's also a human..."
"He's a damn Titan. Don't forget what we humans have to endure because of those monsters, child."
"O-okay."
The mothers pulled their young children close as the galloping horses carrying corrupted soldiers and marching military men passed.
"When you grow up, you have to join the military police, too. You'll be safe inside the Walls..."
"Daddy, are they really going to behead a Titan?"
"Do you want to go closer and see for yourself?"
"Urk! No!"
The amused chuckle of a weary father rang. "You're just a little tyke. Stay close to your mother."
The sky was unbearably blue. The clouds floating in the vast celestial sphere were an unblemished white. The blaring sun wrapped the city inside the Walls in glimmers of gold and divine warmth. It was a beautiful day for a public execution.
In the dark vicinity of the Recon headquarters, Levi sat behind his desk. The curtains were drawn, the intolerable light blocked from seeping into his black room. It was a normal day. Reports were piled neatly on the table. The feather pen was dipped in ink, ready to be used.
The only difference was that he wasn't reading.
The noise outside was too distracting.
"A victory for the humans!"
"The Wall Deities are looking down at us lowly humans and bestowing their light!"
"God bless His Majesty, the King!"
He couldn't concentrate.
"Turn into a Titan! Turn into a Titan! We dare you!"
Guffaws, barks of ugly laughter, filthy pigs, all of them.
The pen in his fisted hand splintered and broke. Trickles of his blood ran down his index. "Tch." Dirty.
The door banged open, and a flustered Hanji jumped in. "Bad news, Levi! Our two 104th trainees are trying to rebel. They're taking down soldiers one after the other, trying to get to Eren Jaeger. What should we do?"
Levi fixed her with a leveled glare. Anyone else would have been scared shitless, but Hanji was an eccentric. In Titan language, she would be considered an "aberrant." She cocked her head, observing the corporal's tired and pale face, the dark bags under unusually dead eyes, and the more potent than usual scowl. In his hand was the same leather wine skin she saw him nursing hours ago. He was wiping his finger with a napkin. Her keen eyes caught the color red.
"Sleepless night, corporal?" she said, a knowing look in her brown eyes. Levi ignored her, but she knew, nonetheless, the truth to the inquiry. It was just like the corporal to distance himself from his internal feelings. If he didn't, he wouldn't be able to function. As a scientist and avid Titan researcher, keen observation was a job and as natural as air. She didn't fail to notice anything, much less the peculiar atmosphere between the corporal and the shifter, Eren. She knew there was something, like electricity, whenever the two were in close proximity. Not that she'd mention it to such an irate individual like Levi, but she'd known for a while, even if the two parties themselves and everyone else were oblivious to it.
And now, it was obvious. Painfully obvious. Levi hadn't slept the whole night. His bloodshot eyes were just another indication of his uneventful sleep. The leather wine bags - five of them - leaning on the side of the worktable served as proof that the man wasn't as unaffected by the groundbreaking event soon to transpire as he led his subordinates to believe.
"Bring them here."
Hanji straightened her back, nodding, the lenses hiding her eyes. She was about to lose a very precious research material and a fellow comrade in arms. She had begged the captain Erwin endlessly to save Eren, but there was really nothing anyone could do. It was the King's decree. No one had the ability to defy the King.
Even so, they had to try. Didn't they?
"We can save him. We have to," she proclaimed, the words rushing out of her before she had time to think it over.
Levi hadn't moved, but the scowl on his face had lessened. A very minuscule movement. Hanji grasped the chance, stepping forward with determination.
"If Eren dies, Mikasa and Armin will try to die with him. You know how Mikasa is, and if both of his childhood friends disappear, Armin will have no reason to live, either. We can't allow three valuable soldiers to die. Not like this. You agree, don't you, Levi? I'm not wrong, am I?"
Levi was still motionless. It was too dark to tell, even for Hanji's deft eyes, what expression he was wearing.
She had to try. Maybe if she pushed hard enough, she'd annoy him to the point that he would do it just to shut her up. Plus, there was somethingthere, between the corporal and Eren. There was. It wasn't just a theory - it was a fact. There was no way she could have mistaken it for what it was.
"Levi, you want to save Eren, too. Don't you? I'm not wrong. There's no way I can be wrong, when the proof is all here. You couldn't sleep the whole night, knowing that the execution is today. You've been drinking wine for the past eight hours, because nothing else can drown out the gut-wrenching feeling of knowing that something so dear is going to be ripped from you, knowing that you can't do anything about it. Trust me, Levi, I know, because I've been in a similar situation." Hanji swallowed the lump in her throat as she went back, years ago, to that terrible moment in time. "Remember Sawney and Bean? Remember how devastated I was? If you'd just try and save him, you wouldn't - "
"Enough."
She stopped. The harsh spitting of the one syllable word was enough to snap her from her fiery rant. When Levi finally looked at her, truly looked at her, she saw the depth of ineffable emotions rearing in those slitted irises. She saw agony, grief, sadness, sorrow, and a deep hopelessness sweeping through in those metallic windows in the span of a solitary second. Then, they disappeared, clenched and pooled away, hidden somewhere in the black abyss.
She closed her mouth, her energy sapped away.
She was right, and she was wrong simultaneously.
"Don't waste my time, Hanji. What can your petty words amount to? Plenty of soldiers have died for a cause. Eren is simply one of the many soldiers who knowingly puts his life on the line for humanity. Why should I think of him as any different from the rest?"
She had heard him say this many times. It was his way of cold reasoning and justification, in order for him to move forward. It was why he was considered the strongest human. He'd learn the art of survival so well, he forgot how to fight for his own desires. In essence, he was a perfect tragedy.
Eren hadn't died yet, and he was already in the last stage of mourning.
Hanji thought it was brutally sad.
She backed down, knowing that Levi had made up his mind, and there was no way she could convince him anymore.
Before she left, she uttered softly, "You'll regret this." She said it without expecting a response, because Levi never admitted his feelings. Because doing so would unhinge the resolution he built up around himself.
"You're probably right."
So when Levi's submissive reply reached her, she was stunned to silence. Hearing the powerlessness in that usually boorishly abrasive voice surprised her. It was one of the rare times that the corporal agreed with her, and it was the first time he ever bowed to his bottled feelings. With her hand propped against the door, the next statement made her regret everything she foolishly prattled and subjected onto Levi, without taking into consideration what he was really going through.
"But who can save someone who doesn't want to be saved?"
So that's why...
It must be Eren. He couldn't crush his pride and beg for his life. He probably thought of his death as something undeniable. He had always been stubborn.
"Say, shitty glasses."
"Yes, corporal?" she asked absentmindedly, her mind conjuring up how the last meeting between Levi and Eren must have went.
"What was my introduction for the induction ceremony?"
Hanji looked at Levi, who was facing up, gaze on the ceiling. "That's quite an unexpected question," she remarked. "Uhh, let's see, if I remember correctly, it was something obscene and demanding like: 'Don't come within two yards of me if you're even remotely dirty.' So, what does that have to do with anything?"
Levi was quiet for a solid moment. Then, he said, "Add onto it."
Curious, Hanji waited.
A glimmer of angry red in the onyx irises warned her. Something was coming. Something big. Catastrophic. It excited her, and she almost drooled at the intense rage in those murderous eyes. It was going to be revolutionary. Her intuition was screaming at her, and she could barely hold back her surging desire to know what it was. Patiently, she stood by the doors.
Finally, her heart leaping miles:
"I'll kill all the Titans."
Yes.
"Every last one of them."
Yes.
"I'll cut them to pieces. Every single one of them, with these very hands." Levi held them up, his gaze impassively dark. A drop of blood slithered down the injured index finger, melting into his thigh.
Hanji stared in fascination, her eyes wide and jaw slack with excitement. Yes, yes, yes, yes! She was outright with glee. The corporal was finally getting serious. All because of Eren. Fantastic.
"And then...I'll murder the fat slob. The pig King that feeds on the poverty of his citizens. I'll slice off his head. Cut off his limbs. Take out his organs, and feed it to pigs. And after that, I'll take down the joke of the military brigade. All of them. I won't leave even one standing on two legs."
The mad glint in Levi's eyes hadn't wavered for a second. He was serious. Hanji sucked back the drool on her lips.
"I might not be able to add in that last part..."
"Scram. You're getting really annoying."
"Yes, sir!" Hanji saluted, grinning maniacally, and left.
Outside, the crowd was chanting.
"Off with its head! Off with its head!"
Like a demonic cult, their voices converged into one. They were all wolves in disguise as sheep. Mankind was a monster, just like Titans.
He was probably scared. Trembling to his bones. Every fiber racking in fear. His pride trampled, humiliation scarring him. But that was his choice.
In the end, he didn't ask to be saved.
Even though he was waiting, all that time.
He didn't want to be saved.
Can I ask you not to come to the execution tomorrow? he had asked, instead. And now...
"Off with its head! Off with its head!"
"Silence!"
Levi slowly shut his eyes.
In the distance, a sickening crunch was heard.
He only knew the sound too well.
The sound of a successful beheading.
"Yes, we did it!"
"Humanity's second win against the Titans!"
Congratulatory whoops and celebration all around. Adults, children, soldiers. Filthy pigs, every last one of them.
Who was it who gave humanity the first victory? Did they even know?
It must be nice, living in that fictional world of theirs, blindly alienated from the truth.
It didn't matter anymore.
He sat in his dark chamber, alone. The last remnant of humanity's will.
They made a promise, just between the two of them. Before then, Levi would have to fight.
He would fight and triumph in the war for the creation of a new world.
So that when Eren was reborn, he would be free at last.
So that when they met in another life, years from now, the promise would be fulfilled.
He stood up, reaching out and parting the curtains.
The sun was bright. The sky was blue. The clouds were white. The birds flew.
You're free now, Eren.
epilogue
2000 years into the future.
Year 2014.
Spring.
Month of March.
City of Jaeger.
"Armin! You didn't wake me up!" one disheveled teenager yells into his phone as he grabs his already packed lunchbox and slings his backpack over his shoulder.
"Eren, you really can't blame that on me..." Armin's slightly indignant voice carries over the intercom.
"But, I asked you to, yesterday, because you know how hard it is for me to wake up in time for exams, and you said you would," the brunet retorts, a small pout on his lips as his normally furrowed brows knit closer to emphasize his frustration.
"That's true, but I did call you three times, and you still slept through all of them."
"Wait, really?"
"Mikasa called once, too."
"She called at five A.M," groans Eren, the annoyance rolling off his body in steams. "Who wakes up at five in the morning? Geez."
"Mikasa has a weird sleeping schedule. Anyway, Eren, did you study? You studied, right?"
"For the history exam?"
"Yeah, the chapter about the Attack on Titan. The war between mankind and the giant, human-eating monsters."
"But there's so little information on that war, so what could they possibly ask?" Eren wonders, looking up at the sunny sky. A warm breeze flutters past, ruffling his hair and the blooming flowers on the streets.
"They'll ask about Corporal Levi, of course, the man who led mankind to victory. They called him the strongest human, with Titan kills more than an entire brigade. He was the commander of his personal squad, called the Survey Corp, which aided in the fight against the Titans. He even wiped out two-thirds of the aberrants by himself, Eren," comes Armin's exasperated voice. He always gets overexcited when he starts on his favorite Titan history.
Eren has to agree, this time, that the Corporal Levi from Armin's textbook recital sounds pretty cool. "Was he really that strong?" he asks, genuinely interested. He switches his backpack to his other shoulder.
"Yes!"
"C-calm down, Armin..."
"Sorry," his friend replies sheepishly.
"It's fine." Eren grins. "Tell me more about the corporal, Armin. Since he's gonna be on the test and all."
"Okay, but try not to be late, all right?"
"I still have half an hour; I can make it. Don't worry."
"Well, the thing about the Attack on Titan era is that a lot of information was destroyed during the war, and the history that's documented is rather unreliable, since it gets changed by word of mouth. There's nothing written pre-Titan War, so we only know about the war itself, and the aftermath."
"The info was destroyed? Because of the Titans' extremely dense body heat?"
"Correct. Oh, so you did study, Eren," Armin remarks with a tone of approval.
Eren chuckles nervously.
He can't really tell his best friend that he actually didn't study. Somehow, for an unexplainable reason, he just knows about Titans and the war. It's deja vu, and it creeps him out, but he's gotten somewhat used to it over the years. Knowledge just steadily fuses in his brain, without him knowing, and sometimes he's afraid that he'll say something completely unfounded, and Armin will bombard him with questions.
"We don't really know the specifics of the war, but records state that it lasted approximately ten years before mankind won. The three Walls - Maria, Rose, and Sina - were torn down, and humans migrated all over the previously Titan occupied land. Eren, did you know that the city we're actually living in is actually what used to be Wall Maria?"
"I've heard about that. But Armin, you're really knowledgeable about these kind of things."
"I - I know...it's kind of embarrassing, huh."
"You're the smartest in our grade. Probably smartest in this city, Armin. Why should you be embarrassed?" Eren replies, a small smile sifting over his lips when his fragile esteemed friend laughs sheepishly through the phone.
"Thanks, Eren. Oh, by the way, I did some researching on our city."
That sounds like Armin, all right.
"Apparently, once the war on Titan was over, legend says that Corporal Levi renamed the Wall Maria the City of Jaeger. No one knows who or what Jaeger stood for. It's rumored that Jaeger was someone special, but whether they were Levi's lover or family is unknown."
Eren crosses the crowded street when the stoplight flashes green.
"But what I find interesting is that Jaeger also means Hunter. Fascinating, isn't it?" Armin says excitedly. "I mean, having a connection with mankind's greatest history, and all." He's referring to Eren's last name, Hunter, which is apparently somehow related to their city.
"Right," Eren agrees noncommittally. The chatters of the street almost drown out Armin. He steps onto the sidewalk, taking the bend around the resident bakery, passing couples and individuals. As he's walking past a stranger with raven hair, that's when he hears it.
You're free now, Eren.
He freezes on the spot, becoming a public obstruction. People push by him, but he doesn't see them. His mind in a trance, his heart slowing down, down, down -
"Eren...?"
Armin's voice is an underwater echo, distant and distorted.
Feeling drugged and incapacitated, he stands in shock for a befuddled moment, until he finally whirls around - but whoever it was, whoever that voice belonged to, wherever it came from, it was long gone.
What...was that?
Did he imagine it?
"Sorry, Armin, I got distracted," he apologizes into the mobile. It feels like he's moving out of his body. His mind is somewhere else, entrapped by that ringing, low murmur. That mysterious voice which sounded so...somber, like it was shrouded in a blanket of mourning. He couldn't place it, but it was a familiar voice. He felt like he heard it; he knew it, sometime ago - a long time ago.
He's...free...now?
Something inexplicable pricks at his chest. He reaches up a hand to his face, and surprisingly, a wet droplet lands on the back of his palm.
"Eren. Eren. Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
He looks up at the blue sky, the bright sun, the white clouds, and the flock of birds in flight.
There's something pounding in his chest. Invisible hands tugging at his heart. A fuddled image. A dark silhouette.
It must be his imagination.
"I'm fine."
Rori's Corner: hi, op! xD leave some love if liked, love some hate if liked! RiRen together forever (maybe?)