Disclaimer: I do not own any of the content of this story that is in any way based upon those of Tamora Pierce… even though I wish I did.
A/N: This story is for the January 2010 JoGeNuDoNaRo Challenge.
Broken
Neal needed her now, needed her far more than she had ever needed him. But how could she deal with this? How could she help him when she was just as sad, angry and devastated as he was?
Kel watched him steadily, her face expressionless, trying to be strong for him. If she cried, then that meant that she couldn't be there for him. And she had to be there for him.
"How-how can the world really be like this?" he whispered, choking on his tears. He had said this same phrase countless times—ever since they'd died.
"Neal, you're wrong about that—the world is a good place—" she stopped herself. She was wrong to say that. He needed to be understood right now, not contradicted. She knew this, but after weeks of letting him crumble away, he needed to know that all hope was not lost. "This world is beautiful. It's the people that need help to stay right."
"Justice—they said that he'd receive justice but… you know that the system itself is corrupt. Who will avenge my girl?! Who will avenge my wife?!" he yelled, tears pouring down his face.
Kel moved back slightly, her insides burning. What could she do to heal him? She herself wanted vengeance for Maya and Yuki's deaths. But she knew that vengeance would not make her feel better—that life had its on way of enacting justice. But how could she make him understand that when he was in this state?
She looked away, not wanting to see his tears… was she so cowardly that she couldn't even stand seeing Neal cry? Was she so afraid to let herself be vulnerable and cry herself? Even if she couldn't cry, she had to help Neal.
She steeled herself and pulled him to her, embracing him warmly. "I know, Neal. But everything will be okay. The Black God will avenge them," she whispered, her voice muffled by his crumpled tunic.
"I just can't… They were my heart and soul, Kel. How can I live without my heart and soul?" Neal croaked, his voice breaking on the last note. She felt new tears soak through her shirt.
"Neal…" she began, but found no more words to say. A single tear slid down her cheek. If she lost Dom, or her twins, Raoul and Alanna, she would be lost in utter darkness.
Someone came in the door. Kel swiveled and saw Raoul and Alanna. She smiled. They were still there, still alive, still breathing. Another tear rolled down her cheek. Her children rushed to her and leapt onto her lap. She gazed at her beautiful children, only 4 years of age each. She loved them so much.
"Mami, why is Uncle Nealy crying?" Alanna asked quietly.
"He—he misses Maya and Auntie Yuki," Kel whispered. She glanced at her friend, who looked at her children with a mixture of pain and happiness, and then at her Dom, who looked at her with concern. She loved him too. And she loved Neal. She didn't want to lose them. She never wanted to lose anyone. And she realized that, as long as that was true, they would always be with her, at least in her heart.
"Don't miss Auntie and Maya, Uncle Nealy!" Raoul cheered. "They don't want you to! They love you, and they don't want you to be sad!"
Neal looked at him with surprise. Slowly, very slowly, a smile spread onto his face. "I know, Raoul… but it's difficult not to be."
If this had happened to her, she would be fallen from the light and broken into thousands of pieces.