Songfic based on: I Remember by Shiloh.
 Format: Verse 1, Verse 2, Bridge, Chorus.

I walked into Justin's room. I was just going to give him a hug and play my little sister act, but I was the one getting the surprise. As I opened the door, I walked in and saw Justin eating out some girl from school.

I snapped up in bed, catching my breath from the dream I'd had about last night. I couldn't believe this. Justin had been bringing home girls for a year now to cover up him and I dating. But he'd never done anything with them before. At least, I thought he hadn't. I'd never done a thing with any of my "boyfriends." I was hurting so bad. He'd promised that he would always stay true to me, that he was the only person in the world who could understand me because we were different. He knocked and walked into my room.

"Alex, can we talk?" he sat down on my bed, resting his hand on my knee. I jerked it away. I couldn't speak to him, or look for that matter, I was so pissed off. He broke me.

The thing was though, I wanted him still. I probably would always come back.

I shook my head. "Not now, I need to be alone." I made eye contact with him. My eyes were begging for him to stay, hold me tight and tell me he was sorry. For him to beg my forgiveness and make me feel special again. He didn't though. He just nodded and walked out.

Waking up from the shock, still dying from the night before
So mad I can't speak, but I keep coming back for more
Did you see me there (looking back at you), did you even care?

I got dressed and went downstairs. As I came into the kitchen I noticed someone in my chair. When she looked up, I realized it was the tramp from last night. I glared straight at Justin.

"Just another aspect of me in your life you wanted to replace?" I said so coldly, Justin actually shivered.

Dad jumped in to try and rescue poor little Justin.

"Now sweetie, it's just a breakfast chair. It's not like he's abandoning you." He said resting his hands on my shoulder.

"Sure dad, just a chair. I'm actually not that hungry, I'm gunna head up to my room and work on some art. My music will tell you if I'd like to be disturbed." I went right back upstairs.

I turned my stereo to my loudest volume and cranked a cd. I needed the noise to block out my feelings.

A year later.

We're back together. It's just like I said, I'd always go back. But now everytime I see him with people, even a mixture of guys and girls, I can't help wondering if he's done anything with them.

I really wish that I had actually just been dreaming that night, but I wasn't. Justin explained that some of the girls expected things from him to help him keep up the act. Which was why he'd done it. I believed him.

I try really hard to forget that. Sometimes, I try to forget him. They both still haunt me. The way I look at it, if I forgot him I'd forget he cheated. Right? If it was that easy, I'd be happy as I write this journal.

Every intelligent part of me, was screaming at me to leave him. I knew he was bad news, I knew he'd still hurt me, but I couldn't. I can't forget that he understands the attraction, the feelings. So I stay.

I wanna shut it all out, I wish that this was all a dream (a distant memory)
I try so hard to forget but it keeps coming back to me (it's coming back to me)
I should leave I know (but I keep looking back) but I can't let go

A week later

I raced back home after school today. Our parents and Max had left for a field trip with Max's class overnight and me and Justin were alone. He'd left early cause he had free period, and I was so excited we could have a night ay home as a couple. I ran up the stairs and into our loft, only to walk in on Justin and the tramp.

I should have figured that he'd still be cheating on me. As many people say, 'You can't change a leopards spots.' But this time I thought I did. I knew I should've prepared myself for more heartbreak, because this is what happens to girls in love. Once again, I contemplated leaving and the memories all flooded back.

I should've known you'd take it all away, shoulda known you'd break my heart again
I should just forget it all but I remember

"Alex, wait! Please don't go. You know why I need to do this." He ran after me grabbing my arm.

"Yeah, I do. Because you are a liar. I believed you for so long, but now I see the truth. Those memories that I keep replaying, thanks for that. But know this Justin. Just because I feel the pain, and I ache because you broke me, I don't have to remember you. I will always remember how you hurt me."

2 years later

I still feel the pain. The ache of being broken, without a place and alone. The sting of being lied to, and cheated on. I'll never forget how he hurt me.

Somehow though, I think it's a little my fault. I went back to him, over and over. I really regret ever telling him how I felt. Hiding something like that would be less hurt than what he did.

I'm with a great guy now, and he treats me like a princess. Dad loves him, and so does mom. Every once in a while though, when he is around, I see the jealous look from Justin and things flash back to me. I suppose that even though I've grown up and moved forward, I'll remember.

All the things you said to me, every lie that I believed
I can't erase the memory, I remember
Cut so deep I can't forget, loving you is my regret
I thought that I was over it, but I remember