Now please, nobody sue me! I don't own any of these shows. The only thing I
own are these underpants. oh wait these aren't mine.
In the middle of a large arena, a cold wind blows causing members of the crowd to shiver. Enormous spotlights are in each corner of the huge room, lighting up a square stage in the middle of the room. Red velvet ropes surround the perimeter of this stage.
This was a wrestling ring.
The words WWF printed on the side of the stage.
Next to the stage about two yards away, a large table was positioned, WWF was printed on the top of the table. Three men sat behind this table.
Two of the men were well lighted, but ones face was covered in darkness. The men in the light were called, The King and JR.
JR chose this moment to speak up, "Welcome to the WWF Pay Per View. Tonight, we will only have one series of matches, but what matches they will be!"
The King spoke also, his voice booming into his microphone, "That's right JR, these matches will be awesome. Tonight, two of the best mecha animes, who are up there as some of the toughest, fighting it out right here. These animes are, Evangelion and Gundam!"
The crowd let out a large cheer at the sounds of the animes names.
"You know," JR said, "I'm a Gundam fan, I mean, it's my favourite show, but I am willing to admit that Evangelion will kick the crap outta Gundam faster than you can say 'cat in a hat'. Evangelion has to be three times the size, twenty times the strength, and about a million times the power! What are you going to do about that?"
The King just smiled, "You'll see. Also we have a very special guest, our assistant commentator Mr. T!"
The light shone down over the third man at the table. Sure enough, Mr. T from the 80's hit show 'the A-Team' was sitting down with his feet up on the table, gold chains dangling around his neck.
"I pity the foo who don't like this kick ass battle." Mr. T said to nobody in particular.
"Anyway, I've got a few tricks up my sleeve on how to make this a fair fight," The King commentated, "Now give a warm welcome to my favourite show, Neon Genesis Evangelion!"
The crowd cheers as Shinji, Rei, Auska, Misato and Kaji walk into enter the room. Auska and Misato seem to be enjoying every second of the crowd's warmth towards them. They pose every now and again as they walk in, showing themselves off.
Rei walks into the room, but even as people cheer out to the blue haired girl, her face remains expressionless. She merely walks down the isle and stands next to Misato, who is in front of the ring next to Auska. Misato and Auska still pose and brag about themselves.
As Kaji walks in, he seems to have the same expression as Rei, but when he is half way down the isle, he turns and faces the crowd. He reaches up towards the roof with his hands yells out at the top of his lungs to the crowd, which makes the crowd scream out louder in return.
Finally Shinji walks out. At first he peeks his head out around the corner. As son as the crowd starts screaming he jumps and quickly pulls his head back through the doorway.
'Why me?' he though quite panicked as he leaned on the wall next to the door, 'I didn't want to do this, I only did it because my father ordered me to.'
As his breathing finally came back under control, he took a deep breath and broke out into a run through the door and down the isle. Many screams and yells are heard as he dashes down the isle and next to the ring. The crowd screams like a mix between schoolgirls meeting Leonardo Decaprio and a tornado ripping through a well-populated city.
All the Evangelion cast next to the ring now, with Auska and Misato blowing kisses to the crowd, making male members drool on the spot, Kaji doing what could make people mistake him for The Rock, Shinji trying desperately to hide behind the others, with no prevail, and Rei. well being Rei she is just standing next to the others staring out to the crowd.
JR spoke into his microphone, "Now give a warm welcome to my favourite show, Gundam!"
As Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei walk out the door into the arena, everyone in the crowd except one cheer for the G-boys.
The one member in the crowd who didn't cheer was booing. Face filed up with anger he screamed, "Heero, you suck!" before throwing a can of beer he had in his hand that he bought from a homeless guy out front of the arena.
The can bounced in front of Heero and rolled around near his feet. Heero stares at the can for a few seconds, before bending over and picking up the can in his right hand.
Studding the can for a second, Heero arched his arm back and threw the can, sending it hurtling towards the booing member, hitting him right on the forehead, between the eyes, sending him sprawling onto the ground before passing out.
"Calm yourself down, Heero!" Duo shouted, he had to shout to be heard over the roar of the crowd, "We're here to fight Eva's, not bystanders!"
When Wufei entered the arena, he walked right up to the ring, and quickly climbed up on top of the turnbuckle before turning to the crowd, raising his arms and screaming out to the crowd, "You are all a bunch of weaklings!"
Strangely enough, the crowd cheered back in return, Wufei yelled out again, "This proves the point that you don't really care about what I say!" The crowd cheers out to him again.
"All your mummas were pretty good last night if you know what I mean." He called out.
Again the crowd cheers out to him.
With a triumphant look on his face, he jumped back down off the turnbuckle and stood next to Heero and Duo, who were standing next to the ring, on the opposite side to the Evangelion cast.
Next Trowa and Quatre run in. They had their hands in their own armpits and they were flapping their arms. They were clucking loudly so that the whole crowd could hear.
Making them selves look like chickens.
Weird as it is, the crowd cheered in return. Actually appreciating their impressions.
Although Duo and Wufei Laughed at their impressions, Heero merely stared at the idiots.
JR stared at the G- boys and the Eva cast. It could easily be told, he was in deep thought. He had his hand balled into a fist and was resting it on his chin, with his elbow on the table.
"Wait a minute..." He slowly started to say, "WHERES THEIR ROBOTS!??"
The king spoke up, "Oh you finally noticed, well it took him less than an hour to figure it out, here's your money Mr. T, you win the bet."
The King handed Mr. T a fifty-dollar note, "Mmm, money for milk." Mr. T said as he put it in his pocket.
"That's how you are going to make the fight fair, you're going to make them fight hand to hand!" JR exclaimed to The King.
"Damn straight, I know that they are all 14-16 year old mecha pilots, except for Misato who's 29 and the Major of NERV and Kaji who is some guy who I don't know what he does or how old he is, but this made the fight as fair as I could." The King said.
In response to The King, Kaji stuck his middle finger up at The King.
JR spoke, "You know, I still reckon that Gundam will win!"
"Will not! Eva will!" The King retorted.
"Will too!"
"Will not!"
"Will too!"
"Will not times two!"
"Will too times infinity"
"Will not times infinity plus one!"
"Will too times infinity times two!"
"Will not times infinity times infinity, going infinity times faster than yours ever will!!"
JR opened his mouth, but then shut it again, realising he was beaten.
"Damn man," JR said, "I didn't know that you could think of something like that."
"Neither did I." The King admitted.
"Shut up foos! Lets start the dang fights!" Mr. T yelled.
Match 1 Shinji vs. Heero
Heero and Shinji walk into the ring. Heero is wearing a robe and has six hot chicks in bikinis take off the robe for him.
Shinji has his friends Toji and Kenskue stand next to him.
"So." Kenskue said, "Do you need us to hold anything?"
"Err. No." Shinji said with worry in his voice.
"Well then we'll be off, goodbye!" Toji said as he ran off into the crowd.
"Yeah good luck." Kenskue yelled as he ran off into the crowd.
Shinji sighed, "My friends have abandoned me."
Heero stood in a fighting stance, the kind that you would see on the 'Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' only this one was cool, not looking like total crap.
Shinji's knees shook.
The bell rang and the match begun.
Heero walked in a slow circle around Shinji, like an animal stalking its prey. "Please, I don't want to fight you!" Shinji pleaded to Heero.
Heero didn't listen.
With a flying leap, Heero flung himself at Shinji. As Shinji held up his arms in a week vain attempt to hold off Heero, Heero soared over to Shinji and introduced his fist to Shinji's face.
Shinji fell to his knees and cupped his face with his hands and screamed in agony.
"AAHH MY FACE!" Shinji's scream echoed through the crowd, "You broke my face, AAAHH!"
"SHINJI!!" Misato's wail came from the crowd, "You have to fight him back!"
Shinji slowly un-cupped his face and looked up at Heero, only to be slammed back in the face, this time by a kick from Heero.
Heero arched his arm back preparing for one last, finishing blow.
He was about to bring his fist back to Shinji's face when.
A large hand fell on his shoulder.
A large black hand.
Heero slowly turned around to see the angry face of Mr. T staring back at him.
"I pity da foo who bashes da crap outta somebody weaker than him, especially when they don't wanna fight!" Mr. T yelled at Heero, who was nearly weeing himself.
"Wait! No Mr. T! This is a wrestling match!" Heero pleaded with Mr. T.
"Quit your jibba-jabba foo! I iz gunna teach you a lesson!" Mr. T yelled at Heero, before grabbing his arm and throwing him onto the floor, on the other side of the arena.
Heero screamed all the way.
Match 1 Heero wins by default
"Are you ok sucka?" Mr. T offered Shinji a hand up.
"No, but I think I'll live" Shinji uttered to Mr. T, before clasping his hand and getting a lift up.
"Now lets get off the stage foo, the next match is about to begin, stuff da commentating!"
The King and JR yelled about Heero wining by default because Mr. T interfered, but a cold stare form Mr. T shut them up.
Match 2 Misato vs. Duo
Misato and Duo both jumped in the ring simultaneously. Misato threw off her jacket to the crowd. The man who it landed on quickly grabbed it and ran off home, where he would cherish it forever.
The bell rang and the match begun.
Misato sprinted up to Duo and smashed him in the face with her fist. Duo was to distracted by her body to notice, he simply drooled on the spot as she ran up to him and fell to the floor after she hit him.
Duo sat up and smiled, "I've been hit by the most sexiest women I have ever saw. I'll never wash my face again!"
Duo looked up at Misato, "Hey baby, I'm a guy and you're a chick, so lets go and make out or whatever."
JR yelled over the microphone, "Hey Duo, if you don't start fighting, you're gonna get your ass kicked!"
As Misato ran down to Duo he lifted his arm and balled his hand into a fist. The momentum from Misato's run caused her to ram her gut into his fist at the force of a locomotive.
Misato held her gut in pain but quickly looked up again, "Oh you're gonna pay for that!!" She yelled as she arched her hand back and brought it down to his face with full force.
Duo fell to the ground dazed, but happy to be so close to such a women.
Match 2 Misato wins
"Is this you definition of fair?" JR said to The King, "Heero easily beat Shinji and Misato really opened up a fresh can of whoop ass on Duo! These matches better start getting more exciting!"
"They will! And this is the fairest I could do it." The King retorted, rather annoyed that his hard work of deciding the matches was not entirely going to plan. Although, he doesn't really decide the matches. Really, he and JR are just actors and they have some guy out the back or the producers of the show decide the matches, but hey, JR was dissing him out!
"Hey shut up man, or else." The King thought for a moment, "Or else I'll cry!"
JR's eyes opened a little wider and his eyebrows rose, "You'll what.?"
"I'm sorry, that's the best I could come up with." The King muttered out softly.
"You foos really suck!" Mr. T yelled to The King and JR, " All you guys do is jibba-jabba, jibba-jabba, you never talk about anything proper!"
"But Mr. T, we're commentators, we're meant to talk about the matches." JR retorted, but Mr. T cut him off.
"I don't care foos! All you do is talk about mindless rubbish! In fact, why am I still talking? Lets start the next match!
Match 3 Trowa vs. Rei
Trowa walked up to the ring and put his left hand on the top elastic velvet rope. Using the rope as support, he flung himself over the ropes, landing himself in his corner of the ring.
Rei carefully placed her hand on the lower rope and moved herself under the ropes and into her corner of the ring.
The bell rang.
Rei and Trowa stared at one another for a period of 20 seconds. Each unwilling to make the first move, for it would leave them open for the other person to attack if done incorrectly.
This period ended when Rei took a step back, only a single step in order to break this movement silence.
When this happened Trowa ran up to Rei and made a punch for he face. Leaning forwards, she bent over and uppercuted Trowa in the stomach.
The blow winded Trowa, but he quickly recovered and hit her in the back of the head, seeing as she was bent over, head inches away from her chest.
The hit sent he falling to the floor.
As soon as Rei hit the floor she immediately rolled to the side, avoiding a kick from Trowa.
Using the momentum from her roll, she kicked the ground and sent herself into a stand. Then with out hesitation she ran into a sprint towards Trowa, and made a punch for his face.
With barely enough time to move Trowa ducked to the left, but Rei had anticipated this move and with her other hand hit him in the chest.
Unfortunately for Rei the chest is not a good place to hit, being protected by his rib cage. So in return, Trowa arched back his arm and prepared for a hit.
Seeing this, in the blink of an eye, Rei merely pushed hard and fast against his chest, sending him off balance and falling out of the ring.
Trowa hit his head on the concrete floor below knocking him out.
Match 3 Rei wins
"Whoa! That was a pretty good fight!" JR said, "I take everything back about unfair fights, King!"
The King smiled, "Thank you, although, the fight was fair but it was a little short."
Meanwhile, Trowa and Quatre where having a little argument. Trowa was sitting on a bench with a bandage wrapped around his head.
"Come on, she was a hard fight!" Trowa retorted.
"It doesn't change the fact, you got your butt whooped by a girl!"
Then, Quatre felt like someone was watching him. He turned around and almost pissed his pants when he saw whom it was.
It was Auska.
"And what's the matter with being a girl?!?!?" The angry redhead almost screamed at Quatre.
Quatre let out a small squeak, "Eep!"
Auska roared again, "And it just so happens we're in the next match together!"
"EEK!" Quatre screamed as he tried to run away, but Auska grabbed his arm to prevent him from doing so.
"So lets start this fight right now, eh?" Auska snickered. Quatre was sweating like a hog.
"Quatre's screwed." Mr. T muttered to himself from the commentating bench.
Match 4 Auska vs. Quatre
Auska and Quatre both entered the ring. Whilst Auska stood in one end smirking, Quatre stood in the other end trying to get a hold of himself.
'Okay, just calm down,' Quatre thought to himself, 'Get a hold of yourself, you're a Gundam pilot, you can win this, so what if she has been training to be an Evangelion pilot since she was four years old, which means she is superior in many combat situations, and she has a temper like an erupting volcano, which means she won't hold back. Oh somebody save me!'
The bell rang and the fight began.
Instead of running towards Quatre, Auska ran in the opposite direction, towards the ropes.
Using her speed from her run, she threw into the ropes, which bent back, and flung her running back to Quatre, at over twice the speed she had run into the ropes.
Using the speed and momentum she had got to her advantage, she raised her right arm and preformed a devastating clothesline attack on Quatre, which hit him in the chest and sent him hurtling to the ground.
Quatre soon recovered and stood up. As he stood up he saw that Auska was already running at him. He quickly stepped out of the way allowing her to run past him, but as soon as he did, she quickly altered course and leaned forward.
The leaning run Auska did preformed an almighty head but into Quatre's stomach, but she didn't stop there. She kept on running, quickly propelling Quatre into one of the turnbuckles.
His back hit the turnbuckle, which caused him to arch back and cry out in pain, but, noticing her head was still firmly placed in his stomach, he quickly whipped up his arms and repeatedly started hitting her in the back of the head.
This didn't last though as she snapped her self back away from him, took a step forwards and kicked him in the groin as hard as she could.
Quatre fell forwards on to the floor of the ring holding his crotch. Auska climbed on top of the turnbuckle and faced Quatre. by looking down to him.
"This is for the pain you caused me on the back of my head asshole!" Auska screamed at him as she prepared to jump on him. Auska nearly jumped when.
She lost balance and fell off the back of the turnbuckle, causing her to hit her head on the concrete floor and pass out.
Match 4 Quatre wins
"Oookay, that was weird." JR muttered out to no one in particular.
"What a fluke." The King also spoke out
Mr. T also spoke, "What a. why are we talking, lets quit the jibba-jabba and start the next match!
Match 5 Kaji vs. Wufei
"I am strong and you are weak!" Wufei cried out from the ring to Kaji, who was just getting in.
"We'll see about that, I'm twice your age you know." Kaji said with a smirk as he got in the ring and stood up.
The bell rang and the fight begun.
Wufei and Kaji ran at each other, they both raised their right arms and made a punch at each other.
Both their fists hit each other with a defining crack, and both of them held their fists in agony and started howling in pain.
"Ahh my fist is too weak to continue!" Wufei Howled, "But my other is still alright!"
Wufei and Kaji started to fight the way that you would see in a 'Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' episode, and yes, this was looking like total crap.
Even though they fought craptasticly they both got totally exhausted, and both in one last effort made a punch for each other, hitting each other at the exact same time, they fell to the floor simultaneously.
Match 5 Draw
"This is an unexpected development." JR said to the microphone, bout not loud enough so all the crowd could hear him.
"What do we do now?" The King also commented.
"We go into over time fools that's what! Just like in the soccer!" Meanwhile, Auska was chasing Kaji with a rusty axe around the arena screaming at him about how he didn't win against a boy. Even though the rusty axe part was just a metaphor describing how pissed off she was, Auska is still no person to be messed with.
"Come back here and fight me like a man! Oh right I forgot, you're not a man! Or a poor excuse for one anyway!" Auska screamed after Kaji, who was running for his life.
"But Auska, (pant pant) I didn't loose!" Kaji pleaded with Auska as he ran his fastest away from the 'Red Devil.'
"Anyway," Mr. T said, "Lets start the final match!!"
Final Match Shinji, Rei, Auska, Misato & Kaji vs. Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa & Wufei
As the Eva characters stand in one corner, the Gundam cast stand in the other.
Shinji has a bandage all around his face, except for over his eyes so he can see. Rei had a small bandage around the back of her head and a few bruises. Auska also had a bandage around the back of her head and also a large bump. Misato had a sore tummy, but that's it. Kaji was bruised all over, and may have a cracked rib, partly from Wufei, the rest from Auska.
On the other side of the ring, Heero was bruised all over, from when Mr. T threw him into the ground. Duo had a cracked jaw, on both sides. Quatre was bending over and holding his balls. He now talks like he has breathed in a balloon full of helium. Trowa was only little sore from when he fell out of the ring. Wufei as bet up as Kaji, the only thing different was his rib wasn't cracked.
The bell rang and all hell broke loose.
Heero limped his way over to Auska and made a punch at Auska, but being so weak from being bashed by Mr. T, (Anyone would be) his punch only tapped her on the fore head. Auska merely tapped him on the head with her pinkey finger and knocked him over. He fell on the floor, out cold from exhaustion.
Kaji made a dive at Duo, Duo merely ducked and let Kaji fly over him, and hit his head on a turnbuckle and pass out cold, and Kaji is down.
Misato stared at Duo, like a bull does to a Matador just before it charges.
"This is for making Kaji hit his head just then, yarrh!" Misato screamed as she charged at him. Her charge caused he thump Duo out of the ring, but also throwing herself out in the process. When they both hit the floor Misato proceeded to hit Duo, even though they were out of the ring.
Now the only remaining people were Shinji, Auska, Rei, Quatre, Trowa and Wufei.
Shinji, who hadn't done anything all this time, was standing in the corner, was muttering to himself, while Auska and Rei were doing all the fighting against Quatre, Trowa & Wufei.
"I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away. I have to do something, but I can't!" Shinji's extremely low self-esteem held him back.
"I am strong and you are weak!" Wufei cried out to Shinji as he ran at him as fast as he could.
Shinji panicked as he saw Wufei running at him. He was so panicked in fact that he lost his balance and fell on his backside. When this happened, Wufei had no time to react and his full speed run caused him to trip over Shinji and fling himself out of the ring. He landed in the crowd and hit his head on a chair leg, knocking himself out cold.
Shinji stood up, shocked with himself, "Hey, that was easy, I bet him, I can do this!" He screamed as he fan into the fight with his newly grown backbone.
Rei kicked Quatre in the balls, hard, which caused his voice to go even squeaker.
"*I'm ganna get you now!*" he managed to squeak out before coughing a bit and waddling over to Rei, his groin being kicked twice in one night restraining him from walking too fast.
Before he could get any closer to her, somebody attacked him from the side, pushed him up too the ropes, and threw him out the ring.
That somebody, was Shinji.
"Confidence kicks ass!" Shinji commented, "You can do what ever you like with it!"
Meanwhile on the other, side of the ring, Auska was repeatedly whacking Trowa over the head with her rock hard fists.
"Don't you ever try to hurt me again you idiot!" Auska screamed at him putting a whack of her fist on his head after each syllable. Apparently, Auska did not like him trying to hurt her.
Trowa howled in agony. Since Auska was not holding on to him though, he took a few steps back and ran to the other side of the ring.
Where Shinji was chatting up Rei.
"Hey baby, hows about after this is over, you and me with this new found confidence of mine." Shinji thought for a bit and then scratched his face, and realised he still had bandages on his face, "Take this god damn bandages off my face!!"
Rei didn't get to answer.
Trowa tackled her on the side and shoved her over the ropes and out of the ring.
Seeing this, Shinji got royally pissed off and grabbed Trowa's shoulder, spinning him around to face Shinji. Shinji brought Trowa up to his face and looked him straight eyes, faces centimetres apart.
"That was the first chick I ever hit on ever!" Shinji growled at the frightened boy "And I was succeeding too but you stuffed it up!"
Trowa peed his pants. It trickled down his leg and onto the ring floor.
The next part of the match got censored because of horrific violence.
Final Match Neon Genesis Evangelion wins!!
"Well there you have it folks! Neon Genesis Evangelion wins! And what a win at that! Sucked in JR!" The King yelled into his microphone, voice booming throughout the entire arena.
"Yeah I know but." JR said slowly, with a hint of worry in his voice, "I never knew that Shinji could stuff Trowa into a suitcase so small, without killing him!"
The King talked worried too, "Yeah, I know, I wonder who taught him to do that?"
Mr. T just sat back in his chair and smiled, The King and JR looked at him in fear.
"All you suckas out there, don't worry," Mr. T said to the crowd through his microphone, "All the people in tonight's matches will get full medical treatment, especially Trowa. And looks like Shinji has a date tonight as well!"
Walking out the door was Shinji with his right arm around Rei, helping her out the door.
"Well what happy ending everyone." The King commentated
"Except for Trowa." JR added, "By the way, are we paying any of the guys except for Mr. T. I already know we're paying Mr. T because if we don't he'll kick our asses, but are we paying the other guys?"
"Nope." The King said smiling.
"Are you sure we should do that. They may get mad and we'd have huge robots kicking our asses from here to Kong." "Hmm your right." The King said, "But we'll only pay each of them half as much as Mr. T, I'm more scared of him than I am of them."
"Okay then," JR said and turned to face the camera.
"Goodnight every body" JR yelled at the camera, "Take care!"
"And drink milk foos!"
In the middle of a large arena, a cold wind blows causing members of the crowd to shiver. Enormous spotlights are in each corner of the huge room, lighting up a square stage in the middle of the room. Red velvet ropes surround the perimeter of this stage.
This was a wrestling ring.
The words WWF printed on the side of the stage.
Next to the stage about two yards away, a large table was positioned, WWF was printed on the top of the table. Three men sat behind this table.
Two of the men were well lighted, but ones face was covered in darkness. The men in the light were called, The King and JR.
JR chose this moment to speak up, "Welcome to the WWF Pay Per View. Tonight, we will only have one series of matches, but what matches they will be!"
The King spoke also, his voice booming into his microphone, "That's right JR, these matches will be awesome. Tonight, two of the best mecha animes, who are up there as some of the toughest, fighting it out right here. These animes are, Evangelion and Gundam!"
The crowd let out a large cheer at the sounds of the animes names.
"You know," JR said, "I'm a Gundam fan, I mean, it's my favourite show, but I am willing to admit that Evangelion will kick the crap outta Gundam faster than you can say 'cat in a hat'. Evangelion has to be three times the size, twenty times the strength, and about a million times the power! What are you going to do about that?"
The King just smiled, "You'll see. Also we have a very special guest, our assistant commentator Mr. T!"
The light shone down over the third man at the table. Sure enough, Mr. T from the 80's hit show 'the A-Team' was sitting down with his feet up on the table, gold chains dangling around his neck.
"I pity the foo who don't like this kick ass battle." Mr. T said to nobody in particular.
"Anyway, I've got a few tricks up my sleeve on how to make this a fair fight," The King commentated, "Now give a warm welcome to my favourite show, Neon Genesis Evangelion!"
The crowd cheers as Shinji, Rei, Auska, Misato and Kaji walk into enter the room. Auska and Misato seem to be enjoying every second of the crowd's warmth towards them. They pose every now and again as they walk in, showing themselves off.
Rei walks into the room, but even as people cheer out to the blue haired girl, her face remains expressionless. She merely walks down the isle and stands next to Misato, who is in front of the ring next to Auska. Misato and Auska still pose and brag about themselves.
As Kaji walks in, he seems to have the same expression as Rei, but when he is half way down the isle, he turns and faces the crowd. He reaches up towards the roof with his hands yells out at the top of his lungs to the crowd, which makes the crowd scream out louder in return.
Finally Shinji walks out. At first he peeks his head out around the corner. As son as the crowd starts screaming he jumps and quickly pulls his head back through the doorway.
'Why me?' he though quite panicked as he leaned on the wall next to the door, 'I didn't want to do this, I only did it because my father ordered me to.'
As his breathing finally came back under control, he took a deep breath and broke out into a run through the door and down the isle. Many screams and yells are heard as he dashes down the isle and next to the ring. The crowd screams like a mix between schoolgirls meeting Leonardo Decaprio and a tornado ripping through a well-populated city.
All the Evangelion cast next to the ring now, with Auska and Misato blowing kisses to the crowd, making male members drool on the spot, Kaji doing what could make people mistake him for The Rock, Shinji trying desperately to hide behind the others, with no prevail, and Rei. well being Rei she is just standing next to the others staring out to the crowd.
JR spoke into his microphone, "Now give a warm welcome to my favourite show, Gundam!"
As Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei walk out the door into the arena, everyone in the crowd except one cheer for the G-boys.
The one member in the crowd who didn't cheer was booing. Face filed up with anger he screamed, "Heero, you suck!" before throwing a can of beer he had in his hand that he bought from a homeless guy out front of the arena.
The can bounced in front of Heero and rolled around near his feet. Heero stares at the can for a few seconds, before bending over and picking up the can in his right hand.
Studding the can for a second, Heero arched his arm back and threw the can, sending it hurtling towards the booing member, hitting him right on the forehead, between the eyes, sending him sprawling onto the ground before passing out.
"Calm yourself down, Heero!" Duo shouted, he had to shout to be heard over the roar of the crowd, "We're here to fight Eva's, not bystanders!"
When Wufei entered the arena, he walked right up to the ring, and quickly climbed up on top of the turnbuckle before turning to the crowd, raising his arms and screaming out to the crowd, "You are all a bunch of weaklings!"
Strangely enough, the crowd cheered back in return, Wufei yelled out again, "This proves the point that you don't really care about what I say!" The crowd cheers out to him again.
"All your mummas were pretty good last night if you know what I mean." He called out.
Again the crowd cheers out to him.
With a triumphant look on his face, he jumped back down off the turnbuckle and stood next to Heero and Duo, who were standing next to the ring, on the opposite side to the Evangelion cast.
Next Trowa and Quatre run in. They had their hands in their own armpits and they were flapping their arms. They were clucking loudly so that the whole crowd could hear.
Making them selves look like chickens.
Weird as it is, the crowd cheered in return. Actually appreciating their impressions.
Although Duo and Wufei Laughed at their impressions, Heero merely stared at the idiots.
JR stared at the G- boys and the Eva cast. It could easily be told, he was in deep thought. He had his hand balled into a fist and was resting it on his chin, with his elbow on the table.
"Wait a minute..." He slowly started to say, "WHERES THEIR ROBOTS!??"
The king spoke up, "Oh you finally noticed, well it took him less than an hour to figure it out, here's your money Mr. T, you win the bet."
The King handed Mr. T a fifty-dollar note, "Mmm, money for milk." Mr. T said as he put it in his pocket.
"That's how you are going to make the fight fair, you're going to make them fight hand to hand!" JR exclaimed to The King.
"Damn straight, I know that they are all 14-16 year old mecha pilots, except for Misato who's 29 and the Major of NERV and Kaji who is some guy who I don't know what he does or how old he is, but this made the fight as fair as I could." The King said.
In response to The King, Kaji stuck his middle finger up at The King.
JR spoke, "You know, I still reckon that Gundam will win!"
"Will not! Eva will!" The King retorted.
"Will too!"
"Will not!"
"Will too!"
"Will not times two!"
"Will too times infinity"
"Will not times infinity plus one!"
"Will too times infinity times two!"
"Will not times infinity times infinity, going infinity times faster than yours ever will!!"
JR opened his mouth, but then shut it again, realising he was beaten.
"Damn man," JR said, "I didn't know that you could think of something like that."
"Neither did I." The King admitted.
"Shut up foos! Lets start the dang fights!" Mr. T yelled.
Match 1 Shinji vs. Heero
Heero and Shinji walk into the ring. Heero is wearing a robe and has six hot chicks in bikinis take off the robe for him.
Shinji has his friends Toji and Kenskue stand next to him.
"So." Kenskue said, "Do you need us to hold anything?"
"Err. No." Shinji said with worry in his voice.
"Well then we'll be off, goodbye!" Toji said as he ran off into the crowd.
"Yeah good luck." Kenskue yelled as he ran off into the crowd.
Shinji sighed, "My friends have abandoned me."
Heero stood in a fighting stance, the kind that you would see on the 'Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' only this one was cool, not looking like total crap.
Shinji's knees shook.
The bell rang and the match begun.
Heero walked in a slow circle around Shinji, like an animal stalking its prey. "Please, I don't want to fight you!" Shinji pleaded to Heero.
Heero didn't listen.
With a flying leap, Heero flung himself at Shinji. As Shinji held up his arms in a week vain attempt to hold off Heero, Heero soared over to Shinji and introduced his fist to Shinji's face.
Shinji fell to his knees and cupped his face with his hands and screamed in agony.
"AAHH MY FACE!" Shinji's scream echoed through the crowd, "You broke my face, AAAHH!"
"SHINJI!!" Misato's wail came from the crowd, "You have to fight him back!"
Shinji slowly un-cupped his face and looked up at Heero, only to be slammed back in the face, this time by a kick from Heero.
Heero arched his arm back preparing for one last, finishing blow.
He was about to bring his fist back to Shinji's face when.
A large hand fell on his shoulder.
A large black hand.
Heero slowly turned around to see the angry face of Mr. T staring back at him.
"I pity da foo who bashes da crap outta somebody weaker than him, especially when they don't wanna fight!" Mr. T yelled at Heero, who was nearly weeing himself.
"Wait! No Mr. T! This is a wrestling match!" Heero pleaded with Mr. T.
"Quit your jibba-jabba foo! I iz gunna teach you a lesson!" Mr. T yelled at Heero, before grabbing his arm and throwing him onto the floor, on the other side of the arena.
Heero screamed all the way.
Match 1 Heero wins by default
"Are you ok sucka?" Mr. T offered Shinji a hand up.
"No, but I think I'll live" Shinji uttered to Mr. T, before clasping his hand and getting a lift up.
"Now lets get off the stage foo, the next match is about to begin, stuff da commentating!"
The King and JR yelled about Heero wining by default because Mr. T interfered, but a cold stare form Mr. T shut them up.
Match 2 Misato vs. Duo
Misato and Duo both jumped in the ring simultaneously. Misato threw off her jacket to the crowd. The man who it landed on quickly grabbed it and ran off home, where he would cherish it forever.
The bell rang and the match begun.
Misato sprinted up to Duo and smashed him in the face with her fist. Duo was to distracted by her body to notice, he simply drooled on the spot as she ran up to him and fell to the floor after she hit him.
Duo sat up and smiled, "I've been hit by the most sexiest women I have ever saw. I'll never wash my face again!"
Duo looked up at Misato, "Hey baby, I'm a guy and you're a chick, so lets go and make out or whatever."
JR yelled over the microphone, "Hey Duo, if you don't start fighting, you're gonna get your ass kicked!"
As Misato ran down to Duo he lifted his arm and balled his hand into a fist. The momentum from Misato's run caused her to ram her gut into his fist at the force of a locomotive.
Misato held her gut in pain but quickly looked up again, "Oh you're gonna pay for that!!" She yelled as she arched her hand back and brought it down to his face with full force.
Duo fell to the ground dazed, but happy to be so close to such a women.
Match 2 Misato wins
"Is this you definition of fair?" JR said to The King, "Heero easily beat Shinji and Misato really opened up a fresh can of whoop ass on Duo! These matches better start getting more exciting!"
"They will! And this is the fairest I could do it." The King retorted, rather annoyed that his hard work of deciding the matches was not entirely going to plan. Although, he doesn't really decide the matches. Really, he and JR are just actors and they have some guy out the back or the producers of the show decide the matches, but hey, JR was dissing him out!
"Hey shut up man, or else." The King thought for a moment, "Or else I'll cry!"
JR's eyes opened a little wider and his eyebrows rose, "You'll what.?"
"I'm sorry, that's the best I could come up with." The King muttered out softly.
"You foos really suck!" Mr. T yelled to The King and JR, " All you guys do is jibba-jabba, jibba-jabba, you never talk about anything proper!"
"But Mr. T, we're commentators, we're meant to talk about the matches." JR retorted, but Mr. T cut him off.
"I don't care foos! All you do is talk about mindless rubbish! In fact, why am I still talking? Lets start the next match!
Match 3 Trowa vs. Rei
Trowa walked up to the ring and put his left hand on the top elastic velvet rope. Using the rope as support, he flung himself over the ropes, landing himself in his corner of the ring.
Rei carefully placed her hand on the lower rope and moved herself under the ropes and into her corner of the ring.
The bell rang.
Rei and Trowa stared at one another for a period of 20 seconds. Each unwilling to make the first move, for it would leave them open for the other person to attack if done incorrectly.
This period ended when Rei took a step back, only a single step in order to break this movement silence.
When this happened Trowa ran up to Rei and made a punch for he face. Leaning forwards, she bent over and uppercuted Trowa in the stomach.
The blow winded Trowa, but he quickly recovered and hit her in the back of the head, seeing as she was bent over, head inches away from her chest.
The hit sent he falling to the floor.
As soon as Rei hit the floor she immediately rolled to the side, avoiding a kick from Trowa.
Using the momentum from her roll, she kicked the ground and sent herself into a stand. Then with out hesitation she ran into a sprint towards Trowa, and made a punch for his face.
With barely enough time to move Trowa ducked to the left, but Rei had anticipated this move and with her other hand hit him in the chest.
Unfortunately for Rei the chest is not a good place to hit, being protected by his rib cage. So in return, Trowa arched back his arm and prepared for a hit.
Seeing this, in the blink of an eye, Rei merely pushed hard and fast against his chest, sending him off balance and falling out of the ring.
Trowa hit his head on the concrete floor below knocking him out.
Match 3 Rei wins
"Whoa! That was a pretty good fight!" JR said, "I take everything back about unfair fights, King!"
The King smiled, "Thank you, although, the fight was fair but it was a little short."
Meanwhile, Trowa and Quatre where having a little argument. Trowa was sitting on a bench with a bandage wrapped around his head.
"Come on, she was a hard fight!" Trowa retorted.
"It doesn't change the fact, you got your butt whooped by a girl!"
Then, Quatre felt like someone was watching him. He turned around and almost pissed his pants when he saw whom it was.
It was Auska.
"And what's the matter with being a girl?!?!?" The angry redhead almost screamed at Quatre.
Quatre let out a small squeak, "Eep!"
Auska roared again, "And it just so happens we're in the next match together!"
"EEK!" Quatre screamed as he tried to run away, but Auska grabbed his arm to prevent him from doing so.
"So lets start this fight right now, eh?" Auska snickered. Quatre was sweating like a hog.
"Quatre's screwed." Mr. T muttered to himself from the commentating bench.
Match 4 Auska vs. Quatre
Auska and Quatre both entered the ring. Whilst Auska stood in one end smirking, Quatre stood in the other end trying to get a hold of himself.
'Okay, just calm down,' Quatre thought to himself, 'Get a hold of yourself, you're a Gundam pilot, you can win this, so what if she has been training to be an Evangelion pilot since she was four years old, which means she is superior in many combat situations, and she has a temper like an erupting volcano, which means she won't hold back. Oh somebody save me!'
The bell rang and the fight began.
Instead of running towards Quatre, Auska ran in the opposite direction, towards the ropes.
Using her speed from her run, she threw into the ropes, which bent back, and flung her running back to Quatre, at over twice the speed she had run into the ropes.
Using the speed and momentum she had got to her advantage, she raised her right arm and preformed a devastating clothesline attack on Quatre, which hit him in the chest and sent him hurtling to the ground.
Quatre soon recovered and stood up. As he stood up he saw that Auska was already running at him. He quickly stepped out of the way allowing her to run past him, but as soon as he did, she quickly altered course and leaned forward.
The leaning run Auska did preformed an almighty head but into Quatre's stomach, but she didn't stop there. She kept on running, quickly propelling Quatre into one of the turnbuckles.
His back hit the turnbuckle, which caused him to arch back and cry out in pain, but, noticing her head was still firmly placed in his stomach, he quickly whipped up his arms and repeatedly started hitting her in the back of the head.
This didn't last though as she snapped her self back away from him, took a step forwards and kicked him in the groin as hard as she could.
Quatre fell forwards on to the floor of the ring holding his crotch. Auska climbed on top of the turnbuckle and faced Quatre. by looking down to him.
"This is for the pain you caused me on the back of my head asshole!" Auska screamed at him as she prepared to jump on him. Auska nearly jumped when.
She lost balance and fell off the back of the turnbuckle, causing her to hit her head on the concrete floor and pass out.
Match 4 Quatre wins
"Oookay, that was weird." JR muttered out to no one in particular.
"What a fluke." The King also spoke out
Mr. T also spoke, "What a. why are we talking, lets quit the jibba-jabba and start the next match!
Match 5 Kaji vs. Wufei
"I am strong and you are weak!" Wufei cried out from the ring to Kaji, who was just getting in.
"We'll see about that, I'm twice your age you know." Kaji said with a smirk as he got in the ring and stood up.
The bell rang and the fight begun.
Wufei and Kaji ran at each other, they both raised their right arms and made a punch at each other.
Both their fists hit each other with a defining crack, and both of them held their fists in agony and started howling in pain.
"Ahh my fist is too weak to continue!" Wufei Howled, "But my other is still alright!"
Wufei and Kaji started to fight the way that you would see in a 'Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' episode, and yes, this was looking like total crap.
Even though they fought craptasticly they both got totally exhausted, and both in one last effort made a punch for each other, hitting each other at the exact same time, they fell to the floor simultaneously.
Match 5 Draw
"This is an unexpected development." JR said to the microphone, bout not loud enough so all the crowd could hear him.
"What do we do now?" The King also commented.
"We go into over time fools that's what! Just like in the soccer!" Meanwhile, Auska was chasing Kaji with a rusty axe around the arena screaming at him about how he didn't win against a boy. Even though the rusty axe part was just a metaphor describing how pissed off she was, Auska is still no person to be messed with.
"Come back here and fight me like a man! Oh right I forgot, you're not a man! Or a poor excuse for one anyway!" Auska screamed after Kaji, who was running for his life.
"But Auska, (pant pant) I didn't loose!" Kaji pleaded with Auska as he ran his fastest away from the 'Red Devil.'
"Anyway," Mr. T said, "Lets start the final match!!"
Final Match Shinji, Rei, Auska, Misato & Kaji vs. Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa & Wufei
As the Eva characters stand in one corner, the Gundam cast stand in the other.
Shinji has a bandage all around his face, except for over his eyes so he can see. Rei had a small bandage around the back of her head and a few bruises. Auska also had a bandage around the back of her head and also a large bump. Misato had a sore tummy, but that's it. Kaji was bruised all over, and may have a cracked rib, partly from Wufei, the rest from Auska.
On the other side of the ring, Heero was bruised all over, from when Mr. T threw him into the ground. Duo had a cracked jaw, on both sides. Quatre was bending over and holding his balls. He now talks like he has breathed in a balloon full of helium. Trowa was only little sore from when he fell out of the ring. Wufei as bet up as Kaji, the only thing different was his rib wasn't cracked.
The bell rang and all hell broke loose.
Heero limped his way over to Auska and made a punch at Auska, but being so weak from being bashed by Mr. T, (Anyone would be) his punch only tapped her on the fore head. Auska merely tapped him on the head with her pinkey finger and knocked him over. He fell on the floor, out cold from exhaustion.
Kaji made a dive at Duo, Duo merely ducked and let Kaji fly over him, and hit his head on a turnbuckle and pass out cold, and Kaji is down.
Misato stared at Duo, like a bull does to a Matador just before it charges.
"This is for making Kaji hit his head just then, yarrh!" Misato screamed as she charged at him. Her charge caused he thump Duo out of the ring, but also throwing herself out in the process. When they both hit the floor Misato proceeded to hit Duo, even though they were out of the ring.
Now the only remaining people were Shinji, Auska, Rei, Quatre, Trowa and Wufei.
Shinji, who hadn't done anything all this time, was standing in the corner, was muttering to himself, while Auska and Rei were doing all the fighting against Quatre, Trowa & Wufei.
"I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away. I have to do something, but I can't!" Shinji's extremely low self-esteem held him back.
"I am strong and you are weak!" Wufei cried out to Shinji as he ran at him as fast as he could.
Shinji panicked as he saw Wufei running at him. He was so panicked in fact that he lost his balance and fell on his backside. When this happened, Wufei had no time to react and his full speed run caused him to trip over Shinji and fling himself out of the ring. He landed in the crowd and hit his head on a chair leg, knocking himself out cold.
Shinji stood up, shocked with himself, "Hey, that was easy, I bet him, I can do this!" He screamed as he fan into the fight with his newly grown backbone.
Rei kicked Quatre in the balls, hard, which caused his voice to go even squeaker.
"*I'm ganna get you now!*" he managed to squeak out before coughing a bit and waddling over to Rei, his groin being kicked twice in one night restraining him from walking too fast.
Before he could get any closer to her, somebody attacked him from the side, pushed him up too the ropes, and threw him out the ring.
That somebody, was Shinji.
"Confidence kicks ass!" Shinji commented, "You can do what ever you like with it!"
Meanwhile on the other, side of the ring, Auska was repeatedly whacking Trowa over the head with her rock hard fists.
"Don't you ever try to hurt me again you idiot!" Auska screamed at him putting a whack of her fist on his head after each syllable. Apparently, Auska did not like him trying to hurt her.
Trowa howled in agony. Since Auska was not holding on to him though, he took a few steps back and ran to the other side of the ring.
Where Shinji was chatting up Rei.
"Hey baby, hows about after this is over, you and me with this new found confidence of mine." Shinji thought for a bit and then scratched his face, and realised he still had bandages on his face, "Take this god damn bandages off my face!!"
Rei didn't get to answer.
Trowa tackled her on the side and shoved her over the ropes and out of the ring.
Seeing this, Shinji got royally pissed off and grabbed Trowa's shoulder, spinning him around to face Shinji. Shinji brought Trowa up to his face and looked him straight eyes, faces centimetres apart.
"That was the first chick I ever hit on ever!" Shinji growled at the frightened boy "And I was succeeding too but you stuffed it up!"
Trowa peed his pants. It trickled down his leg and onto the ring floor.
The next part of the match got censored because of horrific violence.
Final Match Neon Genesis Evangelion wins!!
"Well there you have it folks! Neon Genesis Evangelion wins! And what a win at that! Sucked in JR!" The King yelled into his microphone, voice booming throughout the entire arena.
"Yeah I know but." JR said slowly, with a hint of worry in his voice, "I never knew that Shinji could stuff Trowa into a suitcase so small, without killing him!"
The King talked worried too, "Yeah, I know, I wonder who taught him to do that?"
Mr. T just sat back in his chair and smiled, The King and JR looked at him in fear.
"All you suckas out there, don't worry," Mr. T said to the crowd through his microphone, "All the people in tonight's matches will get full medical treatment, especially Trowa. And looks like Shinji has a date tonight as well!"
Walking out the door was Shinji with his right arm around Rei, helping her out the door.
"Well what happy ending everyone." The King commentated
"Except for Trowa." JR added, "By the way, are we paying any of the guys except for Mr. T. I already know we're paying Mr. T because if we don't he'll kick our asses, but are we paying the other guys?"
"Nope." The King said smiling.
"Are you sure we should do that. They may get mad and we'd have huge robots kicking our asses from here to Kong." "Hmm your right." The King said, "But we'll only pay each of them half as much as Mr. T, I'm more scared of him than I am of them."
"Okay then," JR said and turned to face the camera.
"Goodnight every body" JR yelled at the camera, "Take care!"
"And drink milk foos!"