AN: I wrote this on Tumblr and it was gonna be Grimmichi but.. I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO WRITE ICHIGO IDK WHY.
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'M NEEDY FOR THEM TO JUST HAVE THIS KINDA OF THING FROM THEM IDK MAN.
Disclaimer: I own not Bleach.
Shock and Denial
It was too much for Shiro, looking at the now still body and ringing of the long beep of the heart monitor. He watched as doctors ran in to aid the man that had given him some type of life again after he had lost everything, everyone. He had been pushed outside and stood there numb as a doctor called it, a nurse walking out to already tell him what he knew. Shiro was aloud back in, moving stiffly as he made his way to the blue haired man. He had tears in his eyes but they didn't shed as he looked down at Grimmjow.
It wasn't possible, there was no way that Grimmjow was dead. Shiro stood and waited for him to move, open his eyes and laugh at the pitiful look on his face and ask him if he thought he could die that easily. This world was proving how much it wanted Shiro to be alone, by ripping it away. Shiro was struggling to come to terms with this..even looking at him with his own two eyes. There was just no way..
Shiro took his hand and pinched it and waited for any type of reaction, anything. He was sorely disappointed, he wanted to yell. He wanted to scream but he was still struggling. One could only see death so much and handle it. Shiro shook as he set his hand down, sinking into the chair near Grimmjow's lifeless body.
Pain and Guilt.
Shiro laid in what used to be his shared bed with Grimmjow. Now it just felt empty, the man that had radiated heat wasn't there to fill it. Shiro hadn't moved much as her replayed the events that had landed Grimmjow in the ICU. They had been out, having a normal day (for them at least). Shiro hadn't been paying attention as he walked across the street, Grimmjow had ran forward just in time to push Shiro out of the way to get hit by the on coming truck. The truck had been going nearly thirty. Shiro clutched at the pillow that was normally Grimmjow's.
Shiro was hit with a deep pang in his chest at the memory of Grimmjow going down, he clenched his teeth and let out a deep sob, crying into the pillow. He didn't cry, but he had struggled to believe it and only had when he had watched Grimmjow go into the ground. Nel, Grimmjow's sister, had tried to talk to him. He had just brushed her off, she didn't know him well and he wanted to be left alone. He didn't want to remind himself he had taken her only family member from her.
He decided to go visit Grimmjow later but he had only shook his head and whispered.
"I'm Sorry."
Anger and Barganing.
It had been three months since Grimmjow's death and he was still with dealing with it all. He sat at now his alone kitchen table, he stared at his phone that lit up with Nel informing him she would be there soon. Shiro growled low and got up to unlock the door for the woman and then sat on the couch, he just wanted to be left alone was that too much to ask? Nel walked in after finding out that he had unlocked the normally sealed shut door. Nel looked over and saw the exhausted Shiro on the couch.
Nel knew that, even if Grimmjow hadn't been the most cuddly person on the planet and cared about little that he had cared about this man and same goes for the pale man. Grimmjow wouldn't be happy to see Shiro like this so, to please what her brother would have wanted she wanted to help Shiro through this. Even if he didn't want it. She walked over and sat next to him, feeling how unhappy he was.
"Why are ya here, Nel. I told ya tha' i wanted ta be left alone."
"I..just wanted to see how you were doing." Shiro snorted.
"Fuckin' Peachy." Nel sighed and nodded, looking around the apartment and a deep frown came to her face. The apartment was a mess, some things had been smashed and dishes were being piled up.
"Shi-"
"Don' start, I don' wanna hear a speech on how he would be pissed. I fuckin' know bout this."
"I wasn't going to i just was gonna ask about the glass.."
"Bullshit."
"Don't get that way with me Shiro, i'm trying to help and you just yell at me."
"Maybe cause i wanted it to be ME. I fuckin' ask whatever is out there why he had to get hit, it was me tha' was in the way!" Shiro yelled, looking at his hands. Nel looked at him and took his hands, Shiro looked up with a fire blazing in his golden and black eyes. Nel's eyes were teary and she sad softly.
"I don't know, Shiro. I don't know.."
Reflection and Loneliness.
It now marked nearly ten months since Grimmjow died. Shiro was being threatened by his boss that he was going to fire him. Shiro didn't really care, he could ruin his reputation even further, he didn't give a damn. Shiro had turned his phone off and left it off for a week, ignoring when Nel came to his door, Nnoitra in tow. He had threatened he would knock the door down, that it was time to start living his life again and that it was time to stop hiding. Shiro had yelled at him to go fuck himself before he heard whispering and then steps then nothing.
So here he sat, on the floor. He was going through some pictures that had fallen on him when he was looking for some extra soap. He was looking at pictures of him and Grimmjow at a concert, Shiro had his tongue out and Grimmjow had his cocky ass grin on. Shiro looked around then noticed there was CD that had fallen too, Shiro frowned and grabbed it and got up. Shiro walked over to the TV and squatted down, putting the CD in the player.
Shiro sat back and saw a extremely tired looking Grimmjow.
"You owe me for draggin' me out of bed this damned early."
Shiro's eyes widened as he realized what it was, it was Christmas. Shiro had only been excited because he had managed to get those tickets to the band in the photo. Shiro normally didn't give a shit about Christmas, neither did Grimmjow but this year had been rough so they decided to get something for each other. Shiro sat glued to the screen, watching the man look less than pleased at Shiro, that camera having been set on the entertainment center.
"Suck it up, Kitty." Shiro mocked and Grimmjow glared while Shiro cackled.
"Why do i deal with your ass again?"
" 'Cause ya like my ass."
"..Not going to argue with that one." Shiro grinned at the blue haired man and handed him and envelope. Grimmjow took it and raised a brow at Shiro.
"Open it, moron." Grimmjow grunted and opened it, Shiro watching with a knowing grin. Grimmjow took the card out and pulled the contents out. Grimmjow let out a laugh.
"Holy shit, how did ya get these?" Grimmjow asked, looking at the Shiro who watched him smugly.
"Snatched 'em up when some guy at work didn' wan' 'em. Which i don' know why.."
They figured out later that it was because they were nose bleed seats, but they hadn't given a shit.
Shiro watched as Grimmjow handed him a little box, Shiro took it, ripping it open. Shiro opened the little box and a grin adorned his face again. It was a small earring for the cartilage piercing he had, it was a little zero. He then pulled a small ticket from the box. It was the one for the tattoo Shiro got.
Grimmjow then stood, turned and showed Shiro the one he had on his lower back, showing the word 'Instincts'.
"So, i can get one to match?" Shiro asked, knowing the answer.
"That's the thought." Grimmjow pulled Shiro up and kissed him.
"Can we go to get it tomorrow?" Grimmjow laughed.
"Yeah sure." Shiro smirked mischievously.
"Now ya can sleep some more or we can play." Grimmjow grinned and picked Shiro up and grabbed the camera, Shiro had let a yelp out.
"Lets Play."
Grimmjow had turned the camera off then, Shiro found himself crying silently. His chest felt numb but it didn't feel as hollow as before.
The Upward Turn.
Shiro was sitting with Nel and Nnoitra at some corner restaurant.
"So did Zangetsu take you back?" Nnoitra asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.
"Yeah, he looked relieved ta see me."
"I would too i mean, you had us all worried there for awhile." Nel said, eating a fry. Shiro waved her off and took a bite of own fries. He still wasn't okay but..he was getting better. Nel and Nnotira could tell he was chasing the clouds from his mind still. Shiro was scary when he wasn't in the right mind.
"So, Nnoitra. I know tha' ya wanted The Last of Us from Grimmjow when he got it, right?"
"Yeah, why are you bringin' it up?" Shiro smirked at him.
"Come get it, i don' play it and i know..ya want it." Shiro almost said that he would like to see his best friend playing it but couldn't. Nnoitra raised his brows and Nel looked shocked.
"You sure? That was Grimmjow's.." Nel said, Shiro shrugged.
"Like i said i don' play it."
"..Okay, You wont lock us out will you?" Nel asked, teasingly. Shiro hummed at that.
"No, you can come on in when you guys come to get it."
Reconstruction and Working through.
Shiro had finally decided to stop hiding, he had gone to work. Those who knew him though knew that he wasn't over the death of his boyfriend but he was trying. Shiro had been taking an order when his boss approached him, a man that wore glasses and had messy as hell hair with stubble.
"When your done Shiro, can you come to the back room?" Shiro only nodded at the owner of the cafe and finished making the coffee for them, he then walked to the room after Tensa took over.
"Yeah Zan?"
"I know that you're still dealing with everything but, Tensa doesn't want to own the store and i know you like working here."
"Not what ya said when ya wanted to fire me." Zangetsu sighed irritability.
"Shiro you know why i said that, you wouldn't listen unless i threatened. Anyway, will you take the store? I want to got and travel and i need someone to look take it." Shiro stared at him then grinned, small but it was a start.
"Alright." Zangetsu smirked at the man, he knew it was what the albino needed.
Acceptance and Hope.
Shiro walked down the busy streets a little over a year since Grimmjow had died. It was a shinny day which mean Shiro was hiding underneath sunglasses and clothing to protect his paper white skin from being burned. Many turned to stare but Shiro didn't give a shit, he was on a mission today. He had been through a lot since Grimmjow had died but he was finally starting to be able to think about him without getting irritable and sad. He could breath normally again.
Shiro reached his destination and began walking on grass, to a white stone in the ground. Grimmjow Jeagerjaques was craved into the stone, with how long he had been on this planet and something cheesy Nel had helped Shiro with.
"The one that managed to take me in broken and build me up and your own way." it read. Nel had told him no swear words, which he now laughed at her words. Shiro sat down infront of the stone and put a little stone panther in the ground next to the others. He could see Grimmjow glaring at him now, but the man had loved his cats.
He smirked sightly at the stone. He usually didn't say much but he still came to visit. He chuckled at what he was about to say.
"So Nnoitra asked Nel ta marry him, she said yes. He asked me ta be his Best Man. I'm excited, i mean to embarrass the hell outta Nel when i do tha' dumb toast." Shiro picked at the grass and looked at the other stones wistfully. "I wonder what if we woulda ever gotten married. Nel woulda prolly pissed herself if we had."
Shiro pulled at the grass some more and was quiet for a little bit. "Aye, Grimm..If ya can even hear me, if you're with my family..Will ya tell 'em i'm doin' okay? I'm sure Ichigo gave ya hell, and Mom an Yuzu doted on ya like ya hate." Shiro chuckled at that then laughed at his next thought. The one other person in the cemetery glaring at him.
"I don' think even if there is a Heaven i'll see it and even if you're there, i guess our asses can burn together..But i don' know what to believe in but i think i'll see ya again and i can' wait ta bug ya again."
AN: There, there friend. We'll..both be okay.
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Later days, Hollows!