Idiots on An Island
Day One
Notes- The character Deko is the future 'son' of Sasuke and another canon character; who will be revealed eventually. Rock Lee is currently in a wheelchair due to a training accident. Ken, Masako, Kikia, Ikoma and Nojaro are new genin graduates.
(The whole ninja team wakes up on an unknown island in the middle of the night)
Deko(very confused)-Wha..? Wh...what am I doing here?!
Hinata(timidly)- I don't know...
Ken and Masako(singing like drunks)- We're going to the zoo, how about you? You? You?
(Suddenly, a huge black helicopter flies over head and scares the hell out of the others, waking them up. They watch as a single woman jumps out with a parachute and lands in front of them.}
The Hostess(pulling out a loud speaker)-Hello, my good friends! Welcome to Happenschileinctnight Island!
Naruto(scratching his head, in confusion)- I don't understand what's going on...
The Hostess- No need to be confused you little raccoon looking child. You have all been chosen to play Survivor! Isn't that nice?
Neji(angrily)- HELL NO! Get us off of this damn island now!
Nojaro- I'm all for games. What do we win?
Chouji(excitedly)- Junk food! Lots and lots of junk food!
Hostess- No, you don't win food. Why we're at it, say hi to all of the people at home watching you right now!
Naruto(grinning and waving at the camera)-OMG! Hi mom!
Hostess- In this game of Survivor, you will be fighting for your survival through many different and exciting challenges. There will be heartbreak, betrayal, murder, friendships and even pregnacies throughout the game!
Deko(rolling his eyes)- Oh yeah, because that doesn't sound like like we left Konoha instead of being on a mysterious island. At all.
Hostess(pointedly ignoring him)- Anyway, the one who can survive all of these hardships can call themselves the best of the best and win the ultimate prize!
Sasuke(snorting)- What's so great about this ultimate prize?
Hostess- You could win THIS or THAT!
(Everyone gasps in happy and utter surprise, despite not really knowing why)
Rock Lee(excitedly)- I want it! That's the magical box that makes all of your wishes come true! I could wish for a new arm and leg!
Naruto- I could wish my mother back to life!
Deko- What the hell, Naruto. Didn't you just say hi to your mom a minute ago?
Naruto(awkwardly)- Oh, well then.(He thinks for a minute before smiling again)- I could wish that Sasuke will fall in love with me and live happily ever after with each other!
(Sasuke immediatly moves away from Naruto)
Hinata(in a whisper)- I wish I could make a friend.
Neji-I wish you'd shut up.
Hostess- I think you all are getting a little ahead of yourselves. Only one person can win.
Deko- No shit.
Nojaro- Well, that's no fun.
Hostess- It's not supposed to be. Well, goodbye everybody and good luck. I hope that you'll survive the first round of Survivor!
Sakura(panicking)-Wait just a minute! You're seriously going to leave us here?!
Hostess- Of course! (She gets back on the helicopter and flies away)
Sasuke-(falling to his knees and screaming to the sky)-NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Nojaro(crying)-WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Ken and Masako- WITHOUT BREAKFAST!
Ikoma(calmly)-C'mon, guys, really. This isn't the first time we've been forced into a life threatning mission.
Choji- I need my food fix now!
Kikia- But Choji, we don't have any food.
Choji- Find some.
Sakura- Well, there is some coconuts lying around.
Ikoma (snidely)- Yeah, because we're looking right at a pink haired nut right now.
Ino- It's everyone for themselves out here, Choji. That means your fatass need to find your own food.
Kikia(squealing in fright)-Kikia doesn't want to get bitten by a snake!
(Nothing else is said and suddenly, out of nowhere, it starts to rain very hard)
Hinata- We need to find shelter!
(They run straight into the cover of the jungle and hide in the tops of trees)
Sasuke- This. Sucks.
Deko(sarcastically)- No, really? How else would you describe this, emo boy?
Naruto (cheerfully)- Aww, come on guys! just act like it's a camping trip!
Sasuke (darkly)- I never went camping.
Naruto- Wow, you must've had a twisted childhood huh?
(Sasuke shoots a murderous look at him)
Naruto- UGH! Move out of my way, Rock Lee! You're taking up all my space!
(He shoves Rock Lee out of his wheelchair and tree, getting Rock Lee stuck in quicksand)
Rock Lee(screaming for his life, waving his only good arm)-HELP ME!
Ken and Masako{laughing}- Ha ha. You're stuck! (Neji cracks a smile)
Hinata (worridly)-D-d..don't you think we should help him?
Sasuke- No.
Deko- The loser is a ninja with godly ninja strength. If he can't get out of measly quicksand, I say let him die.
Ino- Good, the more gone, the better.
Rock Lee(screaming angrily)- I HEARD THAT YOU BITCH!
Ikoma- Why are you so cold hearted, Ino? We have to help him.
Ino- Go ahead, blind girl. He's all yours.
Ikoma (scoffing)-I didn't say I was going to do it.
Rock Lee- HEY DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE A CONSCIOUS? HELP ME!
Deko- Nope, sold it on Ninja Ebay.
Hinata- Maybe we can find a cameraman somewhere...
Ino(annoyed)- Hey genius, do you see a cameraman out here?
Choji- I hope he dies, then I can eat him!
Kikia- Kikia will save you, Rock Lee!
(She jumps in and pulls Rock Lee out of the quicksand)
Rock Lee (gasping for air)-Thanks Kikia! At least I know who my real friends are!
Sakura (raising her eyebrow)- You don't even know who she is and now you're magically real friends with her?
Sasuke- Since when did anyone else ever say we were friends in the first place?
Deko- You just did, you pasty ugly ass emo boy!
Sasuke- Have you looked in the mirror lately?
Deko- The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Choji- Applesauce? Where?
Sasuke- Unfortunantly for you, this tree is barren. I'm not having any apples.
Deko- Uh huh, yeah. Too bad because appearently I've been walking around for fifteen years because of your defective little swimmers.
Sasuke- I must've really been drunk that day because I don't remember any of it.
Deko- That's the only way you'd get ever get laid too.
Ken and Masako- Go, Deko! Go!
Sasuke- And you wonder why I left you.
Ken and Masako- Oooooooooh! You jus gotz skooled!
Deko(getting angrier and shoving Sasuke's chest)-Why don't you say it to my face?!
Sasuke- Because, I'd go blind...?
Ikoma (insulted)- Hey!
Deko- You're the blind one around here, DAD!
Sasuke- That's because I looked at you too long. Appearantly you aren't just ugly, but you're stupid too.
Deko- I got it from you! You know what they say, it takes an idiot to know one!
Sasuke- Whatever.
Deko- Whatever my ass!
Sakura (angrily)-HEY! Don't talk to my Sasuke like that, kid!
Sasuke and Deko (shouting)- Shut up you ugly whore! You're not even in this conversation!
Sasuke- You know most people look good in the DARK!
Ikoma (Grinning)- They sure do.
Naruto- Except for black people because you can't even see them! (He nudges Nojaro in the side, laughing) Isn't that right, Nojaro?
(Everyone instantly stops what they are doing, even Sasuke and Deko, and stares hatefully at Naruto.)
Naruto (laughing at his own joke)- Hahahaha! That's hilarious, I'm too funny! (He stops awkwardly) Err...why is everyone staring at me?
(Nojaro promptly sucker punches Naruto in the race and starts to stomp the life out of the blond idiot)
Rock Lee (getting inbetween them)- Okay, break it up you guys! I know that you are all torn up about my well-being but that doesn't mean you have to fight over me.
Ino- Don't know where you got that conclusion, cripple. No one said anything about you.
(Kikia pops out of the lush foliage of the jungle excitedly)
Kikia- Guess what guys, Kikia found two shacks up ahead!
Neji- Who on God's green earth are you?
Sakura- YEAH! We're saved! C'mon on Sasuke!
(She grabs on to the ninja's hand and preceeds to drag him through the trees. Everyone else just shrug their shoulders at each other and follow behind her)
(They walk through the jungle to an open space with two very tiny huts.)
Ino- Man, how convienent! The first sign of shelter we find and they're as big as Naruto's manhood! How are we going to all live in there?
Rock Lee- How about the physically handicapped in one hut and the rest in the other? That seems fair.
Neji- But that leaves only two of you.
Rock Lee (grinning like a creeper)- Exactly. (He puts his arm around Ikoma's shoulders) Are you ready for some lovin' my little lotus flower? (He leans over to kiss her but she shoves him out of his wheelchair, only to lose her balance and fall on top of him.)
Hinata (shyly)- How about the boys in one hut and the girls in the other...that seems fair and religiously correct...
(They shrug again and split up into the huts.)
Naruto(chuckling at Sakura)- Hey Sakura, you're a dude. So why are you trying to sneaking into the girls' hut, believe it!
Sakura- SHUT UP NARUTO!
(She picks up a coconut off of the ground and chucks it at Naruto; knocking him out.)
Deko(whistling)- Damn that girl has some arm!
Nojaro(looking over Naruto's twitching body)-Um, is he going to be okay?
Ino(muttering)- What an idiot.