A/N: You know that feel when you're just really sexually frustrated by a show? Well, I do now, and now this exists. The creators only have themselves to blame. Enjoy.
XXX
It was the waiting, Yuuri was thinking. That was the worst part.
Worse than the frozen fear and the blinding cameras that came before his skates ever touched the ice. Worse than the unsteadiness as he waited to begin in the center of the arena, as if alone on a cold, empty planet. Worse than a bad fall, the jitters, the disappointment and the sympathetic applause from the crowd. Worse than sitting in the kiss and cry afterwards, trying to put on a brave face.
The worst part was waiting for it all to happen, the time when there was nothing to be done but lie down and try to sleep. His eyes kept drifting to the light coming from the clock across the room, hazy without his glasses. He could still make out the time. It was just past midnight. Fourteen hours until he'd be out on the ice.
Viktor had insisted on an early bedtime the night before the short program, giving Yuuri a lecture about brain chemistry and mental and physical performance being enhanced by a good night's sleep. Easy for him to say, Yuuri thought bitterly, as he turned to see Viktor in the twin bed beside his, soundly asleep with a contented smile lining his features. Even asleep, illuminated by the glaring light from the clock, he was so utterly, gut-wrenchingly beautiful. It almost pained him sometimes, thinking of all the many ways that Viktor made life look so simple and lovely, when Yuuri stumbled at every turn.
Don't think about stumbling, he told himself.
He rolled over in bed, twisting the blankets around himself. And then rolled over again. He had never felt so ridiculously awake in his life.
"Yuuri?" came a voice from his other side.
Yuuri jumped a little at the noise, but turned over to see Viktor staring at him with half-lidded eyes, his head still resting on his pillow.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah," Yuuri said quickly. "Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry to wake you up."
"Can't sleep?" Viktor asked.
"No." Yuuri tried to disentangle himself from his sheets and ended up getting himself more tangled than before.
Viktor was smiling sleepily. "I could never sleep the night before a big competition, either. I'd drag Chris out with me and we'd go dancing, drinking, and then I'd sleep the next day. The press always thought it was terribly cocky of me."
"I don't like to drink before I skate," said Yuuri. "Makes me too dizzy."
"I know," said Viktor. "It's unfortunate."
Yuuri finally succeeded in kicking the blankets off of himself. He lay there, the hotel air cool on his arms and legs, willing himself to stay in one position. Viktor reached over to their shared bedside table and turned the light on, making Yuuri's eyes hurt as they adjusted to the room.
"Tell me, Yuuri. How do you deal with stress during a competition?"
"What?"
"Everybody needs a coping mechanism. Meditation, exercise, sex...maybe keeping a journal. What's yours?"
Yuuri felt himself tense at the mention of sex. His coach was always so matter-of-fact about things like that. He was trying to train himself to not be embarrassed by it, but it was difficult when the subject of all his earliest fantasies was sitting there staring at him…
"I don't know. I guess I just...I try not to think about it."
Viktor was giving him a skeptical gaze, his clear blue eyes feeling as bright and harsh as an interrogation lamp. "That's all?" he asked.
"Well...I'm not very good at meditation. Of course I exercise, but it's all training...and, uh…" he stammered. "I don't keep a journal."
"Yuuri," Viktor said, and his voice had taken on a stern edge again. "Mental health is as crucial to a skater as-"
"As physical health. I know, I know." Grumpily, Yuuri turned back over onto his side facing away from Viktor. He didn't need another lecture right now. His mind was racing enough as it was.
Viktor paused, and when he spoke again, his voice had become smooth and gentle. "Here. Let me try something."
Yuuri felt rather than saw Viktor step out of his bed and settle himself beside him. "Move over a little," Viktor said, and Yuuri did, haltingly. Viktor's chest was bare, his skin incredibly warm even through the fabric of Yuuri's tee shirt.
"I want you to lie on your back. And close your eyes."
He obeyed, feeling slightly stupid. Viktor's voice was so close that his breath tickled Yuuri's cheek.
"What are you thinking about right now?" he asked.
"I'm thinking about my routine. How I need to remember to get enough speed on my triple axel," said Yuuri.
"Well, stop it. I want you to think of the place where you feel the most relaxed in the world. And it can't have anything to do with skating."
Yuuri sighed. "I guess...the hot spring. At home."
"Good," said Viktor. "Picture all of it. The sound of running water, the warmth…" he smiled. "...the smell of a pork cutlet bowl."
Yuuri smiled, too, his eyes still closed. "Okay."
"You've got all of it?"
"Yes."
"Stay there." Viktor moved himself down on the bed slightly. His hand moved down Yuuri's leg, tapping on the heel of his foot. "Now, I want you to tense and relax your muscles, one by one, starting from your toes and up to the top of your head. Tense until a count of five, and then relax. Alright?"
He opened his eyes to nod. Viktor gave him an imperious look.
"Eyes closed, please. Okay, feet first. Tense, one... two... three...four... five...and release. Breathe out."
Yuuri followed along, making the sore muscles in his feet stiff and then letting go along with a breath. He didn't quite see that this was going to do anything.
Viktor's hands moved to Yuuri's lower legs. "Calves now, one... two... three...four... five...there you go."
Yuuri tensed automatically as Viktor's hands came to rest on his thighs, and tried his best to relax them after a count of five. He couldn't help but let out a small, audible gasp as Viktor slipped his hands under Yuuri's shirt.
"Abdominal muscles. One...two...three…"
Next were his chest, his arms, his neck. Viktor cupped his student's face as he tensed and relaxed it, smiling at the scrunched up look of concentration.
Yuuri lay his head back down on the pillow, his body feeling pleasantly tingly and warm. When he opened his eyes again, Viktor was looking down at him.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"I...uh," said Yuuri. "A little better."
He had just realized that the tingly warm feeling was making his pajamas feel tighter than usual. His cock strained insistently against the fabric, and in his current position, it was definitely noticeable.
Yuuri made the mistake of looking down, and Viktor followed his gaze.
Almost as if he'd been struck, Yuuri rolled quickly to his side. His eyes were wide, mortified.
"I-I'm sorry," he said. His arm covered his face, and he wondered if he'd ever be able to look Viktor in the eye again.
"Yuuri, it's-"
"Maybe I should just try to go to sleep," he said in a small voice.
Viktor paused, frowned.
Shame was something foreign to him. Attacked by cameras on a daily basis, he had long since forgotten what it was to feel truly exposed. He thought, not for the first time, how strange it was he'd been drawn to Yuuri, whose small, lean body somehow seemed to contain a universe of shame and doubt.
"Yuuri," he said firmly. He moved his arm away from his face. "Did I say you could open your eyes?"
"Huh?" Yuuri looked up at him, finally, his face flushed.
Viktor sighed dramatically. "We'll just have to start again, then. On your back, eyes closed, please."
"But I-"
"You were at the hot spring, correct? Find it again, I'll wait."
Slowly and miserably, Yuuri turned back over, his eyes shut tight. "Okay," he said.
"Don't think about anything, except for how this feels," said Viktor. He wrapped his hands around Yuuri's feet again. "One, two, three, four, five, release."
"I...I'm not very good at that," said Yuuri. "Not thinking about things."
Viktor slowly slid his fingers up Yuuri's legs. He moved himself closer. "It's easy, trust me. One, two, three, four, five…"
Yuuri released again, his muscles starting to feel like they were made of jelly. He could feel Viktor's legs on either side of him now, pinning him to the bed.
"And one…" Viktor said calmly, as he slid his hands underneath Yuuri, cupping his ass and bringing their hips together. He moved slowly, grinding as Yuuri let out a sharp involuntary gasp. "...two, three…"
He got to five and let go. Yuuri still had his eyes firmly closed, his senses keenly aware of the needy, desperate ache now left by the absence of Viktor's body.
His words were barely a murmur now: "One…" Viktor slipped his hands under Yuuri's tee shirt, bringing his head to rest in the hollow of his chest. "Two…" he pulled back, hooking his fingers under the shirt's hem and pulling it up over Yuuri's head. His hands moved feverishly up Yuuri's chest, feeling the soft skin under his ribcage, the strength and tension at his core.
Yuuri let his head fall back, his hands gripping at the sheets beneath him as Viktor bent and trailed his lips over the places his hands had already been. He seemed to have dropped all pretence of counting to five, but Yuuri was still tensed, waiting for a point at which to let go.
Viktor had reached his neck now, his breath hot as he kissed his way up from Yuuri's collarbone and finally, to his mouth. It took a moment for Yuuri to react. He was having a sort of out-of-body experience, still half-convinced this was a particularly strange and vivid stress dream. Tentatively, he drew his hands up, letting go of his fistfuls of blanket and instead clutching Viktor by the back of his head, running his fingers through his soft grey hair. It all felt so very real; but then again, nothing real had ever felt this good before.
Yuuri parted his lips, a small moan lost somewhere in his throat, and Viktor deepened their kiss, gently and curiously. Yuuri was thinking, somewhere vague and hazy in the back of his mind, of that day when Viktor had wanted to "surprise" him. Being tackled down to the ice, Viktor's mouth firm against his, the flash of the cameras, the breath being knocked out of him as he fell flat on his back, and the blood rushing to his face when he thought of everybody watching back home. This felt nothing like that. This time, nobody else existed.
He ran his hands over Viktor's shoulders, the fine hair on his arms. He could have sworn he felt goosebumps.
Wanting to feel the weight of his body again, Yuuri, breaking the kiss, wrapped his arms around Viktor's middle and pulled him in closer. He couldn't help but groan as Viktor ground his hips down again, and Yuuri felt him, hard against his stomach.
"Viktor…" Yuuri said softly, both awed and slightly unnerved that he could create a reaction like that in someone who still appeared almost god-like to him. He had finally opened his eyes, and saw Viktor pull back at the sound of his name.
"Do you want me to stop?" Viktor asked, his breath ragged.
"No," said Yuuri. He was having trouble forming a full thought, but about this much he was sure. "God, no."
Viktor smiled, that same cocky, sideways smile that Yuuri had stared at on his bedroom wall for years. It still hadn't gotten old.
"Good. Then lie back and close your eyes," he said. "And don't make me ask you again."
Yuuri obeyed, the words sending a shiver of anticipation through him. He grabbed hold of Viktor's hands, threading their fingers together, and Viktor kissed him, once, on the mouth, before letting go and traveling down Yuuri's body.
He traced his hands, teasingly light, over Yuuri's chest, stopping as he reached the waistband of his pajama bottoms. Viktor hooked a finger and slowly ran it under the elastic, grazing the tip of Yuuri's cock and making him whimper impatiently. He ran a hand over the shaft through his layers of fabric, stiff and warm with his touch, and finally pulled the waistband of his pajamas and underwear down and off.
He ran his hands over Yuuri's legs, strong and bruised from falls in practice, and kissed the inside of his thighs before wrapping his hand around the base of his cock and beginning to move slowly up and down.
The pleasure felt like a wave building inside Yuuri, building and crashing and wiping out all other thought. He arched his back into it, moving with Viktor as he gradually sped up the pace.
When Viktor took his hand away, Yuuri nearly shot up and opened his eyes again, half-crazed with frustration, but his hand was replaced by his mouth, and Yuuri sank back down again, breathless. His hands grabbed hold of the bed sheets again and Viktor teased with his tongue, flicking it over the tip of his cock before taking the length of it in his mouth.
Yuuri let out a low moan, seeing stars through the dark of his closed eyes. Viktor was effortless, as he always was. Knowing exactly when to go further and faster, when to slow to a stop and make Yuuri arch helplessly toward him.
He pulled away, kissing the lines of Yuuri's hips. "Are you doing what I asked you to?" he asked.
Yuuri barely heard what he was saying, only able to think of Viktor between his legs again. "I-what?"
"Only thinking of how this feels, and nothing else."
The idea that he could be thinking of anything else right now was hysterical. "Of course," he said, with a breathy laugh.
"Tell me how this feels." Viktor slowly climbed up Yuuri's body again, his hands pressing into the mattress on either side of Yuuri's shoulders.
"I-ah, fuck," Yuuri ground out. Viktor's hand wrapped around him again with a new sort of force, gripping and going faster than he had before. Viktor's forehead rested against his, and Yuuri could feel the warmth and sweat of his brow, the way their breath mingled in short, sharp gasps.
Hearing his once nervous, blushing pupil swear spurred Viktor on, faster. He could tell by the way Yuuri twitched his hips that he was close to the edge.
Yuuri's hands were no longer wrapped up in the sheets but wrapped around Viktor, holding on to him as if for dear life, and finally he opened his eyes again, seeing just a flash of Viktor, his bright blue eyes searing into his brain, before he let go.
His head snapped back, all his muscles going rigid again as he came over his chest and Viktor's. Viktor kept going, his fingers coaxing Yuuri to stay in that perfect, blissful moment, until finally Yuuri collapsed, going slack against the bed.
He was still breathing hard, his body somehow weightless. Viktor hovered over him, a self-satisfied expression on his face, and Yuuri pulled his head down again, kissing him without shyness or self-consciousness.
When Viktor finally pulled back again, he couldn't help but grin. "Still thinking about that triple axel?" he asked.
"What's a triple axel?" Yuuri said, still catching his breath.
"Because in all seriousness, you do need to remember to watch your speed on that," said Viktor. Yuuri's face fell slightly, and Viktor amended, gently:"But...we can worry about that tomorrow."
Viktor started to pull away, but Yuuri held him by his arms. "But...you didn't get to-"
"You've got to clean up and get to sleep, Yuuri." Viktor brushed Yuuri's sweat-slicked hair off of his forehead. "You can make it up to me later."
Yuuri reluctantly let go, still feeling boneless, a little hollowed out.
"Make it up to you on the ice, you mean?" he said. Time to return to reality.
"Actually, I was mostly talking about tomorrow night," said Viktor, his eyes gleaming. "I doubt either of us will be able to sleep before the free skate."
Yuuri's face lit up again.
"Although, yes, you should obviously also do spectacularly on your short program."
"I will," said Yuuri, laughing.
He settled back onto the pillow, already impatient for tomorrow to arrive.
He was starting to come around on the whole waiting thing.
XXX
PSA: That counting to five tensing and relaxing thing really does help for when you can't sleep. Unfortunately cannot supply a Viktor to come demonstrate this.