Outside, the sun was setting. Inside, as he sat on the side of the bed, the sun's dying glow painted the walls in melancholy umbers that slowly climbed their way up to escape the room, leaving the deepening shadows to cover all. The few candles that were still burning looked like far way stars glinting in the gathering gloom. Tiny flickers of light that in time would sputter and fail. Just as he had failed.
They had finally stopped trying to get in a while ago. He refused to answer the door for anyone. He refused to share this moment or his tears. The ultimate act of selfishness perhaps, but... Why should he open the door? There was nothing more that any of them could do. They all agreed. So this moment would be his. Free from having to put on a brave face. Released from having to be King or father. Free...
Freedom was a bitter taste in his mouth. Freedom tasted like tears. Tears that dripped from his bowed head. Fell onto his hands. Tears that sparkled in the fading light on the broken sword that he cradled in his lap. Liquid regret that fell onto the uniform jacket laying under the sword, stealing it's brightness and making it so much darker. Almost as dark as the blood that had soaked into so much of it.
Wolfram's sword. Wolfram's jacket.
I'm so sorry, Wolf. So sorry.
It's all my fault.
His hands clenched, burying themselves deep into the fabric of the jacket. Taunting him with a trace of warmth.
It's always been my fault. You tried to tell me, but I just wouldn't listen. I didn't want to listen. I wanted everything to be easy. To be just like it was in my world. A world where I knew what was right and what was wrong. Where I knew a better way.
How many times, Wolfram? How many times did I hurt you?
A shuddering breath from a chest too tight shattered the quiet. But the sound was lost in the vastness of the room and left no trace of itself.
You never asked to be bound to me. But once bound, you never asked to be free. You fought hard to remain in your chains. Chains of duty. Loyalty. Courage. Devotion. And love. You told me that you loved me. And you never faltered. Never doubted that your place was with me.
I never deserved you.
I made you go against your better judgement time and again. Always running head first into places and situations that I knew nothing about. And you followed.
Because of me you disobeyed orders. You turned your back on your older brother, risking everything you had. You placed yourself between me and harm so many times. Spread wide your arms and gave your body up as a sacrifice. You sheltered me. Picked me up. Defended me by word or blade.
Always so seasick. But you wouldn't ever let that stop you. You left your pride on the steps and asked so humbly to be allowed to travel as a commoner. Just to find me. I know. Giesla told me. She said you had become so much stronger. And you had.
You caught me as I was falling.
And you smiled as you said you would fall with me.
But I couldn't catch you. I watched you fall.
Tears are not silent. Each one is a tiny scream of pain, a whimper of heartache. A small giggle of happiness. The reverent sigh of love. Perhaps tears cannot be heard with the ear, but they can be heard with the heart. And his heart was nearly deafened with the countless screams, the endless whimpers of his tears.
How many times did I shove you away, Wolfram? How many times did I freak out to wake up and find myself laying with my head in your lap? You were just being kind. And I acted like you were a monster. Did I ever say 'Thank you'? Thank you that you cared enough to lift my head off the hard ground? Thank you that you covered me when the ceiling fell? Thank you when you offered yourself as my companion, when all I could see was that pink sleep gown you wore?
I let you fall down the side of a mountain. I adopted a daughter and left you to stand in my place. I watched you give of your strength to help a man you despised. Because I wanted it. I was so wrapped up in my confusion and heartache over Conrad's defection, that I paid no attention to yours.
I dragged you half the world away to a place where you were unable to use your magic, because I was offended that someone would use a sporting contest to play politics. And you stepped out without hesitation into that arena. Sick from the stones all around you, you still fought and won. To keep me from harm.
And you never lied to me. You told me the truth when others would not. You never tried to pretend things were not what they were. And with every pick at my ego, every 'wimp' you threw at me, you were trying to make me stronger. To help me to see. To make me more than just a teenager. You wanted to see me become a King.
Why wouldn't I listen?
It all seems so stupid now. Guys don't marry guys? Says who? Was I really so blinded by my own prejudices? As if I had all the answers. My mother, she took you to heart right away. She saw how wonderful you were. Why didn't I?
With all your brattiness, all your shouts and calling me wimp or cheater, I'd take that over anything else right now. Because you gave me your heart. And I'm not giving it back...
"Yuri?"
It was just a whisper. A thread of sound, flimsy and frayed. But it was there.
Wiping his eyes with the back of his hands and sniffling, quickly trying to erase the evidence of his emotions, the dark haired youth turned toward the center of the bed.
The light of the one remaining candle turned the blond hair to gold where it hung over the bandages. It made the green eyes darker, changing them from emerald to the green of a forest's heart. The covers that draped over his chest did not hide all the wrapped bandages nor soften the angry red of the cuts that stood out so vividly against Wolfram's fair skin.
But what Yuri saw the most was the smile.
"You're safe. That's good. I was worried."
"YOU were worried??!" Yuri could barely choke out the words, incredulous, "You took on eight men, Wolfram! Eight armed men!" Jumping to his feet, the sword and jacket falling unnoticed to the floor, Yuri put his hands on the bed next to Wolfram and deliberately leaned over the prone blond, practically bringing them nose to nose as he glared at him. Relief, worry, anger and more swirled in his eyes and coated his voice.
"And then, if that wasn't enough to give me a heart attack, you had to go and stand there while that stone wall collapsed on you!"
"Well, I could hardly let it fall on YOU, now could I?" While still weak, Wolfram's voice began to match Yuri's strident tones. "After all, it was YOUR idea! You're the one that pulled the brace out and then wouldn't move! Why you thought bandits would be afraid of you swinging a board I'll never know! You should be glad that Conrart wasn't that far behind us to chase the remaining ones off."
Not intimidated by Yuri's glare, even if it was only inches away, Wolfram glared back up at him.
The terrible tightness that had lived for so long in Yuri's chest eased and he finally felt like he could breath again. Better than breathe, a chuckle snuck up from somewhere deep in his body and he shook as it escaped. First one...and another and then he was sitting on the bed beside the still annoyed Wolfram, but this time the tears were from laughter and his heart felt as it if could fly.
"What's so funny, Wimp?" Wolfram demanded to know, but the anger in his voice was giving way. He made one more attempt at injured dignity by turning his nose up and sniffing, "You should be grateful that I was with you. Who knows what might have happened if I hadn't been there."
Wiping his eyes again, but this time smiling, Yuri reached out and placed a hand on Wolfram's near arm.
"I am, Wolfram." he said with a growing realization giving color to his voice. Yuri squeezed Wolfram's arm gently. "I'm very grateful that you're with me." He smiled wider and looked the blond right in the eyes. "And I wanted to say...Thank you."
"Uh... " Wolfram's confusion was plain to see. He reached across his body to lay his free hand on Yuri's hand where it rested on his arm. "That's okay, Yuri. You don't have to say thank you to me."
Yuri turned his hand over and clasp Wolfram's hand in his, just being happy that they were able to share the small gesture.
"I think I do, Wolfram." He nodded pensively at the confused youth in the bed. "I really think I do." Giving Wolfram's hand a squeeze, he brightened his tone, "but now, you need to get some sleep. AND don't think about arguing with me..." He added, seeing Wolfram open his mouth to protest, " Good fiancés don't argue with their King."
Grinning at Wolfram's answering snort, Yuri sat watching as the green eyes closed and Wolfram drifted off to sleep. Even after he was sure that the blond was asleep, Yuri did not release the other's hand.
You know what, Wolfram? I think I'm falling again. You had better be there to catch me this time...