My name is Lucy Heartfilia and I'm missing him.
Starting today it's been four years since he's left. Natsu Dragneel left me in the hands of loneliness to go find Igneel. The day he left I realized I loved him. After the first week I was diagnosed with depression. After the first year I realized he wasn't coming back anytime soon, so I left to the spirit world to do some training. Even when I was training his pink hair, his stupid grin, and his soft cheeks never left my mind. I came back two years later with four hundred times the power I used to have. It should have made me happy that I was now even with Erza in strength and stamina. But when I came back and realized Natsu still wasn't home... I felt empty inside. Levy says my eyes are empty. Gray says I need to snap out of it. But I can't. The whole guild is worried about me and I just can't forget about a certain dragon slayer.
This morning Erza nearly choked me to death when she found out I was planning to go look for him. "He made me promise I would keep you safe. How am I supposed to do that when your going off to find that idiot?!" She locked all my doors on the outside to make sure I wouldn't leave. But she forgot the window. However I'm not going to look for him after all. I've decided nothing matters anymore. I've decided that I'm going to fall in love with someone else. I don't know who will ever beat the great almighty Salamander, but at this point, anyone is ok with me. I need to lose hope. I need to forget about him. He's not coming back. I need to regain my strength, I need to get out of the house. I need to do so many things but I cant. I just can't. Tears started to roll down my cheeks as I sat on my roof outside my window with a blanket around me, sipping some hot cocoa. I could hear the water in the canal, and the winter wind pushing all around me. I could see the sakura trees and the guild. I could feel the tiles underneath me. But with nature begging to be noticed all around me, I still managed to slip out of reality as my eyes unfocused and memories over took me.
I remember this morning when I looked in the mirror, my usually fair skin was now as pale as paper and my eyes glazed over as if I wasn't even alive. My legs shrank and it was hard to stand, my smile was non existent and my lips were chapped. I haven't ate anything in three days and this was the first time I got out of bed in a week. "I'm dying." I told myself. "I'm dying from depression, how pathetic." I wanted to punch my reflection, I wanted to kill myself for being so weak. But most of all, I wanted Natsu to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. My legs gave out and I sank to the floor sobbing uncontrollably.
I'm stupid.
I'm pathetic.
I'm worthless.
I'm ugly.
I miss him.
STOP IT! STOP MISSING HIM!
COME BACK DAMN IT COME BACK!
I NEED YOU!
I NEED YOU!
I screamed in my head not having enough strength to open my mouth. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice say, "LUCY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" I looked over at him with a questioning face. What does he mean what am I doing? What am I doing? Before I could look at my hands, Gray ran over to me and hugged me. He knocked the razor out of my hands and stared at my wrists. What was I doing?! My wrists were covered in blood as realization hit me. "G-gray... I don't know what happened. I didn't mean to." He looked into my eyes as tears streamed down his face. "Lucy don't you ever do that again."
Suddenly A harsh wind slapped my face as I returned to reality. I looked at my clock and realized my only friends at three in the morning were the voices in my head and the loneliness in my bed.
The next day I took my first shower in weeks and ate my first meal in days. Today is going to be a productive day. I told myself. And it was. I stretched, and cleaned and trained with capricorn, until finally three hours later my body gave out and I was succumbed to sleep. I woke up later that night feeling good that I got so much done, but worried that I could only do so much because my body was so weak. Being bored with nothing to do I found myself opening a letter that my dad had sent me during my time on the island.
Dear Lucy,
It's been five years since you and your team disappeared. I can't wait when you get back. I scared myself today when my co-worker asked what you looked like and for a second I couldn't describe you. After work I ended up visiting your guild and asked the master for some old photos of you. He agreed and showed me a picture of you and your pink haired friend in front of the guild. He told me, "This was the day Natsu brought your daughter to the guild." Lucy, if you're reading this, I want you to know I approve of that man. He deserves you and you deserve him. I know your in love with him. I can tell. You look at him the way I looked at your mother. Go after him. He'll make you happy, unlike me.
I tore the letter up and just lost it. With trembling legs I managed to stand up and leave the house. It was raining but that didn't stop me. I ran. I can't stand it anymore. I need him. I need him! I ran and ran, sloshing through the puddles and tumbling through the streets. I didn't know where I was going but I just needed to go. Tears ran down my face and my legs threatened to give out but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop loving him. It's all to much. To much loneliness, to much pain. Suddenly my body rejected me and I fell forward. I squeezed my eyes shut as I braced for impact. But I never fell. Instead, masculine arms caught me mid fall. As I looked up at the mysterious man he said, "Your such a weirdo Luce, running though the rain like that. Jeez Juvia must be really upset! Don't ya think Luce?" Natsu said as he flashed his signature smile.
Jeez that was depressing... Sorry! XD
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