Paris Mornings
The morning sunlight felt like home. The odd but familiar feeling of
the cool, crisp breeze that blew through the trees both chilled and
warmed her. She felt an odd prang of happiness in the pit of her
stomach for- so sudden she almost jumped- she was not quite use too.
Her stomach turned with the relaxing feeling as if it were trying to
lull her back to her bedroom, making her limbs lethargic and her mind
fuzzy.
Saya had not yet been able to counteract the strange emotion with a
dead line. She figured all good emotions, such as this one, had their
limits; where then the painful ones would suddenly creep back on her
in the night and those lethargic, calm feelings would simply vanish as
if they never existed. As if they had just shriveled up and died off
someplace in the deep cavern of her heart, leaving her empty again.
But, this feeling she now shared with the morning hours in her usual
purple, silky dress with her tea cupped gingerly in both hands; this
particular feeling had yet to go away.
It reminded her of her old home. Those few pre-numbered days filled
with warm arms and smiles. Those days where the steam from the stove
would add a small gleam to her forehead and her hands would blister
over with the, now learned, mistakes she made while performing her
feministic duties around the home. The picture her mind could just
barely paint, leaving her with more emotion than actual memory.
The thought of such a place brought her father's voice creeping slowly
into her mind.
'Everything will work out!'
Her brother would then step in, chiming in the same words. Sometimes,
she would melt the two figures into one person, which punched her with
so much force she shook. Just the mere thought of his smile, his
voice, his figure, or even the home they once shared used to rack her
into agony until she could no longer stand the pain of the shaking
and spinning and she would simply collapse into the nearest set of
arms. The nearest comfort zone- to which she often found was Haji.
But now, NOW was so much different. Not that she didn't still remember
the pain or sadness; it was simply taken over by something so much
greater than such. The happiness that swirled about her would, not
only cover, but kill off the agony. She was once again smiling back at
her father, and holding her brothers hands, in her thoughts that is,
and she wondered why she had wasted so much time on the pain. She
traced her mind for the unspoken, unquestioned agony she felt when, at
the time, she could have whipped her tears and allowed the lethargic,
calm, happy feeling to come over her.
A sudden shiver raced through her spine and she gripped the mug in her
hands tighter. Saya no longer frowned or flinched away from the cool
breezes of the early morning. No, she embraced it as a way of telling
herself she was awake, ALIVE. She needed this slightly uncomfortable
yet enjoyable sensation more than anyone. Sometimes, when Saya slept,
she could not tell the difference between her thoughts and dreams from
her life. From her alive state.
Before she could sip at her tea, there was another breeze, only the
trees did not move and sing along to it. It was not a breeze, but a
disturbance in the air around her. She smiled, sipping at her tea and
sighing at the warmth that spread through her body like feathers,
sending her into a short, temporary state of bliss.
Without turning, she smiled wider, his very presence like a wave of
warmth. She felt no need to clutch the mug with the small kittens on it
any longer; she no longer needed its warmth- not that she would put
it down any time soon though- because the man beside her was all she
needed. If she concentrated hard, she could feel his pulse vibrating
through her at the same rate as her own. She could feel the blood
running in his veins, the air moving through his lungs. It both made
her smile, and her mouth water, and she welcomed both feelings,
gripping at them, for they were comforting feelings.
They exchanged no words, but Haji was contempt with the silence. He
too could simply stand there, beside Saya, and just feel her. Enjoy
the mere exposure to the air she breathed and the view she saw. He
looked forward and wondered if she saw the same things he did. The
tipped roofs, the rock roads and dim lights that seemed to be drained
by the pink-blue sky. He looked over every detail and wondered why it
always seemed like new. No matter how many times Haji looked over this
small section of Paris, it always seemed as if everything got up and
exchanged places- as if playing musical chairs- so that the next day
he would see something slightly different than the day before.
Saya shifted off her left leg and allowed her hip to roll to her right
instead, her dress sliding over her lower thighs and the lace brushing
over her skin, leaving behind goose bumps. She lifted her left heel
off the porch, finding slight relief. She momentarily wondered how
long she had been standing here before Haji had stood beside her, and
how long afterwards. The wind shifted slightly and Haji's scent rolled
towards her. She breathed in generously, letting his fragrance roll
through her and refresh her memory, not that she hadn't smelt him in a
while. He was beside her most of the day and night. Even with such
truth, his scent still forced a hunger on her she knew she couldn't
resist all day. He always beckoned her without even speaking or moving,
and it made her rethink everything. She was unsure weather Haji knew
he pressed this sudden urge into her skin, but somehow, she assumed he
did. Now, weather he did it purposely was a mystery to her, no matter
how much she tried. Though it didn't bother her as much as she would
have thought, because she knew she did the same to Haji.
Oh, she knew.
Saya finally turned her head, ever so slightly so anyone else may not
have noticed, and stole a glimpse at the man next to her. She smiled
at the all too familiar posture and hard, yet calm look in his
features. She looked over his face, his smoothed skin that would
forever stay as such, never aging- and never loosing its beauty-
forever frozen in time.
For a moment, she thought over the fact that she rarely saw his brow
crease. Rarely did he become too angry or annoyed that he would let
his features twist in such a way. But if she looked closely, she could
see the beginnings of smile creases at the corners of his eyes. These
had been there for a long time, before Jole died and Haji fell down
the steep ledge. This was the only reason she could see them now.
She examined his straight nose, square jaw, and full lips; simply
taking in his handsomeness and feeling the pride that it was hers and
hers alone.
"Good morning Haji," she spoke suddenly, her voice seeming alien to
her, not yet used this morning. He turned his face a fraction towards
her and nodded in response, letting it fallow with,
"Good morning, Saya."
The silence that fallowed was not less comfortable, nor more awkward
as before. They had not changed the air with their voices, and it
seemed as if they had not yet broken the silence. And suddenly, that
calming happiness made itself known in Saya's stomach once more;
causing her to unconsciously smile again.
The silence was broken again from the sound of Kai in the home behind
them, one of the twins calling out his name before he chuckled and
answered them with a comment neither Saya nor Haji payed enough
attention to catch. They did not budge when Kai opened the fridge or
began to take out plates for the girls' breakfast, which- now that Saya
thought about it- was a comforting sound that did not pierce the
silence, but added to its peace.
She smiled and placed a hand on Haji's arm; feeling the warmth that
emitted from his body. She sipped at her tea again and found it had
cooled, being the only clock she now held.
Saya now gazed into the Paris sky and found that the cotton candy-
like color was now replaced with a bright blue that was intercepted at
some points with fluffy white clouds. She turned her eyes back to Haji
whom held a small smile that was rarely seen by any other than
her. Staring into his averted eyes, she smiled too, finding the
swirling of happiness become stronger.
Haji was more beautiful than Paris itself, especially when standing
beside his queen-and lover- Saya Otinashi.
End.