Speaking with the stars (A Brittana Oneshot)
Two hours. I've been lying here for two hours. Sleep never comes and it wont. It never does, not this time a year. October 11th, the day that used to be filled with love, kisses and warmth. It had for too long been known as the day filled with pain, sorrow, regret and sleepless nights. October 11th. The bed felt cold, too cold without her next to me. The room felt dark, too dark without her blonde hair tickling my face. I had gotten up an hour ago and walked over the cold floor to close the half open window where the cold fall wind would breeze in from. I had crawled back under the cold covers and wrapped my arms around me, it wasn't the same. Not without her. I had rolled over onto my back, my stomach, my left, my right but none of it worked. Eventually I gave up and walked up from my bed, I grabbed the oversize sweater, her oversize sweater, the one she had forgot when she left. The one that would've remained in the closet when she packed her bags and ran out if I hadn't found it one day when I was cleaning the house, which I rarely do. It still smelled like her; like roses and summer. She smelled like summer. If happiness, summer and the sun had a smell, it would be her. I put the sweater on and wrapped my arms around me as I walked out of the room. The rest of the apartment was just as empty and dark and too quiet without her laughter in the air. Our laughter. I walked out on the balcony and gasped when the cold wind hit me, but I didn't care. I sat down on the small, cold stool and looked out over the city. The city that never sleeps; it was still many people awake, cars on the roads and lights from all the big signs. But it was quiet, all the noises were far away. New York, the city of dreams and love. At least it was, in the beginning. I looked over my shoulder into the dark house, it was stupid. I could almost see her come walking across the livingroom and slowly opening the door to the balcony. She always did when she noticed I was missing, she then sat down next to me and wrapped her arms around me. We never spoke when that happened, we just sat like that and embraced eachother. I missed that, I missed her thin but strong arms around me, her sweet smell and her kisses on my cheeks. I touched a cold hand to my cheek and shivered. I looked up at the black sky, filled with stars.
"Please come back, I didn't mean what I said. I was stupid and I'm sorry. I have never been this lost before, because that is what I am without you by my side." Why do I keep saying that? Why do I keep speaking to the stars? I guess I'm hoping she would hear me, answer me. She doesn't. It's so quiet and I don't even realize I'm crying until I feel the tears roll down my cheeks. Four years, it's been four years since she spoke to me, since I heard her voice, since I saw her. Every year at this time, at this night, I wonder what she is doing right now. Is she also awake? Is she lonely? Is she lost? Does she miss me? Or is she with someone else? Is she happy? The old me would have hoped she was lost and just as miserable as I am right now. The person I was before I met her would have wanted that, I am not that person anymore. She changed me, in so many ways. Good ways though, she made me less selfish, mean and nasty. She made me want to be a better person, because she was. I am a better person, and that is why I wished more than anything that she was happy. That she had found someone who could make her feel and treat her the way she deserves. She deserves all the good stuff in life, because she wants nothing more for others. The wind hit my face again and made me shiver. I need to go inside. I got up from she small stool, inhaled the fresh air once more before slowly making my way towards the bed. The empty, cold bed. I decided to keep the sweater on as I crawled down in bed, the smell of her made me calmer and might get me to fall asleep. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of the shirt and for a second I let myself pretend that she was next to me and held me the way she used to. I smiled to myself, but the tears was still rolling down my cheeks since I knew it was a lie. A fantasy. She wasn't there, only her shirt.
I don't know if I fell asleep and dreamed, but I definetly heard a knock at the door. I slowly opened my eyes and waited, was it a dream? I heard the sound again, a quiet, light knock at the door. For a second I was scared, what if it was someone drunk or dangerous? A criminal or a creep? I slowly got up from the bed again and didn't make a sound as I put on sweatpants before I walked towards the door. There was another knock, the third knock. I slowly unlocked the door and wrapped my hand around the cold doorknob before I slowly opened the door. My heart was pounding hard against my ribs but stopped completely when I saw the person infront of me. I didn't even react, I didn't have to. I didn't need to say anything because there was nothing to say. Two thin but strong arms was wrapped around my neck, blonde hair was tickling my nose, the sweet familiar smell was back and hot tears was streaming from both of us. This was it, this was right. This was home. I closed the door with one hand without letting go of her. I smiled and sobbed out loud when I felt those lips on my cheeks again, we stood like that for what felt like forever. Then she pulled away and I finally got able to look into those blue eyes again, before I knew it her lips was locked on mine. This was it, this was where I belonged. Right here, in her arms. We pulled away too soon and without a word she followed me back to the bedroom, the apartment already felt less dark and the bed felt less cold as we crawled down under the covers. She wrapped her arms around me and I cuddled up next to her, our legs tangled together. I don't know what brought her back, I don't know much. But I don't care, because I just know that this isn't a dream. This is reality, she is back and I also know that she whispered Forever in my ear before I fell asleep. October 11th, the day she came back. The day the world started to make sense again. Four years, but it was worth it. time can do alot, time can help, time can cure even though it might be painful. But in the end, it was all worth it. October 11th.
The end.