Crash and Burn and Rise Again

Note: This is set somewhere around the second season episode "Memory Lane."

It wasn't like I'd avoided being alone with Damon.

Okay, actually, it was.

Yeah, I'd definitely avoided it. After all, there are still moments when I looked at him and remembered what it felt like when his teeth sunk into my throat. Sometimes, it seemed so real that I swore it was happening all over again. So okay, sure, I'd done pretty much everything I could think of to make sure someone else around during those times when I had to be near him. But despite my best efforts, I always knew that eventually I would find herself in just this situation: in a room with Damon and no one else.

And it sucked just about as much as I expected, if not more.

"So ..." I said and cringed inside at how my voice just trailed off.

Damon looked at me that way he used to, like I was the most insignificant thing in the world to him. "We don't have to talk."

I stood up and took a step towards him. "Yeah, actually, I think we do."

He looked at me for a moment, doing that eyebrow thing of his, the one I loved so much, then shrugs. "Right, Blondie, whatever you say."

I take another step and a deep breath. "You-"

"Suck?" Damon interrupted, turning his back and walking over towards the ever waiting bourbon bottle. "I already got that memo, thanks."

I bit down on my upper lip, trying to stay calm. I knew he was trying to get a reaction out of me, that's just what he does. But not this time. "I get it now," I finally said. "Why you did those things to me."

Damon finished pouring his glass before answering. "Do you now? Well, isn't that just fascinating. Really, it is."

I gritted my teeth and continued. "I get it because I can see now just how different vampires are from humans. How our instincts are completely different, even without our humanity being turned off."

He took a drink and looked like he was about to make another unhelpful comment so I beat him to it.

"Just because I understand it though doesn't mean I'd ever be able to do anything like that to someone else," I told him. "And it definitely doesn't mean that I forgive you. Because I don't. At all."

"That's fine," Damon said, "since I never asked for your forgiveness, or anyone else's."

I stared at him for a moment but this time he actually seemed to be serious. I guess there really is a first time for everything.

"Right, well, that's fine," I told him. And it really is. I didn't expect anything more from him and I know I'll find a way to live with that, just like I've found a way to deal with everything else that's happened since Katherine shoved a pillow over my face.

"Great," he said, as he raised his glass. "Are we done then?"

I move suddenly to stand right before him and I take the glass, moving fast enough to even catch him by surprise. "Almost," I said, taking a drink of my own, enjoying the burn as it travels down my throat. "But if we're going to be stuck dealing with each other and even working together, there's just one last thing I need to say." I leaned in close, almost like I was going to kiss him and I try not to think about all the times I did. "If you ever hurt Elena like you did me," I whispered, "then I will kill you. You can count on it."

He looked into my eyes for an eternal second then nodded. "If that ever happens," he whispered back, "I'll let you."