DEMITRI DOGARU: User Guide and Manual
A/N: I have soooooo been wanting to do this for someone, and I finally did it! Yay~! This is something everyone knows goes with the manual stories... Duh, a manual! It shall be for Demitri, 'cause he is my current torture object~ Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own! Manual Guides come from est. 1995 (used to be LolliDictator) And Demitri originally came from Himaruya-sensei (no matter how much I torture him...).
XOXOXOXO~LINEBREAK Of MANUALS~XOXOXOXO
DEMITRI DOGARU: User Guide and Manual
CONGRATULATIONS! You have just ordered your very own DEMITRI DOGARU unit~ We included this manual, for you the user, to help get your into tip top shape!
General Info:
Name: Demitri Dogaru. Will also respond to Romania, Romey, Bat-Lover, and annoyingly to Vampire.
Age: 23
Place of Manufacture: Craiova, Romania
Height: 5'8''
Weight: 148
Length: Mai mult decât crezi~ ;3
Your DEMITRI DOGARU unit comes with:
Four (4) army uniforms (each in different colors)
One (1) BAT unit
Eight (8) Bottles of Holy Water
Two (2) Acacia Wooden Stakes
One (1) Tiny ribboned hat.
One (1) Rosary
Programming:
Your DEMITRI DOGARU unit is equipped with the following traits:
Vampire Hunter: We didn't include the stakes and holy water for nothing! The unit is automatically programmed to hate and fear vampires. Though if you can bust his little fear into pieces, he will make a great vampire slayer. Better than even Abraham Lincoln!
Blogger: He loves posting up what happens in his days, and people love his humor-full posts! As long as he has something to talk about, you can expect to see his page's views shoot up.
Pet/Baby Sitter: Though not advised to people with animal-related allergies, he loves taking care of pets and kids. He has had a soft spot for animals since forever and he has amazing tolerance for annoying little brats! And if they throw things? No problem! He's dealt with Elizaveta for years anyway.
Taste Tester: He always enjoys trying someone's food (as long as an ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit didn't make it) and he always gives positive comments to people with low self esteem. Though if he knows you well enough, he'll occasionally make a snarky remark.
Horoscope/Fortune Teller: He's part of the Magic Trio for a reason, and enjoys looking into people's future for no reason at all. If he's locked himself in his room, he's probably looking to see your near future~.
Removal of your DEMITRI DOGARU unit from Packaging:
This unit, if put bluntly, dislikes being woken abruptly. Some say waking the unit wrong causes him to be cranky, and/or shove him into a locked mode. So, to insure your safety (and blood levels from dropping) we have listed a bunch of fail-safe ways to get the unit up.
1. Wake up the BAT unit. DEMITRI will ask to be let out to see his bat.
2. Ask to wear his tiny hat, he will say yes only if you let him out the box to put it on you.
3. Play any Voltaj song from the CD we included. You will here humming from the box, and it is now safe to open
4. Get an ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY, ANTONIA IVANEVNA BRAGINSKI, or ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit to yell at him to get his 'lazy ass up'. Depending which unit does it, he will react differently.
5. Yell "VAMPIRE!". The box will shake as your unit becomes slowly terrified.
Reprogramming:
Your unit comes with following personalities:
Sarcastic (default)
Romantic
Terrified
Over-Protective
Vampir (locked)
Your unit's only default mode is Sarcastic and no matter what you do, he will always show traits of Sarcastic. In this mode, he will make funny and not very hurtful remarks. If he randomly decides to disappear in the middle of the day, he's just going out to torture an unlucky ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY unit. We are not responsible for any damage done to yours or a neighbor's house.
Romantic will allow this unit to become capable of having a relationship with another that doesn't include cute remarks and the occasional slap in the face. He's great to go to for relationship advice and won't make snappy replies. To get him in this mode, let him have a good long stay with a FRANCIS BONEFOIS unit for a day or two.
Terrified is a mode you can laugh to death about. He will automatically be shoved into this mode if you used number 4 to wake him. In this mode he is even scared of a butterfly, and can be pretty twitchy from time to time. Don't worry if he's to scared to respond. To get him out of it, say 'the vampires are gone' when he's least expecting it. He'll jump about a foot in the air before shrugging it off as nothing.
Over-protective is a mode that most would either like or love. In this mode, think of that dad that won't let you date that boy you really like, then tone it down just a little bit to holding a stake to his heart and him say if you 'hurt his little sister he'll kill you right now'. It's amusing to watch, and easy to get. Just talk about a TRAN HEDERVARY-DOGARU unit to him and watch the show unfold.
The only locked mode on this unit is Vampir. No it is not misspelled, it is Romanian if you can't tell. You know how we originally said he was scared shit-less at the thought of vampires? Well, we're not sure how it happens but in this mode, your unit shows plenty of signs of becoming a vampire. Now if you don't want a little blood-sucking unit running around, slap him in the face before you go to sleep or as soon as you notice the problem. That has been proven to 'smack' him out of it~ (Ah I made a pun, how funny!)
Relationships with Other Units:
ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY: These units go waaayyy back. They get along like a divorced couple fighting over their child (Tran in this case) and have gone to war against each other several times. If you can get them to see past the other, they will probably go back to having that fluffy relationship they used to have. Remember to install cameras.
ALFRED F. JONES: The relationship between these two is hilarious if you pay attention. You got the comedian and the guy who gets hit when the crap hits the fan. Alfred is notorious for dumping glitter on Demitri, so if you have a glitterfied unit, blame Alfred. Don't even question it, just blame him.
TRAN HEDERVARY-DOGARU: You could either look at him as either his little brother or his son. They tend to enjoy gardening with each other despite Tran being technically half-vampire, but let's not get into that...
ANTONIA IVANEVNA BRAGINSKI: These two are best friends and drink together, usually ending with her hauling him home. Though not necessarily getting along with Ivan himself, he does get along with his daughter/sister/thing. No matter what you do, these two will never be in a relationship.
ARTHUR KIRKLAND: He, Arthur, and Lukas make the Magic Trio and enjoy going to group gatherings together and pranking Alfred on a daily border. Arthur's magic does get better with other people helping but we are not responsible for any damages caused by the pranks.
Cleaning:
Your unit will take take a regularly scheduled bath at the same time every two days. Don't ask to take a bath with him, male or female. He will make fun of your size.
Feeding:
Your unit can be a little picky but he will eat mostly anything. Well, anything BUT Arthur's food.
Resting:
Like his showers, he tends to go to bed at the same time (9:30) every night and wakes up at seven in the morning. On weekends, he may stay up a bit later.
FAQ:
Q: My unit is chasing me with a stake and I have to hide under the bed!
A: Congratulations! You just unlocked your units hidden mode Lunatic! In this mode, think of the war between werewolves and vampires. He thinks your the werewolf, thus why he's probably dipping everything into melted silver. To get him out of it, tie him up and force him to watch the entire Twilight Saga. He will rant and complain (mostly in Romanian) until Eclipse hits. Then he shuts up with a weirded out look on his face.
Q: My unit used all of his holy water, broke his stakes, and lost his rosary!
A: You might want to fix this problem fast, because if you looked up paranoid you'd see his picture. Just go to any store, and buy some holy water, stakes and other vampire repelling kit. He doesn't even have to come!
Troubleshooting:
Problem: Instead of receiving a normal sized unit, you received a young child holding onto a small stuffed bat toy. He doesn't know ALFRED F. JONES or ANTONIA IVENEVNA BRAGINSKI, and asks for ROMULUS VARGAS and ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY all the time.
Answer: Whoops, it appears that we sent you little!DEMITRI DOGARU! Like this he is an obedient little kid, but he's automatically in Terrified so he may be wary of you at first. If you don't want an adorable little kid who screams every time something touches him, just call Costumer Services and you can return him immediately.
Well; with enough care, patience, and fudge to spare your time with your unit will be a grand happy adventure with the older brother you never had!
XOXOXOXO~ LINEBREAK OF MANUAL-NESS~XOXOXOXO
A/N: Wow, this took me around four days to write! But mostly because of chatty family members, school, and interesting TV shows. You can use this manual without asking me first! I just wish to be given some credit~ And this thing is 5 pages long on Open Office! Holy crap!