11/15/11
I sat in my room staring at the wall for what seemed like hours. I did this every day, which scared my mother. The white wall was not just a white wall. It was a battlefield, it was nature, it was torture. Just staring at it, I could see all the blood shed for the sake of my life. When I wasn't staring at the wall, I was throwing fits or having nightmares. I'd kill myself, but then my mother and Peeta would kill themselves also. Maybe Gale too. They should keep living.
I was in the middle of Rue's last moments for the eighth time that week, when I woke to an obnoxious bell. Ah. My mother did say yesterday that Peeta would be visiting.
I checked my watch. 8:00. Shouldn't he have come over an hour ago? I got out of my bed, my face wet with sweat. I quickly put on a pair of pants and a black sweatshirt. I didn't bother to wash my face because I know I will fall asleep again today, and I didn't want to wash my face twice today. My hair looked like crap. Whatever. What else is new?
I walked down the stairs quietly, so I could eavesdrop on my mother's conversation with Peeta. Sometimes they talk about me. The two of them were deep in conversation, so there's no way he had just arrived.
I reached the bottom of the stairs and saw that Peeta was holding a little baby in pink. How could he do this to me? Why does everyone I love leave me? I fell down on the floor and started crying. Then I crawled over to the table and started knocking things down. The sound of shattering glass sounded beautiful.
"Katniss! You don't understand!" Peeta said in shock.
"Shut up! Leave me alone!" I screamed. How could he? "Go away! Get out of this house!" I attempted to throw a plate at him, but it never left my hand. I can't do it. I love him too much. I curled myself into a ball and started crying again.
I wanted to pass out then and there, so I pretended to fall asleep. I felt Peeta's strong arms pick me up gently. One arm was holding on to my shoulder, his forearm pressing against my back. Another cradled my legs delicately. I did my best not to blush, because sleeping people don't blush. I think...
He placed me on my bed and covered me with a sheet. I felt a hand touch mine, and for the first time in a year I fell asleep with no nightmares.