A/N Choo choo back on the writing train. Or at least the summer writing train. And in case anyone is wondering, Shouts has been my child for the past summer but honestly I can barely look at it right now, so... yeah. Anyway, this is dedicated to Amber, whose birthday is in a few days! Yay!
Warnings: Self-Harm & Alcoholism/Alcohol Abuse. If you're triggered by these than DON'T READ IT; YOUR HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS STUPID PIECE OF FANFICTION
Disclaimer: Not my characters, because if they were Infinity War would've gone a looooooooot differently.
Bruce had watched the news. Parts of it, anyway.
...The Avengers have been split down the middle in the Accords…"
Since he came to Europe, he really didn't try to focus on what he had left back in America. It wasn't important to him anymore, the Hulk wasn't needed. And no one particularly wants a not-that-kind-of-doctor/scientist. Besides, there's more heroes to help civilians now. Heroes that don't destroy buildings in the process.
...New superhero in New York, calling himself, 'Spider-Man'...
Maybe if he stayed Tony Stark would appreciate him. Eh. Probably not. The man had too much to worry about.
...Stark Foundation has payed for all of the damages in the past few battles, but billionaire Tony Stark still refuses to speak about it…
Maybe Bruce will stop by once he's sure none of the government is looking for him. Maybe he can fake his death? Or actually die?
...Asgardian God, Thor Odin has left Earth, and has not been seen since. None of the Avengers have any word on it…
To Bruce, it's incredible how he can just simply watch the world revolve. It's like watching a TV show almost. He just sits there and lets the world keep on turning while he silently watches, not daring to do anything to disturb it.
...Esteemed Surgeon, Stephen Strange in horrific car accident…
Of course he's in his own little world too. Rural India is a hell of a place. He met some nice young girls that he pays to get things from the market. He doesn't want to Hulk-out in a place like the market. It's good. It really is. Until one of the girls seemingly disappears.
...Anonymous tip-off leads officials to drug cartel and human trafficking in western India earlier this day…
The first Hulk-out in a new place is always the worst. Luckily he didn't hurt anyone, but the entire 'home' he had is destroyed. The surviving girl asks him if he got robbed, and Bruce quickly nods. It doesn't feel like lying. It feels like he was robbed of his humanity.
...Past Doctor, Stephen Strange now reported as missing, and some are even calling it foul play…
...Any information on the wherabouts of Doctor Bruce Banner can and should be reported to the nearest official…
...The death toll from the Avengers has risen even further, causing some people to fear the beloved heroes…
For a few days the only thing Bruce saw on the little television set on the outskirts of the market were the Avengers. Or, lack thereof.
...Fight in Germany…
...Airport completely destroyed…
...All destruction paid off by Stark…
...Thaddeus Ross calling the stop of the Avengers…
...Organized something called the 'Accords'...
...All of this meant to keep the Avengers in their place, after decimating civilian's homes, and even their families…
The not-that-kind-of-doctor can tell when everything begins to go downhill. He should go help. He really should. Maybe if he went and helped this new kid, 'Spider-Man-' wouldn't of had to go fight in the big leagues.
...There seems to be some sort of disturbance while deciding the Accor- Oh God!...
...Casualties from the meeting that was going to decide the Accords…
That night Bruce goes to bed and thinks of one word only, 'Accords'. 'Course, he doesn't know that a hop, skip and a continent away his old lab buddy flies over another night of rest because of the same word.
Accords.
Accords.
Accords.
...Breaking news…
...King of Wakanda…
...Dead on scene...
...Just one of many important figures…
Mutely, Bruce knows he's torturing himself every day when he goes to the edge of the market to crowd around the small set along with the rest of the locals. But it's not like it's any better or worse than staying away from everyone.
Yesterday the other girl died of TB.
The Hulk-out was predicticted. Only part of his makeshift home is destroyed.
At least he can say he goes to the market for another reason from now on.
...Split up…
...Battle in Germany…
...Ant-Man making an appearance shown in this leaked photo...
...Destroyed property…
The news article the really stood out the Bruce came but a day later.
...Steve Rodgers, more commonly known as Captain America has left the Avengers. Along with half of the world's mightiest heroes. A few civilians have started calling them the 'Rouge Avengers' and they seem to have taken the name. No word from Tony Stark or the CEO of his company, Virginia Potts…
For some reason, Doctor Banner can't tear his eyes off of the television each time he comes to the market. He knows it's hurting him, each dark red headline revealing yet another death, and another piece of trust misplaced.
...Leaked picture of Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, with a bruised face and a black eye, as well as a hand over his chest…
...Some speculate that none other than Steve Rodgers caused this…
...Civilians outraged at Stark for no information on the 'Rouge Avengers'...
...Say the 'Rouge Avengers' caused the bruises…
This picture of his bruised friend becomes the face of new reports for a solid two days.
...People now believe that the hand over his chest was not meant to show love, but to rub his chest in pain…
God, couldn't the press mind their own business for a single second?
And finally the last big reports trickled out.
…'Rouge Avengers under arrest…
...Still no word from Stark…
...Colonel James Rhodes officially honorably discharged after paralyzation from the waist down…
...Iron Man left and hasn't come back…
...Siberia…
Shield evidently embedded in the chest of Iron Man…
No, Bruce thinks. Captain's Shield wasn't embedded in Iron Man's chest. It was embedded in Tony Stark's chest. The man who holds the record for most traumatic experiences, now how has his father's shield in his chest.
Iron Man can heal from the wound.
Tony Stark can not.
...Released from the hospital today…
...Wheel chair…
...Not taking questions at the moment…
...Scheduled press conference soon according to CEO, Virginia Potts…
...Stay tuned for more...
All of the news anchors finished with the same, 'More at eleven,' or 'More after the short break,' or 'More after the weather,'.
Always ending with 'more'. Because there is always more, isn't there?
More people talking about how Tony Stark deserves more, and more people talking about how Tony Stark wronged his team. More on how Tony Stark is selfish.
Silently, Bruce thinks about how the same thing happened when he first revealed himself as Iron Man. He was the face of the press for ages. More about Tony's trauma in Afghanistan, more about him ceasing weapons production, more about how Stane's death affected him, and then more about Iron Man. Bruce doubts Tony got a single second without a camera inches from his face.
It's that day, that Bruce decides that he's made the wrong decision.
Running off like a coward, was the wrong decision.
If he really cared for Tony and the team he would've stayed, would've helped, would've fixed it all.
Would've.
That's the saying right?
Coulda Shoulda Woulda.
Or is it the other way around?
Woulda Shoulda Coulda?
Bruce can never remember.
He's not worrying about that right now though. No, he's only worrying about the fact that he could've saved people, innocent lives, but instead he hid out like a coward.
So he packs his bags and heads up to Russia.
Which turns into eastern Russia. Which turns into a boat to Alaska.
And somewhere along the way he realizes he's too late.
Too late to save anyone.
So he takes his bowie knife and makes a decision.
If only those goddam hikers hadn't found him. If they could've just taken a hike the other trail. If they could've decided that it was too difficult and turned around. If they couldn't have found cell service.
Coulda Shoulda Woulda.
That's the way it goes.
Wonderful Page Break
Alaska is close to Russia.
Bruce thinks, while pulling his tattered jacket sleeves over the new bandages.
Actually, Alaska is closer to two different countries than the rest of continental US. Joke's on Russia for selling it to us. There's oil here.
The scientist sits on the edge of a clean white bed that has been temporarily appointed his. He rubs and pulls at the large sleeves of the jacket and builds the courage to look at the probably disappointed nurse, who stands near the door.
In front the the door- to be exact. His attempt at getting out AMA had not been appreciated.
But when Bruce looks at her she doesn't have disappointment etched onto her face. No, instead she has the same look everyone has: the type of pity that one would give a kicked puppy.
Bruce quickly looks back at his fiddling hands and quietly mumbles, "So when can I leave?"
With what can only be described as a sad sigh, the nurse replies, "According to protocols," God, Bruce hates that word, "You can only leave when someone over the age of 18 comes to pick you up, or when the psychiatrists deem you fit enough to."
Great.
"And if I leave AMA?" Bruce ponders.
"Oh sweetie. This isn't my first rodeo, I've seen people like you. And I know exactly what you'll do as soon as you waltz out of here. I know that you know why I'm standing here. I'm not gonna let you tear yourself apart."
Blocking the door and preventing a patient from leaving. "That's illegal," Bruce mutters, but has zero force behind it.
"Mmhm. One hell of a nurse I am, right? Actually caring about the well being of my patients?" Then before Bruce can appreciate the rhetorical questions, she adds, "Now what'll it be? Phone a friend or call in the psychiatrist?"
The anxious man, knowing when he's been beat, pulls out his flip phone. Either the nurse doesn't notice the early 2000s gadget, or doesn't care, because she makes no comment about it.
Sighing a deep sigh, Bruce opens the phone and punches in the only number he bothers to remember.
Wonderful Page Break
ACDC blasts into Tony Stark's eardrums while Dum-E and U attempt to help him, and fail miraculously at it.
"No, no," Toy loudly sighs, "Screwdriver, not wrench," At this, Dum-E wheels around happily, certain he's gotten the appropriate instrument. "You know what? Nevermind." As Tony stands up to retrieve the actual screwdriver, he threatens to the bot, "It's a miracle I haven't shipped you to a community college yet."
Dum-E replies with a sad whir (as sad as those sounds get), and his creator smirks and says, "Yeah, that's what I thought."
Then, as Tony grabs his small flat-head screwdriver Friday cuts through the music and announces, "Boss, you have an incoming call."
Groaning, and not afraid to show his annoyance, Tony asks, "Who's it from?"
"It appears to be arriving from Dr. Banner's person cell phone."
That stops Tony dead in his tracks. "Fri, cut the music."
"Sure, boss." Back in Black stops mid chorus, and Dum-E notices something off with his creator.
"Answer the call." Friday doesn't respond with her usual, Sure, boss, and the line is immediately opened.
"Bruce?" He cautiously asks, unsure of why the doctor is calling after months - no years - of his disappearing act.
There's a few moments of silence before Bruce answers, "Uh Hi, Tony."
"Hi Bruce," Tony mirrors, and God is it good to hear his voice. "Is everything okay? Are you hurt?"
"Sort of." Came the elegant response.
This does nothing to assuage Stark's fears. "What? Where are you? Nevermind, I'll track your location. I'm on my way now, don't move."
Attempting to save the engineer some trouble, Bruce replies, "I'm in Alaska. Fairbanks. I think," He adds, pulling the fraying thread on his sleeves.
"You're in the US?" Tony doesn't bother to try and hide his surprise, "Why didn't you let me know?"
"'M barely in the United States. Closer to Russia and Canada than the rest of the country."
"Mmhm. Enough of the geography lesson, Brucie. How bad are you hurt?"
Not evading this topic then. Bruce gives a shallow sigh and murmurs, "I'd rather tell you in person. I-I'm at the hospital, but it's not life threatening or anything." In his peripheral vision he sees the nurse give a look at the last statement, but he can't decipher it. Quietly, Bruce adds, "Just hurry, please."
His voice breaks at the end, and Tony just wants to give him a great big hug. "Yeah, of course." Whispering as if someone could could be listening in he adds, "Did the other guy make an appearance?" Tony hates to ask, but he just has to.
"Er, no. No, it's just me."
Tony breathes a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. I'll be there in a just a second, okay?"
"Okay." A pregnant pause sits and no one hangs up until, "Wait," The biologist interjects, voice wavering.
"Hey, hey," Tony soothes, "I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, I can stay on the line."
Bruce pulls his knees up onto the bed and whispers, "Please don't take a quinjet, or-or a helicarrier. I mean, I know they're faster, but, uh-"
"Yeah, Bruce," Tony interrupts. "I know. I understand. I'll get straight on my jet. Leaving the tower as we speak. Want me to stay talking?" Tony asks, not a hint of hostility in his voice.
A moment passes before Bruce answers, "No, that's okay. Thank you, Tony."
"Yeah, it's no problem, big guy." Bruce smiles at the old nickname. "See you in a bit."
The biologist simply replies, "Okay," and flips the phone shut.
Silence accompanies Bruce for a few blissful seconds, until the nurse asks, "How long 'till your friend arrives?" Surprisingly, there's still no bite to her words.
"Uh, a while. He's in New York at the moment, so…" Bruce trails off, hoping she gets the picture.
"Well that's no problem, hun. It's gettin' pretty late though. Dinner's available, and this room's yours."
Bruce nods in understanding, unsure of how to respond.
It doesn't seem to bother the nurse though, because she continues, "Now, I gotta go check up on my other patients, but I got Lori working the nurses' station, and if she sees you leavin', our next conversation ain't gonna be as pleasant as this one." Bruce nods again, dully looking at his chafed fingertips. "Alright honey. It'll all be okay. But if your stitches are botherin' you, or you need anything else, you hit that button, alright?"
The biologist still doesn't look up, even when she points to the 'call nurse' button. With one last sad sigh, the nurse turns and leaves Bruce to his own devices.
Tears begin to fall from his current position - sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest like a young child. But they're silent tears, the ones that tickle his chin once they drip down far enough.
After all of the light has left the windows and Bruce's back aches from never moving from his sitting position, his body - the traitor that it is - starts to feel lethargic. Perhaps it's from the overwhelming numbness in his body, or the fact that he's not on the run, but the bed suddenly sounds like a piece of heaven to him.
And then the sleepiness and numbness is sucked right out of him when he remembers that anyone could take him while he was sleeping. Like the government, or anyone who wants to experiment. Like Ross. Thaddeus Ross means experiments, and experiments mean Thaddeus Ross. The words are synonymous to Bruce.
Instantaneously Bruce wants to scratch his bandages off and pull his hair. He's trapped here at the hospital. A sitting duck for Ross.
The fear begins to surface the other guy, and Bruce tries to calm himself down.
Easier said than done.
He starts with the basics. Breathe in, two, three, out, two, three. In two, three, out, two, three. In two, three, out, two, three. In two, three, out, two, three. In two, three, out, two, three.
After calming himself down a bit, he moves to full meditation. And although he gets no sleep, he also gets no panic attacks and no appearance from the Other Guy. What a win for Bruce.
Even after hours has passed, Bruce hasn't moved from his curled position on the bed. Which is exactly where Tony Stark finds him.
...And the nurse who chases in after Tony. "Sir! Sir, you can't be in here!" Her shrilly voice calls out. "You don't have permission!" Without even looking up, Bruce can tell that this is a different nurse.
Turning around and pulling off his sunglasses like the asshole the US wants him to be, he replies, "I'm sorry, have you met me? I'm giving myfuckingself permission." Tony snaps, laying eyes on Bruce for the first time in who knows how long.
"I'm calling security!" The new nurse declares, but neither Tony nor Bruce give a damn.
"Yeah, go ahead and do that sweetheart." Handing her a card from his pocket Tony adds, "And if you do actually go through with that threat, call that number and everything will get sorted out." He gives her a trademark smile for good luck, and gives himself a mental reminder to thank Pepper when he gets the chance.
The nurse's eyes widen as the realization hits. "Oh my God, you're Tony Stark," She trails off.
The engineer replies, "Yeah, sweetheart. Now, gonna give me a bit of privacy?"
The terrified nurse nods slowly and then nearly runs out of the door.
Finally, he's able to turn his attention to Bruce. Down goes his 'I'm an asshole named Tony Fucking Stark' mask, and his already broken heart breaks more. "Oh Brucie,"
Tears make their way down Bruce's cheeks, chin, and drop to his knees. Not exactly how he planned this reunion to go. Especially not in a place like this.
The biologist keeps his mouth shut, afraid of what he might accidentally spit out.
"What happened?" Tony asks, with no malice anywhere near his voice.
To answer, Bruce ducks his head farther down into his knees and pulls his sleeves down further.
Of course Tony, the genius that he is, notices this and delicately pulls his friend's left arm away from his body. From the way Bruce's frame shakes, Tony knows he's found the problem.
So he isn't surprised when his eyes meet the pristine white bandages on Bruce's forearms. Delicately, the engineer slides the sleeve back down to try and cease the uncomfortableness a bit. He then pulls the smaller man into a bear hug and mutters, "C'mon let's get outta here."
When they pull apart, Bruce replies, "Gotta sign some papers first though."
Grinning, Tony says, "The beast speaks!" Only would Tony Stark Feel confident joking like that around Banner. "Also," He adds, "When has that every stopped me? I mean, C'mon Brucie. Paperwork? I keep Pepper around for a reason, you know. Who's probably getting a call from an angry nurse right about now. Speaking of angry nurses, let's blow this popsicle stand before they come back." Slapping his knees he adds, "Now, where's your stuff?"
Bruce awkwardly shrugs and gives a sheepish, "Uh,"
"Wait a minute," Tony starts, "Don't tell me the only thing you have are the clothes on your back. Don't you fucking tell me that."
"Well, I mean, I have a few rupees in my pockets…"
"Serious? You are serious about that?" Tony mutters a soft 'damn' and continues, "We're gonna have a serious talk about self preservation when we get home, big guy. I'm serious about that."
With an almost smile Bruce counters, "That's pretty rich talk coming from you."
Tony knows he's not wrong. "Fine. Rhodey'll give us both a talk about self preservation." Bruce grimaces at that, and Tony agrees. "Yeah, actually on second thought, a lecture from Rhodey doesn't sound too good."
Bruce gives a pity laugh, but Tony counts it as a win.
"Now, let's get the fuck outta here."
The doctor shyly nods and agrees, "Yeah."
A/N Hey so if you liked it please drop a review! It makes me smile (like a toddler) and I'd like to hear your thoughts!