It started with one of Jesse's movie nights. Ironic, isn't it? I dread those movie nights. When I told him I didn't like movies, it was a half-truth. I really don't like movies, but, really, I only told him that because I knew it was his way of asking me out. I wasn't interested then, and I'm still not interested in him that way. It's not because I'm gay. I'm actually bisexual, so him being a guy isn't actually a problem. In fact, if I hadn't already met someone that I just couldn't seem to stop thinking about, I might actually consider him a potential boyfriend. But, luckily, we're past the whole "him asking me out" thing, and we're just good friends now. So, I give in occasionally and let him force me to watch a movie with him.
But I still hate movies. Which is why I still dread movie nights. And yet, one of his movie nights is how I finally worked up the courage to do what I needed to do.
All night long, he seemed to be sending me subtle messages with the movies he picked. See, he knew about how I felt about Chloe Beale. He'd been bugging me about asking her out since he found out after the Riff-Off. When I sang "No Diggity", he said I couldn't keep my eyes off her, especially when I was singing "I like the way you work it." Which makes sense, because I really do like the way she works it.
So, the fact that every movie he picked out that one movie night had something to do with finding the courage to do something crazy kind of sent up red flags to me, and I found myself rolling my eyes the whole time.
First off was the movie "We Bought A Zoo". The big thing in that was the "20 seconds of insane courage" thing. Okay, so that one might work, but I just shook it off.
The rest of the movies were a blur to me, but they all had the whole "courage" thing in common. "Take a chance", they all screamed at me.
But the one that finally got the message across... was "8 Mile". Until he forced me to watch that movie, I'd never even heard of Eminem, but I was hooked when I heard his genius. I thought, at first, that it was just the script that gave "B Rabbit" his raps, but then Jesse's "Fun Fact" about the movie was that he did all of his own rapping, and that he was actually one of the best-known rappers in the industry. I thought, sure, okay, cool, but then came the last half of the movie or so, when the focus was pretty much on the song "Lose Yourself". The rapping was a bit fast for me to catch most of the lyrics, but the hook was loud and clear.
"You better lose yourself in the music, the moment you own it, you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo. You better lose yourself in the music, the moment you own it, you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo. You better..."
That's when it hit me. Inspiration struck. Normally, when I say inspiration struck, I mean inspiration for a new mix. But no, not this time. This time, I was inspired to go after what I really wanted.
Before coming to BU, and, I admit, even for a while after I came here, I'd have said I wanted to go to LA and get a job at a record label to "start paying my dues", as I told my dad. But now, what I really want... is Chloe.
After the credits rolled, and I really listened to the words of Eminem's "Lose Yourself", I nodded to no one in particular, showing that I got the message.
...
"Beca?" Jesse askes when I nod, confused.
"Jess, I... I've got to go." I say suddenly. He hops up off the bed.
"Oh, come on, Beca! It's movie night!"
"Jesse, I've really gotta go."
"If you had plans for tonight, you could have told me, and I'd have said we'll do this tomorrow or something."
"No, it's not that, okay? I didn't have plans, but... I have to do something, and I have to do it now, before I chicken out."
"What?"
"I've gotta do it. I've gotta tell Chloe how I feel. I have to do this now, while I've got this insane courage fueling me. I know that the song is mainly about the rapper guy going after his career in music, and getting out of that trailer and crappy living situation, but... this is my opportunity. I mean, yeah, I know I've got the rest of the year to do this, but I feel like I have to do it now. Chloe likes spontaneity, so I'll be spontaneous. Just a random moment in time. I have to do what that rapper said, Jesse. I have to just lose myself in the music, I can't miss my chance to blow. This is it, Jess. This is it for me. I have to go."
Jesse holds his hand up to stop me and chuckles. "Then damn it, Beca, stop talking about how you have to do it, and just do it! Now!"
My eyes widen, and I nod. I grab my jacket and dart out of my room, not sure why I grabbed my jacket. It's just something I usually do when I leave my room, I guess.
I head up a flight of stairs to the floor above mine, and knock on the door I know belongs to Chloe. She has a single, so unless she has a visitor, she'll be alone. I don't really care if she has a visitor, though. I've got so much adrenaline pumping at the fear I'm feeling right now that I could probably say what I need to say in front of everyone on campus.
Chloe opens the door, surprised to see me.
"Beca? What are you doing he-?" I cut her off.
"Chloe, I have to say something, and I have to say it now, or I'm gonna chicken out and run away." I blurt, and she nods, recoiling slightly.
"Okay."
"Chloe, I love you. I've been in love with you ever since you called me over to the Bella's booth at the Activities Fair, and it took everything I had in me to not jump you then and there when you barged into my shower to force me to sing with you. I swear, I must've used every drop of cold water in that shower after you left." Okay, I probably could have gotten my point across without saying that, because that actually came out a bit creepy. But what can I say? I'm on a roll, and unfortunately, the roll is all downhill with no brakes to stop, so I just keep talking, thinking, "Oh, well, it can't get any worse than that." Luckily, I was right. Everything else I say sounds right to me. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I first met you, and even though I know it really hasn't, your name sounds like it's coming out of my mouth every other word. Every mix I've made since I came here has been about how I feel about you, and I swear, they're the best damn mixes I've ever made. When I'm alone, I find myself singing those stupid love songs I hear on the radio, and I'm thinking about you the whole time. I mean, I've sung so many of them, I had to resort to Taylor Swift just to sing one I haven't sung yet."
Chloe chuckles slightly at that.
"And I swear, up until now, I was content to just have you in my life, and be your friend, but Jesse just made me watch a bunch of movies, and they all seemed to scream "Go for it" at me, and suddenly... Suddenly, I want more than to just be your friend. I realize now that I won't really be happy unless you at least know how I feel about you, Chloe. It's more than love for me, and as much as I'm cringing inside from being so damn cheesy right now, my world revolves around you. You are my whole world, Chloe, and I wouldn't ever be able to sleep again if I didn't tell you that right now."
As I grow silent, Chloe wipes tears out of her eyes.
I bite my lip nervously as I shift on my feet. "I... I'm sorry, Chlo... I... I didn't mean to-"
"Shut up." Chloe says suddenly, and I feel my heart, which broke into a million pieces when I saw her crying, start to piece itself together again when I see the smile of her face, and I realize that her tears are tears of joy.
"Chloe...?" I ask, still not certain of what she's thinking. I mean, I have an idea, but I'm still not one hundred percent on it.
"Shut up and kiss me already." She whispers. I swear, I've never moved so fast in my life.
One second, I'm standing three or four feet away from her, and she's telling me to kiss her, then less than half a second later, my lips are pressing against hers, and she's throwing her arms around me.
My arms go around her waist, and I hug her tightly as our lips and tongues move against each other. I actually don't mind being cheesy right now when I say that in that moment, a choir of angels came down and serenaded us as we kissed, because kissing Chloe Beale is the best feeling I've ever felt before.
When we pull apart for air, we rest our foreheads against each other and smile at each other. I know then that she felt it, too. The whole thing. Fireworks, earth shaking, heart pounding, choir of angels, paradigm shift (thank you, Jesse, for that phrase), stars aligning, we both felt it all, and I hope every kiss from now on is exactly like that one, because I can't imagine it gets any better than that.
"Come in." Chloe says softly to me, leading me in her room. Honestly, I'm not thinking about sex right now. And somehow, I know she isn't, either. Sex is the furthest thing from my mind right now. Right now, all I want is to lay down with her and hold her. I want to just fall asleep in her arms, so the first thing I can do in the morning is kiss her.
And that's what she wants, too, because she pulls me over to the bed and lays down, pulling me down with her. I lay on my side and wrap my arms around her, and she wraps her arms round me. I slide one of my legs in between hers, and she does the same, but only so we can pull each other closer and fall asleep pressed firmly against each other, with absolutely no space in between us.
And I've never slept better in my life.