This is a sequel to "The Hero With Fear". If you haven't read that then parts of this won't make a whole lot of sense. I know I use the characters pretty liberally, but that's what makes writing fun. Anyway, so begins another journey in the Star Wars universe.
One day since Anakin woke up and three weeks since Chancellor Palpatine was killed
The stars streaked across the viewport like rain on a windshield. Finally, after months of recuperating his body became healed, and he was able to search once more. The moment Anakin awoke he looked to Barriss for a brief explanation of the galaxy during his time in the healing trance. What she told him was surprising to say the least, but he knew that it should've been expected.
The Clone War continued to rage on relentlessly. Despite Palpatine's death the Republic found ways to continue on fighting the Separatists with no true end in sight. Furthermore, the Republic's government looked as thought it was on the brink of collapse; Padmé's absence, combined with that of Mon Mothma and Bail Organa's, caused panic within the hearts of the citizens across the galaxy. The current interim Chancellor had little experience with handling these sorts of panics and proved to have little skill in leading as well.
Unfortunately for the Jedi, they weren't any better off. Public opinion of the Order continued to plummet after their failure to stop the assassination of Chancellor Palpatine and their inability to stop the destruction caused by the C.I.S. in the invasion of Coruscant. It pleased Anakin to know that once the people learned of the abandonment by Obi-Wan and other Jedi the opinion of the Order reached an all-time low from which they may never recover. Everything seemed to be in place.
The time to strike out and make his move fast approached, and when Anakin could do so he'd take it. Right now, he took the first step towards cementing a support group that would allow him to act. Barriss was to be his apprentice and her training started once they arrived at their destination, but she'd only be the first of many. After her would be any who wanted to learn about the true ways of the Force including his own children.
That thought caused him to stir in the pilot's chair. It had been so long since he'd seen Hera and he ached to see her. He couldn't wait to see her smile, hear her laughter, to hold the girl once for another time and the first time in the case of the twins. Anakin wondered if Hera still saw him as her father, and he thought about if Luke and Leia could still grow to resent him the way they had before. Most of all, he wondered where Padmé had hidden.
Doubt found a way to cloud Anakin's thoughts while he sat in the chair waiting for normal-space to return. During his meditation he didn't send Hera another message though he did warn her about going under. She worried about it as expected, yet she never fought him over it. Instead, Hera sent him her love through their bond and told him where they'd be going just so he would find them once he was healed.
"I can feel your insecurities. You should relax, Anakin."
He spun around to see Barriss standing in the doorway to the cockpit of the freighter they'd taken from Polis Massa. Her eyes never strayed from him as he sat in the chair looking back at her. It's easy enough to tell someone that, but he knew that doing so was completely different.
"I don't know if I can" he told her softly.
During their brief time in one another's presence she'd become his confidant. All of his feelings and stresses became known to her, building a strong bond of trust between the teacher and his student. The once lingering senses of uncertainty faded away into the abyss of the Force never to be heard from again.
Barriss eyed him and held a disbelieving expression. "What is there to possibly be fearful of? You still care for her, yes?"
"You know that I do."
"And this girl has told you that she still loves you?"
"Yes, Barriss."
"Then why do you allow these untrue feelings to harm you? It doesn't make any sense to me why they still remain."
"Be glad that you don't" he said to her while letting his head drop to the back of the seat and pointing his eyes to the black titles on the ceiling. "They're a burden that I wish on few people."
He heard her bare feet move softly on the floor until she sat in the co-pilot's seat next to him. For a second, they said nothing to one another, and Anakin knew that Barriss was thinking of a response that was appropriate or one that would prove her point. She had that habit and it made him feel slightly uneasy, because her words always came with some sort of truth. It reminded him of Obi-Wan in a way.
"What does Hera call you?"
"You know what she calls me."
"Tell me again."
"She calls me 'Papa'."
"Right" Barriss stated firmly. Anakin looked at his friend and she had a satisfied smile on her lips. "Now, for a girl to call someone that must mean that she truly loves them. Hera has had a father before, so she knows what it's like and what it means to label someone as such. You've kept in constant communication up until we forced you to rest. I doubt a couple more weeks is going to change that. Plus, she told us where to go once we were ready."
Anakin spared a somewhat dissatisfied sound then turned his focus elsewhere. It made perfect sense to him, but he didn't need to feed Barriss' growing "confidence". In their time together, she had become obsessed with reading up on philosophy and mock psychiatry. Any chance to use those quickly became sessions where he'd be forced to analyze his emotions far more than he should be.
"Silence confirms my suspicions. For now, be happy that there's someone close enough to you like that."
The inferred statement hung in the air. Anakin shifted in his seat to give his focus to Barriss who stared back at him. She offered a shy smile that gave away her feelings to him. He tapped into the Force and could see the hints of sadness and jealousy that hung around her. Anakin wondered just for a moment what bothered her, but it took him only a synapse to figure it out.
"Is that what you've been giving thought about?"
She fidgeted in her seat. "The thoughts have crossed my mind. During your time in recovery I occupied myself with readings on psychology; the most important and interesting ones revolved around happiness. Some find joy through power or by collecting possessions, and while both of those sound interesting it's the chapters that focus on relationships that fascinate me.
"The authors make claims that true lasting happiness is shared in the presence of others whom one cares about the most. When a being is with one they care about or…love then they find themselves able to take joy in things they may not even have liked in the first place. For example: Hera may enjoy painting landscape while you may loathe it, but you will stay with her because sharing that experience brings you happiness.
"Furthermore" she continued, "there are romantic relationships and friendships that compound the enjoyment of familial ones. Building and establishing the previous two types of relationships has been known to evoke unmatched feelings in a person. The author spoke of finding his wife at some sort of gala where they began to talk and eventually leading to courtship. The emotions and feelings he describes are rather confusing, but they sound wonderful."
"And when they don't work out it can have you feeling the worst types of pain imaginable" Anakin commented. "Battle wounds are nothing compared to the unseen psychological agony that love can give."
"They did mention that, yes. However, the reward seems quite worth the risk in my opinion. Finding eternal happiness is worth the harm that comes in seeking it; the pain may simply be turns in the path that bring you to feeling true love. In that case I may be willing to submit myself to it just to know what it feels like."
"Can I give you some advice?"
Barriss gave him a joyful expression and sat up straighter. Ever the student, she nodded and began to commit the moment to memory. He had experience with true life outside of a restrictive cult that made him a master of dealing with those sorts of things.
"Don't rush into a relationship" he warned her. "Sharing things in common with someone is a feeling that few can compare to, in that sense those books are right. What they may not have said is to be careful and not throw yourself full into the first person who shows interest. Take time to learn about that person before making that commitment. I wish I'd realized that long ago."
She thought about his words for a moment and looked out of the cockpit at the streaking stars in front of them. Logically, Anakin's advice was sound beyond words. It did make sense to her, but there remained a nagging worry that Barriss wanted addressed.
"What if there aren't alternatives who see me in that light? Perhaps no one is attracted to me or won't be. How can you possibly change that if it's true?"
"Don't think that way" he chastised in a sympathetic manner. "There are trillions of beings in this galaxy, and one of them is bound to reciprocate feelings that you have. Furthermore, you are a smart, kind, and good-looking young woman, Barriss. The longer we're away from the temple the quicker you'll see that."
He turned his attention back towards the center console where Anakin tracked their progress. What he couldn't see was the grin and tinge to Barriss cheeks when she turned away from him to stare out the window.
It wasn't that the compliment caught her off guard per se, she just hadn't heard someone speak about her in that way before. As a Jedi Barriss never entertained such thoughts and those around her never would have either. Yet, when Anakin visited her under the guise of Vader everything changed. He challenged the goals that the Jedi created for her, forcing her to see another side of the story.
Of course, by the time he came to her Barriss had already become disillusioned with the life she'd been forced to live. The restrictive policies of the Order and the way the Force felt out of balance pushed her out of their reach without any chance of return. During her time away, Barriss realized she had just been afloat waiting for someone to see things how she had seen, which didn't take her long to find that in the Chosen One.
"Coming out of hyperspace" Anakin told her.
The stars reverted to their normal shape and the endless black of space came into view. No planets were around them, only a lone Mandalorian freighter sitting still in space. It looked completely unremarkable with the exception of the yellow and green paint scheme that detailed the outside of the craft.
Barriss watched as Anakin's smile grew wider than she had seen any time before. His hands naturally guided them over to the ship effortlessly and when they docked he looked over to her with infectious happiness. She simply waved him forward, then like a boy he bound out of his seat to race out of their freighter.
He ran through the doorways, past the supplies they had taken from Polis Massa, and waited impatiently at the airlock. Barriss followed behind him, her hands tucked into the sleeves of her cloak while relishing in the good feelings that had been building for days. Even she had to admit that things were looking different for both her and Anakin. Where they went from there she wasn't entirely sure, but her faith in the young man had never led her astray. Barriss wasn't about to start doubting him now.
After agonizing moments, the door finally slid open and Anakin barely had time to react as a green mass flung herself at him. He fell backwards to the metal floor with nothing to protect him from the impact. In that moment, he didn't care or feel any pain in his body. All that Anakin registered was the warmth that clung to his body as well as the wetness of his simple shirt.
He wrapped his arms tightly to the crying little girl who still said nothing to him. Hera just heaved, and tears of relief soaked her father's shirt with her fingers clinging to the tunic. Months of time apart had taken their toll on both of them. Dreams and conversations through their bond could only do so much for either of them. When he realized that this wasn't a dream or another vision Anakin released tears of joy of his own.
"Shh, it's okay, Papa's here" he whispered in her ear. His flesh hand began to rub circles into the girl's back while he continued to say every soothing thing he could to his adopted daughter.
Hera pushed her head further into his chest and said through her sobs in a light voice, "it's been so long. We missed you every single day and never stopped thinking about you."
"You have been my motivation for returning and for everything I do, daughter. Now that I'm here, I'll never leave you like that again. You're safe, I promise."
They continued to speak like that to one another as Barriss looked on from above them. Speaking about joy and happiness was one thing but seeing it with her own eyes was another. Barriss didn't need to reach into the Force to feel the sincerity of their relationship or to know that what they felt was true. Both Anakin and Hera looked…complete. In time, she would find someone to make her feel that way. In time, she would be able to make the sacrifices that Anakin had made and she'd put her life on the line for someone she loved. Barriss didn't feel the need to limit herself to having someone who loved her like a wife, but one day she'd know the love of a son or daughter just like her teacher.