The story begins at P.S. 118, in Mr. Simmons's classroom. Mr. Simmons is being teaching the class about "the wonders of trapazoids", when the bell rings
Mr. Simmons: Oh darn that bell! Don't forget - your "My Family" projects are due tomorrow. Be sure to bring a member of your family to class. If you can bring more than one, then great! The more the merrier! Class dismissed!
The students leave the classroom and head for their lockers. Two of these students, a boy with tall hair and a kid with a football-shaped head, talk about their projects along the way.
Arnold: So are you bringing your mom or your dad for the project?
Gerald: Are you kidding? No way am I bringing them!
Arnold: Oh, okay then. Are you bringing Timberly?
Gerald: Nah, she'll just touch everything and probably wreck my project.
Arnold: Oh, that's right. How about Jamie O.?
Gerald:(sarcasticially) Yeah - like I really want my brother to give me a wedgie attack the size of Montana in front of the class.
Arnold: I see your point. Well, who are you bringing?
Gerald: Beanie.
Arnold: Your dog??
Gerald: Well, yeah. I mean, he's the only member in my family that won't say or do anything that will humilating me, and that's definitely a plus. So, what about you? Who are you bringing for the project?
Arnold:(pauses momentarily) Uh....I haven't decided yet....
Gerald: Haven't decided yet? How come?
Arnold: Well...it's just that every time I invite my grandparents, they usually...embarrass me.
Gerald: Oh, you mean like that time in the second grade your Grandma came to class and tried to teach everyone how to make spaghetti and meatballs? Man! I have never seen that many firefighters in my LIFE!
Arnold: Yeah, and then there was that time in the third grade that I brought Grandpa to school to tell everyone about his days as a kid.
Gerald: I still don't get how the story jumped from living in the circus, to fighting an anaconda in the Amazon, to saving president, all in the same day.
Arnold: Maybe I'll ask one of the boarders to come this time...
Gerald: I don't think that would make a difference. Your extended family's a bit on the kooky side as well.
Arnold: I know, but what other choice do I have?
Gerald: Hmm...well, you could always bring Abner.
Arnold: Yeah, I guess...
Arnold and Gerald hurry to catch the bus before it drives away. At the back of the bus sits Helga G Pataki, the tough girl in pigtails, and Phoebe Hyerdaul, the 4th grade genius. They, too, are discussing the project.
Phoebe: Both of my parents said they could come for tommorow's presentation. I was thinking that father and I could wear our fencing uniforms, and my mother could wear the green kimono she received for her annversary. Doesn't that sound wonderful, Helga?
Helga: Hm? Uh, yeah, sure....
Phoebe: I'm curious to know who you'll be inviting tomorrow. Are you planning wear anything special as well?
Helga: Not unless you count wearing a clean pink dress as special. And as for who I'll bring, it all depends on who's less likely to make me look like a complete idiot. There's Big Bob, who's probably going to rant on about his beeper emporium and call me Olga, and there's Miriam, who'll likely fall asleep on her feet and forget why she's there. So, to answer your question, I'm gonna flip a coin tonight and decide.
Phoebe: Oh, come on, Helga. Give your parents a chance. I'm sure that you'll all learn something positive from this experience.
Helga:(scoffs) Don't flatter yourself, Phoebe. The only thing that we'll learn is how we can never get along as a family. The sooner I get through this dumb project, the sooner I can get on with living my life of meaningless existence.
Helga pops a stick of gum in her mouth, signalling the end of the conversation. Phoebe takes out a book and starts to read. At the front of the bus sits two other girls; Rhonda, the most popular girl in school and chief fashion authority, and Nadine, her best friend who's obsessed with bugs.
Rhonda: I am SO excited! I can hardly wait to get home!
Nadine: What's going on at your house?
Rhonda: Don't you remember me telling you, Nadine? My sister is finally coming home from college!(squeals)
Arnold:(surprised) I didn't know you had a sister, Rhonda.
Rhonda: Well, I'm not surprised, Arnold. I only tell my closest friends about her, i.e. Nadine, but I suppose it's okay to tell you that she was the smartest, prettiest, and most popular girl in school. She was also VERY talented - just like me.
Gerald: Well, if she's so great, then how come I never heard of her before?
Sid: Hey, that's right. If she's as wonderful as you say she is, Rhonda, then Gerald would recognize her as an urban legend.
Rhonda: Well, that's because Rima didn't go to school here, she went to a boarding school in London, England. I'll probably be going to the same one when I'm old enough.
Stinky:(with Southern drawl) Say, Rhonda, I don't get it. How come you chose to come to P.S. 118 instead of that swanky private school, Peavine Academy?
Rhonda: Oh, make no mistake, Stinky. I would've gone to Peavine Academy in a heartbeat, but P.S. 118 needed me SO much more. I couldn't bear to see a school with so many fashionably-challenged and no leader to guide them, so I had to do it. Sometimes a Lloyd has to break tradition for the good of others.
Stinky: Gawrsh, Rhonda, you're always thinkin' of others before yourself.
Rhonda: It's a gift, I suppose.
Nadine: Do you think your parents will be happy to see Rima?
Rhonda: Of course, Nadine! In fact, we're throwing her a little party for her the moment she arrives. Just think; with Rima back, our family will be perfect again!
Nadine: Rhonda, no one's family is perfect - it's just not possible.
Rhonda: Well, maybe your family isn't, Nadine, but MY family is the spitting image of perfection!
Nadine: Whatever you say, Rhonda....
Rhonda: You just wait; we'll all be coming to school tomorrow and you'll eat those very words!
Later that day, at the Lloyd house, Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd decorate the living room for Rima's arrival. In the middle of the room hangs a long banner with the words "Welcome Home Rima".
Mrs. Lloyd: Isn't it lovely, Buckley, darling? Any moment now, our little pumpkin will be walking through that door. I can't wait to see her face again!
Mr. Lloyd: Neither can I, Brooke, dear, neither can I!
Upstairs, in her bedroom, Rhonda is admiring herself in the mirror.
Rhonda: Marvelous! I can't wait to show Rima my new dress! I know she'll be thrilled! Won't be long now...
The doorbell rings. Rhonda squeals in delight.
Rhonda: She's here! She's here!
Rhonda runs downstairs and to the front door where her parents are already waiting anxiously.
Mrs. Lloyd: Okay, everyone, on three. One...two...three!
The Lloyds open the door and yell "Welcome Home Rima!" simultaneously. The person at the door is surprised.
Mrs. Lloyd; Why...you're not our Rima.....
Campfire Lass:(with Scottish accent) Aye, that I'm not; I'm just a wee lass selling chocolate turtles. Would you lke to buy some?
Mrs. Lloyd: Erm, no thank you.
The Lloyds shut the door. Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd look at each other and laugh while Rhonda walks into the living room. Through the window, she spots a colorful van pulling up to the house(Note: think Scooby Doo's "Mystery Machine"). The door of the van slides open and a young woman, dressed in bellbottoms and a tie-dye t-shirt, steps out. She has long, jet black hair and looks in her 20's. The woman carries two suitcases out of the van as the door slides shut and the vehicle drives away. She then makes her way up the front steps of the porch. Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd peer out the window with their daughter.
Mr. Lloyd: What are you looking at, sweetheart?
Mrs. Lloyd:(shrieks) There's a hippie at the door!
Mr. Lloyd: I'll handle this honey; you just get ready to dial 911.Mr. Lloyd walks back to the door to talk to the hippie, but she opens it herself and takes a step inside. Mr. Lloyd gasps.
Mrs: Lloyd: Is something wrong, Buckley?
Rhonda: What going on, daddy?
Mrs. Lloyd and Rhonda make their way to the door, only to to find Mr. Lloyd in the loving embrace of the hippie. Rhonda and Mrs. Lloyd are confused.
Woman: Oh, daddy! It's so good to be home!
Mr. Lloyd:(stammers) R-Rima?!
Rhonda's jaw drops. Mrs. Lloyd faints on the ground.
End of Chapter 1!