AN: This is it folks, the dreaded self-insert. Granted, this is a reasonable premise to do it in, unlike what fangirls will tend to do. In Makai Kingdom (or Phantom Kingdom, whatever ya wanna call it), the main character isn't necessarily Zetta. True, he does the talking, the bitching, and the moaning, (as well as the threats and gloating) but he isn't the one that walks around the base map. Prolly cuz he a book. Anyway, since this is part of the whole Makai Senki universe, all of the games apply (like unit types, skills, weapons, concepts, people, etc). However, Disgaea 2, 3, and 4 take place after Makai Kingdom, if I'm correct in the base chronology. So no named characters from those games. I haven't played 3 and 4 either, so that's another problem.
Haven't played La Pucelle, Soul Nomad, or any of the Disgaea games on the DS. However! If I want a thick woman in there, I'm bringin' in Priere, dammit! (Have you seen her picture on the ps2 case? Girl got a little extra flesh there.) If I want succubi, then it's my prerogative! SUCCUBI, NEKOMATA, GIRL THIEVES, MAGE KNIGHTS, ALRAUNE, FEM ARCHER, SHAMAN, AND CHEERLEADER FOR THE BONER! Er... WIN! I don't know how shamans and cheerleaders perform, nor do I know the new abilities of the monster types after Disgaea 2, so whatevs. I'll be going with the less chubby Disgaea 3 models for Succubi, however.
Enough of this shit, time for something to start!
Chapter 1: I'M NOT MAN-BRA!
First Person
Well. This is it, isn't it? I serve Zetta for, pft... How many years? ... I lost count when he did, mainly because I stopped caring, and Zetta has the attention span of a... Well, best not disrespect the dead, right?
... Fuck it.
Zetta's a moron.
Why no "Lord" in front of his name? Mainly cuz he's the most badass freaking pile of ash in the universe right now, courtesy of Alexander and his ever so lovely lightning bolts. He ain't half bad on the drums, actually...
It's dark. I hurt.
I knew I was no match for him. Why did I even bother? Oh yeah. Zetta was a boss that was easy to work around. The guy was lazy as hell, and I wound up doing all the major work for him anyway, so the book thing wasn't a whole gigantic change. Sleeping in a doghouse for a while was, though. Usually Zetta would relegate most things to me, and only took care of shit when it proved his bad-assness. I.e, whenever an opponent of mine was above an high Demon Lord/ low Overlord in strength. Like now, for example.
Not too many are a match for me, so Zetta spent most of his time sleeping, or making fun of Micky. Hell, he even went outta his way to avoid Salome, for the most part! Why would you avoid HER? Granted, I'm attracted to the lady, but she only has boobly-eyes for Zetta. Er, googly-eyes.
Also of note, I've regained feeling in my legs. That's good, minus the whole feeling of them being sanded and then dipped into battery acid. Other than that, totally fine.
... Heeeeey, um... What happens if the Sacred Tome is destroyed...?
...
...
...
...
...
...Shit.
"Hey look! There's a guy on the ground over there!"
... That'd probably be me, genius.
"Holy hell! What happened to him!"
... Eh, God of Destruction. No biggie. Who am I again...? Oh. Right. My everything hurts...
"Hey, is he wearing a bra...?"
... No.
"Look at those ears! Is he an elf?"
... No to that too, genius.
"Hey, look at that sheath! Wait, isn't there supposed to be a sword in there...?"
... Yeah, isn't there?
"Well, he's breathing... And he's warm, so he's alive."
HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT THAT HURTS!
"Hey, he's twitching! We'd better get him to a healer right away!"
Fuck...! You do that... I'ma nap...
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Normal POV
"Well, I'm home!" A spunky young girl shouted to her mom on entering the house. She wore pretty odd clothes, a loose fitting top with short sleeves draped over an underdeveloped chest, and short shorts that clung to her undeveloped lower body, short and wild red hair flying everywhere and heavy boots clunking loudly on a wooden floor. (Think kind of a female thief, only without the goofy kitty hat, kitty eyes, paw gloves, and with different footwear.) Overall, she looked like the 8 year old she isn't.
"Jeez, Natalie, you're almost 17... Do you need to keep entering the house so childishly?" An older and decidedly regular figured woman that looked similar to the adorable 16-ish year old girl chides playfully.
"But Moooooom, why do I have to act that way when I don't even look that way...?" Natalie pouts, puffing her cheeks out.
"Because I said so." Her mother quips back. "Still, I'm worried about your lack of growth... Have you gotten your period...?"
"Y-yes...!" She splutters indignantly. "O-of course! No, I'm just dipping those tampons in red dyed water and tossing them in the garbage!"
"Hm... Well, I can only hope that you stretch down there when you finally have sex..." Her mother says with a frown. Natalie only turns redder and angrier.
"WHAT KIND OF MOM TALKS ABOUT THESE THINGS?"
"I'm just concerned, dear. Anyway, shouldn't you go in and check on our house guest? I'm sure that shout woke the dead. Maybe it finally woke him up...?" Natalie huffs and stomps the floor.
"Fine! But this does NOT come up again!" She growls before stomping off.
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"Oh, you're awake!"
"... ..." The man groans out.
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"Wow, I wonder where it's going...?" Natalie muses from the other side of the dish pile. The man let out a satisfied sigh, followed by a comically loud belch before stretching himself out, but he grimaces not too far into the stretch.
"Damn... Still wounded..." He grumbles.
"Whaddya mean 'still'? Most folks wouldn't recover from wounds like that in less than a week... Wait, most would be dead! Are you an elf?" Natalie rambles.
"No, I'm a demon."
"Demon? Pft! Demons have horns, big wings, really pointy teeth, grey skin, and crazy eyes! They're also reeeeaaally big and stuff! Scary too!"
"No, really. I'm a demon." The man says while sitting up. "You've never seen one before?"
"Nope!" She chirps back. "Sooooo... You're really a demon?"
"Yeah. So, I take it you're a human then."
"Yeah! My name's Natalie! What's yours?"
"My name is Anthony. Say, you wouldn't have seen a guy with green hair and eyebrows shaped like magatama, would you...?" Natalie shakes her head no. "Huhn. Bet the fucker still hasn't stopped partying... Where am I, anyway?"
"Oh, you're in my house!" Natalie began. "Say, aren't demons supposed to like destroy everything, rape people, kill everything, all that stuff?"
"Eh, some do. Why, are you volunteering your body to me or something?" Anthony says with a straight face.
"H-huh? A-aren't I too... Childish looking...?" Natalie splutters back, blushing.
"Nah. You fit in my range." Anthony smirks.
"R-range...?"
"Yeah. Girls like you, completely stacked girls, dark skin, nekomata, succubus, you name it. If it was female and I found it attractive, I've more or less stuck my penis in it."
"Uh, I probably didn't need to know that." Natalie turned even more red.
"I know!" Anthony chirps. He then started looking around the room before eyeing the girl in front of him. "But nah. For me, they need to be willing. I was a nephilim when I was human, and that's kinda carried over."
"What has?" Natalie
"What has what?" Natalie face palmed.
"What has carried over?" She elaborated.
"Oh, yeah. That. Morals." Anthony answers. He pauses for a moment to get comfortable. "Most demons, well, 99% actually, don't have morals the way humans and angels do. Most things are the opposite for demons. Generally demons are shunned for doing things like loving others, or caring... Or showing up on time..."
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. Generally, if you're really powerful though, they stop making fun of you for it."
"Huh. How strong are you?" Natalie asks.
"Well, I'd say-"
"They're here again...!" A man from outside shouts.
"No... Not again...!" Natalie cries.
"What is it?"
"The bandits are back again..."
"Wow, cliche." Anthony mutters. "Alright then. Guess I'll go and say hi..."
"But, you're hurt...!" Natalie protests, but is ignored by the demon, who shifts out of bed and hops on the floor. (visual is of a Male Fighter, early version. See Disgaea 1 and Makai Kingdom for reference)
"I'll be fine."
"But...!" He'd already left the room.
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Town Square
A large group of bandits, 35 in number, were sitting around, trying to look important and/or menacing. The leader of the group was threatening the mayor, who also had a group of scared people behind him.
"I-it's only been two weeks... You said we had three...!" The old stereotypical mayor/elder cries. The stereotypically ugly-ass and huge bandit smirked.
"I know. But I was bored... So we decided to change the deadline. Now, fork the goods over! So says Armando!" The now conveniently named bandit leader Armando said.
"Hey, dumbass! I was takin' a nap over there. Ya mind? Yer ugly is keepin' me awake!" Anthony shouts from his position, casually strolling towards the group. "But nooooo... I just got done getting my ass handed to me by an overlord with a penchant for going after zapping shit and this is my reward? Yeh, fuck you guys."
"Oi! Who the hell is the guy in the bra? Some kinda merc?" Armando shouts, flailing his stereotypical axe about, making the old mayor dude duck and weave. "You know what this means, old man. After we're done with him, the whole fuckin' town is next!"
"... It's not a bra, dammit..." Anthony grumbles. "Get ready, Marsha!"
"Marsha? What the he-" Armando was cut off by a fist caving in his chest and liquifying his organs before being sent flying all the way down the street at mach 1, skidding ass over teakettle the entire way. Naturally, the entire crowd needed to see an orthodontist, as their jaws just made craters in the ground.
"Next." Anthony commands, used to the looks. "Heh. I think taking this planet over will be easy if that was the power of a bandit leader that even an entire town won't mess with."
"Th-that was a lucky shot...!" A nameless bandit shouted.
"You're right... He got lucky. " Anthony conceded with a shrug. "Lucky that I let him see the punch coming, of course. It's not a bra, dammit!"
"G-get him, guys!" With a roar, they all charged him. Anthony just smirked and took every hit. He was stabbed and sliced with at least 22 weapons before the bandits backed off and realized that the weapons were just bouncing off his skin.
"Aww, come on... That it? Pfeh. Even my weakest soldiers were tougher than you puff balls. Ah well. This'll just make taking your world over even easier." An even crazier grin burst out on the demon's face as a giant red rune spread out underneath him, holding his hand up in the air casually. "BURN, MUTHAFUCKAHS! OMEGA FIRE!"
A flash of light, and a wave stream of fiery energy rushed upwards before falling down and striking the center of the group of bandits... And the town square. All of his targets were disintegrated in the massive explosion that altered the landscape. Poor fido.
When the dust settled, the crowd just stared wordlessly at the lanky man. Said man looked back and forth to the crowd and the crater before smiling sheepishly and scratching his head.
"... Um, I can fix that!"
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"How can we ever thank you for eliminating those bandits...?" The elder was doing the standard grovelling procedure for the town savior, despite his extra landscape work.
"Well, you can support me when I take over the world, for one." Anthony stated. Hey look! A tumbleweed! Is it that time of year already? "Um... I wasn't joking."
"Uh... Well... I don't think we can make any promises..." The elder sweatdrops. "Anything else we might be able to give...?"
"Hm... How about that Natalie girl?" More silence. Natalie tried to hide in a bucket. No dice! Anthony just grabbed her by the scruff of her shirt and lifted her effortlessly into the air, swaying back and forth in his grip. "I need someone to bore while I'm traveling, and she's cute, so that'll do. How about it? I mean, I AM asking after all, when I could just nuke the whole place and leave with her anyway..."
"Um, do I get a say in this...?"
"Nope!" Anthony chirped with a cheerful smile. "Now be a good offering and be quiet while the super-powerful demon negotiates for your enslavement~!"
"Well, it's not as if we could stop you... Do you have any reservations, Hannah?"
"Would they matter?"
"Again, nope! Me get adorable girl now?"
"Um, Mr. Anthony, are you crazy...?" Natalie asks.
"Yep! Gotta be when you're this strong, otherwise people can never remember your name... Or shoe size." Anthony answers honestly. "And as my future apprentice, you'll learn to love the crazy just as much as me!"
"Oh great."
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Natalie's house
"Um, were you kidding about making me your apprentice...?" Natalie asks nervously. "I-I'm not sure I wanna do that..."
"Well, too damn bad." Anthony says as he takes off his head band. "I've taken a liking to you in the past three hours and I've never had an apprentice before, and you being cute just sweetens the deal."
"I'm just not sure..." Natalie frowns. "Do I need to become a demon?"
"Nah, but it really helps. Your aging will slow down tremendously, and it's much easier to get stronger." Anthony explains with a hand on his hip. "If you wanna keep your memories though, you'll need to become one before you die or pft! Gone."
"I see..." Natalie says, closing up her pack. "Um, what are we gonna do first?"
"Well, I need to find my sword, Balmung. I'm actually better with swords than my fists." He shrugs. "Nothing else can hold up to the strain I put on them, so I need to find it."
"Um, I know where we could get some leads..." Natalie offers. Anthony motions for her to continue while leaning against the counter. "Right! We could check the largest city in the kingdom, Camilla. I also heard that there's a sword stuck in a rock there that nobody's been able to pull out since it was put in there 100 years ago."
"Hm. If anything, I could just use that in the meantime..." He muses. "But, Balmung is my primary focus. If I can't get it, then I'll be severely weakened." He slapped his forehead for a second and ran off, saying that he'd be back, leaving Natalie alone in her room. She sighed and went to find her mother.
It wasn't long before she found her, since the house wasn't really all that big. Hannah just smiled a small smile before walking up to her, with a small sack in her hands.
"Money, dear. We don't want to rely on Mr. Anthony blowing everything up to get supplies on the road, now do we?" Natalie put her hands in front of her, nervously and fidgeted a little bit. "Something wrong? This isn't like you."
"W-why aren't you more... I dunno, concerned about this...?" She asked, looking up. "I mean, a demon is taking me as his apprentice, with really no prior consideration or warning! Isn't this borderline insane?"
Her mother just stood there, her smile never faltering. Just then, Natalie noticed tears starting to run down her mother's face. She was shocked! Her own mother was crying! She hadn't done that since her father... Passed away... Not being able to handle it any more, the diminutive teen threw herself onto her sobbing mother in an emotional hug, her own tears spilling out.
"Of course, honey... I'm worried! I'm more worried than I've ever been...!" Hannah sobbed, kneeling down to her daughter's eye level, looking her straight in the eyes. "But this is an opportunity for you! Probably the biggest opportunity in existence for a young girl in a small town like this...!"
"*Sniff* H-huh...? W-what do you mean...?"
"Oh, don't you see? If you go with him, not only will you be able to see the world, but meet new people, learn new things, find something that you want to do with your life..." Her mother stood up, and backed up a few steps before wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "And I'd never forgive myself if I let this pass you by..."
"Well said, Hannah." Natalie looks behind her, sniffing once loudly before blushing. She noticed the two long bundles in his right hand, as well as a sack hefted over his shoulder with the other hand.
"Um, what are those..?" She asked, pointing. Anthony made a lazy shrugging motion before setting the sack down and pulling out a pair of swords from the bundle. "Swords...?"
"Yep! You're gonna be my apprentice after all, and I don't use axes as my primary weapon, now do I?" He grins cheekily. "And I need one of my own to keep my skills up, as well as teach. Got spell books too! SOOOOO I called in one last favor from the old fart, since I don't have any of the local currency."
"R-really? You were totally serious about teaching me that sort of thing..." Anthony sighs at her response, shaking his head in slight amusement. He then handed her one of the swords he had. She looked it over, and tried to pull it out.
"Old man surprised me, this stuff ain't half bad for being made in the sticks. It'd be a bit large for you to have on your hip if I didn't grab this special sheathe." Anthony began while hooking his own sword up to his hip. "Hold that switch down on the sheathe with your other hand and you can draw it sideways."
Natalie did so, seeing that the sheathe opened up from the side to allow her to remove it while having it on her hip. Drawing it, she examined the sword closely, noticing that it was actually heavier than she'd expected such a thin sword to be.
"It's a colichemarde, I was assured. The blade is a bit long for what I've usually seen for that sword type, but that's fine. I'm better with longer blades anyway. Welp, I think it's about time we get moving. You got everything?" Natalie nodded, before running over to her mother, embracing her one last time before they left.
"Mom... I'll miss you..."
"I'll miss you too, honey..." Hannah answered. After a couple moments, they let each other go, and Natalie walked morosely over to her Master. Anthony put his hand on her shoulder before turning around to leave. "You take care of her, Anthony!"
"Tony. You can call me Tony." He called back over his shoulder. "And don't worry about it. She won't die while I have a say in the matter."
"You better."
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Outside of town, walking on the roads, Anthony eyed the plains that surrounded the pair. In the distance the demon lord spied the upcoming forest. Natalie finally broke the silence with a question that had been bugging her for a while.
"Hey, um... What are you gonna teach me first...?" Anthony stopped right there with his hand on his chin in thought. Fifteen seconds later, he set the sack down and reached into one of the pouches on his hip, pulling out a crystal, handing it to his apprentice. "Er, and this is...?"
"It's a focus. Come on, let's keep going. I'll explain on the move." He said, hoisting the sack over his shoulder again before resuming his walk. Natalie shrugged before jogging to catch back up. "Do you know what mana is?" Natalie frowned and shook her head.
"Alright. Mana is the general basis of a demon's power. This pretty much actually applies to all living-ish things in the universe. It's generally acquired through battle from your opponents. All people have mana power in them. Most more than others..." Anthony explains, getting a nod from Natalie. "My mana is exponentially stronger than yours right now, and will most likely stay that way for the rest of your life. Not insulting you, but I am obviously using your human lifespan as a reference."
"Um, so what's this orb for then?" She asked, holding it up.
"Getting to that. Mana power, when focused, alters the basic attributes of a being, such increasing the force you exert from muscles, the destructive or healing potential of magic, your speed, agility, pain resistance, and general life force." He explains. "Most warriors or magicians do this without knowing, and it usually limits their potential. Hell, you'd probably find some method to do it on your own without my help, but being taught about it from someone like myself is the best and fastest method."
"The orb?" Natalie repeats, holding it up higher.
"I said, getting to it! Yeesh, kids these days..." The demon grumbles. "You're going to use that as a beacon of sorts. Try to find your inner self and focus it into the orb. When you do, it'll glow from your mana."
"Focus my inner self into the orb...? What the hell does that mean?" Natalie shouts, confused.
"It technically doesn't mean anything. It's the best way to explain your mana without actually calling it as such. Trust me when I say you'll know what it feels like."
"Why don't you show me then?" Natalie asks indignantly.
"Why?" Anthony scoffs. "Because I don't want shrapnel from the orb to scar that pretty face of yours when I overload it. Now get on it! Chop-chop!"
"Ugh... Whatever, man-bra."
AAAAAAAAAAAND cut!
That's the end of this chapter!
Now, some of you may feel very awkward about the sexual preferences tossed about earlier on. Well, tough shit. Appearances in this universe only mean so much, and even then, it's still either in the gray or just plain relative to a number of variables such as age and customs. Rape is wrong no matter where you are though...
Now, character reference time.
Anthony:
Race: Nephilim Demon (A human-angel hybrid that was turned into a demon)
Title: Demon Lord
Base Class: Modified Makai Brave Male Fighter.
Level: 700
Age: 2355
Natalie:
Race: Human
Title: Apprentice
Base Class: Original
Level: 2
Age: 16
Armando:
Race: Human
Title: Plot device
Base Class: Berserker
Level: 10
Age: 28 (deceased, chest implosion from fist special attack, Tiger Charge)
Alexander:
Race: Demon
Title: Overlord
Base Class: Overlord
Level: 1000
Age: (I never found out)
Zetta:
Race: Demon/Sacred Tome
Title: Overlord/Sacred Tome
Base Class: Overlord/Sacred Tome
Level: 2000/2000
Age: (no idea) (deceased, toasted by Alexander with numerous lightning bolts. Hey, he's still lvl 2000 as a frigging book!)
There ya have it! Review, since I'm pretty sure you already read it! Haters can hate all they want. And yes, I did not describe Anthony's sword. There's a reason for that. No reason for it to be described yet.
...Half-wits still not getting it? Okay then. 'Cuz I said so, dammit!
Peace-izzle!