It was a mid-summers afternoon when Lieutenant Dan sat in the long grass, letting the wind blow through his hair and stumps. Tears rolled silently down his tanned cheeks. He was thinking about the only human bean he had ever truly loved, Forrest Gump. He sobbed gently while thinking about having legs. He didn't need them though, he was happy being Mr. Gump's stumps. It was quiet.
Oh how he missed them all the same. He wanted legs. He wanted Forrest, where was he? He was running. Running to him, lovingly. Running for him, to make up for the fact he ruined his life. Fucking Gump, but also fucking Gump. But lieutenant Dan did not know this. Dan was just sad about life, he had no penis. He looked down sadly at the ken doll-like crotch. He broke down as the sun reflected of the shiny curve, this non-existent was too much, he was going to have to try to commit suicide. Again.
The tears caught in his hair, slowly melding them into dreadlocks. He lay down on his side, preparing himself for the sweet release of death. He tucked his arms into his chest and began to roll. Roll all the way to the edge of the cliff. A single last tear fell from his left eye as he tumbled to his doom.
BUT, little did he know, Forrest was fast approaching, though he was a little slow in the mind, he knew straight away what Dan was going to do, so propelled himself further and further to reach his lover. He shot through the grass faster than a bullet, he slowly extended his tender arms to catch his rolling lover. Forrest screamed.
"AGH. NO. LIEUTENANT DAN. NO."
"It's what I must do" He whispers as he falls. Gump makes one final leap, and manages to catch his dangerously suicidal lover. He is safe.
For now.
Forrest cradled his aging lover in his arms, rocking him back and forth, shaking and crying from the shock. Lieutenant Dan didn't look very happy. In fact, he looked extremely pissed off.
"Are you ready for bed now, Lieutenant Dan?" Forrest whispers.
"No matter how pissed off you make me, you can always hump my stump, Gump."
THE END